elaine567 Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 As per your other thread he was very keen with mad texting 2.5 months ago, but 1.5 months ago he slowed things down, did he arrange the visit prior to the "cooling off" phase?
Author CiaoBellaaa Posted August 6, 2016 Author Posted August 6, 2016 Well, you've made just about every excuse you can for his sh*t behavior in suddenly going completely ghost on you. And when you peel away all the nonsense psychiatric mumbo-jumbo you keep ascribing to him about all his personal issues and that he's overwhelmed by his emotions right now and he's made all these confessions to you that are just so achingly private that you can't discuss them and on and on and on. He sounds like a socially and emotionally stunted science project that you're taking on. Like some of the others, I also don't think this guy is actually going to make it upstairs out of his basement and into the outside world to make the trip to your place. I think there is a way of expressing opinions and thoughts tactfully, effectively, and respectively...and I think there is a way of expressing opinions in a way that serves to belittle and insult, wrapped in intelligently crafted thoughts. I am trying to understand why some people find it acceptable to proceed without tact in an almost (but not quite) attacking way. OMG you are rude! WTF "psychiatric mumbo jumbo". Clearly I have been selective with what I share. Until I allow the world in on my reasons (of withholding some more personal info.) there really isnt much room for assumptions. Sorry you see otherwise. I am just seeking feedback. Not to get pounced on. Thanks!
Author CiaoBellaaa Posted August 6, 2016 Author Posted August 6, 2016 As per your other thread he was very keen with mad texting 2.5 months ago, but 1.5 months ago he slowed things down, did he arrange the visit prior to the "cooling off" phase? Cooled down after the trip was arranged. 1
Author CiaoBellaaa Posted August 6, 2016 Author Posted August 6, 2016 Is he even who he really says he is? How do you know? ETA: You have no need to do ANYthing. If he IS coming - he will have no choice but to contact you. Stay silent, and wait. Time will reveal his true colours. It's laughable that this is so new, and already, so much 'drama'... Idk what ETA means, I am a rookie in here. Not drama. It is merely my anxious mind and inexperienced heart.
Author CiaoBellaaa Posted August 6, 2016 Author Posted August 6, 2016 Again??? :/ I dunno, OP, nervousness is normal but this guy's behavior isn't. Nervousness might excuse some awkward communication, but it isn't an excuse for cutting off communication entirely. Be very careful if you do choose to proceed. The first time was resolved and is a key piece of info. Sadly I cannot post it/share it without being attacked by others (not you). I took your advice the first time and it was good advice and worked well. Yes this is a follow up.
Author CiaoBellaaa Posted August 6, 2016 Author Posted August 6, 2016 You may have missed this in my post but..would you please explain why you can't just communicate with him that this is hurting your feelings and ask him to stop it? Typically this wouldnt be a problem for me. I am assertive, outspoken, and have no issues expressing myself. But due to his response with what he is dealing with right now I believe timing is bad and I am trying to be considerate of what he is going through. I dont want to come across as selfish so as to just hijack his time and cause a shift forcing him to deal with me (right now). I thought there has to be a way to address it somehow with finesse at the right time. Really, this is probably more me than him. Someone called him a science project or something...not really, and (not directed at you) more than not, I am the project.
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Cooled down after the trip was arranged. Sorry, but I do not think he will show. He in essence has done the slow fade on you. He organised the trip when the connection was "crazy amazing", after that he has substantially cooled off and now you cannot even get him to respond to you, he is MIA.
katiegrl Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 (edited) Sorry, but I do not think he will show. He in essence has done the slow fade on you. He organised the trip when the connection was "crazy amazing", after that he has substantially cooled off and now you cannot even get him to respond to you, he is MIA. Agree with this ^^ . CB, you can hope for the best but please please prepare for the worst. Read my earlier post, his behavior is 100% indicative of commitment phobe/anxious attachment or however one wants to label. Coming on strong for a month, then after plans are made to meet in person, he starts backing away... very very typical. That should have been your first clue. Had it been me, I would have addressed it as soon as he started backing off, and if necessary, cancelled the plans and started backing away myself. So now, with only a few days until you are scheduled to meet, he seems to have fallen off the face of the earth. He's not coming. I think he knew awhile back he wasn't coming, but was too much of a coward to tell you. Not to be mean, but why you would want such a person in your life is beyond me. Do you not think you deserve better than to be tossed aside like this? Anxiety or no anxiety, his behavior is cruel. Dishonest and cruel. I hope I am wrong, I really do. But I know a lot about commitment fears, anxious attachment ... via experience, books, and through observation. Please take care of yourself and keep us posted. hugs Oh and ETA = Edited to Add Edited August 6, 2016 by katiegrl 1
BaileyB Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 (edited) Typically this wouldnt be a problem for me. I am assertive, outspoken, and have no issues expressing myself. But due to his response with what he is dealing with right now I believe timing is bad and I am trying to be considerate of what he is going through. If the timing is bad, the timing is bad. This happened to me last year - he told me he had some things he needed to deal with and the timing was bad. I said "goodbye - you need to get your stuff together." I, was not about to waste my time on someone who was not happy and healthy and investing in the possibility of a healthy, long term relationship. He took some time to deal with his issues and he contacted me again this spring... We have reconnected and things have been amazing! Because, it is now so clear that he has his stuff together and the timing is right! I too believe this is the slow fade. But, only time will tell. Not to be unkind, but you say that you have no problem asserting yourself, yet you are hanging on to a relationship that doesn't really exist with a man who hasn't been communicating or earning your time/energy. In a healthy relationship, both partners will invest equal time/effort in the relationship. Don't invest more time and energy in a relationship than he does. Don't get sucked into the "he is damaged and I'm going to support him/care for him/fix him" mentality. It seems like by your own admission, this guy has lots going on in his life and he has not been communicating consistently with you. As Katie says, I'm not sure why you would want to meet him or have him in your life at all. It's about self-respect and knowing what you deserve. I hate to say this, and I'm not saying it to be hurtful, but you deserve more than what this guy has given you. Know that I'm saying that with the best of intentions. Be safe and smart with the people who you invite into your life! Edited August 6, 2016 by BaileyB 1
heartfeltlove Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Idk what ETA means, I am a rookie in here. Not drama. It is merely my anxious mind and inexperienced heart. Edited To Add.... I meant drama on his part. How hard do you need to work, and what makes you believe he is worth it? What are YOU worth to yourself?
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