Author Tonofbricks Posted August 1, 2016 Author Share Posted August 1, 2016 TOB, you sound like you have control of this and a solid plan. Heck, the way you're reacting is exactly how I would want myself to react to the same situation. Time and your positive attitude will correct your situation and help you move forward. Still a shock to go from a marriage of almost 16 yrs to BD to mc to affair discovery to separation and wife leaving house/ splitting kids all in the span of like 4 months. Thought 15 yrs bought a little more reflection and time to make a " forever" decision.... Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 ToB Understand separation and divorce is war. Your best friend has now become your worst enemy. Watch your back. Protect yourself by buying a VAR and keep it on you when ever the two of you meet. WW quite often will call the cops, claim domestic violence, you go to jail for the night, get served a RO and she gets custody of the house and kids, while you pay the bills. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted August 3, 2016 Author Share Posted August 3, 2016 Had txt and phone contact yesterday ... An aunt had died and and needed to get some clothes from the house. Well since she's at her moms I've decided to start locking house up, door in garage has always stayed unlocked. She asked why did I do that What did I think she would do? Ect ect ect.. So that led to we need to decide stuff in house .. I asked her what she thought was hers.. She flipped out .. talking about how I always felt the house was "mine" not ours. Told her I never said that or felt that way. So then I get the how m punishing her by not letting her into the house.. I said am I supposed to be happy about what you've done? Then it happens ... The I'm sorry .. I stopped it right the and said no your not. You act like this was an accident that you didn't plan for this to happen. You made a conscious choice to pursue. It's not an accident like wrecking your car or falling in a hole. You made a choice. No one was making you choose , no gun to your head. You made this choice to pursue this man and continue this relationship. Those sorry's are for you not me ....she stopped crying then.. Turned it off like a switch... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted August 5, 2016 Author Share Posted August 5, 2016 Anything else anybody has as far as opinions or past experiences on affair partners marrying ...would like to hear...deep down the rational me knows this cannot last... All is quiet now because school is out, she's on vacation for another month so them being see out together hasn't happened. Reading those second batch of txt's my D found show me something. Know this woman 18 yrs and how she talks /writes. The answers she was giving this om after he'd poured out his emotions (worded like a 14 yo girl) were just like she responded to me. No heArtfelt response, no love in what she was saying ... From what I can tell... Don't get me wrong not pining for ex just want her decisions and actions to have consequences ...right now the only ones effected are the kids and I. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted August 6, 2016 Share Posted August 6, 2016 Sorry but what is BD? Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted August 6, 2016 Share Posted August 6, 2016 As to marry AP not directly. In most cases of adultery they are 90 day wonders with no stress just an emotional high. Stats are all over the place as to how many do marry and how many last, I suspect they may be low. Why would liars admit this? Few make it because many of the day to day stresses are doubled. What happens when your kids have an event and OM wants to go out? What happens when he needs to attend his kids and she wants to go out? I could list many more, perhaps others will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted August 6, 2016 Author Share Posted August 6, 2016 Sorry but what is BD? Bomb drop ... I love you but not in love with you ...I need space ... I want to separate to see if I miss you.. Wtf... Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 Oh ILYBNITW spiel (I love you but not that way) Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 He'll probably drop her after the divorce. That's when the unicorns and golden rainbows disappear. He's older so when she's brushing her teeth and he comes in and takes a dump the reality will hit. Then you'll get the sob - I miss you, sob - we can try and make this work, sob - I never loved him only you, blah, blah, blah Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted August 7, 2016 Author Share Posted August 7, 2016 He'll probably drop her after the divorce. That's when the unicorns and golden rainbows disappear. He's older so when she's brushing her teeth and he comes in and takes a dump the reality will hit. Then you'll get the sob - I miss you, sob - we can try and make this work, sob - I never loved him only you, blah, blah, blah Marc he's actually 2 yrs younger but overweight and from whT other people have told me not appealing.. just amazed they someone I chose fit to have, raise and mother my children could be this incompetent .. Foggy of what ever..to get involved in an affair basically to have a new source of "living" Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1690 Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 Just read your thread after you posted on mine. Man that sucks. I hate that you have young children and are going through this. My sons are 20 and 22 and in college. At least you know for sure she is in an A. Unfortunately for me is all I have is thousands of minutes on the phone and texts. My wife will not say anything. Not when she fell out of love, no reason why she didn't come to me to work it out nothing. Won't even say a word when I bring up OM. For you knowing will most definitely help with closure. You said money was tight. Is there any way you can down size? If possible get rid of as much debt as possible. If you could find another home that is smaller but nice that would help immensely. I say this thinking about the quality of life for you and your daughters. If you could downsize and cut back some on your working hours means you get more time with the kids. Also with fewer bills things like the white water rafting or even getting to go to Disney become possible. What is your status now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted September 5, 2016 Author Share Posted September 5, 2016 (edited) Just read your thread after you posted on mine. Man that sucks. I hate that you have young children and are going through this. My sons are 20 and 22 and in college. At least you know for sure she is in an A. Unfortunately for me is all I have is thousands of minutes on the phone and texts. My wife will not say anything. Not when she fell out of love, no reason why she didn't come to me to work it out nothing. Won't even say a word when I bring up OM. For you knowing will most definitely help with closure. You said money was tight. Is there any way you can down size? If possible get rid of as much debt as possible. If you could find another home that is smaller but nice that would help immensely. I say this thinking about the quality of life for you and your daughters. If you could downsize and cut back some on your working hours means you get more time with the kids. Also with fewer bills things like the white water rafting or even getting to go to Disney become possible. What is your status now? She moved out July so that started the official sep period. Lots to this story that I haven't put on here just did to length.. Was on db'n site forum when I thought it could be salvaged. Good info and helpful people on there. A woman on there named Sandi2 helped me tremendously. She was a WW and gave me the other side I didn't understand. Nailing just about every trait and progression of a WW that she would follow.. Almost as if she had a crystal ball .. It was freaky.. The $ angle came from discussions with om's wife. In addition to this she , when left , had no means of affording a place of her own. So it is just a natural assumption that she had a "next step" that om would take her in. So we have split kids week to week .. I take over house cause I can afford , as I was paying for everything anyway...she pushed to have kids around om right now not 6 mo from now or a year .. Right f'n now! Still do not understand that one...wants to be able to take them on vacation.. Wth? She is at her mommy and daddy's house in her childhood bedroom sleeping with my youngest daughter.. But still waiting on that karma bus ...perhaps it's making a stop by your neck of the woods before getting here..I'm near [] so it should be a easy to find.. Edited September 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator redacted personal information ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 Cheaters live in the land of unicorns and golden rainbows. They never look at the long term picture but usually end up ankle deep in unicorn dung. Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1690 Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 Ton would you take the time to post what Sandi2 posted? That would be interesting read. I am hoping the Karma bus is stopping at the bus station and picking up a few bus buddies so the WW will get multiple broadsides lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted September 5, 2016 Author Share Posted September 5, 2016 Ton would you take the time to post what Sandi2 posted? That would be interesting read. I am hoping the Karma bus is stopping at the bus station and picking up a few bus buddies so the WW will get multiple broadsides lol Jeff it's easy to find on the db forum page ... Don't know if I can mention addresses on here or not.. She has a thread that address just the WW and all the thoughts they are probably having. She did give specific help or advice on my particular situation ..just go to db forum and look for thread "my little slice of life " by tonofbrks ... Goes to another thread after 100 posts.. So there is anther one , same name with a 2 added to thread title. This takes it back to like 2 weeks after BD...some bad times no doubt. Hope it helps... Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1690 Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 (edited) What does the DB stand for?? Or just PM me the link if you can. Edited September 5, 2016 by Jeff1690 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted September 5, 2016 Author Share Posted September 5, 2016 (edited) Divorce busting forum ... Look in newcomers section My thread is like 7-8 pages back Edited September 5, 2016 by Tonofbricks Omit 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1690 Posted September 5, 2016 Share Posted September 5, 2016 found it thanks going to read now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted September 5, 2016 Author Share Posted September 5, 2016 (edited) Let me know what you think if you read my thread.... It's strange .... Edited September 5, 2016 by Tonofbricks Fat thumbs and stupid iPhones Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1690 Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 Damn Ton. I wish I could have read that a year ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted September 6, 2016 Author Share Posted September 6, 2016 Damn Ton. I wish I could have read that a year ago. The bad thing is Jeff , even if I had done the db'n at BD .. She'd already made her mind up anyway.. That would have just slowed the process. So when she gave the Ilubnilwy it was over - period- like trying to convince somebody whose freezing they aren't cold..just not going to happen. But even with that said I still only shoulder 50% of the demise and 0% of the affair .. That $hits on her... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jeff1690 Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Yep I got the I love you but not in love speech. I would just really like to know how long my wife was not in love with me. She needs an academy award for best actress. I am sure I would have to go back 2 or 3 years. How can we know someone so well yet never realize or see something like this coming? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 Yep I got the I love you but not in love speech. I would just really like to know how long my wife was not in love with me. She needs an academy award for best actress. I am sure I would have to go back 2 or 3 years. How can we know someone so well yet never realize or see something like this coming? Who he f knows Jeff... It speaks volumes that our spouses didn't discuss problems and try to find a resolution... Who knows maybe it had just run its course..but I didn't take those vows lightly and was willing to try anything..I could have done without the relationship overlap and the transparent reason for why she left. Deep down I see in my exW that she put on a front for so long of "wanting " to be married and ok with struggling..but in the end was not.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 Hey Jeff you said you ride upto Memphis I thought... Spend any time on Beale? Was there years ago with a chef friend of of friend.. Is the rum boogie still there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tonofbricks Posted September 14, 2016 Author Share Posted September 14, 2016 Wish me luck peeps... Have sporting event that daughter is in today. Wife will be there probably with om. Why she wants to shove this guy onto my kids is beyond me. How do I handle this .. Would like to go knock the $heot out of him.. Fat sloppy ugly dude .. Wth? Venting... Anybody have bail money? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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