He did it again

[Nadine123]

@expatinitaly my brother just said the same exact thing when I showed him. He's like what adult man posts live videos on his facebook about getting a new haircut and waiting for someone.

 

thanks so much everyone

[Nadine123]

Hi everyone

 

To make the story short. I was dating a guy for six months. He changed out of nowhere, I broke up with them, then he begged me to go back to him. When I did, he completely ghosted me. I later on found out that he did this just because I broke up with him and he wanted to teach me a lesson. I dont get why he would go through all of this.

 

The good thing is that the day he ditched me, I didn't call him or beg him or anything, I just blocked him and deleted him off social media and whatsapp. I know I should think what he cares and it shouldnt matter to me at all but I cant get over the fact that he ''won''. Did I do the right thing by just blocking him without an explanation or talking to him. I feel like he would have enjoyed it more or felt happier if he saw that I'm annoyed.

 

P.S He's fine. He was posting videos on facebook about he's having fun with friends the day he ditched me. He also never bothered called or texted me after begging me to go back to him.

[Louisa1997]

I think you did the right thing. This guy obviously wanted to get a reaction from you and you didn't give it to him. Instead you blocked him and showed you had no interest in arguing over his petty game. You can take this chance to move on and find someone who will make you happy. You deserve it!

[Redhead14]

Hi everyone

 

To make the story short. I was dating a guy for six months. He changed out of nowhere, I broke up with them, then he begged me to go back to him. When I did, he completely ghosted me. I later on found out that he did this just because I broke up with him and he wanted to teach me a lesson. I dont get why he would go through all of this.

 

The good thing is that the day he ditched me, I didn't call him or beg him or anything, I just blocked him and deleted him off social media and whatsapp. I know I should think what he cares and it shouldnt matter to me at all but I cant get over the fact that he ''won''. Did I do the right thing by just blocking him without an explanation or talking to him. I feel like he would have enjoyed it more or felt happier if he saw that I'm annoyed.

 

P.S He's fine. He was posting videos on facebook about he's having fun with friends the day he ditched me. He also never bothered called or texted me after begging me to go back to him.

 

I feel like he would have enjoyed it more or felt happier if he saw that I'm annoyed. -- The only thing that would accomplish is to simply give him a reason to talk about another "crazy ex". He's was stringing you along. You didn't pick up on it, so, if anything, he's thinking "wow, you finally figured it out?"

 

I'd be willing to bet there were things about this guy all along that made you wonder but you just kinda pushed it all away . . . this guy didn't change overnight. If anything, he was simply on better behavior, at least, until he just couldn't maintain that anymore. Usually, this happens around the 6 month point, give or take. The fact that he did things the way he did them, just shows he wasn't a good guy anyway.

[Nadine123]

@Redhead what do you mean I pushed it all away? He's the one who reached out to me and begged me to take him back. I never called, texted, or begged him for anything. If anything, he's the crazy ex not me. Sorry if I didnt understand that perfectly.

 

So you mean I shouldnt have blocked him?

[Redhead14]

@Redhead what do you mean I pushed it all away? He's the one who reached out to me and begged me to take him back. I never called, texted, or begged him for anything. If anything, he's the crazy ex not me. Sorry if I didnt understand that perfectly.

 

So you mean I shouldnt have blocked him?

 

I'm just saying that you were seeing him for 6 months and probably weren't feeling quite right about the relationship anyway but you didn't pay attention to possible signs, etc. He didn't change overnight, he couldn't have been a great guy during these six months.

 

And, yes, you should have blocked him!

[Nadine123]

I'm not sure if you read my post or not but as I said, I did notice and this is why I broke up with him. I decided to give him another chance only after he went to really far lengths to get back. I wasn't stupid and I wasnt a crazy ex because I never begged him or went to far lengths?

 

do you think he was expecting me to fight or argue with him? or I was smart to block him without a reaction?

[Redhead14]

I'm not sure if you read my post or not but as I said, I did notice and this is why I broke up with him. I decided to give him another chance only after he went to really far lengths to get back. I wasn't stupid and I wasnt a crazy ex because I never begged him or went to far lengths?

 

do you think he was expecting me to fight or argue with him? or I was smart to block him without a reaction?

 

You said you broke up with him after 6 months when it appeared to you that he had suddenly changed. That's different.

 

You should never argue or beg when someone dumps you . . . and when you dump someone, you don't let them argue with you or beg . . . when you dump them, you dump them. Done.

do you think he was expecting me to fight or argue with him? -- I'd bet he thought you might . . .

 

or I was smart to block him without a reaction? -- Of course, let him do the mental gymnastics you're doing trying to figure all this out. My guess is, he isn't and hasn't thought about it again since about 5 minutes after he realized you blocked him, if he even bothered to try to contact you.

[Nadine123]

If that's the case then he wouldn't have contacted me ten days after I blocked him the first time. Which means he did think about it.

 

I dont get it, how's he doing mental gymanstics and not thinking about it. Why are you being so harsh on me @redhead.

[Redhead14]

If that's the case then he wouldn't have contacted me ten days after I blocked him the first time. Which means he did think about it.

 

I dont get it, how's he doing mental gymanstics and not thinking about it. Why are you being so harsh on me @redhead.

 

I'm not being harsh, just pragmatic and trying to get you to realize that the guy isn't/wasn't worth thinking about ever again. It is what it is.

If that's the case then he wouldn't have contacted me ten days after I blocked him the first time. -- If you blocked him, how could he contact you after 10 days? And, why did you respond? You wanted him to chase you?

 

Which means he did think about it. -- Yes, he did think about it -- he was thinking about ways to get revenge on you . . .

 

I'm trying to point out some "errors" in your ways here. That's all. You blocked him the first time, he should have stayed blocked.

[Nadine123]

He contacted me through Instagram. He also contacted my parents and was crying to my mother continuously.

 

I responded because I do love him, even if I did break up with him. Yes, I did a mistake by responding the second time but this is why I'm hurt and I'm posting here, not because I want you to go on and on about the errors I made.

[Redhead14]

He contacted me through Instagram. He also contacted my parents and was crying to my mother continuously.

 

I responded because I do love him, even if I did break up with him. Yes, I did a mistake by responding the second time but this is why I'm hurt and I'm posting here, not because I want you to go on and on about the errors I made.

 

The guy is a jerk and extremely immature and manipulative -- contacted my parents and was crying to my mother continuously -- and not worth another minute of thought. You were right to block him in both cases. Keep him blocked.

[Nadine123]

I know. I just dont want him to be sitting there feeling he won. I know I shouldnt care but I just cant help it.

[Zahara]

Mightycpa posted this in your first thread:

 

"Should you get back with him? Read what you just wrote, and you tell us:

 

15 years older

no marriage

no kids

secretive

not a good person

wants sex, nothing else

mean

thinks you're boring

disappeared

stalker

 

The only thing you should ever say to this guy if you ever hear from him again are those magic words "Leave me alone".

 

Explain this whole "won" dilemma in your head. If anything you won by dodging this bullet. Stop letting your ego take control.

[Nadine123]

Zahara I know. I read many of your replies and I admire how powerful and strong they are.

 

I know I'm letting my ego take control but I cant help it. I know I dodged a bullet but doesnt it hurt you when people get away with crappy things they do to others? Also, a friend told me today that my blocking him he thinks I care. what do you think?

[Zahara]

Zahara I know. I read many of your replies and I admire how powerful and strong they are.

 

I know I'm letting my ego take control but I cant help it. I know I dodged a bullet but doesnt it hurt you when people get away with crappy things they do to others? Also, a friend told me today that my blocking him he thinks I care. what do you think?

 

Yes, it does but this isn't a surprise to you. It's not like he came out of nowhere -- this is Round 2. Go back and read your old threads. This shouldn't be about you thinking he won, rather than getting over your short sightedness and realizing that it was a blessing that he did what he did because you would have jumped in a hole all over again.

 

Consider who he is and the mindset that you're dealing with. You knew during Round 1 what an idiot he was and you ended it. Then he comes around for Round 2 and acts like an idiot again. And you're hurt that he won? You're hurt that he hurt you?

 

Who cares what he thinks? You block him because you want to protect yourself, not worry about what some clown thinks of you. Self-preservation is your priority. He knows you care. He's not stupid. The only person that matters right now is you and for you to heal and move on. If you want to play mind games, then expect to be possibly hurt again and likely stuck.

[Nadine123]

I dont mean to be pathetic but do you think he cares at all. The day after I blocked him he posted some msg on facebook (I saw it when I was blocking it) about what's meant to be will happen, etc, etc

 

Honestly, do you think he cares even a little bit? (I know I am being pathetic)

[Zahara]

I dont mean to be pathetic but do you think he cares at all. The day after I blocked him he posted some msg on facebook (I saw it when I was blocking it) about what's meant to be will happen, etc, etc

 

Honestly, do you think he cares even a little bit? (I know I am being pathetic)

 

From what you posted about him, he doesn't have the capacity to "care" in the right sense, from an empathetic standpoint or from a healthy perspective. His "care" is likely more focused on himself than it is on you. It's self-serving. Think about how he treated you in the relationship -- do you think someone like that has the capacity to "care"?

[Nadine123]

Thank you. I guess my ego was just taking over. If anything I should be happy that he did this and I dodged a bullet. Can you imagine if I stayed a year or a couple of months with them and then he pulled this of. If anything, I should be grateful

[Redhead14]

Zahara I know. I read many of your replies and I admire how powerful and strong they are.

 

I know I'm letting my ego take control but I cant help it. I know I dodged a bullet but doesnt it hurt you when people get away with crappy things they do to others? Also, a friend told me today that my blocking him he thinks I care. what do you think?

 

Blocking someone is not about sending a message to the other person -- it's about protecting YOURSELF and giving yourself the opportunity to put things to rest without being triggered/pulled back in or reminded of the situation.

 

but doesnt it hurt you when people get away with crappy things -- Sure, it might sting, but it's important to learn how to let things go. This kind of thinking stems from the feeling of having no control. It's true you can't control the person, but you can control how you deal with it.

 

my blocking him he thinks I care. -- This is a catch 22 for you, he might think you care and then again, he might realize you don't care enough to run after him.

 

The truth he is KNOWS you care because you took him back after you dumped him the first time. You've demonstrated that you are hooked on him and he played to that big time. It doesn't matter what he thinks, know one can possibly know that. What's important is what you know -- he's not relationship material PERIOD and you need to move forward..

[Zahara]

Thank you. I guess my ego was just taking over. If anything I should be happy that he did this and I dodged a bullet. Can you imagine if I stayed a year or a couple of months with them and then he pulled this of. If anything, I should be grateful

 

Yes, look beyond this and try not to focus on making this a negative but a positive because as you mentioned, just imagine where you'd be if he dragged you back into the mess all over again. This is also an eye opener for you in that he is still the same person he was and if there should ever be a time when he pokes his nose in your life again, you'd be able to grasp this lesson learned and shut that door completely. If anything, this is a blessing. You don't see it now but when you think about what could have been...