Maybe MM does deserve a nice goodbye note?

[KathL]

Update:

MM reached out for me through yet another channel asking if I was ok. I felt bad so replied a short "Hey. Ya I'm fine. Sorry."

 

Immediately he explained he hadn't heard me back for a long while and was worried a bit. Glad that I was ok but asked why was that I inactive on whatsapp (I blocked him there).

 

I didn't reply, it has been 12 hours now. I also changed the password to our joint social media account. Its clear that I don't want anything anymore, no?

 

But I feel so sad.

Edited July 27, 2016 by KathL

[BuddyX]

Update:

MM reached out for me through yet another channel asking if I was ok. I felt bad so replied a short "Hey. Ya I'm fine. Sorry."

 

Immediately he explained he hadn't heard me back for a long while and was worried a bit. Glad that I was ok but asked why was that I inactive on whatsapp (I blocked him there).

 

I didn't reply, it has been 12 hours now. I also changed the password to our joint social media account. Its clear that I don't want anything anymore, no?

 

But I feel so sad.

 

Yes you want more. That's why you responded. NC means NC. Why do you allow him back into your life?

Edited July 27, 2016 by BuddyX
Grammar

[loveisanaction]

I followed your thread 'Obsessively Stalking his Wife' where you said that there were many times you had to reach out to your married man in order to see him, almost to the point where it seemed like you were the one who was pursuing him. There was a time that you stopped contacting him and a whole month went by where he didn't even reach out to you. You said you felt like nothing more than a common prostitute or an escort because he didn't even have the courtesy to reach out to you and ask you how you were.

 

He is reaching out to you now because he's trying to reel you back in for an affair. He is married Kathy, he's not leaving his wife, if you keep contacting him you will become his other woman again.

 

The sadness you are feeling now will eventually go away. Time heals pain.

 

Stick to NC because if you don't you will only be prolonging the inevitable.

[Lady2163]

Update:

MM reached out for me through yet another channel asking if I was ok. I felt bad so replied a short "Hey. Ya I'm fine. Sorry."

 

Immediately he explained he hadn't heard me back for a long while and was worried a bit. Glad that I was ok but asked why was that I inactive on whatsapp (I blocked him there).

 

I didn't reply, it has been 12 hours now. I also changed the password to our joint social media account. Its clear that I don't want anything anymore, no?

 

But I feel so sad.

 

This has me shaking my head simply because there is story after story on here of married person simply vanishing. Sometimes with or without a Dday. Sometimes the Other doesn't find out for months, years or EVER that there was a Dday.

 

So,your MM pursuing you is rare.

 

I think you are gong to have to send him a kiss off email. Keep it short keep it impersonal. Don't leave any door open for him.

 

Because people on here are more than likely telling you the truth. He is trying to find a way back into your life.

 

What I have seen is a woman (mainly) recovers and just starts dating again, and "poof" here comes MM back in their life. They tend to show up around holidays and birthdays. I have one friend who had an amazing 4th of July weekend one time with her XMM. She finally changed her phone number and work email because he would message her in July and at Christmas and set her back to square one.

 

Rejection sucks. Being ghosted sucks. It is painful. It may even be cowardly and wrong. But stop and think what he is REALLY asking of you. You get breadcrumbs, you get to live half a life. You don't get to be loved like you deserve. You deserve someone who you can call and text anytime. You deserve someone who can spend the night. You deserve someone who will drop everything if you're in an accident.

 

You may worry about "hurting" him. But what he is asking of you is so much more demeaning, belittling and cruel.

[heartfeltlove]

Update:

MM reached out for me through yet another channel asking if I was ok. I felt bad so replied a short "Hey. Ya I'm fine. Sorry."

So you DID want to respond. Why are you 'sorry'. And why are you so weak? You are blowing hot and cold, first yes, I will respond, then no I wont, now yes again.

 

Immediately he explained he hadn't heard me back for a long while and was worried a bit. Glad that I was ok but asked why was that I inactive on whatsapp (I blocked him there).

So I was right. He was trying to reel you in. Don't you see, you let him succeed?

 

I didn't reply, it has been 12 hours now. I also changed the password to our joint social media account. Its clear that I don't want anything anymore, no?

Not really, no. I mean, you tried making it 'clear' before then went back on your word. I'm not sure who needs clarity here.

But I feel so sad.

Because self-torture always hurts....

[MidnightBlue1980]

Update:

MM reached out for me through yet another channel asking if I was ok. I felt bad so replied a short "Hey. Ya I'm fine. Sorry."

 

Immediately he explained he hadn't heard me back for a long while and was worried a bit. Glad that I was ok but asked why was that I inactive on whatsapp (I blocked him there).

 

I didn't reply, it has been 12 hours now. I also changed the password to our joint social media account. Its clear that I don't want anything anymore, no?

 

But I feel so sad.

 

He will be back. Now you've got the upper hand and his ego is hurt. He does not want to think you are rejecting him. It's all good if it's HIM ignoring you but guys like this, they cannot let the woman have that kind of power.

 

I followed your thread too. He ignored you for a month? He will only do it again. I know this because I lived it.

 

There are two choices - you are the winner or you are the loser. Someone will have the upper hand - who's it going to be?

[MidnightBlue1980]

This has me shaking my head simply because there is story after story on here of married person simply vanishing. Sometimes with or without a Dday. Sometimes the Other doesn't find out for months, years or EVER that there was a Dday.

 

So,your MM pursuing you is rare.

 

I think you are gong to have to send him a kiss off email. Keep it short keep it impersonal. Don't leave any door open for him.

 

Because people on here are more than likely telling you the truth. He is trying to find a way back into your life.

 

What I have seen is a woman (mainly) recovers and just starts dating again, and "poof" here comes MM back in their life. They tend to show up around holidays and birthdays. I have one friend who had an amazing 4th of July weekend one time with her XMM. She finally changed her phone number and work email because he would message her in July and at Christmas and set her back to square one.

 

Rejection sucks. Being ghosted sucks. It is painful. It may even be cowardly and wrong. But stop and think what he is REALLY asking of you. You get breadcrumbs, you get to live half a life. You don't get to be loved like you deserve. You deserve someone who you can call and text anytime. You deserve someone who can spend the night. You deserve someone who will drop everything if you're in an accident.

 

You may worry about "hurting" him. But what he is asking of you is so much more demeaning, belittling and cruel.

 

I disagree with the bold part above. The OP is obviously emotionally attached to him and he wants to gain the upper hand. She should not contact him at all.

[Gloria_Smellons]

Forgive me, I haven't read the other replies, but here are my thoughts.

 

I don't think it's about what MM deserves. It's about what you need.

 

What do you need to do to be truly done with this?

 

If you need to just ghost him and go silent and block him - do that.

If you need to send him a final goodbye then block him - do that.

 

Personally I think the second option is more dangerous, because you have to be doing it for the right reasons. You have to be doing it because you want it done, not to goad him into a response or to try get the upper hand or anything like that, but because it will give YOU peace.

 

Just fyi I went option 1. I don't regret it. Sure, I could've explained myself, I could've poured my heart our or given him a piece of my mind, but I didn't see the point. He was married, it was as simple as that. What else was there to say.

[bathtub-row]

Update:

MM reached out for me through yet another channel asking if I was ok. I felt bad so replied a short "Hey. Ya I'm fine. Sorry."

 

Immediately he explained he hadn't heard me back for a long while and was worried a bit. Glad that I was ok but asked why was that I inactive on whatsapp (I blocked him there).

 

I didn't reply, it has been 12 hours now. I also changed the password to our joint social media account. Its clear that I don't want anything anymore, no?

 

But I feel so sad.

 

Why play these games? Just tell him it's over and be done with it. Why is that complicated?

[lemondrop21]

The title of this thread made me immediately react with a strong NO. Perhaps a goodbye note/explanation is warranted, but it does not have to be "nice." Whatever makes you feel good about walking away. You are probably too nice of a person though. I understand, I suffer from the same thing.