International dating. American dating is not working for me

[logan415]

I met several foreigners and I communicate with them well.

[CryForNoOne]

I met several foreigners and I communicate with them well.

 

I'm not talking about whether you can communicate with them. There are going to be cultural experiences and references that are uniquely American that they will never relate to or understand and vice versa. I've traveled all over the world and love diversity and appreciate different cultures, but I discovered that I want my partner to have the same frame of reference as me. I want to explore the world with that partner, but not experience that cultural barrier every single day. It's hard to explain unless you've had LTR's with both. Some guys are OK with it, ultimately I was not...

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm not talking about whether you can communicate with them. There are going to be cultural experiences and references that are uniquely American that they will never relate to or understand and vice versa. I've traveled all over the world and love diversity and appreciate different cultures, but I discovered that I want my partner to have the same frame of reference as me. I want to explore the world with that partner, but not experience that cultural barrier every single day. It's hard to explain unless you've had LTR's with both. Some guys are OK with it, ultimately I was not...

 

What specific cultural barriers to you speak of? Language barrier...like it's hard to understand them (broken English), I'm not sure what you mean.

[Els]

What specific cultural barriers to you speak of? Language barrier...like it's hard to understand them (broken English), I'm not sure what you mean.

 

Expectations, norms, and traditions. For instance, I've lived in both Asian and Caucasian cities, and Rs/dating/sex are handled very differently in each. Aside from that, general social norms, customs, manners, mindsets, values etc are different as well. It's why being a migrant is a genuine struggle that only fellow first generation migrants can understand, even if you speak fluent [whatever language].

Edited July 27, 2016 by Elswyth

[logan415]

Expectations, norms, and traditions. For instance, I've lived in both Asian and Caucasian cities, and Rs/dating/sex are handled very differently in each. Aside from that, general social norms, customs, manners, mindsets, values etc are different as well. It's why being a migrant is a genuine struggle that only fellow first generation migrants can understand, even if you speak fluent [whatever language].

 

Actually you would be surprised that people from other parts of the world like American movies and know our TV shows. But anyhow me this girl talked about our culture difference snd she said she willing to accept that and I as well. Foreign dating is just for everyone. You definitely have to accept the norms and culture. For me I willing to except in turn for a loveable relationship.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Expectations, norms, and traditions. For instance, I've lived in both Asian and Caucasian cities, and Rs/dating/sex are handled very differently in each. Aside from that, general social norms, customs, manners, mindsets, values etc are different as well. It's why being a migrant is a genuine struggle that only fellow first generation migrants can understand, even if you speak fluent [whatever language].

 

Hm, I dunno about that. I think I have been on the same page as some of the foreigners as far as mindsets and values.

[CryForNoOne]

What specific cultural barriers to you speak of? Language barrier...like it's hard to understand them (broken English), I'm not sure what you mean.

 

Again it has nothing to do with a simple language barrier. It's going to vary for each individual but unless you are willing to immerse yourself in their culture as well, it will be hard to find a common ground. This barrier is cute at first but it will grate on you years into the relationship unless you genuinely love their culture. A few specific examples for me:

 

- All her girlfriends were from her homeland. Get used to parties and events where you are the only person speaking English. I checked out after a while...

 

- I have a very dry sense of humor which was completely over the head of my foreign girlfriends. Satire is subtle humor that requires a mastery of the English language and American pop culture that most foreigners will NEVER get. They can laugh at slapstick but they will never understand John Stewart...

 

- I'm a huge sports fan but it will be very rare to find a foreign GF that will have any appreciation or understanding of American sports. I'm not talking about becoming a rabid fan, just feigning token interest will be a huge challenge. Maybe soccer and tennis but everything else forget about it...

 

- One of my favorite things to do with my most recent American ex was to turn out the lights in the bedroom, get high, crank some classic rock like Dark Side of the Moon, then make love. Its takes me straight back to high school. My ex was younger and never did that but she totally got into it because she grew up here and could relate. My foreign girlfriends would look at me like I'm f**king weird.

 

I had LTR's with an Austrian and a Japanese GF. I loved THEM but not their culture. The latter became a big problem eventually. The guys that I see who have successful LTR's with foreign women never really fit into America in the first place so they gladly embraced another culture. Maybe that's you. I realized in the end it wasn't me...

Edited July 27, 2016 by CryForNoOne

[elaine567]

If you are dead set on meeting overseas women, try connecting to some women from the Philippines on Facebook..

 

His preference is for Eastern European women.,

[elaine567]

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/apr/06/ukraine-wife-internet-romance-industry-online-scam

 

'Emotional prostitution'

I was able to uncover exactly how the scams work due to a chance encounter with Alina, one of the women involved, who felt weighed down by her collusion in what she called "emotional prostitution". She explained the whole sordid array of techniques, from a light impersonalised online-chatting version to a full-service chauffeur-driven platinum fraud, where men are rinsed of cash for a full week in Odessa, thinking they are cementing a lifelong relationship while actually they are being strung along on platonic dates that end with them dispatched to the airport with heavy hearts and empty wallets. Many of them come with ridiculous expectations, of course, but I am not sure that anyone deserves this treatment.

 

For the women as well, although hundreds of them make a living from the scams, it is not an easy psychological burden to bear. Alina was evidence of that, and 29-year-old Chris, the tour's youngest member, found that when he confronted his date with accusations about the nature of the business, she burst into tears and said she felt awful, but needed the money to support her mother after her father had died. Other women were genuinely looking for a young and interesting partner and wanted to leave Ukraine, but spent hours chatting with elderly men in order to make money.

[Els]

Actually you would be surprised that people from other parts of the world like American movies and know our TV shows.

 

Of course everyone watches American movies and TV shows! I did. Still completely different from being immersed in the culture. That's like saying you know you'd fit in fine in Indian culture just because you watched a few Bollywood movies, or Korean culture because you watched Descendants of the Sun. TV/movies are not realistic and don't give you a reasonable window into how the normal person actually lives/thinks/behaves.

[MissBee]

I agree that the problem is you. I come from one of the areas you mentioned wanting to go to, and I don't know any women who would willingly date the kind of persona you appear to be based on your posts.

 

That being said, still doesn't hurt for you to go travel. At the very least it might hopefully broaden your very narrow viewpoints and toughen you up a bit. Travel is never a bad idea.

 

I agree.

 

I've seen threads like this before and also have watched these documentaries about men who have services that take them on basically dating "tours" to developing countries to set them up with women. The whole thing is icky to me frankly, as pretty much ALL the men who choose this route are usually lacking in some fundamental way and then basically decide to use their American status as a way to entice foreign women who are ALWAYS less well off into dating them....and it's like well...alright....but you do realize that this situation is usually a very specific end for these women right? And the whole thing is usually a very imbalanced relationship.

 

The actual reality is that women in other countries who are educated, are financially independent, can travel, and so on are likely to have very similar standards to American women. So usually, whether these guys admit it or not, they usually try to find "low hanging fruit" i.e. women who need them in some way or aren't as exposed or who see being American as a huge novelty. This isn't a good way to date. Dating people who will think you are a novelty or exotic or who see you as a way to advance in life and going to another country to achieve this, is really not a good way. It's better to focus on improving your situation here than going to another country to look for women who are desperate...you can find desperate women in the U.S. too.

[thefooloftheyear]

To each his/her own....but that being said...

 

Its seemingly incomprehensible to me that a guy could have NO options in a country as vast and diverse as America.....

 

And I have known one guy that met a Korean girl through one of those sites...

 

About all I can say is that while she is polite, she doesn't seem so thrilled..

 

TFY

[Revolver]

California features some of the most beautiful women in the country. There are literally models and a actresses walking around everywhere

[CryForNoOne]

California features some of the most beautiful women in the country. There are literally models and a actresses walking around everywhere

 

Tell me about it...

[logan415]

I agree.

 

I've seen threads like this before and also have watched these documentaries about men who have services that take them on basically dating "tours" to developing countries to set them up with women. The whole thing is icky to me frankly, as pretty much ALL the men who choose this route are usually lacking in some fundamental way and then basically decide to use their American status as a way to entice foreign women who are ALWAYS less well off into dating them....and it's like well...alright....but you do realize that this situation is usually a very specific end for these women right? And the whole thing is usually a very imbalanced relationship.

 

The actual reality is that women in other countries who are educated, are financially independent, can travel, and so on are likely to have very similar standards to American women. So usually, whether these guys admit it or not, they usually try to find "low hanging fruit" i.e. women who need them in some way or aren't as exposed or who see being American as a huge novelty. This isn't a good way to date. Dating people who will think you are a novelty or exotic or who see you as a way to advance in life and going to another country to achieve this, is really not a good way. It's better to focus on improving your situation here than going to another country to look for women who are desperate...you can find desperate women in the U.S. too.

 

Americans in general are very narrow minded people. Let me tell you guys something. My friend met a lady overseas been married ro her 5 years and has one child with her. She got her green card but never left her. This what I hate about American people we stereotype anything based on things we see and hear. So narrow minded, no wonder we are ranked 25th in science and math. Lol. I see it all now.

 

Just because I have more chemistry with people from other countries I would ge labeled as something wrong and strange. Pathetic society I live in.

 

Let me tell you what I been told by European men when in college. I was told by them that American women have unrealistic standards. He said you got strange rules to dating. I said I agree.

 

He also told me that in his country dating is easy. Just starting with someone and tell them would you like to go out with me. They either say yes or no. He said most of the time they say yes. He said dating there is fun and relaxing and not challenge like here in America. Dating should be fun and easy and not hard. I agree.

[RecentChange]

I don't think Americans education system and lack of emphasis on science and math has anything to do with it.

 

Have you interacted with, dated in flesh and blood these women which you claim to have chemistry with?

 

Do you have any dating experience? Before you blamed your lack of success on the color of your skin. But now it's because you "have chemistry" with Eastern European women. Okay....

 

Have you traveled internationally? I have, lived in Switzerland for just under two years. Visited many European countries. More recently spent several weeks in the Netherlands, also spent time in Belgium and Germany.

 

And I agree with the other posters, all of this screams of desperation. You have had zero success here, so now you have convinced yourself that an international bride is the answer. Specifically a woman from an underachieving country, a place where a female may be deserpate for a shot at America. So desperate that she would sign up to look for an American groom - arrange something with a man she hardly knows.

 

Tell yourself what you like, but the bottom line is you can't get a single date in SF, and now you are ready to try to arrange one half way around the world.

[logan415]

I don't think Americans education system and lack of emphasis on science and math has anything to do with it.

 

Have you interacted with, dated in flesh and blood these women which you claim to have chemistry with?

 

Do you have any dating experience? Before you blamed your lack of success on the color of your skin. But now it's because you "have chemistry" with Eastern European women. Okay....

 

Have you traveled internationally? I have, lived in Switzerland for just under two years. Visited many European countries. More recently spent several weeks in the Netherlands, also spent time in Belgium and Germany.

 

And I agree with the other posters, all of this screams of desperation. You have had zero success here, so now you have convinced yourself that an international bride is the answer. Specifically a woman from an underachieving country, a place where a female may be deserpate for a shot at America. So desperate that she would sign up to look for an American groom - arrange something with a man she hardly knows.

 

Tell yourself what you like, but the bottom line is you can't get a single date in SF, and now you are ready to try to arrange one half way around the world.

 

Dating culture I feel is like a job. If you don't fit in a particular job then you leave and go to another company where you can fit. I don't see the problem. Why not go where do I fit into the culture. Just because I was born here and live in SF does not mean I have to do all this ****ing bull**** to fit the **** in. I think its very ignorant for anyone to expect everyone to fit in particular culture. I honestly do not fit in, I cannot change myself. I cannot change myself from nice guy to bad boy. You know the story nice guy finish last. Other countries nice guys are least accepted by other women. Of course some don't but they don't heavily judge a man on this character and automatically reject.

[RecentChange]

Honestly I don't even know what this "nice guy" vs "bad guy" thing even means.

 

What makes you a nice guy, and what do these bad guys possess that you do not have?

 

I met my husband in SF, he is one of the kindest people I know. The kind that stops everything to help an elderly person at the grocery store, commits time to help under privileged youth. Is kind to people and has an incredible respect for women (I remember the day his mother pulled me aside to tell me how much her son admires me).

 

And before me he was able to date. Because he was a "bad guy"? No. Because he has great social skills? Yes! He can be a charmer.

 

I don't know - I guess I don't get this whole "dating culture" thing. We are all individuals. Every single women in SF is different than the other.

 

There are 7+ million people in the bay area. A place of incredible cultural, ethnic and racial diversity.

 

But somehow you are convinced that you will fit in, in a country that you have never visited?

[logan415]

Honestly I don't even know what this "nice guy" vs "bad guy" thing even means.

 

What makes you a nice guy, and what do these bad guys possess that you do not have?

 

I met my husband in SF, he is one of the kindest people I know. The kind that stops everything to help an elderly person at the grocery store, commits time to help under privileged youth. Is kind to people and has an incredible respect for women (I remember the day his mother pulled me aside to tell me how much her son admires me).

 

And before me he was able to date. Because he was a "bad guy"? No. Because he has great social skills? Yes! He can be a charmer.

 

I don't know - I guess I don't get this whole "dating culture" thing. We are all individuals. Every single women in SF is different than the other.

 

There are 7+ million people in the bay area. A place of incredible cultural, ethnic and racial diversity.

 

But somehow you are convinced that you will fit in, in a country that you have never visited?

 

Here a good article from Eharmony about "Bad Boy" vs "Nice guy"

Nice Guys or Bad Boys - Who Do You Love? - eHarmony Advice

 

Keep in mind this article mainly applies for American women. This is why I struggle. I can be fun but its not the fun that American women want. At this point it does not matter I guess since I focus on going out the US for relationships. I strongly believe I would have a greater chance of success than here locally to me.

[logan415]

Logan, if you continually fail at dating where you are, then it can't hurt to try something new. The ladies here will try and discourage you, but my experience with foreign ladies is that they do tend to be a bit different, and they might prioritize some traits over others that domestic ladies could overlook. Give it a try and see how you do.

 

Thanks for bringing this to the light. I feel people like you and others who have dated women from other countries beside the USA say the same thing. Like any lady they do have standards but this not ridiculous like here. You have a good point I think they are trying to discourage me so they can hold my love life at hostage so I can be what they want me to be. I saw a video on You Tube where a woman came from Russia to work in Mountain View, CA and she said lot of women here called her a whore and other nasty names. One thing I hear from other men is that foreign display femininity and lot of dudes tell me its refreshing refreshing to see that.

[logan415]

Full disclosure, I have never dated a foreign woman. One of my best friends is married to a girl from the Philippines, and I live near a resort where we have a ton of women from various places around the world. I have met and talked to plenty of foreign women, and have seen a big difference in attitudes towards dating.

 

Happy that your friend had success and the attitude foreign women pose is much different than here. I think the issue with America dating and why its harder is because the way they were brought up. They were brought up with this idea of a nice car, expensive big house and kids the true American Dream but realistically that is gone. Most foreign women usually want a simple life and don't have these unrealistic expectations. The other part is the bad boy vs nice guy for dating. I seen these nice guys that American women call them have success overseas and not here in America. It really shows how cold and rough our dating culture is in America.

[redbaron007]

Americans in general are very narrow minded people.

False. I was born and raised in India, have lived in US and UK, traveled extensively. Americans, per capita are very open minded. It's pretty easy to gel in here: just follow the local sports teams and you're in. I know for a fact this is not true in Europe, even in the UK (except London and a couple of bigger cities).

 

Let me tell you guys something. My friend met a lady overseas been married ro her 5 years and has one child with her. She got her green card but never left her. This what I hate about American people we stereotype anything based on things we see and hear.

Stereotyping may be the case here, but you have to admit that green cards are a sought-after commodity like no other passports, and the fact is GC abuse does happen.

 

So narrow minded, no wonder we are ranked 25th in science and math. Lol. I see it all now.

Irrelevant to this specific discussion.

 

Let me tell you what I been told by European men when in college. I was told by them that American women have unrealistic standards. He said you got strange rules to dating. I said I agree.

 

He also told me that in his country dating is easy. Just starting with someone and tell them would you like to go out with me. They either say yes or no.

Yea, it's the same here, really.

 

He said most of the time they say yes.

Really?

 

He said dating there is fun and relaxing and not challenge like here in America. Dating should be fun and easy and not hard. I agree.

Dating is as fun or as challenging as you make it out to be. It's how you perceive it in your mind.

[redbaron007]

Happy that your friend had success and the attitude foreign women pose is much different than here. I think the issue with America dating and why its harder is because the way they were brought up. They were brought up with this idea of a nice car, expensive big house and kids the true American Dream but realistically that is gone. Most foreign women usually want a simple life and don't have these unrealistic expectations. The other part is the bad boy vs nice guy for dating. I seen these nice guys that American women call them have success overseas and not here in America. It really shows how cold and rough our dating culture is in America.

 

The thing is, "nice" guys are not really "nice"- they just play "nice" in the expectation that the world will be "nice" to them in return, and then get frustrated if things don't go their way. For example, here's an example of how a "nice guy" thinks: If I'm polite and friendly to that cute girl, she will go out with me in return. And if she doesn't, it means she likes jerks.

 

As a fellow recovering "nice guy", I strongly recommend you read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. I bet you'll recognize the "nice guy" traits in yourself immediately.

 

Try not to be the typical "nice guy". Act like a ballsy guy instead who doesn't give a f*ck. Next time when you're at say, Whole Foods, talk to a cute girl. Be bold, compliment her directly. Sure, that's not what a "nice guy" would do, right? But it's a ballsy move and doesn't mean you're a jerk, and guess what, women love it. I speak from personal experience.

[logan415]

The thing is, "nice" guys are not really "nice"- they just play "nice" in the expectation that the world will be "nice" to them in return, and then get frustrated if things don't go their way. For example, here's an example of how a "nice guy" thinks: If I'm polite and friendly to that cute girl, she will go out with me in return. And if she doesn't, it means she likes jerks.

 

As a fellow recovering "nice guy", I strongly recommend you read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. I bet you'll recognize the "nice guy" traits in yourself immediately.

 

Try not to be the typical "nice guy". Act like a ballsy guy instead who doesn't give a f*ck. Next time when you're at say, Whole Foods, talk to a cute girl. Be bold, compliment her directly. Sure, that's not what a "nice guy" would do, right? But it's a ballsy move and doesn't mean you're a jerk, and guess what, women love it. I speak from personal experience.

 

 

Unfortunately its not in my genes to act this way. We are talking about changing myself to be interested toward another person. I always thought we should be ourselves at least what I been told.

[SwordofFlame]

Logan, what's stopping you from dating immigrant eastern european women in SF? Is there not enough of them there? There's a decent amount here in NYC.