no girl likes me

[normal person]

Mind you, I've never been an advocate of a guy asking out a girl who he barely knows. You'd have to have balls of steel to deal with the amount of rejection which comes with it. Much better to ask out someone who he's been talking with at college/party/sport/hobby activity.

 

Good post. If you don't know her well enough to know if she has a boyfriend or not, you shouldn't be asking her out -- you're essentially a stranger. If a strange person who you've barely spoken to, who you knew next to nothing about, asked you to go dinner, would you do it? Hell no.

 

OP, it sounds like there's something fundamentally wrong with how you're going about interacting with these women. Are you just walking up to strangers, exchanging a few sentences and asking them? If that's the case, you might as well not even bother. What's your methodology, exactly?

 

So I ask random girls. There are plenty of girls in the company and I asked a few to lunch. All of them said they were busy or not interested, one of the girls said I was ugly and she didn't want to have coffee with ugly guys. After that I was really depressed. Sometimes I feel like girls just reject you as quickly as possible because they are annoyed by you. I think that is very unfair.

 

The one girl's rudeness aside, asking random girls to go to lunch with you is really strange, and what many would say, awkward behavior. It comes off very "creepy." Why would they want to sit for an hour and talk to a stranger? Think about it from their perspective. What's in it for them?

[Tigerwulong]

My method is unique and different. If I see a girl I like I go up to her and say I need some help would you be willing to help. If she says yes then I say I know a girl I really like and I was wondering if she could give some advice on approaching that girl and asking her on a date. Then I tell her that all my friends are guys and they give stupid advice, hence I am asking her. Then she provides some advice and I ask her is that what your boyfriend or husband did. If she says I don't have a boyfriend or husband, then I keep listening to her advice. After she is done I use her advice on her.

 

I tried this with the girl that called me ugly and her advice was:

 

Go up to the girl and tell her that you are attractive. (Then I asked her is that what your boyfriend or husband did and She said she is single) Then she said to tell the girl that you are attracted to her personality and you are very beautiful. Then ask her if she has time to go out for a coffee and get to know each other. Then I asked her is that what your dream boy would do. She said definitely. So I did exactly that, and then she called me ugly and left.

 

I use this method on all girls.

[fenix]

I was walking down the street and I noticed many couples. When I look out my window I noticed many couples. Then I realized that I never had a girl friend or ever been in a relationship. I started wonder why I never had a girl friend. I looked at many sites on the internet and they all say the same thing, that a person should be confident, love him-self, and etc. Well I have all those and I have been rejected 5 times. Hence I believe the reason I don't have a girl friend or people like me don't have a girl friend is because of natural selection. Natural selection picks the strong and smart people. Usually the strong and smart people are better looking. Hence the strong and smart people are more likely to reproduce and survive. I am not strong or smart, I am just average hence I am not attractive. Natural Selection wouldn't pick a person like me to reproduce. I was wondering what others though about this.

 

My cousin is probably the ugliest guy I have ever met in my life, I say this from the heart (and I love him to peaces, he is family and he is solid)...but let be honest, he is really ugly... well his wife (14 years married now) is one of the most beautiful and brilliant women I know... at the end it all comes to attitude... for less fortunate people it may be a bit more difficult to get a gf/bf but if you keep trying and have the right attitude your moment will come.

[normal person]

My method is unique and different. If I see a girl I like I go up to her and say I need some help would you be willing to help. If she says yes then I say I know a girl I really like and I was wondering if she could give some advice on approaching that girl and asking her on a date. Then I tell her that all my friends are guys and they give stupid advice, hence I am asking her. Then she provides some advice and I ask her is that what your boyfriend or husband did. If she says I don't have a boyfriend or husband, then I keep listening to her advice. After she is done I use her advice on her.

 

Here's why I think this is bad:

 

1). Admitting that you need help, in general, is not a good luck for a guy, especially in a world where confidence in men is valued so highly

2). Admitting that you need help with women, to women, is like brandishing yourself with the Scarlet Letter.

3). This girl is probably giving "advice" on the presumption that woman in this scenario actually likes or is at least mildly interested in the guy in this scenario. More often than not, those won't be the circumstances of the scenario when you try to apply it.

4). A lot of times women have pretty bad advice on how to pick them up, or will neglect to give crucial salient information. Case in point.

5). It's kind of deceptive.

 

 

I tried this with the girl that called me ugly and her advice was:

 

Go up to the girl and tell her that you are attractive.

 

I would suggest never doing this because it sounds calculated and hackneyed, and you're already aggrandizing her, which is bad.

 

(Then I asked her is that what your boyfriend or husband did and She said she is single) Then she said to tell the girl that you are attracted to her personality and you are very beautiful.

 

How could you possibly be attracted to her personality if you just met her five seconds earlier? The whole thing sounds disingenuous. You can bet she can smell it a mile away too.

 

Then ask her if she has time to go out for a coffee and get to know each other. Then I asked her is that what your dream boy would do.

 

Note that she said "dream boy," as in, the guy she's envisioning in her head that she wants to go out with because she's attracted to him, not just because the guy said she was beautiful, said she had a great personality, and asked her to go to coffee. She's neglecting to tell you that she's telling you this on the premise that the guy already is her "dream boy" -- not that he becomes her "dream boy" just by spewing some vomit-inducing pick up lines. She's picturing Zac Efron in her mind. Not some random guy in a book store who admits he's bad with girls who just met her ten seconds ago who's already telling her how beautiful she is and how much he likes her personality.

 

She said definitely. So I did exactly that, and then she called me ugly and left.

 

I use this method on all girls.

 

Maybe it's time to consider a new strategy that isn't so calculated and devoid of any emotional connection. Your problem (one of them, anyways) is that you're assuming women are like trained dogs, where you can just say "sit" and they'll sit, or "you're beautiful and have a nice personality" and then they'll go out with you, or if you utter off a certain chain of compliments in the right order then it's like some magical password for her to be your girlfriend. It's not.

 

Here's some advice:

1). Stop trying to trick women like this

2). Take a woman's advice on how to win her over with a grain of salt

3). Stop telling women you need help with women

4). Form an emotional connection with someone before you deduce whether or not you would want to ask them out, both for your benefit and hers

[Mrlonelyone]

Try to remember one thing about the internet OP. There are people on the net who get their jollies out of dumping on other people. Somtimes in the guise of advice.

 

Your problem is you are only attracted to women who are unavailable. I don't just mean they are partnered, I mean emotionally unavailable. Plenty of men pick up married women.

 

There is even a cohort of men on here who have a problem of finding out the woman who's acting into them and is willing to bang them is married or in a relationship.

 

The thing is they attract and are attracted to people who are emotionally available to them.

 

What you should do is this. Get on your smart phone, get on a dating app and swipe right on every woman. EVERY WOMAN. Then go on dates with every woman who chooses you. Learn to be attracted to the ones who are attracted to you.

 

Then while dating that galaxy of women choose the best match from among the willing and available.

 

I know that sounds crummy and underhanded but in truth that is the way people find mates . They date around for a bit.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

It uses and feels that a man's attitude, mindset is more important, matters more than the woman's attitude, mindset. The man has to be in a better mental and emotional state, calm, than the woman does in order to be a potential mate

[Tigerwulong]

All your advice is helpful. But I don't think I will ever get a girl to like me. In the 25 years of my life I never had a single friend who was a girl. In high school I tried to become friends with girls and had no luck. Most of the girls said I won't be friends with a dweeb or they gave me a look of disgust and walked away. Last Tuesday I was on the bus and I tried to start a conversation with a girl (I had no intent of asking her out) and she gave me disgusting look and looked away. That really hurt my feelings.

[normal person]

All your advice is helpful. But I don't think I will ever get a girl to like me. In the 25 years of my life I never had a single friend who was a girl. In high school I tried to become friends with girls and had no luck. Most of the girls said I won't be friends with a dweeb or they gave me a look of disgust and walked away. Last Tuesday I was on the bus and I tried to start a conversation with a girl (I had no intent of asking her out) and she gave me disgusting look and looked away. That really hurt my feelings.

 

No one should be rude, but in today's society, you've got to be prepared for rudeness if you try and insert yourself into someone's life like that. If someone starts talking to me randomly with no obvious purpose, I instantly become defensive too. I wonder why the hell s/he's talking to me and what s/he wants.

 

One thing I've noticed in your threads is that you seem to think merely talking to someone randomly is supposedly some quick path to an interpersonal relationship. While it can be, there's usually a lot more to it than that. Usually people form bonds through commonalities, like "We both do X," or "We both think Y about Z." Those relationships can be formed through circumstantial environments, like being on the same sports team, or the same class, or even the same bus. But you have to let them happen organically. You display some of your traits, you let someone else display some traits, you make silent assessments about each other and wonder if it would be fun, interesting, beneficial, etc to talk more.

 

But one thing that usually reeks of desperation and weirdness is approaching someone randomly and trying to expedite the whole process without knowing any decent, characterizing information about another person. The fact that you're so quick to try and pick up women without knowing a thing about them is obvious to them, and they can read the whole situation like a book. You don't really care about them, what they think or feel, you just want women -- any women -- and these are the ones who happened to be on your bus, so you're trying your spiel and hoping they fall for it. It's probably very transparent. Much mores than you can even imagine. And it's very unattractive.

 

If you want to form a relationship with someone based on substance, form an opinion about something, make a joke, take a stand, put out the bait for a commonality to form. If someone is receptive to what you put out there, that will be a much better seed of a bond than a random approach. Let someone appreciate the person you are for what you do, think, and feel, rather than expect some sort of return because you happen to talk to them on a bus.