I'm "married" to a married man

[Darren Steez]

sHE MET HIM AT 19. Even thou he was older she was not a kid.

And she sure knew it wasn't right

Beside now she 24 and still keep making same mistakes and making kids with him. And being 24 still she manage to play along and fake a marriage and lie to her family and her kids.

Lets be honest, not every 19 year old get themselves into this kind of situation. She is not that innocent. He know dam wel by now what she is doing and what is going on. Just for the facts she hide it from her family.

 

I think she need to take responsibility. Because blaming him wont get her to step up.

 

This.

 

Need to stop this victim mentality. OP is willfully engaging in this behavior, only thing is, if this story is true, the truth will always surface, whether now or later, whatever tide is being held back will crash down and destroy everything.

[pooldog]

I think you need to get family or counselors involved. I definitely think you need to consult a lawyer so you can be assured of child support for your kids.

 

You did not marry, you were hoodwinked. It is okay because you were young and it appears you are coming to your senses now.

 

But you need help so you can pull away and get your life back and get money for your kids.

 

You are young so you can have a whole life ahead of you. And you do have children, they are always a blessing even if they do not come the classical way in a real marriage.

 

Please get help.

 

I have been in a relationship with a married man for 5 years. When we started our relationship it was strictly sexual and he fed me the story that she was horrible to him, never wanted sex or other intimacy, wouldn't kiss him, etc.

 

He told me that he was going to leave her but excuses always flied. He says they are legally married and live together (for the kids) but don't have a real relationship.

 

3 years ago he told me that he wanted to marry me and was divorcing her. We had a wedding ceremony but did not sign legal binding papers, seeing as he is already married. My family thinks we are legally married and has no idea about her.

 

He has 5 kids with her and we have 3 together. We have 2 year old twins and a newborn. For a while he separated from her and told me it was for good. But after I got pregnant (which he planned), he went back to her.

 

He told me they are never intimate but she is pregnant again. He said he needs to stay with his "real" family. She has 5 of his kids (5-12) and 1 on the way.

 

He spends more time with her than our family. I hate when he's there. She doesn't know about me. After he told me he needed to stay present in his "real" families home we started having unprotected sex again. It was stupid and I'm getting an IUD if I'm not pregnant. I was told you are very fertile after giving birth so I'm not feeling confident. I'm not strong enough to test right now.

 

I don't know what to do. On paper he looks like a terrible guy. He has kids aged 0, 2, 2, 5, 6, 8, 9, 12 and at least one more on the way from her. He says he won't have more with her because she is 34. He's 39. But he said he would have more with me. I'm 24. He said he will leave her when the new baby is old enough to be away from the mother.

 

But we've been together 5 years and have a marriage like relationship. We have wedding pictures through the house, kids together. But he doesn't see me enough because he's always with her.

 

In my head I know I should run. I know how he'll never leave her. But in my heart I can't lose him and have hope he'll leave her and be with me.

 

Lately she has been posting pictures of him and her and their kids on Twitter and it bothers me. Our relationship has to be kept secret from most people and it's not fair. I, but mostly my kids, don't get their dad for holidays or family days at their daycare. They ask for their dad a lot and I can't make him come around more.

[ChickiePops]

The way you speak about him makes me so sad. HE planned your pregnancies..you don't make it sound like you even had a say. It doesn't sound like you wanted kids at all yet.

 

You're not married to him. Not even a little bit. You need to get a lawyer and a therapist immediately.

[Kholm]

The way you speak about him makes me so sad. HE planned your pregnancies..you don't make it sound like you even had a say. It doesn't sound like you wanted kids at all yet.

 

You're not married to him. Not even a little bit. You need to get a lawyer and a therapist immediately.

 

I know it was a mistake begin with him. When I first met him he didn't tell me that he was married. Then he told me that he was married but separated. Then he said he still lived in the house. Then, then then. The truth trickled out.

 

I should have walked away. Instead I dug myself deeper and deeper.

 

He still says that she let herself go, doesn't take care of herself or try and look good. Doesn't want to have sex ever, cheated on him, is mentally unstable. I think it's all a lie.

 

I was too young and too emotionally invested. I didn't know what a good relationship should be like. He made me feel wanted and needed and sexy and special.

 

Kids were his idea. He said it's better to have them young and he'd be more committed to me if we had kids asked it would give him a reason to leave. I was terrified.

 

He doesn't really seem to even like kids. He's good with our kids and takes care of them but he doesn't love being with them. Sitting on the floor and playing with them isn't as fun as playing a video game. For me, it's all I want is to be with my kids. I dont know how he is in his other family.

 

He helps financially. My kids are all breastfed, I did baby led weaning and use cloth diapers so there was never a need for formula, baby food, wipes, diapers. He pays for the twins daycare, which is $2000/month. And buys things they need if I ask. Like clothes, bedding, toys.

 

My kids deserve their dad but I messed that up for them. I never should have had 3 kids with him, and sure shouldn't have had more unprotected sex recently.

 

Is it really my place to tell his wife? I know she'll blame me instead of him. Our kids have never all met. I don't know if they should or not. I don't want my babies to be "the affair kids".

 

If I tell her he will hate me. That's not good for my kids. I don't even know how I'd tell her.

 

I don't want my family to come crumbling apart, it's already started.

[CarrieT]

The first thing you need to do is see a lawyer so that the steps are in place to take care of your kids. The lawyer can tell her.

 

It doesn't matter if she hates you or not. Honestly, it doesn't matter if he hates you or not, doesn't it? Because you know this couldn't last and now it is time to put on your Big Girl Pants to protect your kids and that can only be done through legal means with court-mandated child support.

[Kholm]

The first thing you need to do is see a lawyer so that the steps are in place to take care of your kids. The lawyer can tell her.

 

It doesn't matter if she hates you or not. Honestly, it doesn't matter if he hates you or not, doesn't it? Because you know this couldn't last and now it is time to put on your Big Girl Pants to protect your kids and that can only be done through legal means with court-mandated child support.

 

It's scary to just be ending it and stepping into this giant unknown of how it will play out. I know I have to, he'll never be mine.

[13Hearts]

What's done is done and cannot be undone so all of you posters assigning blame to Kholm vs MM are just judging other people. Not sure that is helpful in this case, or ever has been in any thread here. You just distract from the real issue at hand and keep the OP from opening her eyes to reality.

 

Kholm, out of curiosity, you don't live in Utah, by chance, do you?

 

What the MM in your case did is called Bigamy. And it's illegal in the U.S.

 

I know you have feelings for this guy and you have specific outcomes you want to occur. I think you may want him to finally "choose you" and come home full-time to your children with him, so that you can live as a "real" family, is that correct?

 

For now, I think you need to put your feelings, your wants, and your desires aside and start looking at this a little more objectively. You have small children. I don't know your education level or your income, but who is supporting these children financially? Also, does the first wife live in the same state?

 

I ask these questions because you need to protect and provide for yourself and your children first and foremost. You need to stop relying on MM to explain to you what is the law, and you need to stop trusting what he tells you. You also need to find someone in your community you trust, and who you can go to for support and guidance.

 

If you cannot put your emotions aside, or you do not know how to, you need to find a trained therapist who can teach you how to do this. It sounds like your parents are not able to help you in this regard, due to their apparent immaturity, so it's on YOU to take care of yourself this way.

 

You definitely need to find a family lawyer in your area, preferably a woman, and make an appointment for a consultation first thing Monday morning. Normally, the attorney will not charge for a consultation.

 

In general, the way that child support calculations are made in the U.S. are to take the resources of both parents (including income) and determine the percentage of total support each parent must contribute. If your resources are exactly equal, then the percentages would be 50/50. But if you make less than he does, your percentage would be less than 50%. The same would be done with the first wife, and it doesn't matter who is legally married to the Bigamist and who is not. Children are children, no matter what the parents did, and courts do not give preference to the "good" parent vs the "bad" parent when it comes to calculating child support liability.

 

Anyway, that's what I think you need to focus on; the support and future of you and your children. Sorry for any hurt feelings or emotional struggles you may be having. Life is a series of lessons and we all must learn our own. Yours appear to be similar to mine, and I'm apparently meant to learn that you cannot trust what people say, sad as that is; I have to not be so gullible.

[Sabella]

I know it was a mistake begin with him. When I first met him he didn't tell me that he was married. Then he told me that he was married but separated. Then he said he still lived in the house. Then, then then. The truth trickled out.

 

I should have walked away. Instead I dug myself deeper and deeper.

 

He still says that she let herself go, doesn't take care of herself or try and look good. Doesn't want to have sex ever, cheated on him, is mentally unstable. I think it's all a lie.

 

I was too young and too emotionally invested. I didn't know what a good relationship should be like. He made me feel wanted and needed and sexy and special.

 

Kids were his idea. He said it's better to have them young and he'd be more committed to me if we had kids asked it would give him a reason to leave. I was terrified.

 

He doesn't really seem to even like kids. He's good with our kids and takes care of them but he doesn't love being with them. Sitting on the floor and playing with them isn't as fun as playing a video game. For me, it's all I want is to be with my kids. I dont know how he is in his other family.

 

He helps financially. My kids are all breastfed, I did baby led weaning and use cloth diapers so there was never a need for formula, baby food, wipes, diapers. He pays for the twins daycare, which is $2000/month. And buys things they need if I ask. Like clothes, bedding, toys.

 

My kids deserve their dad but I messed that up for them. I never should have had 3 kids with him, and sure shouldn't have had more unprotected sex recently.

 

Is it really my place to tell his wife? I know she'll blame me instead of him. Our kids have never all met. I don't know if they should or not. I don't want my babies to be "the affair kids".

 

If I tell her he will hate me. That's not good for my kids. I don't even know how I'd tell her.

 

I don't want my family to come crumbling apart, it's already started.

 

I think right now you are just in so deep, confused and probably a little depressed. You sort of accept your part in this. But I'm not here to bash you over the head with those choices now. What matters now, is where you go from here.

 

You said he doesn't even seem to like kids, that's actually really telling. There are men out there that have a weird perversion to simply spreading their seed around. They get some sort of weird ego boost from it.

 

Right now he is helping out finacially, and that's good. But the only "real" way you can depend on that is if you get this set legally.

 

Right now you don't think he is making more babies with another woman, that may change (probably change) More and more dependants are going to mean less support for the gazillion kids he already has. I don't see an end in sight to his need to of having more and more kids.

 

I know you are depressed, I can read it in your words. You really, really need support from your family, at the very least a lawyer. You have to start thinking or your future, your kids' future. Stop focusing on this man, it's time for you to focus on your children and secure a future for them. As things are now, it's not secure, he could simply stop assisting you at any moment, and go on to make yet another baby. Don't wait for that to happen, be proactive, take some control back and get things in order. Please focus there.

[ChickiePops]

It's scary to just be ending it and stepping into this giant unknown of how it will play out. I know I have to, he'll never be mine.

 

Of course it's scary, but it will eventually get easier, and it'll be much better than this.

[13Hearts]

It's scary to just be ending it and stepping into this giant unknown of how it will play out. I know I have to, he'll never be mine.

 

Stepping into giant unknowns is the ONLY thing that makes a person grow. Be courageous. Feel the fear and do it anyway. It will be very difficult and scary but I promise you, you will survive it and you will look back and be glad you did it. You will be stronger, wiser, and have higher self-esteem (which I am sure has been severely damaged from this entire mess with MM).

 

Also, NO ONE can ever be yours. We come into this world alone and we will leave this world alone. We grasp onto others during our time here and hold on for dear life, but sooner or later they are all ripped from us for one reason or another. To be forced to become accustomed to separation from our loved ones is part of life. No person, no relationship, no marriage, and no family is perfect or the ideal you have in your mind. That is just an image, a desire, something you want. What is reality looks quite different, and usually much uglier, than what we picture these things should be.

 

You are not to blame for what has happened, so don't beat yourself up about it. Doing so is only going to weaken you and you NEED to strengthen yourself. Get yourself around good, supportive people who accept you and love you for you, and stay away from, block, and delete the people who point their finger at you, blame you, judge you, or otherwise tear you down. You need to be strong going into this, for your children.

[stillafool]

I don't want my family to come crumbling apart, it's already started.

 

Your family is you and your kids. That cannot be broken so protect them financially.

[Sabella]

^^ This^^

[Sabella]

Stepping into giant unknowns is the ONLY thing that makes a person grow. Be courageous. Feel the fear and do it anyway. It will be very difficult and scary but I promise you, you will survive it and you will look back and be glad you did it. You will be stronger, wiser, and have higher self-esteem (which I am sure has been severely damaged from this entire mess with MM).

 

Also, NO ONE can ever be yours. We come into this world alone and we will leave this world alone. We grasp onto others during our time here and hold on for dear life, but sooner or later they are all ripped from us for one reason or another. To be forced to become accustomed to separation from our loved ones is part of life. No person, no relationship, no marriage, and no family is perfect or the ideal you have in your mind. That is just an image, a desire, something you want. What is reality looks quite different, and usually much uglier, than what we picture these things should be.

 

You are not to blame for what has happened, so don't beat yourself up about it. Doing so is only going to weaken you and you NEED to strengthen yourself. Get yourself around good, supportive people who accept you and love you for you, and stay away from, block, and delete the people who point their finger at you, blame you, judge you, or otherwise tear you down. You need to be strong going into this, for your children.

 

^^^This!^^^

:bunny:

[Shadowburn]

What a mess.

This mm never heard of birth control, obviously.

 

OP- the sooner you'll get away from this predator and creep, the sooner you'll recover from his abuse and will build the life that you and your kids deserve.

Don't waste another minute of your life on this disgusting POS.

 

That really must be one of the worst stories on these boards.

 

Best wishes xo

[pooldog]

13Hearts, this is great advice and so useful for our OP

 

What's done is done and cannot be undone so all of you posters assigning blame to Kholm vs MM are just judging other people. Not sure that is helpful in this case, or ever has been in any thread here. You just distract from the real issue at hand and keep the OP from opening her eyes to reality.

 

Kholm, out of curiosity, you don't live in Utah, by chance, do you?

 

What the MM in your case did is called Bigamy. And it's illegal in the U.S.

 

I know you have feelings for this guy and you have specific outcomes you want to occur. I think you may want him to finally "choose you" and come home full-time to your children with him, so that you can live as a "real" family, is that correct?

 

For now, I think you need to put your feelings, your wants, and your desires aside and start looking at this a little more objectively. You have small children. I don't know your education level or your income, but who is supporting these children financially? Also, does the first wife live in the same state?

 

I ask these questions because you need to protect and provide for yourself and your children first and foremost. You need to stop relying on MM to explain to you what is the law, and you need to stop trusting what he tells you. You also need to find someone in your community you trust, and who you can go to for support and guidance.

 

If you cannot put your emotions aside, or you do not know how to, you need to find a trained therapist who can teach you how to do this. It sounds like your parents are not able to help you in this regard, due to their apparent immaturity, so it's on YOU to take care of yourself this way.

 

You definitely need to find a family lawyer in your area, preferably a woman, and make an appointment for a consultation first thing Monday morning. Normally, the attorney will not charge for a consultation.

 

In general, the way that child support calculations are made in the U.S. are to take the resources of both parents (including income) and determine the percentage of total support each parent must contribute. If your resources are exactly equal, then the percentages would be 50/50. But if you make less than he does, your percentage would be less than 50%. The same would be done with the first wife, and it doesn't matter who is legally married to the Bigamist and who is not. Children are children, no matter what the parents did, and courts do not give preference to the "good" parent vs the "bad" parent when it comes to calculating child support liability.

 

Anyway, that's what I think you need to focus on; the support and future of you and your children. Sorry for any hurt feelings or emotional struggles you may be having. Life is a series of lessons and we all must learn our own. Yours appear to be similar to mine, and I'm apparently meant to learn that you cannot trust what people say, sad as that is; I have to not be so gullible.

[goodyblue]

What's done is done and cannot be undone so all of you posters assigning blame to Kholm vs MM are just judging other people. Not sure that is helpful in this case, or ever has been in any thread here. You just distract from the real issue at hand and keep the OP from opening her eyes to reality.

 

Kholm, out of curiosity, you don't live in Utah, by chance, do you?

 

What the MM in your case did is called Bigamy. And it's illegal in the U.S.

 

I know you have feelings for this guy and you have specific outcomes you want to occur. I think you may want him to finally "choose you" and come home full-time to your children with him, so that you can live as a "real" family, is that correct?

 

For now, I think you need to put your feelings, your wants, and your desires aside and start looking at this a little more objectively. You have small children. I don't know your education level or your income, but who is supporting these children financially? Also, does the first wife live in the same state?

 

I ask these questions because you need to protect and provide for yourself and your children first and foremost. You need to stop relying on MM to explain to you what is the law, and you need to stop trusting what he tells you. You also need to find someone in your community you trust, and who you can go to for support and guidance.

 

If you cannot put your emotions aside, or you do not know how to, you need to find a trained therapist who can teach you how to do this. It sounds like your parents are not able to help you in this regard, due to their apparent immaturity, so it's on YOU to take care of yourself this way.

 

You definitely need to find a family lawyer in your area, preferably a woman, and make an appointment for a consultation first thing Monday morning. Normally, the attorney will not charge for a consultation.

 

In general, the way that child support calculations are made in the U.S. are to take the resources of both parents (including income) and determine the percentage of total support each parent must contribute. If your resources are exactly equal, then the percentages would be 50/50. But if you make less than he does, your percentage would be less than 50%. The same would be done with the first wife, and it doesn't matter who is legally married to the Bigamist and who is not. Children are children, no matter what the parents did, and courts do not give preference to the "good" parent vs the "bad" parent when it comes to calculating child support liability.

 

Anyway, that's what I think you need to focus on; the support and future of you and your children. Sorry for any hurt feelings or emotional struggles you may be having. Life is a series of lessons and we all must learn our own. Yours appear to be similar to mine, and I'm apparently meant to learn that you cannot trust what people say, sad as that is; I have to not be so gullible.

 

She may be from Utah but this is not a utah issue. I grew up there and the only people with more than one wife are the polygamists. There are several sects but in each the first wife knows of any subsequent wives and approves it. This situation is straight up deceit and is so much worse than polygamy, which is awful in itself.

[pooldog]

Is he violent?

 

Why don't you see a lawyer and find out what amount of child support money you can get and rights you will have. Then you can explain you only want a platonic relationship and he can visit the kids and pay child support.

 

You will need to get education and a career

 

He will either pay child support voluntarily or legally

 

It will all fall into place and you will be able to move on. I think you can negotiate with him if you know your rights. Please get help from trusted family members who will be supportive.

 

Do not be vindictive and tell his wife. Find out your rights and negotiate. If he refuses you can take him to court you might even sue him.

 

Think about what you need financially and for your future. Do not think about a fairy tale love story.

 

It's scary to just be ending it and stepping into this giant unknown of how it will play out. I know I have to, he'll never be mine.

Edited July 17, 2016 by pooldog

[burnt]

It's scary to just be ending it and stepping into this giant unknown of how it will play out. I know I have to, he'll never be mine.

 

Kohl, it IS daunting. You are in a very difficult situation.

 

If you look at the whole picture all at once, it will continue to be scary to the point you may actually feel too weak to do anything about it.

 

So, one step at a time ONLY.

 

1. Speak to a lawyer about all the legal ramifications--what he'll be held responsible for in terms of child support.

 

2. Tell your parents about everything. ASK them for their support.

 

3. In the mean, try to act as normal around this man as possible. If he suspects anything, he will be doing whatever necessary to destroy your credibility to save himself.

 

4. Tell his wife *everything*. How she reacts and what she does with the information is not for you to worry about. As ShatteredLady has said so eloquently, it will be the two mothers (you and the wife) who will ultimately be the true caregivers of all these children. Even if the wife blames you at first, she will be thankful to you in time for being brave enough to tell her the truth. She has the right to know. She has been kept in the dark for far too long.

 

5. Once you are completely separated from this sick sociopath, only then you can start rebuilding your life. Don't think about what that means at this point.

 

When all this started you were a CHILD. You are no longer a child. You are now educated about the wrong this man has been doing.

 

You cannot go back in time to change the wrong that was done. But you are now responsible for doing what's right at the present time--for you, for your children, for the other wife, and for her children.

 

Kholm,

The fact that you seeked out the help, suggestion, and support of all the strangers in this site is a very VERY BIG step towards the right direction.

 

You have a lot of complete strangers here to help you cope and deal with this. Take the suggestions.

 

You will be ok.

Just one small child step at a time.

[Kholm]

I live in New York. She does as well. Same city.

 

He's not violent or abusive. He's really good to me.

 

I have my bachelor's and I've been working on my masters slowly. I have a job. It's not a great one but pays the bills and we don't live paycheck to paycheck. I'll be more financially secure when I finish school.

 

I wish he would just leave her and be with me and only me. Take care of his other kids but be with me. He still wants more kids. He was insistent they have his last name. The other day he said he has to stay with his "real family" but hopefully we will have another baby, since we were unprotected.

 

Im scared to be a single mom at 24 to 3-4 kids.

 

I guess I have to look into lawyers and find one.

[Sabella]

I live in New York. She does as well. Same city.

 

He's not violent or abusive. He's really good to me.

 

I have my bachelor's and I've been working on my masters slowly. I have a job. It's not a great one but pays the bills and we don't live paycheck to paycheck. I'll be more financially secure when I finish school.

 

I wish he would just leave her and be with me and only me. Take care of his other kids but be with me. He still wants more kids. He was insistent they have his last name. The other day he said he has to stay with his "real family" but hopefully we will have another baby, since we were unprotected.

 

Im scared to be a single mom at 24 to 3-4 kids.

 

I guess I have to look into lawyers and find one.

 

Yet you are still hoping to have another kid with him??? Ugh Kholm, not sure you are ready to really hear any advice. When you get to that point, re-read this thread and maybe you can make proper steps then. You have a lot of good advice as to what to do towards your future, but if you are still hung up on winning the loser back, we can't help you. what a mess

 

You say you are scared to be a mom to 3-4 kids, then you say you hope you have another with him since you were unprotected. Which is it?

Edited July 17, 2016 by Sabella

[MissBee]

He doesn't just look bad "on paper" he's bad in real actual everyday life.

 

This is one of the more messed up situations I've read on here to be honest.

 

This man has a secret fake marriage with you while still married to his wife, he lives with his wife and not you, he separated and still went back and called them his "real" family, even though you have kids with him, he has lied and lied and lied, said they are never intimate but his wife is pregnant.....

 

Hon, the horror and truth is printed in bold here. You are also soooooooo very young. This man has taken advantage of you and I think your first step should be seeking a therapist/counselor for yourself to talk to who can begin to help you figure out how you came to be here and why you think this is the best you can do. Truth is, at the end of the day, we have to take responsibility for ourselves as well and when we allow people to treat us like crap, it's because we don't feel worthy for whatever reason, so working on that needs to take priority, as once your self worth is in tact you will have a harder time denying the truth and will get furious about this situation and will actually want to kick him to the curb instead of sticking around, hoping he will change, making excuses and seeking validation and love from someone who has shown time and again they cannot possibly provide it.

[sandylee1]

OP,

 

What happens if this man dies? Has he left any provision in his will for your 3 children? Has he got any life insurance with the children as beneficiaries? Has he made any provision for them at all in the event of his death?

 

You probably will not even be able to attend his funeral in the capacity of who you are to him. Can you even begin to imagine the devastation to his wife and kids if this happened and they find out he had a secret family?

 

His obituary will say survived by wife and 6 children, so essentially you and your children don't feature. How would you even find out if anything happened to him while he was with his wife?

 

This man is making you have kids as a means of control. The more kids, the more tied down you are and less likely to dump him and look for a better man. That's what he thinks anyway.

 

Well you can change that thinking very quickly.

He's back with his wife now right and I'll bet if you told him the relationship between you two was over and you were seeing someone else, he'd be there in the blink of an eye.

 

There's been much talk of your age when it started, but I think you know that when you have to hide what you're doing, it's wrong.

 

Do your parents think he's divorced?

Was it only your family at the pretend msrrusge

[Kholm]

Yet you are still hoping to have another kid with him??? Ugh Kholm, not sure you are ready to really hear any advice. When you get to that point, re-read this thread and maybe you can make proper steps then. You have a lot of good advice as to what to do towards your future, but if you are still hung up on winning the loser back, we can't help you. what a mess

 

You say you are scared to be a mom to 3-4 kids, then you say you hope you have another with him since you were unprotected. Which is it?

 

Not now. Having unprotected sex with him was stupid. I don't know how he talked me into it but he did. I'm all over the place with my hormones right now. Since having my new baby Im all over the place. Crying at everything, like the water taking too long to warm up or because there was pet hair on the bed, today. I flip back and forth between wishing he were dead to wanting to give him all I have.

 

I shouldnt have gone unprotected. Ive always conceived fast. I don't want another one and I hope it's not going to happen. I could test but dont want to know right now.

 

 

He's never mentioned anything about having our kids in his will or savings for them. He says he wants to start savings for them but has never done it. I know his other kids have RESP accounts.

 

I try not to think about what would happen if he dies. It comes to mind a lot and just causes worry and anxiety. When I don't hear from him for a while I do worry. Sometimes I've driven by his house.

 

We had a destination wedding with just us. My parents think his parents are dead. They dont know he was ever married or has other kids.

[CarrieT]

You had a destination "wedding" with just the two of you because he knew it would never be legally sanctified or submitted to a court. It was not a wedding, but a sham play to keep you in line.

 

At least start by telling your parents the truth. You need some Real Life support immediately.

[Shadowburn]

Get yourself on birth control. You don't need his approval or agreement to do it. It is irresponsible to bring more innocent children into this sick mess. His wife has what, five kids with him? And it didn't stop him from cheating.

You'll have ten more with him, and he still be who he is.

 

 

Stop looking up to him to make a change. You're the only one with a power to change this situation. Do what's right for you, you won't "win" him, and you're too young to see he is totally worthless and failure as a man.