Are some guys just gonna have to settle for a 'not so attractive' woman?

[Humperdinck]

Exactly, and it is often the first thing on her mind, and the first filter.

Can I kiss, make out with and have sex with this guy?

 

No! - friend-zone maybe, ignore probably, reject...

Yes! - OK, let's see where this goes.

 

Ha. Maybe and maybe not. Attraction is so subjective and can change as relating to a specific person

[SevenCity]

Exactly, and it is often the first thing on her mind, and the first filter.

Can I kiss, make out with and have sex with this guy?

 

No! - friend-zone maybe, ignore probably, reject...

Yes! - OK, let's see where this goes.

 

 

 

This. I read somewhere that women determine the answer in 15 seconds. I think it's more like 15 milliseconds.

 

Once you are in the friend zone it is VERY hard to move out. It's possible, but hard. I personally wouldn't want to try as I want a woman to find me attractive. I've dated very attractive women and average women. I've found the ones who are more attractive tend to come with a lot more issues / drama.

 

I don't need a "10" by any stretch and am happy with a 6/7.

 

Another thing mentioned was that attraction is more than just looks but looks are the start. My last gf was the most beautiful woman I have ever met after getting to know her but now that we are in limbo as to the RL that attraction is fading for me and I'm seeing the physical flaws my heart looked past.

 

If we work it out I'm sure I will feel that way again. If not, I don't think I will be attracted to her once I'm over it.

[NTV]

Yes, men value looks above all else. As a sort of primeval dominance. Which is why men are such bad pickers. Women are smarter, and look for a good partner, not just good arm candy.

 

 

 

What? That doesn't make any sense to me. I think it would be closer to the truth to say that women dress up most often for OTHER women (competition) and are therefore, as a gender, more superficial. Obsession over fashions, clothing, makeup, etc only support this.

 

 

I don't think I have every heard a man say that his hobby was 'shopping', but I've heard PLENTY of women say that was their hobby. If I had to, I'd put money on that there is at least one woman saying it every minute.

[Wave Rider]

I've been doing some analyzing, and while in reality there will more than likely always be a time that an attractive woman is single...what if some fairy godmother gave every guy on the planet the confidence that he knew he could get any woman he wanted just as long as his game was solid. And so with time, eventually, all the attractive women in the world were taken by these motivated and game-solid guys.

 

I'll give you my take on this, using sort of a toy model of dating, which isn't perfect, but illustrates the point. A patriarchy - which is the kind of society that we live in - protects women and considers men to be disposable. Since men are considered to be disposable, men take most of the risks in society, and thus end up with most of the political power.

 

So if there's one word that differentiates men's roles from women's roles, it's risk. Men are required to risk more than women.

 

To follow this, being a woman is more of a slow, sure path to reproductive success. The upside to being a woman is that women are pretty much guaranteed reproductive success if they take the men who are available to them. The downside is that women don't have much control over which men are available to them.

 

For men, it's the opposite. If being a woman is more about a slow, sure path to reproductive success, being a man is more like high-stakes gambling. Reproductive success for men is far from guaranteed, but men have a lot more control over their dating circumstances than women. There are a lot of men who are total losers in the dating game, but the men who do win, win really big.

 

So for women, reproduction is lower-risk, lower payoff. For men, it's high-risk, high potential payoff, but with a greater chance of total failure.

 

So if you want an attractive woman, you're going to have to get into the winner's circle. As a man, you have a good amount of control over whether or not this happens for you.

 

How do you get into the winner's circle? By taking some risks. Invest yourself in weightlifting and getting fit. Spend some money on decent clothes. Risk something to create a good career. Risk rejection by sharing your real opinion about things. Risk rejection by making a move on a woman who's "out of your league." If you have psychological blocks to dating, see a therapist. Stop whining about how other men are getting the things that you want. If you want an attractive woman, you need to be a top notch man, which means taking some risks and making the most of what you have.

Edited July 13, 2016 by Wave Rider

[S_A]

Beauty fades.

 

Yeah, it fades eventually... But there are so many hot older women out there (even with their "flaws").

Edited July 13, 2016 by S_A

[carnelian]

I have known many guys of all ages who had troubles finding dates and who married

unattractive women, by any standards. Maybe the guys thought they were

attractive?? Looks were not so important to them. Good looks are very

important to me, an older bachelor, and I have been too picky probably. And my solitude and isolation is the price I have paid. A smart girl with a good figure and pretty can often have her pick of guys and she knows that--up to a certain age when her beauty wanes and wrinkles appear.

 

By the way, I know [/u]this: when singles say they want someone who is intelligent, they do NOT mean intellectual or advanced degrees. Unless that degree means high pay. People are intimidated by serious intellectuals.

[SammySammy]

The decision to marry is usually not made on looks alone. Even for men who don't have to settle.

 

My fraternity is known as the "Pretty Boy" frat on campus. Getting with some of the most desirable women on campus was routine. You would assume most of those guys would end up marrying some of those girls they regularly spent time with. Didn't happen. Almost to a man, the guys I was in school with are married to women I consider average or slightly above average in looks.

 

I'm not sure I believe people tend to pair up within their "league". I think the decision to marry is more complicated than that. A woman that is wife material brings more to the table than just her looks. Looks are on the list, but I've seen guys pick compatibility and shared values over looks time after time

[NTV]

By the way, I know [/u]this: when singles say they want someone who is intelligent, they do NOT mean intellectual or advanced degrees. Unless that degree means high pay. People are intimidated by serious intellectuals.

 

 

 

Yeah, I think it's generally the attitude that goes with the intelligence that makes the difference. A lot of the serious intellectuals I'm met also have serious egos and tend to come across at know-it-alls. And well, if I'm talking to a chick that already knows it all, then we've nothing to discuss.

 

 

Rather, I'd prefer depth on interests. The really attractive women who's interests revolve solely around shopping, fashion, shoes, purses, and the latest 'reality' drama tv show has to me about as much depth as a red solo cup. If she had a hobby like painting and really knew her stuff, or could talk philosophy, or enjoyed reading something that was truly interesting and not the equivalent of 50 shades... she'd have my attention.

 

 

Course some guys only want the women with the fake boobs and high heels and short skirts. For me, I don't care if the high heels are ever worn outside the bedroom, lol.

[preraph]

This is a no-brainer. All the best looking people are in general taken by all the best looking people. There are only rare exceptions. If everyone cited honestly the man/woman of their dreams, most of them would either be famous or in the top 10 percent of attractiveness. That's the math. Will you have to settle? The chances are heavily weighed that you will end up with someone within your own physical attractiveness range, and only money and fame or a really magical personality can bust you out of that glass ceiling.

[preraph]

It's only subjective within a range of variance, and especially when it comes to how men view women. Many people fall in the "not at all attractive" range. Age can put you out of the range. It is subjective to some extent, but apparently not for everyone. There are so many people just on this board who seem to only chase the perfect types and just like this poster and panicking as they figure out they won't be able to get one anyway.

[Weezy1973]

By definition, most people are average looking. And by fact, most people pair up with people of the same attractiveness level. So most people on the planet will end up with someone that is average looking. Logic at it's finest...

[xxoo]

By definition, most people are average looking. And by fact, most people pair up with people of the same attractiveness level. So most people on the planet will end up with someone that is average looking. Logic at it's finest...

 

The real issue is if you find your own attractiveness level "not so attractive".

 

Gotta love yourself before you can love someone else.

[preraph]

If media would stop polluting our minds with unattainable airbrushed ideals, we would find average people much more attractive. I remember a time when that was so. It has literally changed within my lifetime.