westernxer Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC So assuming something is going on, what would you recommend he do? Anything different than what I suggested? Probably not. Guess he'll have to wait and see, just like you said. I'd be pissed, though, if not gone by then. At the very least, I wouldn't be contacting her.
Cwazydude Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 At the very least, I wouldn't be contacting her. Yeah, Seriously
ConfusedInOC Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 Originally posted by Cwazydude Well, From what I understand we all agree on one thing. Agree. No more Mr. Nice guy, No More letting her walk all over him. That book is an amazing wake up call for doormat men. MY personal opinion was about the whole "Yell, Scream, Throw stuff, Break things". Venting his anger on her sounds like my personal solution, but perhaps isn't his cup of tea. The thing that the anger would insure, she would NEVER be able to walk on him again. Even if his relationship with her gets screwed because of it (From what it sounds like it will probably happen anyway) He'll be free. I agree he should vent his anger, but in complete privacy. He can prove that she'll never walk on him when he implements NO CONTACT and works on himself. Westernxer, I agree with you. Definitely don't contact her.
Author ine399 Posted March 25, 2006 Author Posted March 25, 2006 Well, it finally came out. She had an affair with someone that summer, and didn't want me to visit because she thought I'd find out. I had obviously been suspicious, so when she returned, I asked her several times if anything had happened and she kept saying no. I also told her that I thought honesty is the most important thing in a relationship and that if anything happened, I would just want her to be honest about it, but again, she lied. Now she wants to see a couples counselor with me but I just wanted to get your guys opinions on whether there's any chance our relationship is still saveable, and beyond that, if it's worth saving. Thanks, Ine399
justagirliegirl Posted March 25, 2006 Posted March 25, 2006 I read through this and thanks for the update. When I read the first post you made, the first thing I thought was she was seeing someone else. How long after did she admit it to you?
AFriend Posted March 25, 2006 Posted March 25, 2006 Well, it finally came out. She had an affair with someone that summer, and didn't want me to visit because she thought I'd find out. I had obviously been suspicious, so when she returned, I asked her several times if anything had happened and she kept saying no. I also told her that I thought honesty is the most important thing in a relationship and that if anything happened, I would just want her to be honest about it, but again, she lied. Now she wants to see a couples counselor with me but I just wanted to get your guys opinions on whether there's any chance our relationship is still saveable, and beyond that, if it's worth saving. Thanks, Ine399 Hey, tough situation your in. I wouldn't recommend even trying to save the relationship after that because there would be a MAJOR trust issue. If she was willing to ruin a relationship of 3.5 years for an affair that would last a couple of months... I don't know... Don't let her think that she can just do w/e she wants and just come back. But this is just me. I hope ya make the right decision.
SoleMate Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 I just wanted to get your guys opinions on whether there's any chance our relationship is still saveable... Yes, I think it can be salvaged. If she is interested in working on it, then there is a chance. Signs - and words - of major remorse are in order. ...and...if it's worth saving.... THIS is the hard question. You're the one who knows best exactly what she is worth to you and how hard it would be to replace her. Before this summer affair, did you consider yourselves life partners? Had you talked about lifetime commitment and monogamy? The one thing I would caution you is that if you think about saving it, just be aware that WYSIWYG. Whatever is good about her has to be balanced with the reality that she can cheat and lie in your r/s. Remind yourself that her promises of fidelity have been broken. Another thought...you're young, and you're laying the foundation of your life in these years. Twenty, thirty, or fifty years ahead, you will be looking back and seeing how your actions in 2006 set the course for the life that was to follow. If it were me, I would decide against it.
mini696 Posted March 27, 2006 Posted March 27, 2006 People who are confident and independent don't cancel visits under those pretenses. People who are hiding things do.I agree with this.
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