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She was about 40 pounds heavier than she was in her profile pics, and she's into me

Reltubsirch0412

By Reltubsirch0412
in Dating

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
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It is absolutely wrong to misrepresent yourself as slim when you're currently chubby.

 

This goes for both men and women.

 

If a guy who is currently a chubby 220 pounder uses old photos of when he was a chiseled Adonis at 180lbs...that is misleading and dishonest

 

And that was my latest experience. However, as it turns out, he's got a beautiful heart, is beautifully affectionate, very kind and crushes all of things I'm looking for in a man so that him being 40lbs heavier than his pictures is really the least of my worries.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
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I too wonder how it went? Did he pump & dump? Did he get sign up for a third date? Did he tell he wasn't interested? Hopefully he won't wake up one day married to her thinking what did I do lol!

 

he'll probably end up married to someone with a tight, hot body who won't keep it home and out of the beds of other men.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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He obviously has some attraction for her, .......from the neck up.

 

I have a feeling OP doesn't get many dates if any and here's someone who is pretty enough to get his attention. Maybe that's one of the reasons why he is so conflicted. At least he's honest...well at least with us and was trying to work through it. Maybe he is looking at this as a missed opportunity if he dismisses her so quickly.

 

Nothing wrong with him going out on some dates with her, and hang out to see how things go....isn't that what dating is for??, to spend time getting to know each other and see if feelings grow? He isn't committing any moral crime here. If it doesn't happen it doesn't happen, oh well everyone just moves on.

  • Like 4
Shining One Established Member

Shining One

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He obviously has some attraction for her, .......from the neck up.
Or from the waist down.
  • Like 2
Mjm1014 Established Member

Mjm1014

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Tough call man. I know you're going to get some heat from the ladies about what you posted, but I've been in your shoes recently with some of the women I have met online. They sure know how to use the angles to their advantage in pictures. I'm by no means looking for a supermodel, and I don't mind if they are curvy (but fat is just plain unhealthy and fitness is a hobby of mine so I know we don't have that in common which is a deal breaker).

 

One thing to think about though....

 

If she use to be skinny, you still think overall she is pretty and she has a good personality, why don't you give it one more shot..maybe two. Next date go out with her and have a good time, following date tell her you're going for a run and you want her to come along. Motivate her.

 

-there are two girls that I can think back on that we're really heavyset when I was growing up, they had pretty faces but were larger than average and they were in love with me, but I never gave them a chance...today, both of them could be on the cover of a swim suit magazine, both drop dead gorgeous but I'm totally out or their league now and they wouldn't give me a chance (and I don't blame them since I was a jerk)...weight always changes, maybe get to know her, let her work out with you, and you'll have a hot babe in no time that will be all over you. Food for thought. The whole misleading thing does suck though..idk

  • Like 1
salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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I don't buy it. Maybe if he'd only said, "I'll call you" after date one, but then he went to her place. A man who had not one once of attraction would not do that.

 

Ha ha, yea what enigma said.

 

I missed the post where he said he was going. No follow up. Wonder what they've been up to for the past two days? I'm guessing he's up to his eyeballs by now... sometimes when opportunity knocks a guy will just go with it... regardless. But based on how he feels about the weight, she ain't about to become his new gf.

  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
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And that was my latest experience. However, as it turns out, he's got a beautiful heart, is beautifully affectionate, very kind and crushes all of things I'm looking for in a man so that him being 40lbs heavier than his pictures is really the least of my worries.

 

Also, I don't have judgmental family and friends to whom I'd have to justify and defend every dating choice I make in my life, nor do I run my life based on committee decisions, so me bringing around a man who's balder and bigger than what I thought he was isn't going to be met with withering, soul crushing criticism from my so-called "friends" who feel they have a right to judge and dismiss anyone I choose to bring into my life.

  • Like 1
salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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Gotta love Loveshack. Girl uses misleading photos to trick a guy into meeting her, and the ladies of Loveshack villify the man, not the deceptive woman.

 

 

I knew from his title that he was throwing rocks at a hornet's nest.

 

The most interesting stuff on LS is often not what is literally written, but the underlying biases, predilections and rationalizations within homogenous groups or modes of perception. I love it!!!

  • Like 1
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Ha ha, yea what enigma said.

 

I missed the post where he said he was going. No follow up. Wonder what they've been up to for the past two days? I'm guessing he's up to his eyeballs by now... sometimes when opportunity knocks a guy will just go with it... regardless. But based on how he feels about the weight, she ain't about to become his new gf.

 

So he's attracted to her afterall? :confused:

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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So he's attracted to her afterall? :confused:

 

 

Hell, I don't know. Does it have to be an all or nothing deal? Sort of like when you ladies meet a man who is quite charming, full head of hair, but he's not rich and not six feet tall. Kinda puts you in a quandary doesn't it?

 

Maybe he decided that the threshold for a good shagging had been met.

  • Like 2
preraph Established Member

preraph

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He's attracted enough to want to have sex with her, and my guess is once he figures out he's never going to land a hot girl, he'll end up marrying someone like this and then making their life miserable criticizing them about their weight until they divorce him and take half of everything he owns.

  • Like 1
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Hell, I don't know. Does it have to be an all or nothing deal? Sort of like when you ladies meet a man who is quite charming, full head of hair, but he's not rich and not six feet tall. Kinda puts you in a quandary doesn't it?

 

Maybe he decided that the threshold for a good shagging had been met.

 

Nope, doesn't have to be all or nothing.

 

Sexual attraction is different from relationship attraction. Every woman knows that first hand!

 

Doesn't sound like sexual attraction was the problem here.

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Hell, I don't know. Does it have to be an all or nothing deal? Sort of like when you ladies meet a man who is quite charming, full head of hair, but he's not rich and not six feet tall. Kinda puts you in a quandary doesn't it?

 

 

--

 

**Maybe he decided that the threshold for a good shagging had been met.

 

Some of you guys crack me up...lol

 

Maybe he realized he was being a shallow ass and decided to give it a shot, since obviously she was very interested in him, which he may not experience that often.

 

After spending more time together at her place, and ok maybe they even *shagged* ...he finds her intriguing (despite the extra weight) and wants to continue dating her!

 

Oh the horror! Lol

  • Like 2
Jabron1 Established Member

Jabron1

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:D

 

Maybe he realized he was being a shallow ass and decided to give it a shot, since obviously she was very interested in him, which he may not experience that often.

 

That's desperate.

 

But I think that's the reason behind his strange behaviour.

 

After spending more time together at her place, and ok maybe they even *shagged* ...he finds her intriguing (despite the extra weight) and wants to continue dating her!

 

Wishful thinking, Mrs ;)

 

Oh the horror! Lol

 

I think it's worse than you'll probably understand. And signals much deeper problems that this fella needs to address.

 

Women offer a distinct reflection to/of a man. That's part of the fun. What does the reflection show here?

 

He can learn a lot about himself. This is about him - not her.

neowulf Established Member

neowulf

Posted
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Something people tend to forget. No matter how great we are (or think we are), no one owes us a relationship.

 

Full stop. End of story.

 

Your reasons for rejecting her interest don't even matter. Only the end result. You're not into her. You don't wish to take the relationship any further. That's all that matters.

 

The exact same thing applies to women who "friend zone" men. It doesn't matter why she does it. All the matters is she's not interested in a relationship with you.

 

In this case, if I wasn't into her, I'd be polite, but I wouldn't have suggested that we'd speak again. My usual line is;

 

"It was great to meet you, I wish you all the best with your search".

 

It's clear (without being rude) that I have no interest in taking things further, but that I wish them well.

  • Like 2
TheBathWater Established Member

TheBathWater

Posted
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(1) All the pictures I posted of myself were recent and accurate. Why didn't this woman — and others — post pics of themselves that accurately show what they look like today? She has to know as soon as she meets me that the jig is up, right? Because if I reject her I'm the villain now, even though I represented myself accurately and she didn't. Do people just not think about these things?

 

(2) If you were in my situation what would you do?

 

(3) Is there a polite way out of this without hurting her feelings?

 

I don't see a way out of this without me having some huge degree of guilt.

 

A1: She knew the jig was up, and that the jiggle was hanging out! You're not a villain. Why didn't you just break it off as soon as she showed up? I would have straight up said, "you look different than your photos; how should I feel about that?"

 

A2: See above. I wouldn't be in your situation.

 

A3: Polite? Yes, be honest. You don't have to be a jerk about it, but be honest. She knows, and if you don't tell her and just vanish, it's going to really eat her up :rolleyes: Just tell her you've had a few days to process the date and you want to state the obvious: she looks different from her photos. Let her know what that does for you in terms of trust, and that now the issue is you: you know this is something you are not going to get over. Thank her for the date, and wish her all the best.

BrownEyedGurl1 Member

BrownEyedGurl1

Posted
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If she lied about her weight she probably lied about other things. Don't feel bad about being turned off. I'd suggest texting her you don't think you two are a good match and not broaching the weight as being the reason if she pesters you as to why since you have professional contacts.

  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted (edited)
Something people tend to forget. No matter how great we are (or think we are), no one owes us a relationship.

 

Full stop. End of story.

 

Your reasons for rejecting her interest don't even matter. Only the end result. You're not into her. You don't wish to take the relationship any further. That's all that matters.

 

The exact same thing applies to women who "friend zone" men. It doesn't matter why she does it. All the matters is she's not interested in a relationship with you.

 

In this case, if I wasn't into her, I'd be polite, but I wouldn't have suggested that we'd speak again. My usual line is;

 

"It was great to meet you, I wish you all the best with your search".

 

It's clear (without being rude) that I have no interest in taking things further, but that I wish them well.

 

 

^^^^^all of this

 

This is an example of having class about the matter.

 

One doesn't need to show their behind, punish, stoop to anyone's level, waste time getting back (that's so childish).

 

Just say "thanks" and "good luck". That's all that's necessary. The rest is being a drama queen.

Edited by kendahke
  • Like 3
King Me Member

King Me

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A co-worker of mine went on an OLD first meet and discovered at that time that the woman had one leg.

 

I wonder if he would have been more horrified if she'd been fat?

losangelena Established Member

losangelena

Posted
Posted
A co-worker of mine went on an OLD first meet and discovered at that time that the woman had one leg.

 

I wonder if he would have been more horrified if she'd been fat?

 

If the men on this forum are any indication, he sure would have.

  • Like 2
Timshel Established Member

Timshel

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I wonder where that Reltubsirch0412 guy went?

Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think you know what to do. Best not to waste either of one another's time. Man if I was this woman, I would rather a hard slap in the face than a kick in the back.

Edited by Daisy-oliviaWentcher
salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
Posted
I wonder where that Reltubsirch0412 guy went?

 

Last we heard he was headed over to her house to netflix and chill. We're all waiting for him to come up for air.

 

And the question of the day is, did she just get a weekend pass on the 40 lb. problem, or did he become so enraptured with her cute face and dazzling personality that he's fallen in love and completely forgotten about any weight issues.

 

Opinions are largely divided along gender lines... which is totally uncharacteristic for LS, eh? The romantics are optimistic that the 40 lbs. is water under the bridge now... others, not so much.

  • Like 3
King Me Member

King Me

Posted
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If she lied about her weight she probably lied about other things.
I don't agree with all this talk about how she's misrepresenting herself and dishonest. We all put the BEST pictures of ourselves on OLD profiles. Many of us whether we're men or women are in a state of denial as we're putting on some pounds and getting out of shape; it's happened to me. Then I had a wakeup call while shaving shirtless and it was like "gawd when did I let this happen" and that's when I did something about it. In the meanwhile I was using pictures where my new gut didn't show for my OLD profile. Pictures where I thought I looked good. There's a good chance she was doing that.

 

Regardless, if you're not attracted, you're not attracted. No shame in that.

  • Like 1
Ensam Member

Ensam

Posted
Posted
I don't agree with all this talk about how she's misrepresenting herself and dishonest. We all put the BEST pictures of ourselves on OLD profiles. Many of us whether we're men or women are in a state of denial as we're putting on some pounds and getting out of shape; it's happened to me. Then I had a wakeup call while shaving shirtless and it was like "gawd when did I let this happen" and that's when I did something about it. In the meanwhile I was using pictures where my new gut didn't show for my OLD profile. Pictures where I thought I looked good. There's a good chance she was doing that.

 

Regardless, if you're not attracted, you're not attracted. No shame in that.

 

 

But there's a difference between putting on some pounds and putting on 30-40 pounds. I mean, might not bother updating your photos for every little detail that changes (small weight gain/loss), new haircut, beard etc but when major changes occurs I feel it is reasonable to do so. I would absolutely love to be able to use photos from 2-3 years ago when I was thinner and still had plenty of hair because I think I looked better in them but what's the point in letting people see the past me when they will be dating the present me?

 

Then again perhaps my honesty as far as OLD goes is part of why I was so unsuccessful at getting dates. I never used any filters, always made sure to have both good looking photos and also a couple with less flattering angles/lights and so on.

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