She was about 40 pounds heavier than she was in her profile pics, and she's into me

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

A week ago I started talking to a woman on e-Harmony. She had very attractive photos and a nice body. We got along great in emails and on the phone. To make sure her EH photos weren't out of date and she wasn't fat I typed her phone number in the Facebook search engine and found her profile, which I presumed would have more honest pics. I didn't see anything that made me think that would be a concern.

I'm not looking for a supermodel. I can deal with a few extra pounds. I've probably put on 10-15 pounds in the past five years due to age, but I'm not fat. I watch what I eat, and I exercise.

Leading up to this date, she told me this was the first time she'd dated in a long time and she was nervous. I told her she had nothing to be nervous about. Anyway, she shows up last night.....and....sure enough.....she's got a gut now. And I considered her dating profile misleading.

Yeah, some of you ladies out there probably think I'm a jerk, but there was a recent survey saying that on online dating women's No. 1 fear is the guy they meet is a serial killer. Men's No. 1 fear is the woman they meet turns out to be fat.

Twice before this year I've met women who had completely misleading photos and were fat in person. I was polite both times, but I never called them back. One of the women sent a profane text saying she knew she was fat and then called me every other name in the book for not asking her out again. I think women who post out-of-date photos not at all resembling what they look like today is a sign they'll mislead about other things. My profile stresses that my pics are recent, taken within the past year......and I always hope that's a subtle hint I'll get the same from you.

I was polite last night. We talked for two or so hours. We do have things in common. Sitting down from her across a table she had a cute face. But whenever she stood up I saw the gut.....and it's a dealbreaker. I could tell from her body language that she likes me....a lot.

At the end of the night we parted ways. I hugged her and told her (politely) that we'd talk again but I was not really sure I would call her. Even hugging her re-emphasized to me her weight in proportion to mine. I figured as nice as she was that maybe she's worth a second chance (and she does have a cute face)....but I'm not sure. I think part of me was hoping she had put on a fat suit under her clothes as some sort of test and she would reveal this was all an experiment.

Normally, women wait for the guy to call first. But she texted me as soon as I got home and said she wants me to come over to her house this weekend to watch a movie with her.....which may or may not imply she wants to sleep with me. Even if I wanted to do the noble thing I think seeing her naked gut would be an erection-killer. And I think if she were on top of me I'd feel crushed.

I like her personality a lot, but I don't believe I can be with a woman who is out of shape compared to me.

I also have to be careful how I treat her because I learned yesterday she and I have a few of the same professional contacts. And I want to be sensitive to her.

My questions:

(1) All the pictures I posted of myself were recent and accurate. Why didn't this woman — and others — post pics of themselves that accurately show what they look like today? She has to know as soon as she meets me that the jig is up, right? Because if I reject her I'm the villain now, even though I represented myself accurately and she didn't. Do people just not think about these things?

(2) If you were in my situation what would you do?

(3) Is there a polite way out of this without hurting her feelings?

I don't see a way out of this without me having some huge degree of guilt.

Edited July 2, 2016 by Reltubsirch0412

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

(1) All the pictures I posted of myself were recent and accurate. Why didn't this woman — and others — post pics of themselves that accurately show what they look like today? She has to know as soon as she meets me that the jig is up, right? Because if I reject her I'm the villain now, even though I represented myself accurately and she didn't. Do people just not think about these things?

(2) If you were in my situation what would you do?

(3) Is there a polite way out of this without hurting her feelings?

I don't see a way out of this without me having some huge degree of guilt.

You aren't a villian; she clearly wasn't upfront about something obvious. Whatever her reasons may be, it still doesn't mean that's alright for her to do, and if anything, it's already creating a level of distrust and a lack of attraction for you. Both of which are warranted. You seem very self-aware of what physical traits YOU are personally attracted to in another female; that doesn't make you a Villian. You're just honest.

If I were in your situation, I'd back out. See the above comment about distrust and lack of attraction. You've only been on one date with this woman, and already you are encountering issues and questioning what to do (and not in a good way).

The best thing you can do is just be honest but not hurtful: if you do want to end it, tell her something along the lines of "I enjoyed meeting you, but I just don't see a spark/connection beyond that, etc". Wish her luck and be on your way. Just like a bandaid. If for some reason you feel apprehensive or anxious, send the message and then block her number; she received your closure and you wished her luck, and that's that.

If for some reason you feel the need to let her know that she should be upfront and honest about the photos on her profile, tread carefully. Though I do think in some sense she should be aware that being intentionally misleading about anything on a dating profile is never OK, physical or not.

Good luck.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

My questions:

(1) All the pictures I posted of myself were recent and accurate. Why didn't this woman — and others — post pics of themselves that accurately show what they look like today? She has to know as soon as she meets me that the jig is up, right? Because if I reject her I'm the villain now, even though I represented myself accurately and she didn't. Do people just not think about these things?

(2) If you were in my situation what would you do?

(3) Is there a polite way out of this without hurting her feelings?

I don't see a way out of this without me having some huge degree of guilt.

Why would you feel guilty about rejecting a woman who misrepresented herself?

I understand, to a degree, why people would do this. I once met a guy off OLD who was a good 60 pounds heavier than his profile photos would suggest. He did have a good personality as well, but at the end of the day, to me the bigger issue (no pun intended) was not the extra weight but the fact that he lied about it. But again, I get it, in that I think people are afraid that if they accurately represent themselves, that they won't even get a chance, whereas if they can at least get a date, maybe they can charm themselves into someone's heart. Though, I've never heard of that actually happening, so that move is a shot in the foot.

Anyway, I think you should've been honest up front about not contacting her again. There was no reason for you to say you'd contact her again when you had no interest. Of course you didn't need to say it was because she was overweight, but being a bit more clear upfront would've been smarter (I think). Because now you are in this predicament.

If she contacts you again, just say you've been thinking about things and you'd rather not see her again. Baring that, there's probably no way of getting out of this without taking some kind of hit to your character. She may think you're a bit of a pr***, but again, next time don't say, "I'll contact you" when you really aren't going to.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

I've been going on a lot of Tinder-dates recently, and the situation you describe is very common. So many women misrepresent themselves.

Frankly, I don't see the problem here. You're not into her, it would be worse to lead her on and pretend you are rather than end it right away. You've been out once, you don't owe her anything.

Though I see no need to tell her it's because she's fat, that seems unnecessary cruel. Just tell her you don't feel you're a match.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

Yeah, some of you ladies out there probably think I'm a jerk, but there was a recent survey saying that on online dating women's No. 1 fear is the guy they meet is a serial killer. Men's No. 1 fear is the woman they meet turns out to be fat.

The purpose of this saying is not to emphasize that it is just as horrible for the woman to be fat as for the man to be a serial killer... o_O It's saying that the only thing men fear is that the woman will have gained weight since the time of her photos while women fear being attacked, injured, murdered, etc. This was a terrible quote for you to use in this context and doing so completely marginalizes something many women have to deal with.

All that said, you don't need to continue seeing this woman if you are unattracted to her, especially if she misrepresented herself online. There are trust issues inherent in this, and it also implies that her self esteem is very low. I wouldn't feel bad about not seeing her again. You could just politely tell her you had a nice time but are not interested in going out again, in my experience people respond very well to honest answers. I wouldn't feel guilty about that.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

I would feel the same way as you...I think your disappointment and frustration is understandable

I think its wrong for a woman or a man to misrepresent themselves on their OLD profiles...I dont know if I would sit through a date with a guy that did that to me. I just think it shows a lack of common courtsey and demonstrates a high level of dishonesty

You said your in pretty good shape...theres nothing wrong with expecting your date to be in the same league as you...I'm in good shape and wouldnt go for a guy that wasnt

I might sound alittle harsh here but...if I went out on a date with a guy who was 40 lbs heavier than his profile pics...I think I'd tell him right there...on the spot that he misrepresented himself which is a dishonest thing to do...I'd wish him luck and I'd take off...I wouldnt waste my time sitting at a date with someone who couldnt even be honest with me

I understand it must be tough to be overweight but theres no reason to lie about it.

I dont think you'd be doing anything wrong by saying...I dont see this going anywhere but good luck to you moving forward. I do not think you should bring up the fact she had misleading pics because you already acted like that wasnt a problem by acting intersted on the date

If she has some choice words for you...ignore them...to be 100% honest...I wouldve had some choice words for her

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

I would feel the same way as you...I think your disappointment and frustration is understandable

I think its wrong for a woman or a man to misrepresent themselves on their OLD profiles...I dont know if I would sit through a date with a guy that did that to me. I just think it shows a lack of common courtsey and demonstrates a high level of dishonesty

You said your in pretty good shape...theres nothing wrong with expecting your date to be in the same league as you...I'm in good shape and wouldnt go for a guy that wasnt

I might sound alittle harsh here but...if I went out on a date with a guy who was 40 lbs heavier than his profile pics...I think I'd tell him right there...on the spot that he misrepresented himself which is a dishonest thing to do...I'd wish him luck and I'd take off...I wouldnt waste my time sitting at a date with someone who couldnt even be honest with me

I understand it must be tough to be overweight but theres no reason to lie about it.

I dont think you'd be doing anything wrong by saying...I dont see this going anywhere but good luck to you moving forward. I do not think you should bring up the fact she had misleading pics because you already acted like that wasnt a problem by acting intersted on the date

If she has some choice words for you...ignore them...to be 100% honest...I wouldve had some choice words for her

Wow, this is like the best response!!! Dis, you sure you are only 30? Your insight truly amazes me sometimes...

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

My questions:

(1) All the pictures I posted of myself were recent and accurate. Why didn't this woman — and others — post pics of themselves that accurately show what they look like today? She has to know as soon as she meets me that the jig is up, right? Because if I reject her I'm the villain now, even though I represented myself accurately and she didn't. Do people just not think about these things?

(2) If you were in my situation what would you do?

(3) Is there a polite way out of this without hurting her feelings?

I don't see a way out of this without me having some huge degree of guilt.

She didn't manage your expectations--and you didn't manage hers, either. Is your profile explicit about what body size is not welcome to contact you?

I think you should open a Word document and type until you distill from your thoughts what it is you intend for her to know about why you are not taking this any further so that when the moment comes when you have to explain your rejection (provided ghosting wasn't what you were thinking of doing), you can stay on point, not be combative or punishing and be able to keep the professional contacts from witnessing her reaction from the push-back that's coming.

You really need to remove the "I punish you" tone from whatever you say to her. She disappointed you, yes, but it's a bit over-dramatic for something that is only been 7 days start to finish.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

At the end of the night we parted ways. I hugged her and told her (politely) that we'd talk again...

Since you said you would talk again, I would call her up (preferable) or send her a text. Explain that you enjoyed speaking with her on your date, and thank her for taking the time to meet with you. Then explain you didn't feel a romantic connection, but wish her well in finding the right person.

Keep it simple.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

Yeah, some of you ladies out there probably think I'm a jerk, but there was a recent survey saying that on online dating women's No. 1 fear is the guy they meet is a serial killer. Men's No. 1 fear is the woman they meet turns out to be fat

Fade and count your blessings that this is your worst online dating outcome as a man, I guess!

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

Just ghost her, it's what she deserves for posting deceiving photos.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

Depending on how important the professional contacts are to you, I'd actually go out on 1-2 more dates and then tell her you don't think you're compatible.

Don't mention the overweight thing, even if she asks.. You risk alienating a lot of female professional contacts if you do.

I am an overweight woman. My last time on OLD, I posted a current full-length picture of myself. I sent out close to 300 messages in six months. These were usually four to eight sentence messages and I always made sure to add the personal connection of what it was about their profile that appealed to me.

I'd dearly like to find a man who was interested in the same activities that I am. I love to play basketball shooting games and racquetball. I'd like to learn how to kayak.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure the reason I don't get any attention from the men I like is because of the weight. Personally, I'm fine with that. It's nice to know how shallow or entitled a person is beforehand.

People age and bodies change. You may have a full head of hair now and a washboard stomach, but throw in a few kids and a few years and that will change. Whether male or female you will sacrifice you workout times for something to to with child. It will sneak up on you. First it may be 1-2 times a month you miss you workout. Before you know it, you've missed your workout three days in a row. The baby is awake at 300 AM and you're just too tired to get up early and workout before your job.

Then the 40s hit and the slow metabolism fairy arrives. You will constantly be skipping meals or hungry because you've cut your portion size in half. Yet, 5 or 10 pounds have been added to your body. How? You can forget about those wild nights of drink 6-12 beers. Who wants to drink their calories?

So I've digressed.

She already knows she's fat. You don't need to mention it. If you like her personality, if you think you would like her if she was thinner, you can work with her - and see if she is motivated to lose the weight.

I am the queen of avoiding any relationship that has a hint of complication. After all that I've said, I don't know how interested I would be in investing that much time into helping someone lose 40 pounds - 3 sizes or so.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

you can work with her - and see if she is motivated to lose the weight.

I am the queen of avoiding any relationship that has a hint of complication. After all that I've said, I don't know how interested I would be in investing that much time into helping someone lose 40 pounds - 3 sizes or so.

OP, never...EVER...go into a potential relationship expecting the person to change to your specifications so that they become acceptable to date. That's a recipe for frustration, resentment, and failure. Nowhere is that more true than when it's a weight or substance addiction issue. What you see on the date, is what you get. Make your decision based on that!

Your only mistake here was promising to contact her. Frankly, at the end of the date, you should have walked her to her car, said you had a great time, thanked her for coming out, and disappeared. Instead, you said you would contact her again. Follow through! Explain there is no romantic connection, then disappear. Most first dates go nowhere. That's par for the course, and she knows that.

Don't "pity"date anyone and give them false hope! That's cruel and a waste of everyone's time. Besides, on a first date, no connection is no biggie. Attraction is somewhat arbitrary. We aren't attracted to most people, even people who are great on paper. By a third or fourth date, it's personal...It's about the person, you're rejecting. You thought there was something there enough to date them a few times, but then you discovered something about them that made you abort course.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

OP, you owe her nothing...no explanation, no response, no contact...all completely guilt-free.

Oh, and praise Allah you met a fatter-than-you-prefer and fatter-than-presented woman and lived to tell the tale; a woman meeting her worst fear for the first time, in person, might not have fared as well.

Best of luck to you in the future...

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

"Yeah, some of you ladies out there probably think I'm a jerk, but there was a recent survey saying that on online dating women's No. 1 fear is the guy they meet is a serial killer. Men's No. 1 fear is the woman they meet turns out to be fat. "

Wow. That really kind of says it all, doesn't it? You guys think you have the hardest dating challenges. You whine and whine about how unfair it is for you.

Your biggest fear is she's fat. Her biggest fear is he'll hurt or kill her.

Cry me a river.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

A week ago I started talking to a woman on e-Harmony. She had very attractive photos and a nice body. We got along great in emails and on the phone. To make sure her EH photos weren't out of date and she wasn't fat I typed her phone number in the Facebook search engine and found her profile, which I presumed would have more honest pics. I didn't see anything that made me think that would be a concern.

I'm not looking for a supermodel. I can deal with a few extra pounds. I've probably put on 10-15 pounds in the past five years due to age, but I'm not fat. I watch what I eat, and I exercise.

Leading up to this date, she told me this was the first time she'd dated in a long time and she was nervous. I told her she had nothing to be nervous about. Anyway, she shows up last night.....and....sure enough.....she's got a gut now. And I considered her dating profile misleading.

Yeah, some of you ladies out there probably think I'm a jerk, but there was a recent survey saying that on online dating women's No. 1 fear is the guy they meet is a serial killer. Men's No. 1 fear is the woman they meet turns out to be fat.

Twice before this year I've met women who had completely misleading photos and were fat in person. I was polite both times, but I never called them back. One of the women sent a profane text saying she knew she was fat and then called me every other name in the book for not asking her out again. I think women who post out-of-date photos not at all resembling what they look like today is a sign they'll mislead about other things. My profile stresses that my pics are recent, taken within the past year......and I always hope that's a subtle hint I'll get the same from you.

I was polite last night. We talked for two or so hours. We do have things in common. Sitting down from her across a table she had a cute face. But whenever she stood up I saw the gut.....and it's a dealbreaker. I could tell from her body language that she likes me....a lot.

At the end of the night we parted ways. I hugged her and told her (politely) that we'd talk again but I was not really sure I would call her. Even hugging her re-emphasized to me her weight in proportion to mine. I figured as nice as she was that maybe she's worth a second chance (and she does have a cute face)....but I'm not sure. I think part of me was hoping she had put on a fat suit under her clothes as some sort of test and she would reveal this was all an experiment.

Normally, women wait for the guy to call first. But she texted me as soon as I got home and said she wants me to come over to her house this weekend to watch a movie with her.....which may or may not imply she wants to sleep with me. Even if I wanted to do the noble thing I think seeing her naked gut would be an erection-killer. And I think if she were on top of me I'd feel crushed.

I like her personality a lot, but I don't believe I can be with a woman who is out of shape compared to me.

I also have to be careful how I treat her because I learned yesterday she and I have a few of the same professional contacts. And I want to be sensitive to her.

My questions:

(1) All the pictures I posted of myself were recent and accurate. Why didn't this woman — and others — post pics of themselves that accurately show what they look like today? She has to know as soon as she meets me that the jig is up, right? Because if I reject her I'm the villain now, even though I represented myself accurately and she didn't. Do people just not think about these things?

(2) If you were in my situation what would you do?

(3) Is there a polite way out of this without hurting her feelings?

I don't see a way out of this without me having some huge degree of guilt.

I think it's only normal to be attracted to what you are attracted to and fair enough, you are not attracted to her. There could have been a bunch of other reasons you weren't attracted to her--this just happens to be the one (maybe even others, who knows). Had the tables been turned and she found something she was not attracted to about you, it would be fair as well.

I agree with whoever said that people who put up misleading photos are shooting themselves in the foot. Probably why you feel guilty. Based on the misleading information, you thought you'd be interested but based on the real info, not so much. Now you both are in a bad position. I know sometimes the people that do that either think they can show you how great they are otherwise in person OR probably more likely don't realize that they have changed that much. It's unfortunate that the woman before texted you a nasty text. She's probably got a lot of hurt and resentment, much more than you can imagine and took it out on you. But yes they aren't doing themselves any favors to post misleading photos. I don't know if posting old or skinnier photos is a sign that they will be dishonest about other things. It could just be that they are overly hopeful.

It would have been better (especially with business connections in common) if you hadn't made any promises to call her. But that said, she's now done another thing with contacting you first about the movie at her place. Just imagining for a lot of guys that would read as too eager and another reason not to proceed with her.

1) you are not the villain at all but don't become one with the way you handle the rest of what's left. Yep, jig is up in the future if it happens to you again. Anyway, you can't control how people might try to mislead you. I think your subtle hint is enough on your profile. Anything more would reflect badly on you. Plus, as I said, there are a ton of reasons even if a supermodel showed up on a first date why you wouldn't feel the need to proceed. It's your preference and you are allowed it.

2) You should do what angel eyes suggested. Keep it simple. And still be polite. Just tell her you didn't feel enough of a connection to keep pursuing things. If she doesn't have an answer about the weekend movie thing, tell her very soon. Show her respect when you do it. I don't think she will quiz you to death as to why but you don't really owe her more than that basic answer as to why. I think that girl freaked out on you before bc maybe she was expecting a call (did you promise one?). With this girl do you feel so guilty because you were faking more of a relationship before you actually met in person? Be careful of those things in the future. I don't think you should tell her the specific reason is that she is overweight. That will make you look like a jerk (and I don't think you are) and don't forget about the professional connections. Bottom line, if it was another reason, would you necessarily get into it? You two just aren't right for each other--fair enough. Maybe in another universe, 10 months from now you will bump into her through some work function and she will be thinner and you can give it a chance then.

3) the polite way is to keep it simple. Tell her as soon as possible. Treat her with respect and kindness.

Good luck.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

OP, never...EVER...go into a potential relationship expecting the person to change to your specifications so that they become acceptable to date. That's a recipe for frustration, resentment, and failure. Nowhere is that more true than when it's a weight or substance addiction issue. What you see on the date, is what you get. Make your decision based on that!

Your only mistake here was promising to contact her. Frankly, at the end of the date, you should have walked her to her car, said you had a great time, thanked her for coming out, and disappeared. Instead, you said you would contact her again. Follow through! Explain there is no romantic connection, then disappear. Most first dates go nowhere. That's par for the course, and she knows that.

Don't "pity"date anyone and give them false hope! That's cruel and a waste of everyone's time. Besides, on a first date, no connection is no biggie. Attraction is somewhat arbitrary. We aren't attracted to most people, even people who are great on paper. By a third or fourth date, it's personal...It's about the person, you're rejecting. You thought there was something there enough to date them a few times, but then you discovered something about them that made you abort course.

I'm encouraging him to put in the extra effort for professional reasons and because he has considered giving her a second chance.

Posted July 2, 2016 · July 2, 2016

If he doesn't want to burn his professional bridges, his safest bet is to tell her up front that while the conversation was enjoyable, there was no romantic connection. Calling her up and having the conversation in person shows he's a person of integrity who follows through on his promises (contacting people when he claims he will).

Leading people on and giving them false hope is how you anger people.

Nowhere in the OP is there any hint that he can get past her weight. Refer to what he said whenever she stood up. Bottom line, her scintillating personality and "cute" face cannot make up for her size. He has no interest in her. His reason for considering a second date stems from guilt about seeming shallow. We are attracted to what we like. He shouldn't waste her time...or his.

Posted July 3, 2016 · July 3, 2016

I'm going to her place tonight to do the movie. This may be a mistake. But I do want to give her a second chance. I also want to see her in another outfit just so I'll be absolutely sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. If she wants to get physical I may tell her that, based on past relationships, I'd like to go slow....which has some truth to it.

I should have waited another week to see her, but trying to get out of it now would look bad.

One possible way to get out of this — tell her I just got out of a relationship and I have a lot of unresolved feelings about it and think it's unfair to make her the rebound girl. That excuse got used on me once. This way, at least I leave the door open to get together in the future if and when she loses weight.

Posted July 3, 2016 · July 3, 2016

Hopefully she wears a corset or something? Wishful thinking much? Sorry, but a gut doesn't disappear in a week.

Be honest! If you lie and tell her you can't date her again because you're still getting over an ex, and next Friday she runs into you on another date, how does obvious lying help you on the professional connections front?

Posted July 3, 2016 · July 3, 2016

I live in a large well-known city. It's highly unlikely she'll bump into me on another date.

Posted July 3, 2016 · July 3, 2016

I'm going to her place tonight to do the movie. This may be a mistake. But I do want to give her a second chance. I also want to see her in another outfit just so I'll be absolutely sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me.

do your eyes normally play tricks on you? Is this the first time where you noticed you can't trust your own vision?

If she wants to get physical I may tell her that, based on past relationships, I'd like to go slow....which has some truth to it. I should have waited another week to see her, but trying to get out of it now would look bad. One possible way to get out of this — tell her I just got out of a relationship and I have a lot of unresolved feelings about it and think it's unfair to make her the rebound girl. That excuse got used on me once. This way, at least I leave the door open to get together in the future if and when she loses weight.

Just stop with all the silly lying drama. It's unnecessary.

Tell her that you don't feel the attraction--it's not her, it's you, which it is. You're trying to make someone be someone they're not and that's not fair to her. If you can't accept who/what she is today, then just leave her alone and find someone more your speed.

Posted July 3, 2016 · July 3, 2016

I'm going to her place tonight to do the movie. This may be a mistake. But I do want to give her a second chance. I also want to see her in another outfit just so I'll be absolutely sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. If she wants to get physical I may tell her that, based on past relationships, I'd like to go slow....which has some truth to it.

I should have waited another week to see her, but trying to get out of it now would look bad.

One possible way to get out of this — tell her I just got out of a relationship and I have a lot of unresolved feelings about it and think it's unfair to make her the rebound girl. That excuse got used on me once. This way, at least I leave the door open to get together in the future if and when she loses weight.

(facepalm)

WHY???? Are you doing this??

Do you have ANY idea how this looks on her end? By going over to her place on a second date, you are signaling definite interest. Most "second date at my place" dates are code for "sexy times."

Stop making excuses ("I just got out of a relationship"), and just ... don't go!

I'm beginning to think you actually DO find her attractive, but somehow have a hard time admitting that you'd be attracted to an overweight woman. He doth protest too much, methinks.

Posted July 3, 2016 · July 3, 2016

Don't text, don't call. Erase everything and try try again.

Posted July 3, 2016 · July 3, 2016

You did the right thing you were honest and upfront. The lady that went nuts and said she was fat obviously knew fat = date killer and has taken no steps to fix it. We get out of life what we put it.

1. I've heard from female friends that are single the same things happens to them apparently. Seems it's human nature to just bare faced lie to people and expect good results. Your not the villain you my friend I'd buy a beer for being honest.

2. I'd nicely say thanks but it's not going to work out. Why isn't it going to work out.. We're not compatible. I'd leave it there otherwise a wise crack involving their love of fast food and chocolate has to be made.

3. Afraid not, best to tell her your not interested vs getting her hopes up. She'll be vexed no matter what I fear.

Have no guilt your doing nothing wrong, isn't your fault you were sold lady A only to be delivered lady A + some extra weight. Could be worse it could have been a really old picture and she lied about age, gender, marital status, employment status or the fact she has 3 kids and told you she had 0.

My questions:

(1) All the pictures I posted of myself were recent and accurate. Why didn't this woman — and others — post pics of themselves that accurately show what they look like today? She has to know as soon as she meets me that the jig is up, right? Because if I reject her I'm the villain now, even though I represented myself accurately and she didn't. Do people just not think about these things?

(2) If you were in my situation what would you do?

(3) Is there a polite way out of this without hurting her feelings?

I don't see a way out of this without me having some huge degree of guilt.

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She was about 40 pounds heavier than she was in her profile pics, and she's into me

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