ReluctantRomeo Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius Actually, if she's entitled to assume she's getting a free meal, perhaps he ought to be entitled to assume he's getting something in return? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 In all fairness it's only equal for the girls who are bad in bed. Maybe there ought to be some kind of refund system? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 To be honest, I always offer to pay half - it's only polite. I don't make a huge issue about it if the guy is insists on paying, though. Again, only polite....and of course it's lovely to be treated. I'm not wholly comfortable with the idea of sitting back and expecting a guy pay for me. Particularly not if I suspect that he earns less than I do (and in those cases, I make it a rule to choose the third cheapest meal on the menu, go easy on the wine - and skip dessert unless I suspect he's got a fetish for watching women eat ice cream ). On the other hand, you don't want what's supposed to be a romantic date to be spoiled by making a big song and dance about paying your share. Once actually in a relationship, I think it's fair to take turns treating eachother. As an observation, I have found that the guys who have readily accept my offer to pay half on a first date have generally turned out to be creeps whose idea of equality extends no further than "going Dutch." Sounds like a generalisation, perhaps, but I can only go by my own experience. Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Hang on a minute - paying or not paying... why does she want to go for a second helping of boring and grim? "The whole night, they feel this awkward, painful, uncomfortable feeling. Nothing to talk about. They still go eat though" Seriously, if I had to endure that, and then be expected to pay for the privilege, I'd be running a mile... perhaps to my dentist for root canal cos that sounds more fun. I'm pretty keen to go on dates and stuff - but a girls gotta be choosy. Whilst your sitting there tied up with Mr Loser. Tightass, it means that's a Saturday night missed out trying to find Mr Cool & Generous Funkypants. This girl is desperate, but sorry Scarly, she's not going to be listening to you because she doesn't want to see the truth. Leave her be in la-la land & get comfy while you watch the fun she is putting herself through. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by lindya To be honest, I always offer to pay half - it's only polite. I don't make a huge issue about it if the guy is insists on paying, though. Again, only polite....and of course it's lovely to be treated. I'm not wholly comfortable with the idea of sitting back and expecting a guy pay for me. Particularly not if I suspect that he earns less than I do (and in those cases, I make it a rule to choose the third cheapest meal on the menu, go easy on the wine - and skip dessert unless I suspect he's got a fetish for watching women eat ice cream ). On the other hand, you don't want what's supposed to be a romantic date to be spoiled by making a big song and dance about paying your share. Once actually in a relationship, I think it's fair to take turns treating eachother. As an observation, I have found that the guys who have readily accept my offer to pay half on a first date have generally turned out to be creeps whose idea of equality extends no further than "going Dutch." Sounds like a generalisation, perhaps, but I can only go by my own experience. Holy ----! I think we have a winner. That sounds like mad skill and class all in one. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 When I went out on dates, I would always offer to pay my share, or make a move towards the cheque. I knew that most of the time, the guy would end up paying, but I still made the effort. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if I had to pay or if they insisted that I didin't. With my husband, I used to take him out on dates some times or would offer to pay the tip or something. It signalled to him that I appreciated him and wanted to treat him - that it wasn't just about me. I think a lot of men who have been dating a while get pissed that it is assumed that they will always pay. I also know of a woman who got dumped because after a couple of months of dating and never offering to pay, he thought he was just a meal ticket. Generally however, on a first date the man will pay. But I think what he was waiting for was a sign from your friend that she was willing to chip in, not necessarily that he wanted or needed her to. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
scratch Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by miss-gonewest Hang on a minute - paying or not paying... why does she want to go for a second helping of boring and grim? This is the key question in my mind as well. Obviously there was something about this man that she liked. In fact, she liked it a lot, if she was eager to repeat an experience which she claims to have found so dreadful. Either she is being less than forthright, or Scarly is offering her own perspective and not clearly seeing that of her friend. I just can't imagine that she can't find a man with whom to have dinner she would not enjoy more, without regard to who pays. But, since that's the topic of the thread, I agree that a man should pay for a disproportionate share of the entertainment expenses (food, drinks, film, etc.), but if they hang out at someone's home, the woman should do a disproportionate of the cooking, cleaning and serving. If I buy you dinner, and don't let you pay for the movie tickets, then the next week you make me dinner, you better refuse my offer to help with the dishes. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius That sounds like mad skill and class all in one. Thanks Cecelius, but it's just boring old manners. If someone takes me out for a meal and insists on paying, then I conclude that they're doing it purely because they're of a generous disposition and want to make the first date a good one. Thinking in those terms makes it easier to behave with a bit of decorum. In any case, I seriously don't think I've ever gone out for dinner with anyone who was crass enough to think they'd get laid for the price of a nice meal. Scarly, I don't think your friend's date behaved brilliantly - but to be honest I think it's polite to at least offer to pay half. It needn't be a big deal. You just take your purse out of your bag, then when he shakes his head you pop it back in, smile and say "thanks very much." Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Does your friend's date listen to Cheap Trick? Link to post Share on other sites
centered Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by lindya Thanks Cecelius, but it's just boring old manners. If someone takes me out for a meal and insists on paying, then I conclude that they're doing it purely because they're of a generous disposition and want to make the first date a good one. Thinking in those terms makes it easier to behave with a bit of decorum. In any case, I seriously don't think I've ever gone out for dinner with anyone who was crass enough to think they'd get laid for the price of a nice meal. Scarly, I don't think your friend's date behaved brilliantly - but to be honest I think it's polite to at least offer to pay half. It needn't be a big deal. You just take your purse out of your bag, then when he shakes his head you pop it back in, smile and say "thanks very much." This is the way I handle it, and, in general, everyone feels good at the end of the date. I always come prepared to pay, anyway. There were times when I *did* make more money than some of the guys I dated, and it felt good to me to be able to pay, to treat, and to share my good fortune with someone I liked or had interest in. It feels good to be generous. With my current relationship, when the check arrived on our first date, I offered to pay my share, and he very politely accepted my offer. He accepted with real class -- not assuming I would chip in, but not insisting to pay for everything, either. So I paid my share. And I had to think about how I felt for a moment. And I decided that this actually gave me a lot of freedom to decide if I wanted to pursue a relationship with this man. You see, he was already treating me like an equal and a potential partner. He *wanted* to see me again. Later, I found out money was tight for him because of a divorce situation, and he appreciated very much my contributing. We soon reached an easy give and take relationship. I keep my kitchen stocked with his favorites now, and I really enjoy cooking for him. And he enjoys surprising me with a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant every once in a while. (And in the Bay Area, those fancy dinners for 2 can come to more than $150!) So offering to pay your share, and having the offer accepted, can sometimes be a good way to start a relationship on equal footing. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by scarlyjones Look pal,.....I said "when YOU ask US out...." If you do the asking, you're doing the paying. If I ask a guy out,........IM PAYING. There.....is that clear enough for you? Jeez It's only clear if you agree beforehand. If you don't, then there's no obligation to pay at all. In any case, this guy clearly did the asking, and didn't do the paying - so much for your theory. Next! Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Scarly, have you got any updates? Did your friend go on a second date with this dude, and if so, who paid??? Link to post Share on other sites
Dutch Treats Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 That dude didn't owe your girlfriend S**T! There is no such rule that states he has to pay for anything -regardless of whether he asked her out. It's stupid broads like u that make me laugh. Always wanting a handout. Well keep on looking... Oh, and incidentally, NOT paying is a surefire way to keep a woman interested -nothing better than showing backbone -women always want a project or problem to solve. Link to post Share on other sites
sanne Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 whoa wtf? am i the only one who thinks this scarlet girl is a little crazy, stuck up, high maintenance, and bitchy. no need to get your panties in a twist, splitting the tab is quite common these days. so what if he asked her out, i'd say it was a mutual decision for them to both go out and he just happened to be the one to ask. he has absolutely no obligation to pay for this girl's food because he never said he was going to. i know your probably used to having your men whipped and wrapped around your little finger, but there are some of us out there who won't pay for every single one of your damn meals. Link to post Share on other sites
sanne Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by Dutch Treats That dude didn't owe your girlfriend S**T! There is no such rule that states he has to pay for anything -regardless of whether he asked her out. It's stupid broads like u that make me laugh. Always wanting a handout. Well keep on looking... Oh, and incidentally, NOT paying is a surefire way to keep a woman interested -nothing better than showing backbone -women always want a project or problem to solve. amen, i reread her post twice to make sure i wasn't missing any pertinent parts of the story, but nope she's just a high-maintenance and stuck up. Link to post Share on other sites
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