edgygirl Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 So my elementary school friends from the tropical city I lived in (I used to hang out with them about 30 years ago) created this WhatsApp chat and added me. Help! It's VERY awkward to see all these people who were still children in my head as grown-up and parents... also, to see my crush from when I was 10 years old with 2 children and a super successful President in the main Financial institution in the country. While I'm single and childless. Ahhhh. Okay, I live in perhaps the most famous city in the world and am relatively successful, but still... How do you deal when your past washes up your beach? How to stay focused and not start being paranoid about your own life in comparison to others?
CarrieT Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 How do you deal when your past washes up your beach? How to stay focused and not start being paranoid about your own life in comparison to others? My past is *very* checkered so for years, I stayed away from the beach (i.e., social media) from which my past could be presented. Even now, I am very selective - on FB anyway - who I allow to see my profile and whose profiles I want to see. The bigger trick is to not compare your life to anyone else's. Do you compare your life to movie stars or sports stars? Probably not - yet they all started at the same public schools that you did. Humanize everyone and know that each has a different path. And don't read those who might cause triggers. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted June 21, 2016 Posted June 21, 2016 If you really have no desire to catch up with or build friendships with these people, why not just leave the group? I literally have no desire at all to build bridges with people from school, if I liked them enough at the time I'd have stayed in touch. I have friends I've known since school but I wouldn't see a point in talking to other people who happened to be at my school if we never thought to keep contact of our own accord. Try not to compare yourself unfavourably to others though, you can bet your bottom dollar most people in those 'oh hey! let's catch up! oh yeah, I'm doing great, I'm pregnant we just bought a house and my hubby got a promotion!' are putting their best face on for social media rather than reflecting the reality of their lives, which for everyone is generally sticky and difficult at times. There'll be people secretly wishing they had your freedom and ability to do whatever you want when they're stuck down with three kids and a workaholic husband, just as you envy what appears to be a perfect family life. It's human nature. 3
Author edgygirl Posted June 24, 2016 Author Posted June 24, 2016 acrosstheuniverse - you're right... appearances are not what they seem a lot of times. I guess it stings a little as it reminds me where people at my age usually are... they are exactly my age, and for some reason usually I have younger friends so I don't feel it as much. Why don't I leave? They are kind of fascinating to me. My family moved from a marvelous city where my mom/most family is from to a smaller city where my father was born and I spent the next 5 years as a teenager there realizing how my previous life was glamorous and I didn't even know it. I've also lost touch with everyone as I am not the kind of person to go after people, usually people keep in touch with me. Of course facebook, and before that Orkut, brought the opportunity. Deep down I always wanted to know how they lived those years and what I lost. Whom dated whom, what did they do, how was their lives in that glamorous city. It's interesting in a way as I am getting exactly that on the collective chat - the chance to see how they hung out... with pictures from the 80s, birthday parties, events, inside stories and all. Things are getting a little insane though... 800-1000 messages per day, and I don't even know all of them. Interestingly some are recently single as me and someone proposed someone should organize a re-match for the single ones. Hahahaha. 1
emerald86 Posted July 4, 2016 Posted July 4, 2016 One thing I've noticed is that in general, most people are too busy worrying about themselves to really judge you or what you're doing with your life. I recently went to an event where I met tons of people, and one thing I noticed that is I hardly paid any attention to people's career (unless I was genuinely curious about the field and trying to learn more) or family lives. I mean sure, people would ask me questions such as, "so what are you doing now?" and I'd ask them the same to continue the conversation, but these are not what I truly remember about a person. Instead, I remember their personality, and how I felt while interacting with them. So try not to worry about what these people think of you. But if you're feeling bad about yourself, remember that you must focus on what makes you happy. if you're not content with your current situation, try to change that for yourself. But if you are happy with where you are, that's the most important thing. Everybody's different, and so try not compare yourself to those around you. Also keep in mind that while a person might seem to have it all, they may not be the happiest person in the world. When I was younger, I drove myself crazy comparing myself to others. When I tried to be just like everyone else, I was not happy. I'm happier now that I'm doing what I want to do. Take pride in your uniqueness. 1
Author edgygirl Posted July 9, 2016 Author Posted July 9, 2016 So I visited said country and was lucky enough to participate in the first ever school reunion... in decades. My crush was there... he recognized me although he hasn't seen me since the 80s and told me he comes twice a year to my country/city for a work conference. He proceeded to give me his personal number.... and we said we will meet when he does. He's married but I confess for the first time I'm having thoughts about a married man ahhh. Always been against it, but he's so hot and interesting, he gives me such strong stomach butterflies I don't think I will be able resist if something happens Or to not jump on him if I have a chance. We exchanged looks all night... Crazy how your heart can beat for someone as a child and as an adult all over. I also told him I had a crush for him back then. That was not the only event that night. I was introduced to a man who was not in my class, we hit it off immediately, and secretly ran away together after the meeting... he lives in the most beautiful mansion I have ever been... oh well. Kind of crazy adventurous night as I was expecting a simple school reunion! Guess I should not feel that bad about myself... a lot of people are married with kids, and a lot were/are divorcing too. But two of the hot interesting guys hit on me, so I am probably still good to go haha.
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