whatever20 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 My BF broke up with me 3 days ago. We had a huge fight with lots of arguing and yelling. The night off, I called him 3 times, the next morning he texted me, I texted him back and left 1 phone call, but no response. After this I have not contacted him and don't plan to until I go back from my vacation in 3 weeks. I have to see him at some point because a lot of my stuff is at his place, we live in the same apt complex and we go to school together and school will start in 3 weeks. I was waiting for him to change the FB status of our relationship but he has not done so. I think its because he is not fully sure, should I go ahead and remove it and then just hide my relationship so no one can see that section. OR should I just wait until he himself changes it. He doesn't get on FB a lot but I'm 100% sure he's gotten on by now. I want him to want me back, but IDK if I should change the status or should wait for him to do it. I want to do what will make him want me more. should I do nothing or change it.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 He ended the relationship so you should be operating under the assumption he doesn't want you as his girlfriend anymore. Hide your relationship status from your timeline to save yourself the trouble of having to answer questions from curious friends if you change it to "single" instead. Give yourself breathing room to accept the break-up. Block him at the same time.
stillafool Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Changing your FB status is not going to make him want you more or less. If he broke up with you consider it over. Go NC and try to move forward and heal. If he wants you he knows how to contact you.
PegNosePete Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Change your relationship status to private. Problem solved. 3
Author whatever20 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 Yeah I know I should just be focusing on moving forward. It's just he's done this same exact thing 3 other times in a span of a 4 year long relationship, that's is why I feel like he will change his mind because he goes through these phases. That's why I didn't want to take any big steps until I know it's 100% final which I was thinking I won't really know until I go back and see him. Also because I kinda forced the breakup out of him, he wasn't planning on ending it but I had suggested it in a fight and I didn't mean it but he kinda just called my bluff. But I'm gonna remove the status and not contact. It's gonna be weird when I have to see him at school but I'm pretty exhausted from the relationship too and just wanna focus on my career, which has already suffered significantly because of the relationship.
losangelena Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Yeah I know I should just be focusing on moving forward. It's just he's done this same exact thing 3 other times in a span of a 4 year long relationship, that's is why I feel like he will change his mind because he goes through these phases. That's why I didn't want to take any big steps until I know it's 100% final which I was thinking I won't really know until I go back and see him. Also because I kinda forced the breakup out of him, he wasn't planning on ending it but I had suggested it in a fight and I didn't mean it but he kinda just called my bluff. But I'm gonna remove the status and not contact. It's gonna be weird when I have to see him at school but I'm pretty exhausted from the relationship too and just wanna focus on my career, which has already suffered significantly because of the relationship. OP, what do YOU want out of this? Do you really want to go back, a fourth time, to a guy who has kept you in this kind of limbo over and over? I personally would not tolerate this for so long. He sounds immature. The status of y'all's relationship isn't exclusively up to him. You get a say in this, too, and that includes saying "no" the next time he feels like changing his mind. I was gonna say just hide your status (I completely deactivated my FB after my break up), but after reading your last post, I think you should beat him to the punch. 3
PegNosePete Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 he's done this same exact thing 3 other times in a span of a 4 year long relationship, that's is why I feel like he will change his mind So why are you opening yourself up to allowing him to do it a 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th time? 5
Author whatever20 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 I just did it!! OMG you guys I know this is just a online forum and I decided to join like 5 hrs ago but I finally made a decision and changed the effin status and it feels so good! I have being going and checking everyday to see if he changed it and now I don't have to because I just did it myself and beat him to the punch for the FIRST time in 4 years! He does this ALL the time and every time he says the SAME thing "I feel forced to be in this relationship", which I don't get why because he makes the choice to breakup and then he asks to get back together, so Idk who is forcing him when he's making the choices. I don't understand, can someone explain guy psychology to me. I had the most stressful year in medical school because of his BS and have suffered so much professionally and emotionally because of his phases. I have supported him through so much but every time I have being at my weakest he makes these decisions out of no where! Just last week he was super happy and telling everyone about our amazing relationship and this weak he was all "I feel forced to be in this relationship, we are so different" because we had have a argument. Basically I just don't argue with him about anything and everything is fine, but that's not how life works. I sometimes feel weak when I get the fear that everyone in school will be talking about us and the breakup or all the girls he could date or what if he moves on super fast or the freaking 4 years I have wasted on this dude. Any advice on what I should tell myself when these moments of weakness and fear come in my head. I know they sounds so irrational but when you're feeling it, it feels so intense. 1
candie13 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 go on holiday with a single mindset, allow yourself to flirt, be free, start looking at other guys and allow yourself to date. It's incredible how seeing a new person, meeting a new man and being treated differently makes one put things into perspective. I am conflicted about blocking and stuff, unless you are 200% sure you want to stay broken up - in which case I would remove him from my friends, limit the visibility of my profile to common friends and yeah, block him on social media and on my phone. I think the first weeks are tougher and it's hard to think in black and white. Give yourself time to make a choice, don't pressure yourself into decidint anything and live in the present moment. Cheers
Author whatever20 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 I'll be open to opportunities but my main focus right now is just spend time with friends, travel, and focus on my career and if a relationship is right and the time is right I will pursue it. I always have hope for love and I have always believed that we always find better. I won't be blocking or un-friending because I just don't feel the need for it and I don't think it will help me in my healing process if I do that. If he wants to un-friend or block he can, but I have done this before and it was the worst, I feel like I would be better off having him as a friend and just have enough discipline not to look. I don't want to make it a BIG deal. The reason that I said I want him to want me is because I want him to come around this one last time so I can say NO BISH! I know it sound revengeful but I just want him to realize that I am not always there waiting.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Good for you for taking the first step. Just be forewarned that by not blocking him, you will almost definitely check his profile once in a while to see what he's up to. There will come a day when you see something you don't like, even if it's relatively benign. Please reconsider your stance on blocking him, for your own sanity. Most of us here are speaking from experience! Any relationship that includes so many break-ups is clearly not a healthy one. Give yourself a fun goal to accomplish this summer and spend your time freeing up emotional space to someday meet a great guy. In the meantime, have a great summer!
Blanco Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Very few people seem to actually display their status as "single" these days it seems. It's usually that they're in a relationship or their current relationship status is hidden all together. I'll say that anytime I see someone's relationship status go from "in a relationship with ___" to disappearing all together, I infer that as a breakup. It's not always the case, but usually.
Author whatever20 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 Thanks everyone for your input, I appreciate it! Good luck
basil67 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Do you realise that blocking him would have the same effect as refusing to take him back? He'd be all surprised and shocked that you'd actually do this to him.
stillafool Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I sometimes feel weak when I get the fear that everyone in school will be talking about us and the breakup or all the girls he could date or what if he moves on super fast or the freaking 4 years I have wasted on this dude. Any advice on what I should tell myself when these moments of weakness and fear come in my head. I know they sounds so irrational but when you're feeling it, it feels so intense. Who cares what people talk about? People break up all the time, especially at your age. BTW, so what if he does start seeing other girls (which is most likely to happen). You have a lot going for you as well (with your new yoga body and going to medical school). You will be meeting and dating other guys as well. Get excited about all the new possibilities. Your exbf sounds like he wanted to be free but really didn't know how to go about it. Now that it's done he's ready to move on and so should you.
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