Teknoe Posted June 4, 2016 Posted June 4, 2016 Original thread for reference: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/582074-if-new-girl-seems-like-you-does-type-second-date-matter Major update: Remember that girl I was seeing, the girl who asked me out to begin with two weeks ago? She asked me this past Tuesday if I wanted to go to a Warriors Finals game with. Again, all good signs -- she was pursuing me it seemed. Or at least, sending me positive signals. We had our second date last night, and she was supposed to pay her half during the dinner date. I actually paid before dinner because I feel more comfortable paying on a desktop than a mobile phone. Note: My friend had two tickets to Game 2 of the NBA Finals. They were expensive, but being a "once in a lifetime" opportunity and the fact that my date suggested we go, I was suddenly game (I usually am super super frugal). First thing my date says after arriving to dinner last night is "Hey Tek, sorry to do this but I don't think I can make the Warriors game. As you know I'm leaving to Boston for a 2 week trip for a college reunion, but one of my friends in SD can't make the trip. I want to see her for a bit before going to Boston since she can't make the trip over." I told her I already paid for my half of the ticket, but I'll see if I can't get refunded by my friend. "Oh! Sorry! If she can't refund you, I can cancel the SD trip, pay for my half of the ticket and still go to the game on Sunday with you." Not wanting to be pitied, I told her I'm sure it'll be OK as I started texting my friend to see about a ticket refund. After dinner, she asked if I wanted coffee. We went there and had a great conversation. Things seemed to be going well despite the cancellation, which I understood. We then caught a showing of the new Turtles movie and afterward I walked her to her car. Things seemed OK at this point, or at least 50/50 that she was still interested in me beyond friends. Or so I thought at the moment. This morning I get the "you're a great guy but let's just remain friends" text. She threw in that I can text her whenever I want to try out a new restaurant with her or if I ever want a short story critic (I write short stories). I've had girls send me these texts before, and it's always been water off my back because hey, sometimes you just can't do anything about whether a girl ultimately finds you attractive or not. Sure there are things you can do, but she's either gonna like you or not at the end of the day. This time, I have to admit, I feel pretty gutted. It's like for pete's sake, I know I'm not the greatest catch (on account of not being a 7+ out of 10 in looks or a 5+ out of 10 in terms of bank account) but I only want one girl and I just haven't been able to find one yet that would love me for who I am. I thought I did back in December but she turned out to be crazy (so I left her). It's back to the drawing board this summer. Honestly though, I'm getting a bit tired of this "let's just be friends" thing. This one hurts a bit because I thought we had potential and for the most part, she did the pursuing. I can't say I'm entirely caught off guard though since she cancelled plans. In hindsight that was a dead giveaway, 10 year reunion "legit validation" or not. Just venting at this point. And wondering to myself what can I do to up my game. This summer my goals are to: -Lose 10 pounds -Get an update wardrobe -Look for a place of my own (I'm a poor teacher who lives in the bay where studios are freaking expensive, but it's time I split from the parents even if financially it's a bit unwise -- I suppose the life experience will be priceless plus the ability to bring dates home. FTR my date knew I lived at home on the very first date, yet seemed to understand and still pursue me afterward i.e. asking me to the Warriors game. So I don't think it was the straw that broke her back so to speak, but it definitely didn't help my cause for sure) 1
Dis Posted June 5, 2016 Posted June 5, 2016 Original thread for reference: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/582074-if-new-girl-seems-like-you-does-type-second-date-matter Major update: Remember that girl I was seeing, the girl who asked me out to begin with two weeks ago? She asked me this past Tuesday if I wanted to go to a Warriors Finals game with. Again, all good signs -- she was pursuing me it seemed. Or at least, sending me positive signals. We had our second date last night, and she was supposed to pay her half during the dinner date. I actually paid before dinner because I feel more comfortable paying on a desktop than a mobile phone. Note: My friend had two tickets to Game 2 of the NBA Finals. They were expensive, but being a "once in a lifetime" opportunity and the fact that my date suggested we go, I was suddenly game (I usually am super super frugal). First thing my date says after arriving to dinner last night is "Hey Tek, sorry to do this but I don't think I can make the Warriors game. As you know I'm leaving to Boston for a 2 week trip for a college reunion, but one of my friends in SD can't make the trip. I want to see her for a bit before going to Boston since she can't make the trip over." I told her I already paid for my half of the ticket, but I'll see if I can't get refunded by my friend. "Oh! Sorry! If she can't refund you, I can cancel the SD trip, pay for my half of the ticket and still go to the game on Sunday with you." Not wanting to be pitied, I told her I'm sure it'll be OK as I started texting my friend to see about a ticket refund. After dinner, she asked if I wanted coffee. We went there and had a great conversation. Things seemed to be going well despite the cancellation, which I understood. We then caught a showing of the new Turtles movie and afterward I walked her to her car. Things seemed OK at this point, or at least 50/50 that she was still interested in me beyond friends. Or so I thought at the moment. This morning I get the "you're a great guy but let's just remain friends" text. She threw in that I can text her whenever I want to try out a new restaurant with her or if I ever want a short story critic (I write short stories). I've had girls send me these texts before, and it's always been water off my back because hey, sometimes you just can't do anything about whether a girl ultimately finds you attractive or not. Sure there are things you can do, but she's either gonna like you or not at the end of the day. This time, I have to admit, I feel pretty gutted. It's like for pete's sake, I know I'm not the greatest catch (on account of not being a 7+ out of 10 in looks or a 5+ out of 10 in terms of bank account) but I only want one girl and I just haven't been able to find one yet that would love me for who I am. I thought I did back in December but she turned out to be crazy (so I left her). It's back to the drawing board this summer. Honestly though, I'm getting a bit tired of this "let's just be friends" thing. This one hurts a bit because I thought we had potential and for the most part, she did the pursuing. I can't say I'm entirely caught off guard though since she cancelled plans. In hindsight that was a dead giveaway, 10 year reunion "legit validation" or not. Just venting at this point. And wondering to myself what can I do to up my game. This summer my goals are to: -Lose 10 pounds -Get an update wardrobe -Look for a place of my own (I'm a poor teacher who lives in the bay where studios are freaking expensive, but it's time I split from the parents even if financially it's a bit unwise -- I suppose the life experience will be priceless plus the ability to bring dates home. FTR my date knew I lived at home on the very first date, yet seemed to understand and still pursue me afterward i.e. asking me to the Warriors game. So I don't think it was the straw that broke her back so to speak, but it definitely didn't help my cause for sure) Teknoe, I'm so sorry to hear she pulled the plug. Honestly when you PM'd me that she had cancelled yet another date...I was going to tell you to close the door on her right there....that was just a red flag...I can see one cancelation...but two pretty much back to back...uh uh And just for furture reference....if a date cancels on you AND reschedules with you ONCE...thats ok...twice..not so much Like I told you, my bf had to reschedule our first date because his dad was gifted tickets for his birthday to the casino last minute and had no one to go with...so my bf stepped in to go with him. He also rescheduled with me right then and there. I totally understood and was fine with it but if that had been a reoccuring pattern...he wouldve gotten kicked to the curb. Since then he's shown me through his actions that he is reliable and not a flake. So once is ok. What this girl did was decide for the SECOND time that her plans with other people/events were more important than you. That was her showing you through her actions that you were not a priority. So forget the words she said and her initial pursuing...in the end she showed you where her head was at....and it wasnt in the game As far as your plans for the summer...I think theyre great! Just keep in mind the right girl with like you for who you are...you wont need to change yourself or what you wear or what you weigh. But its always great to get healthy and better yourself. May I ask how old you are? Just want some insight. Pls dont take this the wrong way but I do think you should get your own place if you can afford it. In general most adult women may not want to date an adult guy living at his parents. Cant speak for every women but this is the general consensus. Nothing is lost here though hun...I know it hurts but....she wasnt the right one. We cant always predict/avioid these things either so dont beat yourself up about that. Keep your main focus on your summer goals and the rest with follow
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