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Can open relationship lead to happy marriage later on?


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Posted

Dating a guy casually for 3.5 months. He treats me well and we have good chemistry. Everything is good, i met most of his friends and a few of his family, they all like me a lot.

 

Recently while we were cuddling in bed, he told me he's debating whether or not to 'settle down' with me. I never asked commitment from him, just got out of LTR 7 months ago myself.

 

He told me that I'm the nicest girl he has ever been with, and I'm exactly what his parents would want for him. And he feels he can be happy for life with me, and im he's closest friend now. However, he cannot control his urge wanting to sleep with alot of women.

 

He already slept with 40-60 women at least prior to us (we both in are late 20s). He said even though he's very attached to me, his greed isn't getting any smaller. He hasn't slept with anyone since we met only because he's been busy and he knew one day he will sleep with someone else. So he wanted to keep our relationship casual so that i might forgive him for sleep around, aka having the cake and eat it.

 

I don't know how to process this information. I'm a normal girl, had two boyfriends back to back. I don't understand the whole casual/open relationship concept. Is this a healthy relationship?

 

Should i consider him for long term? Do people normally talk about the potential to "settle down" 3 months into dating? My ex used to hate any talk pertaining to marriage, so i don't know if this is normal to expect.

Posted

Firstly, theres no reason to be thinking of marriage now...you two have only been dating for 3 and a half months...and your not even exclusive yet

 

After all that time theres still no commitment from him???...that shouldve been a red flag right there.

 

He wants an open relationship...oh god thats a glaring firing red flag

 

I mean there are some people that are happy in open relationships but...could you be one of them???? If not...you need to walk now

 

So he's basically told you what he wants from you and what hes using you for...the commitmentless "friendship" and sex....meanwhile he gets to roam around screwing whoever else without giving you much of anything.....

 

Why are you with a guy like this??? Youre ok with no commitment from him despite what seems to be strong feelings for him??? Youre ok with him saying he wants to screw other woman and will do so whether he's with you or not???

 

If you are ok with no commitment and other women f****** the guy youre dating...then ok...I just dont get it.

 

And btw...if you think hes not having sex with other woman while he's been causally dating you...you are sadly mistaken

 

***Use protection!

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Posted

I'd say on average that seems way too early to be having marriage minded thoughts. I'm a guy, I've felt this way once about a girl I dated for 2 years. And I know when I was deeply, deeply in love with her, the thought of being with anyone else sexually repulsed me. I'm not sure how true love can work in an open relationship, because truly loving someone means you'll only want them and they become your entire life.

 

You just have to look deep within yourself to see if you are ok with this, because down the road if you fall deeply in love with him, you'll most likely not want him to see anyone else.

Posted

This isn't the relationship for you if you are uncomfortable with him having sex with other women. Open relationships generally only work when both partners want it and agree to the terms.

 

He's telling very clearly you he will have sex with others. Is that okay for you? If not, stop seeing him. If you stick around, you will get hurt.

 

His talk about settling down is irrelevant at this point. It's been three months, you're not exclusive and he wants to keep it that way.

Posted

I don't know of any couples who have made it work. I do how ever know numerous couples who have been divorced because of it.

Posted

I can see some pros and cons. The pros are that at least he's telling you this up front and being honest with you. I can attest to the fact that some ppl genuinely do feel this way - that they can't do without sex w/others - and that those relationships can work with the right players involved.

 

The cons are mainly that you don't sound like the right player to be involved in this successfully. Bscly if you have to ask questions like "is this normal" and if you already indicated you're very uncomfortable with it, it won't work for you and you'll end up very unhappy.

 

I know men and women (and their libidos) are different and all people are different overall, but I can tell you in my case that trying to 'go monogamous' (I did it for about 6 months at the start of my most recent BF relationship) about drove me nuts. So I'd be really doubtful about this working in the traditional way if he were to decide to try that for your sake. If he's at all like me he either won't be able to, or he'll be very unhappy doing it.

  • Like 2
Posted

I agree with Jen. My own relationship has been open or poly since the beginning, but we've also had some long stretches of monogamy. We've both had other partners, but it's a more occasional thing for my wife and a lower priority for her. It works very well for us (and has for over 16 years), but we've both had a positive view of ethical and consensual non-monogamy ever since we were teenagers, and can communicate, negotiate, and deal with any issues that may arise.

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