ExpatInItaly Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 In my experience, if the person is being honest that they've lost feelings and fallen out of love, it isn't something that can be reversed. 4
Author eternalspotless Posted July 17, 2016 Author Posted July 17, 2016 I have to admit that I am struggling with the whole concept. I don't understand how someone can love you, and then not. In such a short space of time.
burnt Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I have to admit that I am struggling with the whole concept. I don't understand how someone can love you, and then not. In such a short space of time. Have you ever bought something new that you were eagerly waiting to have? Like a toy (as a child), a pair of shoes, a new car, a new job, etc.? The first few days all you can do is look at it, enjoy it, savor it. Then a few days later, the novelty wears off; you remember the joy of having this new object, but you don't feel that joy anymore. This object just becomes another one of your household items, tucked away in the garage, gathering dust. You just move on. For some people, saying "I love you" to a person and "I love you" to a new TV is just the same--temporary entertainment. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 I have to admit that I am struggling with the whole concept. I don't understand how someone can love you, and then not. In such a short space of time. I can only speak for myself, but when I fell out of love with my ex, it wasn't something that happened over a short period of time. It was a slow process that even I didn't fully understand, and I didn't want to admit to myself that I was not in love with him. But I finally just reached a certain point where I couldn't keep up a facade anymore either. It wasn't fair to him. 3
Author eternalspotless Posted July 17, 2016 Author Posted July 17, 2016 I can only speak for myself, but when I fell out of love with my ex, it wasn't something that happened over a short period of time. It was a slow process that even I didn't fully understand, and I didn't want to admit to myself that I was not in love with him. But I finally just reached a certain point where I couldn't keep up a facade anymore either. It wasn't fair to him. Was it something he did? 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Was it something he did? Nothing specific, no. We were young and had been together 5 years. Over time, we grew apart and I lost interest in the relationship. We had become more like friends and roomates than a romantic couple. I realized I needed to end it when I found myself feeling curious about exploring the dating world and meeting other people. 1
SevenCity Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 Yes very hurts...and still in my mind... "We cannot be together anymore, and I will never love You again, it's just doesn't simply work like that. Please stop talking about You and me together. Please understand, that we are not lovers anymore and WE NEVER WILL BE AGAIN" It's too hurts...he even typed it in Capital letters...I have to move on.... Although this sounds callous, it was the best thing he could have done for you. He sounds frustrated in the above because it seems you keep trying. The best thing you can do is block his number and start healing. Looking back some time from now you will be glad it was so clear. People don't fall out of love overnight. It is a long process with the last step of informing you. It's not right, but it's what people do. They plan and plan their new lives to make a smooth exit and when they tell you they have lost all feelings. They may even begin to resent you and your feelings because in their mind it is crystal clear and it should be to you as well (they think). This is a cowards way of handling things. They don't have the balls to tell you before it's too late so you can fix things and expose their plan. In the future you will be able to see the signs that you missed.
Weezy1973 Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 When I broke up with my ex I told her I didn't love her anymore, but it wasn't true. I still loved her, but we were so incompatible that it could never work and I saw the reality of the situation. I told her I didn't love her anymore because I wanted to make sure she didn't hold on to anything, or have any hope of reconciliation. I knew in the moment it would be more painful for her, but also that it would help her get over things quicker and be able to move on more easily. I still loved her right to the end though.
SevenCity Posted July 17, 2016 Posted July 17, 2016 When I broke up with my ex I told her I didn't love her anymore, but it wasn't true. I still loved her, but we were so incompatible that it could never work and I saw the reality of the situation. I told her I didn't love her anymore because I wanted to make sure she didn't hold on to anything, or have any hope of reconciliation. I knew in the moment it would be more painful for her, but also that it would help her get over things quicker and be able to move on more easily. I still loved her right to the end though. Interesting. I can see men doing this but I don't see a woman doing it. When they are done, you pretty much disgust them.
Author eternalspotless Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 How does one disengage from someone that no longer loves them?
Sunkissedpatio Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 It really depends how long you have been together. I say this because sometimes people think they fall in love with someone when all they felt was lust and infatuation and when they get to know the person they realize they are not in fact in love or even compatible. There are a myriad of reasons why people have a change of heart. Hence the "I love you but not in love with you" All that means is "I never really fell in love." Having said that, people fall out of love and back in love all the time in healthy compatible relationships. And when you fall back in love it is deeper and stronger than before. You may not feel the giddy butterflies and nervous anxiety you did when you were first struck by infatuation but you certainly can rediscover all the reasons you love a person in a more meaningful and deeper way. That is what love in a long term setting is supposed to do. It ebbs and flows and you don't jump ship at the first sign of this, you figure out what is missing inside you and work hard at reconnecting with the one you love.
smudge21 Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 I have to admit that I am struggling with the whole concept. I don't understand how someone can love you, and then not. In such a short space of time. Yeah that really sucks. Many times I've pondered that, and even the most recent issue had me asking those same questions. We went from one weekend together, to Monday and it was all over. Nothing. People are just odd and do odd things - you can't figure them out and even trying to do so will only confuse you more. I do think dumpers fall out of love way before they end things though, so to them, they've healed by the time they say goodbye (whereas to us it's all sudden and fresh). So maybe for me she was unhappy all along... very good at hiding it then... 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2016 Posted July 18, 2016 How does one disengage from someone that no longer loves them? It's cliche, but time and complete lack of contact. Getting over someone you still have feelings for is a slow and inconsistent process. Some days you will feel okay, and other days you will be in a bad place. But a commitment to yourself to stay away from the other person helps tremendously, and is an investment in yourself, really. You're giving yourself the gift of freeing up emotional space for another person to enter, someday. 1
Author eternalspotless Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 It's cliche, but time and complete lack of contact. Getting over someone you still have feelings for is a slow and inconsistent process. Some days you will feel okay, and other days you will be in a bad place. But a commitment to yourself to stay away from the other person helps tremendously, and is an investment in yourself, really. You're giving yourself the gift of freeing up emotional space for another person to enter, someday. I don't think there is anyone else for me, really. It never seems to work out, and here I am again, dealing with another break up. I am starting to feel like I don't really trust relationships.
Author eternalspotless Posted July 18, 2016 Author Posted July 18, 2016 Love doesn't exist. They all leave, and everything you do within the relationship becomes pointless and nothing but a memory. I give up
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