So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.

[Protec]

 

Both are able. I haven't a clue about protocol where you are Protec...but in the U.S. what is *typical*....psychologists generally handle therapy and diagnostic testing. In other words, the meat of psychotherapy in general.

 

Thanks for the answer! Maybe i get my self to the psychologist first then...it's cheaper. "Only" 90 euros /h. And it's my sisters money...I am too "healthy" for public heathcare, and honestly i don't want to lie. Because if you try, in the future to get a job or even a bank loan, they want your health records...

 

This is some strange times i am going through. Year ago, i was going trough a breakup again, i was a mess back then but nothing like this.

 

And i still wonder why my ex hoovered me back (i allowed it, i know) even when it was her who broke up with me, who told me to stay away and she was the one who said we can't never be friends again or see each other.

 

WHY? Why did she hoover me back? She has new man. She has lots of guys in her life. Why did she want to contact me?

 

I cannot understand it. After that fight we had month ago, i really though she would never contact me again.

[Simon Phoenix]

And i still wonder why my ex hoovered me back (i allowed it, i know) even when it was her who broke up with me, who told me to stay away and she was the one who said we can't never be friends again or see each other.

 

WHY? Why did she hoover me back? She has new man. She has lots of guys in her life. Why did she want to contact me?

 

I cannot understand it. After that fight we had month ago, i really though she would never contact me again.

 

IT DOES NOT MATTER. What matters is that you allowed it to happen because you are too stupid to block her. One of your problems (your many, many, many problems) is that you try to figure out her behavior instead of figuring out why you act in the most foolish, ridiculous ways possible.

 

This isn't ever going to get better until you block her. Stop being a damn fool every day and just do it.

[Itspointless]

Which one i should go to first? To psyhcologist or to psychiatrist? I really have no idea about those and they are expensive (180 euros /h).

As I am living in a country which is a bit more like yours I would go for a psychiatrist. Not for medication but for a good psychiatric evaluation.

[Aniela]

IT DOES NOT MATTER. What matters is that you allowed it to happen because you are too stupid to block her. One of your problems (your many, many, many problems) is that you try to figure out her behavior instead of figuring out why you act in the most foolish, ridiculous ways possible.

 

This isn't ever going to get better until you block her. Stop being a damn fool every day and just do it.

 

This. I've been there (without the violence, but with the whole crazy state of mind). I tried to make sense of things, and I think there's a need to think that *something* was good there, that you weren't a total fool for giving this person the time of day in the first place. Unfortunately, it just makes things worse, and keeps you from moving into a healthier frame of mind. It just makes you even crazier.

[Protec]

As I am living in a country which is a bit more like yours I would go for a psychiatrist. Not for medication but for a good psychiatric evaluation.

 

I am still unsure which one to go. Lots of places say that psychologist can also make evaluation and it's much cheaper. But no matter where i go, it's way forward.

[Itspointless]

I am still unsure which one to go. Lots of places say that psychologist can also make evaluation and it's much cheaper. But no matter where i go, it's way forward.

I understand your hesitation concerning money, as I am in a similar situation.

 

I personally have the feeling that it would be helpful for you to know if you perhaps are dealing with some chemical imbalances or other things. It can potentially can make your life much easier. See discovering these things as finding a map in your life that guides you away from bad places and people that make you eventually do things where you certainly will loose yourself. It are in those moments that people can commit their worst nightmares. For me a psychologist seems to be a good second step. A psychologist can help you find find more knowledge about your believes about yourself and others, how those came to be and find new strategies to deal with them.

[Protec]

I understand your hesitation concerning money, as I am in a similar situation.

 

I personally have the feeling that it would be helpful for you to know if you perhaps are dealing with some chemical imbalances or other things. It can potentially can make your life much easier. See discovering these things as finding a map in your life that guides you away from bad places and people that make you eventually do things where you certainly will loose yourself. It are in those moments that people can commit their worst nightmares. For me a psychologist seems to be a good second step. A psychologist can help you find find more knowledge about your believes about yourself and others, how those came to be and find new strategies to deal with them.

 

I've been reasonably stable my whole life. I've never had problems like this before. Of course the bad relationship causes stuff in brains, and my personal life also is a mess (low money, no job etc.) it causes lots of stress.

 

My wild guess is that this is all from a combination of bad relationship, and personal life issues + some of my own issues on top.

 

But definitely alcohol does not do good for me, and also i have noticed if i am very tired i become unstable more easily.

 

I am not lining out any mental illnesses, but i doubt there is anything major. My biggest problem is handling my emotions in crisis in life, like in breakup situations and anger management has been issue for me ever since i was a small kid.

 

I was picked at school because i exploded so easily. I've been basically exploded few times a week during the first six years in school. What caused it? I have no idea, but my ex-gf said my rage attacks reminded of her kid who had ADHD.

 

I've always been the kind and nice guy and i always have been very polite and calm person. It's very hard to anger me but when i get angry i cannot control it.

 

I had lots of supressed anger when i was teenager.

 

Everyday life, i have managed to live. If i can avoid pills i will. BEcause they don't remove the problem. As i don't get angry in every day life. Today i have not been angry at all.

 

I have never fought with anyone in my free time, or in school (i have never even been in detention). I have never fought with my friends...well when i was young i punched my friend in the eye causing him black eye.

 

I lost my temper back then too. They picked at me...picked at me i warned them that i am about to lose it and they continued and then i lost it. I became this raging lunatic i punched my friend in face, i punched my neighbour in the forehear, kicked the other in the head, and then i tried to throw him down from a small cliff. And this happened when i was...10 years old?

 

And after that i burst in tears been afraid about my own behaviour. So yes. This is not a new thing. It's been with me all my life. I have no idea what causes it but it's been under control for many years since i've been out of such situations that would anger me.

 

Why i did not get help then? I don't know. Probably my parents just thought that kids are kids, they always get into fights and so on. And even i didn't think it as a problem back then. I was a kid, i got angry for being picked on and teased.

 

But now, 20 years later i still do the same thing when i get angry.

 

I am not stupid. I always did very well in school, i was very good student, i was never late, i had good test results and teachers liked me because i was well behaving and nice young man. But when i get angry...that's completely other thing.

 

And still when i look at myself from the mirror, i don't see a woman beater. I see a good man who cares about people, who wants to be nice at people. I just have problem with anger management and i need help for that.

 

What is strange is my sister has very opposite nature what i have. She is more strong willed, she is very intelligent too and she has no anger management issues at all. She is stable.

 

I used to explode with anger ever since i was 6-7 years old.

[NopeNah]

I've been reasonably stable my whole life. I've never had problems like this before. Of course the bad relationship causes stuff in brains, and my personal life also is a mess (low money, no job etc.) it causes lots of stress.

 

My wild guess is that this is all from a combination of bad relationship, and personal life issues + some of my own issues on top.

 

But definitely alcohol does not do good for me, and also i have noticed if i am very tired i become unstable more easily.

 

I am not lining out any mental illnesses, but i doubt there is anything major. My biggest problem is handling my emotions in crisis in life, like in breakup situations and anger management has been issue for me ever since i was a small kid.

 

I was picked at school because i exploded so easily. I've been basically exploded few times a week during the first six years in school. What caused it? I have no idea, but my ex-gf said my rage attacks reminded of her kid who had ADHD.

 

I've always been the kind and nice guy and i always have been very polite and calm person. It's very hard to anger me but when i get angry i cannot control it.

 

I had lots of supressed anger when i was teenager.

 

Everyday life, i have managed to live. If i can avoid pills i will. BEcause they don't remove the problem. As i don't get angry in every day life. Today i have not been angry at all.

 

I have never fought with anyone in my free time, or in school (i have never even been in detention). I have never fought with my friends...well when i was young i punched my friend in the eye causing him black eye.

 

I lost my temper back then too. They picked at me...picked at me i warned them that i am about to lose it and they continued and then i lost it. I became this raging lunatic i punched my friend in face, i punched my neighbour in the forehear, kicked the other in the head, and then i tried to throw him down from a small cliff. And this happened when i was...10 years old?

 

And after that i burst in tears been afraid about my own behaviour. So yes. This is not a new thing. It's been with me all my life. I have no idea what causes it but it's been under control for many years since i've been out of such situations that would anger me.

 

Why i did not get help then? I don't know. Probably my parents just thought that kids are kids, they always get into fights and so on. And even i didn't think it as a problem back then. I was a kid, i got angry for being picked on and teased.

 

But now, 20 years later i still do the same thing when i get angry.

 

I am not stupid. I always did very well in school, i was very good student, i was never late, i had good test results and teachers liked me because i was well behaving and nice young man. But when i get angry...that's completely other thing.

 

And still when i look at myself from the mirror, i don't see a woman beater. I see a good man who cares about people, who wants to be nice at people. I just have problem with anger management and i need help for that.

 

What is strange is my sister has very opposite nature what i have. She is more strong willed, she is very intelligent too and she has no anger management issues at all. She is stable.

 

I used to explode with anger ever since i was 6-7 years old.

Are you drinking right now by chance? The reason I ask is this post is all over the place and very inconsistent about your past vs present anger/ psychological issues!

[Itspointless]

Protec, you probably do not believe if I tell you that I am a skeptic of labels. But I know a few intelligent people who have gone to Psychiatrists. Reading your answer mainly makes me wonder what you are afraid of?

 

Not only lunatics go to psychiatrists you know? They also treat traumatized people, for example trying to balance the chemical imbalance the trauma has caused.

[frigginlost]

Shocking. Protec once again spirals. Only this time, he introduces violence by striking his ex. Great guy.

 

Why do I get the feeling that if we were to ask his ex about him, it would be *him* that is the downfall to what really took place between them?

 

Sorry dude, but if what took place is what you said, it does in fact make you a woman beater. And a pretty crappy individual.

 

The fact that once again, and as always, you do nothing but ask more questions tells me that you have serious mental issues. You're unstable and dangerous and it is entirely your fault.

 

Stay away from her children.

 

I'm done reading your tripe. You struck a woman because you did not get your way. End of story. You get no sympathy from me at all. You're actions are deplorable and every single person in this thread has told you what to do. Yet you only ask more questions and do nothing.

[Blanco]

Protec physically assaulted a woman and even then, he's still preoccupied with why she did blah, blah, blah to him.

[Itspointless]

Protec physically assaulted a woman and even then, he's still preoccupied with why she did blah, blah, blah to him.

And that is why he needs to see a psychiatric.

[Sunkissedpatio]

A psychiatrist has a medical degree where as a psychologist does not, therefore a psychiatrist can prescribe medication and is typically assigned to treat people who have mental disorders. Whereas a psychologist does his treatment through verbal therapy. There are also psychotherapists who are more like counsellors but who practice different styles of behavioural therapies e.g. CBT, psychodynamic, relational etc.

 

At this stage you would be good to even seek psychotherapy which is the most affordable of them all. In terms of what type of therapy would suit you perhaps you can get a free assessment from your local psychiatric health hospital. In Canada for example, we can have assessments made via the medical system and actual therapy you have to pay for independently though if you were assessed as having a major mental disorder perhaps those are covered by the system as well..not too sure how that works?

 

Talk to your nurse that was seeing you already, find out about having a proper assessment through your medical system or ask your family doctor about it. In the meantime you can start with psychotherapy and those sessions shouldn't be too expensive.

 

Every major city has a psychotherapy list of professionals that are in your area read the profiles and see what resonates with you.

 

Good luck Protec and I hope you sort this out.

[Itspointless]

find out about having a proper assessment through your medical system or ask your family doctor about it. In the meantime you can start with psychotherapy

Yes, a combination would be most ideal.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Yes, a combination would be most ideal.

 

It's just that Protec has expressed that he was holding off therapy for financial reasons, psychotherapy while not cheap it the most affordable and at least will get him going in the right direction.

 

Personally, I would ask my family physician for something to even off the obsessive thinking/anxiety tendencies but he's already expressed he does not wish to take medication of any sort and I respect that.

[Protec]

A psychiatrist has a medical degree where as a psychologist does not, therefore a psychiatrist can prescribe medication and is typically assigned to treat people who have mental disorders. Whereas a psychologist does his treatment through verbal therapy. There are also psychotherapists who are more like counsellors but who practice different styles of behavioural therapies e.g. CBT, psychodynamic, relational etc.

 

At this stage you would be good to even seek psychotherapy which is the most affordable of them all. In terms of what type of therapy would suit you perhaps you can get a free assessment from your local psychiatric health hospital. In Canada for example, we can have assessments made via the medical system and actual therapy you have to pay for independently though if you were assessed as having a major mental disorder perhaps those are covered by the system as well..not too sure how that works?

 

Talk to your nurse that was seeing you already, find out about having a proper assessment through your medical system or ask your family doctor about it. In the meantime you can start with psychotherapy and those sessions shouldn't be too expensive.

 

Every major city has a psychotherapy list of professionals that are in your area read the profiles and see what resonates with you.

 

Good luck Protec and I hope you sort this out.

 

Thank you. Here in finland unless you are a totally messed up person, like you punch everyone who you just see or slice yourself with a knife and try to jump off balcony, they you get to public side to treated.

 

And as the nurse said, i am too functional to be treated on public healthcare. It's pretty crowded and they just don't have room for people like me who are in between.

 

And we don't have the family doctor here anymore. So unfortunately when you want to see a doctor, they just put you to anyone who has free times. So basically if you want to see the same doctor every time, you need to go to private doctor.

 

I just woke up hour ago. I will go for a walk now to clear my head and when i come back i will call the clinic.

 

1) I need help to overcome the bad relationship and understanding why it happened

2) I need help for my own issues, anger management, low self-esteem and why i stay in obviously bad relationships.

3) I need an answer that was i the bad guy in relationship? My ex sure seemed to think that way. After all the cheatings etc. was I the reason why the RS didn't work? She blamed me about so many things.

[Itspointless]

It's just that Protec has expressed that he was holding off therapy for financial reasons, psychotherapy while not cheap it the most affordable and at least will get him going in the right direction.

 

Personally, I would ask my family physician for something to even off the obsessive thinking/anxiety tendencies but he's already expressed he does not wish to take medication of any sort and I respect that.

I unfortunately am in the same position as Protec, so I really do get his reasons. Still having read his posts as long as Blanco and some others here I really think he would be helped most with having some things ruled out. To me it seems many things are connected with him, even to the reason why he got a psychosis years ago.

 

Good luck today Protec.

[ChickiePops]

Thank you. Here in finland unless you are a totally messed up person, like you punch everyone who you just see or slice yourself with a knife and try to jump off balcony, they you get to public side to treated.

 

And as the nurse said, i am too functional to be treated on public healthcare. It's pretty crowded and they just don't have room for people like me who are in between.

 

And we don't have the family doctor here anymore. So unfortunately when you want to see a doctor, they just put you to anyone who has free times. So basically if you want to see the same doctor every time, you need to go to private doctor.

 

I just woke up hour ago. I will go for a walk now to clear my head and when i come back i will call the clinic.

 

1) I need help to overcome the bad relationship and understanding why it happened

2) I need help for my own issues, anger management, low self-esteem and why i stay in obviously bad relationships.

3) I need an answer that was i the bad guy in relationship? My ex sure seemed to think that way. After all the cheatings etc. was I the reason why the RS didn't work? She blamed me about so many things.

 

Good, decent, functional people do not physically assault people. You're not as functional or stable as you think you are.

 

 

Honestly, your ex sounds like an immature spoiled little brat, but at this point, it is ABSOLUTELY 100% your fault that you got treated the way you did because you allowed it to go on for as long as you did.

 

 

You need to figure out why you become scarily obsessed with women to the point of stalking and assaulting them. Frankly, I am concerned for your exes safety at this point. I would advise you to not allow yourself to be alone until you've regained control of yourself and also been in therapy for a few months..perhaps move back in with your parents or another trusted family member for a while if that's an option.

 

 

You have lost control of yourself and you need help reigning it back in.

[Protec]

Good, decent, functional people do not physically assault people. You're not as functional or stable as you think you are.

 

 

Honestly, your ex sounds like an immature spoiled little brat, but at this point, it is ABSOLUTELY 100% your fault that you got treated the way you did because you allowed it to go on for as long as you did.

 

 

You need to figure out why you become scarily obsessed with women to the point of stalking and assaulting them. Frankly, I am concerned for your exes safety at this point. I would advise you to not allow yourself to be alone until you've regained control of yourself and also been in therapy for a few months..perhaps move back in with your parents or another trusted family member for a while if that's an option.

 

 

You have lost control of yourself and you need help reigning it back in.

 

I don't stalk anyone. I can live a normal life well, but i have anger management problems. When i am under stress, etc. i can't control it.

 

I did not stalk my ex. She asked me to come over. It was a mistake and i don't blame her for it. I am not tracking down my exes to beat them up FFS.

 

I was angry. Anger. Don't you people ever get angry? I had alcohol at her place (bad idea) and i got angry (bad idea), and i lost control of my anger. And no, i don't blame anyone else but me.

 

Move out back with my parents? Ic an be alone just fine and function normally because i am not angry anymore. But my sister did invite to spend some weekends at her place (she lives at countryside) to take some time off from my issues. It's very relaxing out there.

 

I have anger management issues. I told my friends about the earlier event. You know what they said? "I can't imagine you even being so angry! You are always so calm and a nice guy". You know what people said when i started boxing? "You boxing? Can you even punch people? You are way too kind to be in boxing". They didn't believe me until i showed my boxing club membership card. And no, i did not enjoy hitting people there either. I mostly punched the bag instead of sparring with people. And every time i practiced against someone, i asked "am i hitting too hard?". I don't enjoy hurting people.

 

I am NOT a violent lunatic who runs around beating up people just for fun. I have anger management problems and i need to get it under control. My problem is repressing my anger, it builds up and finally i explode.

 

I am feeling down though because of the events that happened and i know 100% what i did was WRONG.

[Protec]

Well. Now i have appointment. It's on this week, thursday.

 

It's for a psychotherapist. I called the center and he suggested i would see psychotherapist who is specialized in relationships etc. and she can then put me forward to psychiatrist if needed.

 

Well. I have begun my healing progress now. I hope.

[Protec]

And i understand that psychotherapist alone cannot fix me. This is not something i go and i am magically healed, no. I need to do lots of work myself too.

 

I need to cut off alcohol (This is 4th day without alcohol). I need to maintain healhty lifestyle, walking, running, gym etc.

 

I really, really want to become the person i used to be, get my self-estem back and learn to control my anger issues. I don't want to hurt people or myself anymore.

 

This has been an awful year. I never thought i would get into so bad shape mentally.

 

It all started when my ex from last year left me suddenly. I never healed from her properly and rushed into new relationship too soon and unfortunately abusive one, both sides.

 

We were toxic match. She hurt me mentally, i hurt her psyhically.

[VeveCakes]

If you had of listened 30 pages ago when I said to stop drinking you would never have been in that situation. You need to start listening to the people on this board. They are trying to help. I am glad you are finally seeking therapy.

 

Stop blaming everything on your ex's or relationships. Yeah it sucks having your heart broken, Im going through it...but Im not about to blame all the bad **** in my life on my exs or the failed relationships.

[Blanco]

There's a world of difference between getting angry (which we all do) and getting physical with someone as a result of it (which most people don't do).

[Itspointless]

And i understand that psychotherapist alone cannot fix me. This is not something i go and i am magically healed, no. I need to do lots of work myself too.

 

I need to cut off alcohol (This is 4th day without alcohol). I need to maintain healhty lifestyle, walking, running, gym etc.

Yes, you need too, but! You have to learn to relax first. The reason your friends cannot imagine you angry is because you always suppress your anger. You never let it out in a healthy way, probably with the exception when you took up the boxing. You have to loose that pressure you put on everything. No wonder you explode at a certain moment. Ask your therapist to work on your inner perfectionist and critic. There is a lot to say about it but I leave that to your therapist. Oh and also ask him (or her) to work with you on your attachmentstyle.

[Protec]

If you had of listened 30 pages ago when I said to stop drinking you would never have been in that situation. You need to start listening to the people on this board. They are trying to help. I am glad you are finally seeking therapy.

 

Stop blaming everything on your ex's or relationships. Yeah it sucks having your heart broken, Im going through it...but Im not about to blame all the bad **** in my life on my exs or the failed relationships.

 

I don't blame everything on my ex. I blame myself as well. Maybe just bit too much. I never deserved the cheating she did, or the awful push/pull rollercoaster. It was emotionally very exhausting.

 

This was not a normal relationship. She had bipolar and she was quite reckless with her medications. And unfortunately bipolar people are very narcissistic.

 

Yes, i had the chance to walk away from it. But i could not, i was hooked. It was like stockholm syndrome.