Ex-Boss

[privategal]

You one day will fall in love and be a husband. I wonder if your wife will give bj's to her coworkers and have unprotected sex. Im imagining the look on your face when the shoe is on the other foot.

Im wondering if you look back on this agenda of yours and see you had it coming.

I guess single girls are incapable of becoming your best friend and supporting your goals?

So sneaking around and sloppy seconds with another mans wife is just...easier?

And that whole "out of obligation" thing she sold you...straight out of a cheaters handbook hon.

Quite frankly if she can do it herself in 30 seconds...she doesnt need you for the other 4.5 min.

If she was your best friend neither of you would have crossed the line.

Edited May 24, 2016 by privategal

[Moneynthepower]

listen is what we did wrong . Yes. I spent several months telling her be happy with your situation, think about your husband your his works but no matter how much I offered to walk away from our intense never ending convo she stuck around

[Lady Hamilton]

she fit perfectly into my agenda in that she wasnt a liability,supports my goals and has helped me attain them, and we had some pretty crazy conversations for about 6 months prior to any sort of action, and are literally best friends. She was still ****inh her husband out of obligation...

 

Soooooo... Your agenda is to have quasi-sex with somebody who is having actual sex with at least one other person... Then get dumped?

 

I think perhaps your agenda needs revising.

 

Seriously, this seems more about the non-sex you're having with a serial cheater who has moved on than a relationship of the ages. This is hardly Rhett fighting to save his relationship with Scarlett.

 

You had a thing, that thing is over. The circus has moved on to a new town. Time to find a new show.

[ChickiePops]

listen is what we did wrong . Yes. I spent several months telling her be happy with your situation, think about your husband your his works but no matter how much I offered to walk away from our intense never ending convo she stuck around

 

Sure but the question isn't why she stuck around..it's why did YOU stick around?

[Moneynthepower]

Like I said I had an angenda for my career, I don't know what you know about 25 yr old women which would be my age but they tend to like to party and so on, and can be distracting, a waste of time and money. This situation I had a connection I haven't had in like 6 years with someone, was working very hard and having some fun here and there. The question of my post isn't why I did this it's why has it ended... You can say she has someone knew which naturally I suspected but #1 all the guys before me were married and not available so much, #2 I know how strongly she felt about me and she still loves to talk to me. I tried to minimize communication because it's frustrating if you can't spend any time together and both of you are literally talking until the absolute last minute of the opportunity. The rapport is very strong and she would admit she "fell hard" for me and I would admit the same so why don't you stop bitching to me about how much of a dumb prick I am and understand I tried to not get involved in this but it happened and was great, so much so that whatever happens with this situation which I don't anticipate to be much. It has changed my outlook on how I can feel about someone, I have only connected with one person(single) like that before, and it had been 6-8 yrs of useless dating and whatnot when this came along

[ChickiePops]

Like I said I had an angenda for my career, I don't know what you know about 25 yr old women which would be my age but they tend to like to party and so on, and can be distracting, a waste of time and money. This situation I had a connection I haven't had in like 6 years with someone, was working very hard and having some fun here and there. The question of my post isn't why I did this it's why has it ended... You can say she has someone knew which naturally I suspected but #1 all the guys before me were married and not available so much, #2 I know how strongly she felt about me and she still loves to talk to me. I tried to minimize communication because it's frustrating if you can't spend any time together and both of you are literally talking until the absolute last minute of the opportunity. The rapport is very strong and she would admit she "fell hard" for me and I would admit the same so why don't you stop bitching to me about how much of a dumb prick I am and understand I tried to not get involved in this but it happened and was great, so much so that whatever happens with this situation which I don't anticipate to be much. It has changed my outlook on how I can feel about someone, I have only connected with one person(single) like that before, and it had been 6-8 yrs of useless dating and whatnot when this came along

 

I was a 25 year old woman a couple of years ago so..I'm sure I know more about them than you do.

 

If you want an older woman there's nothing wrong with that if she's single. But she's a sexual predator and it's never going to go anywhere. She probably got bored with you and moved on to a new toy.

[Lady Hamilton]

Like I said I had an angenda for my career, I don't know what you know about 25 yr old women

 

No, I know nothing of them. Please, enlighten me.

 

which would be my age but they tend to like to party and so on, and can be distracting, a waste of time and money.

 

Whereas trying to convince a woman who is both married and a serial cheater who broke up with you is not at all a distracting waste of time. Got it.

 

This situation I had a connection I haven't had in like 6 years with someone, was working very hard and having some fun here and there.

 

So the last time you had a connection on this level before she moved on was 6 years ago... When you were a teenager and unable to vote or drive a car alone after sunset.

 

Let me say again... This current relationship is comparable to a good relationship you had as a teenager.

 

Let that one sink in a bit.

 

The question of my post isn't why I did this it's why has it ended...

 

This was answered.

 

Because she likes the chase and new toys. When she got you and you stopped being a new toy.

 

You can say she has someone knew which naturally I suspected but #1 all the guys before me were married and not available so much,

 

And thus harder to get, making things more fun for longer.

 

#2 I know how strongly she felt about me and she still loves to talk to me.

 

I'm going to go in a limb here and say she has a lot of strong feelings about a lot of people fairly quickly, hence the multiple and frequent affairs.

 

She still likes to talk to you despite moving on because people like that don't like being alone. They like to have a back up. You have been demoted to back up.

 

I tried to minimize communication because it's frustrating if you can't spend any time together and both of you are literally talking until the absolute last minute of the opportunity.

 

And don't have sex afterwards.

 

The rapport is very strong and she would admit she "fell hard" for me and I would admit the same so why don't you stop bitching to me about how much of a dumb prick I am and understand I tried to not get involved in this but it happened and was great, so much so that whatever happens with this situation which I don't anticipate to be much.

 

If you don't anticipate much then why are you working to get her back?

 

I'm a former OW but even I see the silliness in patting yourself on the back for trying to not be involved while asking people how to get further involved now that it's over.

 

And I bet she fell hard for the guy before and after you too.

 

It has changed my outlook on how I can feel about someone, I have only connected with one person(single) like that before, and it had been 6-8 yrs of useless dating and whatnot when this came along

 

6-8 years of useless dating? So... You were 16/17..

 

I think you will find the number of people who have sympathy for your struggle to resume an affair with a woman who ended the relationship you declare to be the best relationship you've had since your years in high school are pretty slim.

[ChickiePops]

No, I know nothing of them. Please, enlighten me.

 

 

 

Whereas trying to convince a woman who is both married and a serial cheater who broke up with you is not at all a distracting waste of time. Got it.

 

 

 

So the last time you had a connection on this level before she moved on was 6 years ago... When you were a teenager and unable to vote or drive a car alone after sunset.

 

Let me say again... This current relationship is comparable to a good relationship you had as a teenager.

 

Let that one sink in a bit.

 

 

 

This was answered.

 

Because she likes the chase and new toys. When she got you and you stopped being a new toy.

 

 

 

And thus harder to get, making things more fun for longer.

 

 

 

I'm going to go in a limb here and say she has a lot of strong feelings about a lot of people fairly quickly, hence the multiple and frequent affairs.

 

She still likes to talk to you despite moving on because people like that don't like being alone. They like to have a back up. You have been demoted to back up.

 

 

 

And don't have sex afterwards.

 

 

 

If you don't anticipate much then why are you working to get her back?

 

I'm a former OW but even I see the silliness in patting yourself on the back for trying to not be involved while asking people how to get further involved now that it's over.

 

And I bet she fell hard for the guy before and after you too.

 

 

 

6-8 years of useless dating? So... You were 16/17..

 

I think you will find the number of people who have sympathy for your struggle to resume an affair with a woman who ended the relationship you declare to be the best relationship you've had since your years in high school are pretty slim.

 

I like this post but..where can you not drive after sunset as a teenager??

[Moneynthepower]

I thought she wasn't alone and had a husband and as you would suggest another guy? People don't normally call you on their way to and from work to keep you as a back up I don't know you can make whatever joke of it you want. And yes I've seen some people over 6-8 yrs things maybe I could have made work if I was willing to sacrifice where I was going and was more selfless. i would just say nobody else I have seen has had the same conversations, like 4+ hours at a time after working together all day. Long story short you can discredit whatever it was but up until recently there was no room for anyone else in the picture and she was dropping things on the Homefront due to being so vested. I don't have all the answers and on paper you can paint it pretty terribly and try to make me out to be a moron but I'm not single because I can't find a girl, I'm single because I didn't find the right girl... You are rather quick to judge who the **** I am

[Tayla]

I have a suggestion, Go ask her husband what he thinks of your agenda.

 

In this day and age, I think it will help your agenda to discuss it openly so you have a defined avenue to take.

 

Maybe Her hubby can give you pointers how to work out this stone walling that she has been doing. Just a thought since he knows her best.

[Moneynthepower]

He has been unfaithful before too

[ChickiePops]

I thought she wasn't alone and had a husband and as you would suggest another guy? People don't normally call you on their way to and from work to keep you as a back up I don't know you can make whatever joke of it you want. And yes I've seen some people over 6-8 yrs things maybe I could have made work if I was willing to sacrifice where I was going and was more selfless. i would just say nobody else I have seen has had the same conversations, like 4+ hours at a time after working together all day. Long story short you can discredit whatever it was but up until recently there was no room for anyone else in the picture and she was dropping things on the Homefront due to being so vested. I don't have all the answers and on paper you can paint it pretty terribly and try to make me out to be a moron but I'm not single because I can't find a girl, I'm single because I didn't find the right girl... You are rather quick to judge who the **** I am

 

What makes this married mother who dumped you 'the right girl'?

[Moneynthepower]

Short of the fact she has cheated on her husband numerous times during and pre marriage. She is outgoing, powerful, a good mom to her kids, takes care of business all day, funny, smart, obviously very attractive, has somewhat similar interests and is very much so respected by all those she meets. She thinks she is a cold person and is very to the point, but at the end of the day is just a girl who gets what she wants and doesn't tolerate bull****. Shes fun but manages a workload that would impress anyone while staying in shape and remaining positive day in day out. She can be very caring and lined up next to any female I've met is simply superior lol. Any situation I can think of weather it he caring for a child, taking care of everyday tasks, maneuvering through life I think she simply does it better than anyone else. I'm more of a not monotone but tame casual personality, she is very much so bubbly and like yes we fucjed around which was great but I don't talk to anyone on the phone like we talk, we could spend 8 hours on the phone and not run out of things to talk about weather we spoke yesterday or 2 weeks ago

[Moneynthepower]

She would agree that factually speaking us in a relationship typically wouldn't work but that given experience had it would. The topic of us being together has been spoken on, but up until recently his husband made 2/3 of her family income and i wouldn't feel right asking her to gamble on who I'm becoming at the expense of what she has, if he and I earned the same income...different story.

[Cherryz]

Seems like she is very messy and unprofessional.

 

Dont you feel use? Also knowing that she is a serial cheater?

She is just playing games and using her coworkers.

 

Dont let her keep play games with you. And at the end she never gonna leave her

husband for you and if this comes up at work you have more chance to be fired or lose more.

Dont put your self in a vulnerable position.

And also when she tell you her marriage issues tell her its not your business , find a therapist.

Because this is how many married people that cheat start their conversations.

With fake storys or they use their marriage issues to make you feel sorry for them.

 

And if you feel after breaking this that you cant work there anymore for some reason, find a new job and never ever mess with anyone at work.

Specially if its a none single.

[Moneynthepower]

K I didn't feel used before but now it's disrespectful to expect me to believe she's going to up and become some faithful wife after what we took part in and that I am to believe she is committed to being a better wife now.... All the while still wants to chat, previously twice a day, I cut it down to once a week but think about her all the time. #1 recreating the affair would be ideal for me, #2 I would like to stay friends but don't know how to when my intentions are no good and I think about her from the minute we stop speaking until we speak again. #3 I would miss her lots if I did a clean break forever and it is far more likely she would then find a replacement whereas right now I am on the fence as to weather I have been replaced or if she is telling the truth and the affair got too emotion heavy and hurt her home life with husband and kids

[Lady Hamilton]

I like this post but..where can you not drive after sunset as a teenager??

 

I'm our tri-state area teens can't drive after sunset unless it's to or from a job.

[Lady Hamilton]

So what's your endgame here? You're too mature for single women your own age because they aren't serious enough for you, got that. So instead you want to put forth time and effort to a woman you said you thought has a new guy on the side and dumped you.

 

Say you got her back. Now what? You go along like this forever where she doesn't have sex with you while she has actual sex with her husband for the next 10, 20 years? You get her to dump her husband for you so that now you can finally consummate the relationship all while being an insta-stepdad to her kids and wondering if she wasn't faithful during any point of the relationship with her first husband, does that mean she's cheating on you too?

 

Again, this isn't some great love of the milenium that you're fighting to bring back. It was a booty call affair with somebody who's attention changes faster than the weather and is an indiscriminate sexual partner. And you're missing the non-sex you kind of had, not the actual facets of what makes a relationship a relationship (something you said was actually too frustrating).

 

So... What do you do? Pick up your Legos and go home. She's moved on and she's put you in her past conquests filing cabinet for future use during a dry season.

 

She's not the only woman who knows how to do oral, you know.

[snowbunni]

Money, you had fun with her and now I think you should have fun with a new woman.

[ChickiePops]

Short of the fact she has cheated on her husband numerous times during and pre marriage. She is outgoing, powerful, a good mom to her kids, takes care of business all day, funny, smart, obviously very attractive, has somewhat similar interests and is very much so respected by all those she meets. She thinks she is a cold person and is very to the point, but at the end of the day is just a girl who gets what she wants and doesn't tolerate bull****. Shes fun but manages a workload that would impress anyone while staying in shape and remaining positive day in day out. She can be very caring and lined up next to any female I've met is simply superior lol. Any situation I can think of weather it he caring for a child, taking care of everyday tasks, maneuvering through life I think she simply does it better than anyone else. I'm more of a not monotone but tame casual personality, she is very much so bubbly and like yes we fucjed around which was great but I don't talk to anyone on the phone like we talk, we could spend 8 hours on the phone and not run out of things to talk about weather we spoke yesterday or 2 weeks ago

 

But the most important part is the part you're ignoring.

 

She's married with kids and she's had multiple affairs. Also..she dumped you..so she obviously doesn't agree that you guys are meant to be.

 

Break ups suck but everyone goes through them..time to move on.

[Moneynthepower]

I did that, it's not nearly as good, I also feel like now I would be using these other women if I am employing them simply to replace my long lost **** buddy.

[privategal]

Buddy,

I had that kind of friendship with a male coworker for 15 years. All day, night, texting, emailing, hours on the phone without boredom..had eachother on the same pedestal you have her on.

What I learned?

That type of what seemed like once in a lifetime magic is actually extremely fleeting. Its infatuation, affair fog.

It is not likely to be sustained because real life sets in. Marriage, guilt, even boredom as even affair honeymoon period can end.

 

It seems you feel it was different, special, unique...that even with all the other men you feel YOU were different..you were the real deal, you were the game changer for her.

 

Problem is, you were mistaken. Esecially being single which is a way bigger threat to her marriage than a married guy. Married men are safer. They dont tend to get attached or want more and they have just as much to lose. I think she started to realize you were vesting alot more than her in this. She saw the risk in your attachment. She tried to let you down gently even still speaking to you.

Youve got to accept her seemingly deep connection to you was tied to the sexual fantasy. Taking time to talk to you was part of the honeymoon exciting sexual phase. I think nw that she got bored you will start to feel that bond less and less as she just wasnt as into you as you weree her. She doesnt have you on that pedestal. It was great at the time but your trying to break her pattern.

You admit she normally ends with one partner and is on to the next. How does that corresspond with she will come back to you?

Do you think she misses bl--ing you?

I mean the excitement of that can only go so far...its work for a woman. Shes more into HER.

 

I know you feel you had something unique and cool and rare and you felt happy and wanted and excited. But it isnt reality. If it was...she wouldnt have adked to stop it.

It hurts to realize it was a phase, to feel used and let go...Im not suggesting you feel hurt and used as Im sure youd fess up to using her too...Im suggesting that you felt it was real and lasting and for her, it was not at all.

You need to go NC.

She helped get you to where you are.

The rest of your goals you can do alone standing on your own two feet not dependent on a friend to help you.

[Lady Hamilton]

I did that, it's not nearly as good, I also feel like now I would be using these other women if I am employing them simply to replace my long lost **** buddy.

 

Again, what's the overreaching goal here? You've yet to share that.

 

Stay in a relationship with no physical sex until...?

Get her to leave her husband and take up with you?

 

What is your plan? You've mentioned you have an agenda and detest your time being wasted in the dating world... So, what's your plan?

 

Get back the married woman who is most likely also sleeping with other men besides you and then...?