Author Kwacker39 Posted June 28, 2016 Author Share Posted June 28, 2016 Wow JBR you paint a bloody awful picture - I hope and pray it doesn't become that bad but if it does she will find I am more than capable of fighting my corner - I'm hoping for the best but preparing for the worst ! Everyone now knows of her affair and the OM but that just seems to have made her feel she can do as she pleases now . Marc , I have suggested she go live with this other guy but she says she doesn't want to - however , he has a partner and child of his own ( I don't know if his partner knows anything about his affair ) - so who knows , he might not want to leave her either . I am at mediation on Thursday and stbxw is there too so we may have a better idea of how we move forward by the weekend . Tbh I think she will insist on a sale of the house despite this not being the best option for our boys - I think I will agree because it's grinding me down living here with her doing her thing , ie staying out all night and going out most evenings . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Just protect yourself. You said it best: prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Thank God you get it. That acknowledgment is the first step that any BS fail to grasp. What is the worst and how have you prepared? Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I'm sorry to read what you've been experiencing. I hope this transition as you pull away from your ex you in turn are able to connect better with your kids. They will grieve on their own, but the reassurance from their father that things will be okay is important. I would focus on the 11 year old, puberty is a rough time emotionally and a time where the brain is developing rapidly learning how to "adult" in society. Make sure he has healthy coping mechanisms to deal with the sadness and anger and isn't just bottling it up. Seek help from school councillors or therapists early if you sense trouble. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kwacker39 Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 I'm researching family law solicitors in my area - does anyone know of any review systems for family law firms in England ? Meanwhile I have been to mediation today ( seperately for 1st session , she went yesterday ) - however wen my stbxw came home she said she didn't want to go again and can't we sort it all between us ?! When I said I wanted to sort everything through them so we could then get it signed legally at a solicitors she started getting aggressive with her tone and raising her voice - what's that all about when it was her suggestion in the first place ?! The only thing I can surmise is maybe she has realised she will be obliged to lay out all of her finances out for me to see - has she got something to hide ? She says all she wants is half of the house sale and half of our possessions - is it perhaps she is worried for her much bigger pension than mine , higher earnings from her new job , all child support entitlements - do you think she has suddenly realised I might get a chunk of her money ? Maybe it was ok when she was getting half of everything I have paid for but not so much when the boots on the other foot ?! Any views or am I being over cynical ? I must admit my trust for her has totally gone . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kwacker39 Posted July 1, 2016 Author Share Posted July 1, 2016 She actually had the gall to say to me this morning did I know how much our youngest son is struggling with it all ?! I said of course I do but this is the course you have chosen it was never going to be anything but a nightmare - I wanted to say if you hadn't f...cked another man and gone outside the marriage for an emotional affair with a different man instead of talking to me about our problems maybe our son wouldn't be so upset now ! Then she tells me I don't know how she feels and it's making her poorly ! Like I'm having a ball when she stays out all night and is living the single life - I think she is in total denial over any blame on her side ! I'm seeing a solicitor next Tuesday - going on the offensive , had enough of her bull****. Link to post Share on other sites
peonyrose Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Wow kwacker, people never cease to amaze me, like really! Is she from another planet, she chose this path, she chose to stay in the house and continue to see OM. You must be a very patient man, because at this point I would have exploded, all guns blazing. I think the one who causes the devastation, somehow believes they had no choice, that it was out of their control, that it's ALL because of the other person. My ex had the balls to approach my sister, and stood in front of her for 20 minutes, without taking a breath, giving all the reasons he "had" to do what he did, of course nearly all my fault. I can tell you that hurt. No responsibility for his part in it all. As if hurting me that way when he left wasn't enough! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 I get the feeling she has been trying to wind me up over the weekend - she was out till 3-30am on Friday / Saturday morn - I know this cos I'd woken up and was watching game of thrones on my I pad . Then she went out this afternoon for around 4 hours and now this evening she has got dressed up and gone out - telling our youngest she was going round to her friends house - yeh right ! I'm trying not to let it bother me but it so does - I wish I could just pack my stuff and leave but I have to think of my boys . Why does she want to be in the house with the kids when she spends no time with them? Why doesn't she leave? She's a horrible mother to let her sons see her slinking around with this OM and being so disrespectful to you and them. I don't know how you stand her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bummer Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 She actually had the gall to say to me this morning did I know how much our youngest son is struggling with it all ?! Boy, her denial/ validation abilities are top notch. Better than my ex. I know you're doing your best but make sure your focusing time and energy to build positive experiences with your youngest. He will be forming life-long memories, attitudes, and coping mechanisms himself to validate what's happening. Remove him from the home as much as possible to distract and build better memories. Toss him into clubs or sports. Take him to things he likes. Ask his older brother to mentor, talk to, and entertain him. Don't let him wallow at home listening to this train wreck. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kwacker39 Posted July 1, 2016 Author Share Posted July 1, 2016 Very hard to keep my cool peonyrose and I must admit I shouted back at her last night - she just talks utter bs and it always comes back to how this is making her poorly and I don't know how she feels . My eldest lad is 17 so he spends a lot of time out of the house so isn't really that aware of her comings and goings - however, my youngest is sharing his bedroom with her at the moment so knows when she's out all night etc - but I think she just tells him she's staying with her friends - she bought him a phone last weekend too so she's trying to keep him sweet . Her not being at home much has enabled me to spend lots of time with him though - so we've been out on our bikes a lot , fishing and generally spending our time together which has been great . I know I need to keep an eye on him - he's such a sensitive kid - I love him so much . My eldest lad I'm so proud of - I love him so much too . It's been worth all this terrible experience if it's only for allowing me to have my fantastic boys . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
peonyrose Posted July 1, 2016 Share Posted July 1, 2016 Again kwacker I say you are a great dad, and that to me is a wonderful quality. Would you consider your youngest maybe sharing with you instead of her? He is aware of what's going on, no matter what he tells you. Kids are loyal, they don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Seriously I know because when my ex did what he did, my beautiful girl said to me " mom, I'm glad he left, you are my beautiful mom, and he has been giving out to you a lot lately, you thought I didn't hear it, but I do. Ye have been fighting for a few weeks, and mom you deserve better. Even if you have faults, people don't just up and leave like that or give out to you like he did" I swear this was a turning point. Yes of course I am still very sad, and very lost but from what she said I know I would never be with him again. Consider your son sleeping with you, although none of this is healthy, a boy of his age needs his own space, his own little sacred space to go to at night. This woman really needs to stop been a selfish you know what and think of her boys! And NOW! Sorry but I don't know how you can even look at this woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kwacker39 Posted July 2, 2016 Author Share Posted July 2, 2016 Thanks for all your support on here guys but unfortunately I am going to have to leave the group - I think she has been snooping at my e mail and other stuff . Judging by the things she has said this morning I think she is possibly reading all my posts - I will continue to read other posts and wish you all good luck for the future . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
peonyrose Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Why leave? How dare she read your private stuff. Stand up for yourself, change your passwords and tell her to f**k off, she made her damn bed let her go lie in it! Throw this woman out of your life, no more excuses, you need to do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kwacker39 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Share Posted July 3, 2016 Hi peonyrose - she has confirmed that she has been snooping and seen all of our posts - there is nothing on here that isn't true so I won't be trying to delete any of it . However , she has taken away a source of comfort and support to me as what is the point of venting my feelings and frustrations on here for her to see . I have changed my password but it's my username she knows ( my fault , too trusting , didn't cross my mind that she would be looking through my personal stuff as I aren't the one cheating and lying !) I will still visit the LS forums and certainly keep an eye on your undoubted progress PR ! Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to comment and try to help me. Link to post Share on other sites
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