HansonGirl Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 I am just wondering if anybody can share a story from their life where their instincts kicked in and caused them to end a blossoming relationship or warned them that they probably SHOULD have ended things? It doesn't always happen for me, but this one time I knew a guy, we'll call him "Tom" and I found Tom very attractive. Whenever i see a recent picture of him, I still think he's really really good looking (sort of to my dismay, since it's not fair, part of me wants him to go bald and get ugly). anyways, back in the day, Tom and I had a LOT in common and he took an interest in me, and I was into him, however something about him gave me pause and I could not put my finger on it (still can't!) For instance, the way he asked for the check at the restaurant made me feel weird- he had a big piece of broccoli he just put in his mouth, so it was sticking out of his mouth, and he stuck his arm out to alert the waiter. I know that one is silly and really vain-I looked past that one, but when coupled with the other things, I was put off by little things like that. I also got this strange feeling that I couldn't trust him for some reason, and i just didn't feel that comfortable around him. I ignored my instincts and continued to see him, and in the end it was a huge waste of time because the guy was a scumbag and still is. I realize my instincts were trying to tell me something, but i didn't listen to my instincts. i wanted to believe i was wrong .But i've never had such a strong feeling like that in my life. And Tom was very charming and almost "in your face" when he flirted - it was like INTENSE. I was attracted to him yet repelled at the same time. To contrast - more recently, I met another guy, Al, with whom the feeling was a minor sense of and based on actual substantial stuff - Al just happens to have such crazy comical things just *happen* to him all the time and it often has to do with celebrities. He just happens to wind up in this comical scenarios with celebrities and I never believed any of his many stories was entirely true (if true at all). In that example, it's not as mysterious why I felt weird about Al- i think the guy's full of crap! but with Tom it was different. I never had a legitimate, discernible basis for feeling weird. Has anyone had anything like that? where you just get this really weird / bad vibe around someone you are seeing and you cannot figure out why? (ike can't pinpoint a specific thing he was doing that was giving you pause? just your gut instinct trying to warn you? In a weird way i don't feel 100% confident in my rejection of him --i sometimes feel bad, like "what if" but that might just because I still find him attractive!
Zapbasket Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 My instincts have NEVER failed me. My stubborn refusal to listen to my instincts, however, HAS failed me. Often times I have pooh-poohed my instincts out of fear that I was being too judgmental. About a friend from my early adolescence, for example, I had this thought early on, that seemed to just appear in my head out of nowhere: "She is not as smart and talented as I am, and it really bothers her, and she doesn't really wish you well because of it." Instantly I got after myself for judging her as less smart and talented, and accused myself of fabricating the notion that she was jealous of me. We stayed "friends" and sure enough, she was a real b*tch to me, taking overt joy in seeing me fail. I cut the friendship off, but not without much lament that I had invested in her all those years when had I listened to my instincts I'd have distanced myself from her almost from the beginning. Most recently, with my last ex I had this miserable, nagging feeling throughout our 3.5-year relationship that something was wrong with him. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something just seemed not to add up. I've written copiously about this relationship and my failure to listen to my instincts on this site, so suffice it here to say that indeed there WAS something very fundamentally wrong with him psychologically, and had I listened to my nagging intuition, I'd have spared myself a great deal of turmoil, confusion, and hurt. I really believe this now: when something FEELS wrong, it is because it IS wrong. Instincts won't give you the "what" or "why," but they're pretty clear about imparting the fact that something isn't right. 1
Buddhist Posted May 21, 2016 Posted May 21, 2016 Well I am almost universally turned off by charismatic men. Something within me just see's what others can't see. Sure enough, I keep my distance and it's not long before the dirty laundry is aired and I understand why I thought that person wasn't a good egg. They're not. On reflection I often notice it's got something to do with the way they walk. Overly confident walks remind me of various species of birds that just advertise a lack of credibility to me. I usually discover these people are manipulators and just use their charm to blind other people to their true intentions. 1
Author HansonGirl Posted May 21, 2016 Author Posted May 21, 2016 Well I am almost universally turned off by charismatic men. Something within me just see's what others can't see. Sure enough, I keep my distance and it's not long before the dirty laundry is aired and I understand why I thought that person wasn't a good egg. They're not. On reflection I often notice it's got something to do with the way they walk. Overly confident walks remind me of various species of birds that just advertise a lack of credibility to me. I usually discover these people are manipulators and just use their charm to blind other people to their true intentions. Omg the walk... YES, this person did walk in a peculiar manner. I am never ignoring my instincts again. I sort of felt guilty - like i was pre-judging the guy and I ought to give him the benefit of the doubt. WRONG
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