Date insulted my outfit

[Polar965]

Been dating now for three weeks. Went for dinner tonight after work and he told me my pant suit was unflattering. I was hoping that would lead to a comment like you have a nice figure you shouldn't hide it but he just said he doesn't love my style of dressing. I didn't respond. I was hurt. I know it wasn't about me but my clothes but still. There are more plusses than minuses. But this stung. Should I call and tell him I'm hurt or just let it pass.

[getsmartie]

You would seriously give him another date?

 

That was rude, he doesn't even know you. Imagine what he'd say if he did!

 

Next!!!!

[preraph]

Was this someone you met online and sent photos to? Just curious where he's coming from. Like you hear guys feeling cheated if they get skimpy clothing photos online and then you're dressed like a lady, right? I dunno, but too rude to go out with again. This is the guy 10 years from now who'd going to tell you you're a fat pig.

[katiegrl]

Been dating now for three weeks. Went for dinner tonight after work and he told me my pant suit was unflattering. I was hoping that would lead to a comment like you have a nice figure you shouldn't hide it but he just said he doesn't love my style of dressing. I didn't respond. I was hurt. I know it wasn't about me but my clothes but still. There are more plusses than minuses. But this stung. Should I call and tell him I'm hurt or just let it pass.

 

I wish peeps would be more specific than saying "Been dating for three of weeks." You could have had 10 dates within that period or one date!

 

How many dates have you had?

 

Not that it matters really, but for a guy to say this after only a few dates is arrogant and presumptuous.... next!

 

However, if he were your bf and you were in an exclusive RL, I think it's okay for him to tell you he doesn't like an outfit.... my bf used to wear the weirdest shirts sometimes, and I had no problem telling him!

 

He used to laugh....LOL

 

One time I wore a long skirt (maxi) and he preferred I wear a short skirt... so I changed.

 

Granted we were dating for awhile and exclusive so I think that makes a difference.

 

But frankly, the way this guy told you and then to say he doesn't like the way you dress (in general)?

 

I'd next him.

[mrs rubble]

At least you can change your clothes, his (lack of) manners are probably ingrained and unchangable by the time he's reached adulthood. You have different values, time to move on.

[RecentChange]

Rude, inconsiderate and hurtful.

 

I do not tolerate these qualities in friends and especially not in a romantic prospect.

 

NEXT.

[Buddhist]

You've known him for 3 weeks, what 2-3 dates? And he's already shown you that he lacks tact and furthermore thinks his opinions on things like your dress style are important enough for him to inform you of them.

 

Yeah I know what I'd be doing with this one. He's clearly showing you what a relationship with him will be like. Full of criticisms of you and an expectation that you should do things to please him. Not sure why you stuck around for the rest of the date, I wouldn't.

 

Next please.

[fitnessfan365]

It'd be one thing if you showed up looking like a slob. I had a dinner date once where she showed up in old flip flops, ripped jean shorts, and a tie-dye ratty t-shirt like she rolled out of bed for the beach. So I felt I was justified in being unsatisfied with such lack of effort.

 

But a pant suit doesn't sound bad at all. In fact, I think it's cool you would have appreciated a potential flirt about not hiding your great body, etc.. That's feminine and sexy IMO. Then it would have lead to you sex-ifying up your style on the next date which plays into it. Unfortunately this type of flirting/slow seduction is lost on many people today.

[Art_Critic]

There are more plusses than minuses.

 

I'll bet that if you are honest with yourself when doing that list that it will flop

Any guy who would say such a rude insult such as that can't have many pluses.. unless it is money but personality.. no way...

 

I know some men neg a woman but negging is a way of getting a woman to second guess herself to gain something such as sex.. what your date did was negging IMO.. he was also just trying to insult you..

 

Time to rethink things...

Edited May 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[basil67]

While it would be fun to say "If you don't like the way I dress, then go find someone else", the fact remains that he felt it was OK to say this.

 

I'd end it with someone who said this to me.

[Zapbasket]

1. Don't say anything to him.

 

2. DON'T see him again. EVER.

 

You know how dating is supposed to be a "trial" phase, when you figure out whether you and someone else are compatible?

 

Well, trial failed. You don't need ANY more information. Done and next.

 

In case you are like me in that you are a chronic giver of benefit of the doubt even when arse-holery is smashing a poo pie in your face: The reason you don't give something like this a second chance is that there simply is NO excuse to disparage your style early in the dating game. It at best shows poor manners; at worst (and most probable, sadly), as Art_Critic said he was "negging" you, i.e., deliberately trying to make you second-guess yourself in order to gain the upper hand. I hope no explanation is needed as to why this latter approach is an instant no-go. Don't feel sorry for him that he is so insecure he needs to put you down. He's a jerk. Insecure people can still manage to be kind. Again: HE IS A JERK.

 

P.S. Pant suits are very "in" right now; I bet you looked gorgeous.

[Mikau]

This begs the question, is any negative comment in any early date at all bad, a red flag, a deal breaker?

 

What if they were discussing what they like/dislike in terms of clothes? What if his tone and phrasing was positive? What if she asked him his opinion?

 

I personally think there's too many unknowns here to give a blanket answer. Dating would be boring if we can't respectfully disagree with any actions, thoughts or words from dates.

Edited May 19, 2016 by Mikau

[preraph]

Remember, he is in his best behavior still, so this is alarming that this is his best dating behavior when he's really trying to impress a woman and he does that.

[basil67]

This begs the question, is any negative comment in any early date at all bad, a red flag, a deal breaker?

 

What if they were discussing what they like/dislike in terms of clothes? What if his tone and phrasing was positive? What if she asked him his opinion?

 

I personally think there's too many unknowns here to give a blanket answer. Dating would be boring if we can't respectfully disagree with any actions, thoughts or words from dates.

 

A positive tone or phrase would not use negative wording. Instead of "I don't love your style of dressing", you'd expect to hear "Oh, you'd look great in X outfit".

 

As far as dating goes, if there is already disagreement on thoughts, words or actions this early on.....I can't think it bodes well for future compatibility.

[Zapbasket]

This begs the question, is any negative comment in any early date at all bad, a red flag, a deal breaker?

 

What if they were discussing what they like/dislike in terms of clothes? What if his tone and phrasing was positive? What if she asked him his opinion?

 

I personally think there's too many unknowns here to give a blanket answer. Dating would be boring if we can't respectfully disagree with any actions, thoughts or words from dates.

 

*Yawn.* Sure. Respectfully disagree. Problem is, for there to be "respectful" disagreement, there has to be a build-up of a store of actual, well, RESPECT.

 

In the early phases of dating, sure, debate away on politics, music, current events, history, the best mountain bikes, whatever. And if someone gets all butt-hurt over your opinion that differs from theirs on such subjects, sure, that's their problem.

 

But let's not equate respectful disagreement about topics out in the world with a "disagreement" about something specific to the person you're just getting to know. They are not the same. When you're getting to know someone, you do so in a spirit of openness, just receiving whatever they put out to you, and appreciating the good stuff, while taking note of the bad stuff. YOU DON'T SHARE THE BAD STUFF. If he doesn't like her style, he doesn't have to date her. But to be ON an actual date with her and say he doesn't like her style of dress is extremely gauche. No one with ANY class would do such a thing, least of all men who EVER have any success with women.

 

Surely you know that? What you're talking about and what OP experienced are not the same things.

[katiegrl]

 

When you're getting to know someone, you do so in a spirit of openness, just receiving whatever they put out to you, and appreciating the good stuff, while taking note of the bad stuff. YOU DON'T SHARE THE BAD STUFF. If he doesn't like her style, he doesn't have to date her. But to be ON an actual date with her and say he doesn't like her style of dress is extremely gauche. No one with ANY class would do such a thing, least of all men who EVER have any success with women.

 

 

Exactly. We are talking very early dating here, NOT an established exclusive RL.

 

You don't like something (like the way she/he dresses), just don't date them again. Period, the end.

 

It's very arrogant to impose what YOU (generic you) like or don't like on your date in the early stages.

 

I mean who the hell are you anyway, Georgio Armani?

 

Even HE would never be so tactless (on second thought, he actually might..lol)

 

Seriously though, how arrogant.

[SwordofFlame]

No offense to OP and I completely agree that your date should not have said that. But I do think pant suits are unflattering too. I'm a butt and legs kind of guy. Is wearing a pant suit a dealbreaker? Absolutely not, but I do have a preference that my date wear skirts or dresses. Before anyone asks, I do try to dress nice as well too.

[clia]

What were his exact words? Did he really use the word "unflattering"? And I guess I have to ask...is it unflattering?

[basil67]

But let's not equate respectful disagreement about topics out in the world with a "disagreement" about something specific to the person you're just getting to know. They are not the same. When you're getting to know someone, you do so in a spirit of openness, just receiving whatever they put out to you, and appreciating the good stuff, while taking note of the bad stuff. YOU DON'T SHARE THE BAD STUFF. If he doesn't like her style, he doesn't have to date her. But to be ON an actual date with her and say he doesn't like her style of dress is extremely gauche. No one with ANY class would do such a thing, least of all men who EVER have any success with women.

 

Thank you for eloquently stating what I was thinking.

[Dis]

Oh hun, I'm so sorry! What a douche!!! Pantsuits are hot right now so I dont know where his head is at.

 

Other posters have hit the nail on the head. Its still very early on with this guy, cant imagine what a monster he'd turn out to be down the road.

 

Also, never tolerate a date insulting you...I wouldve left right there.

 

If he didnt like your outfit thats ok...but he shouldnt have said a word about it.

 

 

But IMO, from the way your describing the situation and him....I'd toss him to the curb 100%

[Polar965]

I wish peeps would be more specific than saying "Been dating for three of weeks." You could have had 10 dates within that period or one date!

 

How many dates have you had?

 

Not that it matters really, but for a guy to say this after only a few dates is arrogant and presumptuous.... next!

 

However, if he were your bf and you were in an exclusive RL, I think it's okay for him to tell you he doesn't like an outfit.... my bf used to wear the weirdest shirts sometimes, and I had no problem telling him!

 

He used to laugh....LOL

 

One time I wore a long skirt (maxi) and he preferred I wear a short skirt... so I changed.

 

Granted we were dating for awhile and exclusive so I think that makes a difference.

 

But frankly, the way this guy told you and then to say he doesn't like the way you dress (in general)?

 

I'd next him.

Yeah I get that. We've been seeing a lot of each other. Probably 3 times a week and overnite on weekends.

[mikeylo]

First it's your pants, next will be your hair , then how you walk , then how you talk ...., get my drift ?

[Toodaloo]

Yeah I get that. We've been seeing a lot of each other. Probably 3 times a week and overnite on weekends.

 

Its still very rude.

 

I have NO clue about fashion.

 

All my beau (like you not been together long but he is a fashionista) does is compliments the clothes he likes and shuts his mouth with the ones he doesn't. I know he is doing it. And yes I do tend to wear the clothes he likes around him more!!!

 

Sorry Polar but chalk this one up and if he steps out of line or is rude like this again then please walk.

[tayriley]

when someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. in this case, he is a guy that has no problem telling his own date that she doesn't look good in her outfit...maybe he really meant it or maybe he is a d-uchebag that negs girls...either way, he is no prince charming, and this is just the tip of the iceberg into who he is as a person.

 

i'm very protective of the things i wear because i put a lot of thought into the things i put on, especially for a date. if a guy i was on a date with told me he didn't like my outfit, i'd pick him apart until he either apologizes or i tell him to f-ck off.

 

seriously, i cannot FATHOM any guy with half a brain saying he doesn't like what his date is wearing. if you were in a LTR, then that could be acceptable IF YOU ASKED HIS OPINION, but certainly not in the beginnings when you are getting to know a person.

 

just the other day i was out with a guy who was wearing a button up in an odd shade of green. the color didn't look good on him. but did i say anything?? NO. i had that thought and then i moved on from it to actually get to know this person and have fun laughing with him. if i were his girlfriend, i'd probably tell him i love seeing him in these other colors or buy him stuff i think he'd look good in...but i'm not his gf..i just started seeing this person. i dont need to impose my fashion opinions on him!!! (and even then, i have a fashion background, so it would make sense for me to. does this guy even know ANYTHING about fashion?)

 

seriously, this guy sounds like a d-uche. next.

[smackie9]

It's called manners.....he doesn't have any.