Author Summer sunset Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 A couple of thoughts pop into my mind here... the first, is that your husband's definitely cheating on you by your description. I was on the fence but the extra info makes it so you don't need Sherlock holmes to tell you (cus I'm not smart enough to be him, lol). the second is that if he's pissed off when you act happy? f*cking act happy more often. do it just to mess with him. because... that right there is funny. you already are looking at your marriage with enough pain... when you finally do get out of it, you can at least look back and see that even though he was a jerk you had fun messing with him. Think of it like moving the stapler to a different spot on the desk of the OCD co-worker after they leave for the day. a funny prank. the third... is as weird as it sounds, there are folks that are locked away in prison that ARE happy. they choose to be regardless of their circumstance. Yes, for some it shows a twisted mind, but for others it shows an inner strength and confidence in who they are. Now keep in mind, I'm not telling you that you should stay or go. That's your decision, and it sounds like you've already made it. I'm telling you that... idk... you're already in a sucky place, why not make the best of it? I am a generally happy and cheerful person, but my dynamic with my husband does really stress me out. It's amazing that people can be happy in prison. I wish I could be 100% happy I'm the situation that I'm in, but it feels like a part of me is dying. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 I am a generally happy and cheerful person, but my dynamic with my husband does really stress me out. It's amazing that people can be happy in prison. I wish I could be 100% happy I'm the situation that I'm in, but it feels like a part of me is dying. Heard of the 180? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Summer sunset Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 Heard of the 180? No, I haven't Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 If you arent going to have an affair, as you repeatedly state...why are you posting in a forum geared toward infidelity? Side note: Your husband says you are achild that needs to be raised? Hmm...well Id show him You are a difnified independent woman with value and enough integrity to not stand by and be abused but rather WALK OUT standing on your own 2 feet without his help and having survived abuse. What you are about to show him is you are in need of validation and rescuing and so you are entertaining and accepting of gray area baiting from a MM who's boundaries are lose (maybe) and instead of having the courage to walk away, face your life and address why youve stayed, you are looking for a soft place to fall, you are looking for, waiting for, hoping for MORE of another mans attention. Its escapism. The fantasy is allowing you to run from the hell that is your life. Regroup. IF this man IS flirting and baiting you, its disgusting and disrespectful. This isnt high school, it isnt sweet and courting you. MM are cake eaters. MW too...it isnt love, its using. Then your dropped, ghosted, dday, so many scenarios...all HELL. You have enough on your plate. Wouldnt it be blissful to be single..the right way...steaightforward divorce, healing, rediscovering yourself... THEN and only then can you date anyone. Stop running from your problems. Call friends, family, abuse centers, get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 I haven't read the entire thread. Your instincts are correct and you don't need strangers to read the evidence for you. You already know. Trust that. You are treading in dangerous territory and, while exciting for both of you, someone needs to keep their heads about them. There are children involved here so be careful. You may find comfort in his arms but someone is going to get hurt. Best of luck to you. I don't recommend affairs. They're very difficult and change you FOREVER. Link to post Share on other sites
Liam1 Posted May 20, 2016 Share Posted May 20, 2016 If I'm being honest, I've developed feelings for him over the past several months. It doesn't help that my marriage of 10 years is terrible. My husband is controlling and emotionally and verbally abusive to myself and the kids and I'm basically just trying to make it until I can secure a full-time position (he refuses to go to therapy or admit that there is anything wrong with the way he treats us). I will NOT act on these feelings or tell anyone about them, but I just want to know if he also has feelings. It's consuming my thoughts wondering if his actions are signs that he has feelings for me or if he's really just that nice and helpful. If you are planning to divorce your husband, this is the worst possible time to get yourself ensconced in a new relationship. Perhaps you are developing feelings for this man out of emotional neediness rather than real attraction. It's possible that your intuition is right in that he finds you attractive and interesting to talk to, but that does not mean he wants a relationship. Caution is advised. Why not wait until your divorce is final and then set out to find new relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Summer sunset Posted May 20, 2016 Author Share Posted May 20, 2016 I've been thinking long and hard about why I want to know if he has feelings. If I'm being 100% honest, what I would want is to have both of us say how we feel, and have one encounter (not even sex, just a kiss) and then move on. I don't think that's ever going to happen. I don't think either of us would ever make a move or confess feelings...I know that I wouldn't be the first to. And I will probably never see him again very soon. It kind of reminds me of a situation I had years ago with a guy. My oldest son's father played a professional sport and was a world class jerk (I seem to have a thing for those). He got called up to a higher level team a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant and moved out of state. We talked about possibly breaking up and decided that we would put things on hold for awhile until u was able to visit him and then decide. Well, I went to a theme park with a few of the guys from his team (the lower level team in my city that he had just left) and their wives/girlfriends. I ended up spending a lot of time with this one guy and we really hit it off. He wasn't a GQ, cocky kind of guy like my ex, he was a sweetheart, and a gentleman. We really connected on a cognitive level and it felt different than any person I'd ever been attracted to before...like somewhere deeper. Then, 2 days later I found out I was pregnant, and flew out to spend the majority of the summer trying to work things out with my ex. When I returned the season was wrapping up here. The nice guy knew I was pregnant, but wanted to take me out anyway. We went out and had a wonderful time, he was such a gentleman and we didn't even kiss. The next day he had to go back to his home state halfway across the country. We kept in touch throughout the off-season and knew he would never have any reason to come back to my city. I had to go to their spring training location 9 weeks after the birth of my son in order to get papers signed by my ex and the nice guy wanted to take me out while I was there. We had an amazing date that he planned, which ended with him taking me to a quaint little lake-side town where we took a long walk around a lake and shared a kiss. We talked about how we knew we could never be together. We lived nowhere near each other and he was nowhere near ready to take on the responsibility of someone else's child...especially someone he despised (he hated my ex). But we were both glad that we had that one night together. It wasn't sexual. We held hands and kissed and talked and laughed. It was about two people that had a strong connection and found a specialness in each other, but couldn't be together. This was years before texting and social media and we lost touch within a year of that, but we were both happy that we had that one night to remember. I think I see this guy in the same way. However, I know that it is wrong because this time it's not two single people. I know that everything you all have said is right and I need to forget about this, and I'm sure I will in time as I have zero intentions of pursuing this. But I thought maybe that'd give a little clarity in to what I have going on in my head. Sometimes I have a hard time figuring myself out, so thank you all for your input and trying to understand, Link to post Share on other sites
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