He kissed someone else

[BlackMac]

Hi everyone, I'll try to make it as short as possible.

This is very fresh so I apologize if I come across too emotional or whatever.

 

I've been dating a guy for a month, and it's been incredible. Talking every day, dinner, then multiple nights over my house - lots of playing, teasing, laughing, never actual sex.

 

Everything seemed to go in the right direction, agreed to be exclusive as none of us was talking/seeing other people SUPPOSEDLY.

 

He's a bit of a party boy, 25 years old, works 5 days a week but loves to go out with his friends and get drunk - and to be honest, I don't mind drinking either but I'm past the 'club monster' stage, I'm 28 by the way.

 

One or two weeks after we first started dating, probably one week in, he went out on a Saturday night and got really drunk, smashed his phone. Texted me at 4 am asking how I was and telling me what happened.

 

I called him when I woke up and he said he went clubbing with a coworker of us - yes, we work together, but in different sections of the building, but the other person works with him - and met his own friends as well that night. Big party.

 

Two days ago my friend who works with them told me that a while ago 'the third wheel' went to her and confessed that they made out that night but there's no interest on their hand, in fact they're not attracted to him. She thought I should know.

 

Now, that must have happened when me and him first started off, but the fact that he never told me, that he works with this person so they see eachother more than we do, makes me wonder if he's just a player.

Let's say it never happened, it could easily happen with anyone - let's be honest, we all know what happens when we go out clubbing and drinking.

 

Long story short, I confronted him from a distant angle asking if anything happened between them as I had a feeling, and he kept stalling answering with questions 'why would you think that'/'what is bringing this on'... Which was exactly the last thing he said to which I didn't reply because I was too upset.

That was two days ago, haven't spoken ever since.

 

So there's two options here: either the other person is lying - but why would they? Or he doesn't want to admit what happened for whatever reason.

And I don't know what to do, other than thinking of them being back to back every day upsets me a little and I don't feel like I'm supposed to break the silence even if, technically, I'm the one who never replied to his (stupid) question.

[CarrieT]

It has only been a month and I think you have figured out that you don't have the honesty from him you would want in a long-term relationship, he can't manage his alcohol, over-reacts in situations (smashing his phone?), and is deceitful.

 

Again, at a month in, I think there are enough red flags to question continuing this "relationship."

[lilmissjava]

Creating drama in the workplace isn't a good idea (your friend or whoever it was approached you with what happened to the third wheel).

 

Dating someone in the workplace is an even worse idea.

[BlackMac]

It has only been a month and I think you have figured out that you don't have the honesty from him you would want in a long-term relationship, he can't manage his alcohol, over-reacts in situations (smashing his phone?), and is deceitful.

 

Again, at a month in, I think there are enough red flags to question continuing this "relationship."

 

Smashed meaning he dropped it and it cracked a little

[BlackMac]

Creating drama in the workplace isn't a good idea (your friend or whoever it was approached you with what happened to the third wheel).

 

Dating someone in the workplace is an even worse idea.

 

Well I didn't decide we would like eachother. Also, we work for the same company but in different departments, so we don't see each other at all.

[d0nnivain]

Two weeks after you two started dating he sucked face with another co-worker. She told a mutual friend & your friend told you. Do I have that right?

 

When did you & this guy decide to become exclusive? If you hadn't had that talk at the time he was kissing this other person, he was perfectly free to do just that.

 

Because you all work in the same company he does have a "player" vibe. He also seems to be indiscreet at best. I would not want his poor judgments to blow back on me at work. Think about your career when you make your decision.

 

When you asked him if he'd ever kissed this other woman & he was evasive, that doesn't bode well for his integrity either.

[BlackMac]

Two weeks after you two started dating he sucked face with another co-worker. She told a mutual friend & your friend told you. Do I have that right?

 

When did you & this guy decide to become exclusive? If you hadn't had that talk at the time he was kissing this other person, he was perfectly free to do just that.

 

Because you all work in the same company he does have a "player" vibe. He also seems to be indiscreet at best. I would not want his poor judgments to blow back on me at work. Think about your career when you make your decision.

 

When you asked him if he'd ever kissed this other woman & he was evasive, that doesn't bode well for his integrity either.

 

That was a constructive comment, thank you I'll think about that. x

[preraph]

Look, he's a guy in his 20s and you've been messing with him for a month and still haven't had sex. Even I know that isn't going to last long. If you're not even having sex and you're no teenager, then I wouldn't expect you to be calling yourselves exclusive, and unless he has asked you for exclusivity, I wouldn't assume you are about to get that from him. A month isn't a long time to date to expect exclusivity, but it is a long time for a 20-something guy to date a woman who is not still a young teen and get nowhere sexually. Just sayin. You do have every right to wait and hold out and see if you get what you want first, but he also has the right to keep dating other women.

[Poutrew]

It could also be that he was too drunk to remember what actually happened, just that something may have happened. I would examine the motives of the person who told you - if they are a co-worker, what do they stand to gain from causing a crisis? Some people are bad that way...

[Jabron1]

Are you sure this guy is even gay?

 

I'm not an expert on gay relationships, but I know men. We like to have sex, and have less qualms about it than women do.

 

Unless...

[BlackMac]

Ok so let's update the situation. He stayed over many times and did a lot of games, but none of us tried to actually have sex. I think he respects me in a way that he's waiting for me to make it happen. But we've been wild if that makes sense.

After two days of silence, I texted him and apologized for confronting him that way, saying I was upset cus I heard it from someone else and saying that at the end of the day he's not my big so whatever he does is his business.

 

He confessed, or shall I say admitted they kissed that night. He doesn't want me to feel a certain way if I see them speak at work or whatever, he reassured me that they only kissed that night cus they were drunk and still to this day, he's only talking to me not anyone else.

And yeh he's been single for so long that when he goes out and gets attention, things like that happen, although not every single time.

 

And he doesn't want me to have that mindset about him from now on every time he goes out, because we do spend a lot of time together and he does like me but we just work differently, it takes him more time to open or whatever.

 

He wants me to trust me and just wait and see myself how 'he works', so I'm gonna give him this chance.

I'm probably gonna give it another month, pull back a little cus obviously we are on different levels so I need to slow down, and then I'll make a decision.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Not gonna lie, I'm a little scared but I appreciate his honesty.

[Poutrew]

He wants me to trust me and just wait and see myself how 'he works', so I'm gonna give him this chance.

I'm probably gonna give it another month, pull back a little cus obviously we are on different levels so I need to slow down, and then I'll make a decision.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Not gonna lie, I'm a little scared but I appreciate his honesty.

 

HE has already shown you how 'he works'. He will make out with someone and blame it on a mixture of his shy-boy ways and alcohol. Do you really think it will be any different next time? How about when he gives you an STD? "Oh baby, I was drunk and she gave me so much attention I couldn't help myself. Don't worry, Herpes isn't fatal..."

 

Are you really so desperate for male attention that you are willing to put up with this? If so, you are not ready for a relationship... work on yourself first.