Trying to Purge my Toxic Hatred

[MIK3 WB]

Hey Mike.

 

You'll be fine man. Keep doing what you're doing. To add on to what Tara has said -

 

While women thrive on male attention, they will not spend extensive amounts of one-on-one time with a man they're not sexually attracted to. For future relationships, if you're girlfriend is talking about, seeing, or mentioning another guy's name to an extent that makes you feel uncomfortable in your gut, something is up and the relationship is basically dying. If you confront her - it excites her and pushes her further towards the new exciting guy. If you do nothing, she continues to see the guy. You end the relationship the moment this starts to happen, no questions asked. No talking about it, no discussions, no "warnings" - you end it, because she's already checking out.

 

Here's some fun biology for you. Women branch swing - if this one guy is better than you in some way, giving her something you're not - you're doomed. It is an evolutionary female adaptation - all throughout history women mate with the stronger male

 

Biology is inescapable and will forever be the driving force behind all human interaction. We all seem to forget that or choose to either be offended by it or ignore it, sadly.

 

Just some food for thought.

 

Anyway, keep your head up.

 

Hey man, I appreciate the kind words.

 

And yes, this is what I've learned from the relationship I had. When some guy comes and she's interested in him, there's nothing I can do. I have to accept that. Those Hollywood movies where the boyfriend gallantly swoops in and wins the girl back just doesn't work in reality. Distancing myself, or telling her I trust her to hang out with him, just makes it easier for her to go towards him. If I try to do anything to stop it, or tell her how I feel, she will also be driven to him and feed me nonsense to keep me strung along for the ride just in case it doesn't work out ("he's just a friend, don't worry"). It's literally a checkmate situation. Might as well keep your dignity and call it quits. They might flip out and call you are excessively jealous and say you're jumping to conclusions to call it quits, but they are only saying this to make themselves feel better about what they're doing.

 

I don't mind my girlfriend having guy friends, but when they go out often and do things akin to dating (dinners, going to eachother's places alone, texting all day, and flirting) then no. I refuse to be someone's Plan B while they explore other options. You're committed to me or you're not. Otherwise I'll find someone else.

 

As for the second paragraph it almost implies that relationships shouldn't even be attempted, because there will ALWAYS be someone better than you, but it's up to your partner to accept you for who you are and have the discipline to suppress their primal instincts and stay committed. Maybe those people are just rare. It's always sad to hear stories about people being married for 30 years and then a partner cheats on another. I just don't understand. I'm not saying I've never entertained the idea of being with another woman while in my relationship, but I would never do it. My philosophy is to treat others how I want to be treated. How can I expect to have a loyal partner if I can't be loyal myself? I'm loyal until the end and I expect the same of my partner. I don't think it's too much to ask.

Edited May 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[MIK3 WB]

Hey guys, thought I'd provide another update. I also really like hearing what you guys have to say.

 

It's officially been 2 weeks since I cut my ex out of my life. It's already getting easier, but there are days where I'm feeling guilty for what I did (cussed her out for the first time ever after finding out she was emotionally cheating on me). However, I tell myself I don't owe her anything, and that includes being nice to her. She had no regard for my feelings, so why should I have spared hers?

 

Weird thoughts occasionally cross into my mind that encourage the guilt. For example, it's just a strange thought to think that were a big part of each others lives for 3.5 years, and now we are complete strangers to each other who will live out our own lives and die old without speaking another word to each other. It's a strange, morbid and depressing thought, but it's not enough to make me ever contact her and absolve her of her guilt for what she did. I don't think anything will convince me to do that.

 

To help me cope, I've been writing all my thoughts in a word document consisting of all my thoughts and rationalizations as well as helpful posts from right here at LS. Whenever I feel sad or guilty, I read through that. It's currently at 8,000 words, so I've done a lot of venting. It helps me get my thoughts in check about never speaking to her again.

 

I also joined the gym last week and went with a friend, and I literally did not think about her at all. I had a great time and continue to keep on going. I'm an aspiring police officer, so I need to focus on me and my future career. I also went back to volunteering and that really helped take my mind off (I didn't go the week I found out my ex was with someone else because I was a mess and depressed).

 

I'll admit it would make me happy to hear from her that her relationship with the new guy failed and that she is sorry for what she did, but I know her: her ego won't allow it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting around my phone at night waiting for this apology that will likely never come, but I can't help but wonder how satisfying it would be to get it. I'm not held up on it though, just merely venting.

 

The name of the game now is self improvement. I know what I'm worth, and it's way more than being someone's second choice or a Plan B. This experience has taught me a lot, and I'm glad to have learned these lessons this early in my life (I'm 25).

[heybabes]

Hey guys, thought I'd provide another update. I also really like hearing what you guys have to say.

 

It's officially been 2 weeks since I cut my ex out of my life. It's already getting easier, but there are days where I'm feeling guilty for what I did (cussed her out for the first time ever after finding out she was emotionally cheating on me). However, I tell myself I don't owe her anything, and that includes being nice to her. She had no regard for my feelings, so why should I have spared hers?

 

Weird thoughts occasionally cross into my mind that encourage the guilt. For example, it's just a strange thought to think that were a big part of each others lives for 3.5 years, and now we are complete strangers to each other who will live out our own lives and die old without speaking another word to each other. It's a strange, morbid and depressing thought, but it's not enough to make me ever contact her and absolve her of her guilt for what she did. I don't think anything will convince me to do that.

 

To help me cope, I've been writing all my thoughts in a word document consisting of all my thoughts and rationalizations as well as helpful posts from right here at LS. Whenever I feel sad or guilty, I read through that. It's currently at 8,000 words, so I've done a lot of venting. It helps me get my thoughts in check about never speaking to her again.

 

I also joined the gym last week and went with a friend, and I literally did not think about her at all. I had a great time and continue to keep on going. I'm an aspiring police officer, so I need to focus on me and my future career. I also went back to volunteering and that really helped take my mind off (I didn't go the week I found out my ex was with someone else because I was a mess and depressed).

 

I'll admit it would make me happy to hear from her that her relationship with the new guy failed and that she is sorry for what she did, but I know her: her ego won't allow it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting around my phone at night waiting for this apology that will likely never come, but I can't help but wonder how satisfying it would be to get it. I'm not held up on it though, just merely venting.

 

The name of the game now is self improvement. I know what I'm worth, and it's way more than being someone's second choice or a Plan B. This experience has taught me a lot, and I'm glad to have learned these lessons this early in my life (I'm 25).

 

Hey Mike,

 

Just reading through your thread and your last update seems really positive and I'm really happy for you. I'm currently going through a very similar thing, except I found out my ex was cheating on me after 5 years, although telling me evrything was fine and that he wanted to marry me, and we were making plans to move back in together etc.

 

As soon as I found out about the cheating and I texted the girl, he went mental at me, told me I (yes, ME!!) was a psychopath for doing it. I even said I would forgive him for it. This was just over a week ago and I am absolutely broken up about it. I also feel the toxic pain and anger inside me as to how he could do this to me after all those years. Not only cheat and be horrible and abusive, but also to not even talk to me after. He didn't even say he was breaking up with me (to my face, he has done to his family) instead he just let me beg him and ignored me.

 

I hope everything is still going well. For me I have good moments, but also very bad ones. Usually worse when I wake up in the mornings (I keep waking up at like 5am) and I have dreamt we're still together and then I have hours by myself, sleeping in the bed we used to share, thinking about what's happened. It's terrible. I'm trying to get better and I know I will at some point, but it's so so so so hard right now. I guess it's only been a week and the circumstances are so rubbish.

 

Sorry went off on a rant there, but anyway, if you ever need to talk, I understand!!!

[MIK3 WB]

Hey Mike,

 

Just reading through your thread and your last update seems really positive and I'm really happy for you. I'm currently going through a very similar thing, except I found out my ex was cheating on me after 5 years, although telling me evrything was fine and that he wanted to marry me, and we were making plans to move back in together etc.

 

As soon as I found out about the cheating and I texted the girl, he went mental at me, told me I (yes, ME!!) was a psychopath for doing it. I even said I would forgive him for it. This was just over a week ago and I am absolutely broken up about it. I also feel the toxic pain and anger inside me as to how he could do this to me after all those years. Not only cheat and be horrible and abusive, but also to not even talk to me after. He didn't even say he was breaking up with me (to my face, he has done to his family) instead he just let me beg him and ignored me.

 

I hope everything is still going well. For me I have good moments, but also very bad ones. Usually worse when I wake up in the mornings (I keep waking up at like 5am) and I have dreamt we're still together and then I have hours by myself, sleeping in the bed we used to share, thinking about what's happened. It's terrible. I'm trying to get better and I know I will at some point, but it's so so so so hard right now. I guess it's only been a week and the circumstances are so rubbish.

 

Sorry went off on a rant there, but anyway, if you ever need to talk, I understand!!!

 

Hey, thank you for reaching out!

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through something similar.

 

I'd like to offer my advice. Do not forgive him. If not a matter of "if" he will cheat again, but "when" he will cheat again. I know it's hard to lose someone who you are used to being with, but you ARE capable of being happy without him. If he cheated on you, he will cheat on the new girl as well. He is not your problem any more.

 

The fact that HE got mad at YOU for calling him out on his cheating just shows the lack of maturity he has to stand up and confess what he did. Are these the kinds of qualities you want in a guy? Definitely not. You do NOT owe him any absolution of guilt for what he did. Just cut him out of your life completely, it's the best way to move on. Trust me, I know it feels terrible at first. You're so used to talking to a person and them being there for you, and suddenly they are gone, but you WILL come out a stronger person for it if you stick with it, I promise. Do NOT give him the satisfaction of begging to get back with him. Do not give him that power. The best revenge is to be happy and move on.

 

If you need to vent some more, I'm here.

[NoLeafClover]

I just couldn't stand but notice the reply by from the typical user who always seems to have a twist of things on almost every story...was it me or someone just blamed the OP for the relationship being doomed cuz the other guy said stuff to the girl the bf couldn't compete with..don't see how the OP is naive..if he threw a fit about her hanging with another guy then he'd be called controlling or not understanding her. Things can twist at any situation but what's interesting is how easy one is to put a blame on the OP when she was clearly into another guy.

OP don't blame yourself over this. Your ex is a liar and took full advantage of your trust. She not only broke your heart and lied to you about the reason why she wanted a BU, but she moved to another person right away. She didn't have the audacity to at least be honest with you. Chances are she did things with him while still with you. You have every right to be angry and pissed you should be.

 

Do not talk to this person ever again. It's hard but she has no respect for you and you should treat her such. If I were in your shoes I'd block her from everything and if she bugs you and wants to talk to you, tell her one of the few things;

1. You don't talk to people with no backbone

2. You don't talk to cheaters and liars

3. You tell her "you have nothing to say to an ex so f off my face"

 

Hope that helps you get my point. Forget her. Be angry if you must but don't let that control how you should treat this BU. Treat her like a girl you know but have no interest in dating or spending time with. That should be your ultimate goal to achieve with her at this point.

[keiji]

Hey guys, thought I'd provide another update. I also really like hearing what you guys have to say.

 

It's officially been 2 weeks since I cut my ex out of my life. It's already getting easier, but there are days where I'm feeling guilty for what I did (cussed her out for the first time ever after finding out she was emotionally cheating on me). However, I tell myself I don't owe her anything, and that includes being nice to her. She had no regard for my feelings, so why should I have spared hers?

 

Weird thoughts occasionally cross into my mind that encourage the guilt. For example, it's just a strange thought to think that were a big part of each others lives for 3.5 years, and now we are complete strangers to each other who will live out our own lives and die old without speaking another word to each other. It's a strange, morbid and depressing thought, but it's not enough to make me ever contact her and absolve her of her guilt for what she did. I don't think anything will convince me to do that.

 

To help me cope, I've been writing all my thoughts in a word document consisting of all my thoughts and rationalizations as well as helpful posts from right here at LS. Whenever I feel sad or guilty, I read through that. It's currently at 8,000 words, so I've done a lot of venting. It helps me get my thoughts in check about never speaking to her again.

 

I also joined the gym last week and went with a friend, and I literally did not think about her at all. I had a great time and continue to keep on going. I'm an aspiring police officer, so I need to focus on me and my future career. I also went back to volunteering and that really helped take my mind off (I didn't go the week I found out my ex was with someone else because I was a mess and depressed).

 

I'll admit it would make me happy to hear from her that her relationship with the new guy failed and that she is sorry for what she did, but I know her: her ego won't allow it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting around my phone at night waiting for this apology that will likely never come, but I can't help but wonder how satisfying it would be to get it. I'm not held up on it though, just merely venting.

 

The name of the game now is self improvement. I know what I'm worth, and it's way more than being someone's second choice or a Plan B. This experience has taught me a lot, and I'm glad to have learned these lessons this early in my life (I'm 25).

 

Don't ever feel guilty about your decision. As everybody's said, you did the right thing, and you should actually be proud of having taken the reins of your life from day one and cut her out completely. Not many people have the strength to do that.

 

As to being naive, I disagree. You confronted her about it and she lied. You were honest about your feelings and she wasn't. Were I to make a verdict on this, I wouldn't think twice.

 

Don't expect an apology from her. Actually, don't expect anything from now on. Immaturity and selfishness go hand in hand, so she probably thinks she's done nothing wrong and you're just bitter and jealous. I've been there too, and it's infuriating, but you seem to be doing great, and when you see her in the street some months from now, her and what she did to you will be insignificant. Walking away from a relationship with a clear conscience is essential to accelerate the healing process.

 

Keep going!

[MIK3 WB]

Don't ever feel guilty about your decision. As everybody's said, you did the right thing, and you should actually be proud of having taken the reins of your life from day one and cut her out completely. Not many people have the strength to do that.

 

As to being naive, I disagree. You confronted her about it and she lied. You were honest about your feelings and she wasn't. Were I to make a verdict on this, I wouldn't think twice.

 

Don't expect an apology from her. Actually, don't expect anything from now on. Immaturity and selfishness go hand in hand, so she probably thinks she's done nothing wrong and you're just bitter and jealous. I've been there too, and it's infuriating, but you seem to be doing great, and when you see her in the street some months from now, her and what she did to you will be insignificant. Walking away from a relationship with a clear conscience is essential to accelerate the healing process.

 

Keep going!

 

You hit the nail on the head with this one. Throughout the relationship she would try to turn the tables on me for her wrongdoings because she couldn't bear the blame and guilt. For example, when she was late meeting me because she was hanging out with "the other guy" (on THREE separate occasions, mind you), she tried to turn it around on me and make ME feel guilty claiming I was intolerant and didn't understand that people can just get caught up in the moment and "not notice the time".

 

The immaturity endured even right up until the end, when she confessed everything I cussed her out for what she did, and the last thing she told me was that I was "acting like like an absolute child" and that I "was spiteful" and she could see that I "would never change". When she told me that, that's when I officially began NC. Didn't bother to reply to that nonsense.

Edited May 24, 2016 by MIK3 WB

[MIK3 WB]

Above all, she told me "You're not going to make me feel bad about this. I've done nothing wrong". Like come on.

[LD1990]

Above all, she told me "You're not going to make me feel bad about this. I've done nothing wrong". Like come on.

 

And that's another reason why NC is the way to go. You never get the response you want if you talk to your ex. You can present all the evidence in the world, build the most airtight case that would hold up in any court of law about how your ex clearly cheated on you, but you're still not going to get a sorry. It's infuriating, particularly when someone who can't even take responsibility for her actions has the nerve to call you childish.

 

At least you know now that your ex is a child in terms of maturity. It takes a mature person to admit wrongs and apologize, and your ex clearly isn't there. Trust me man, she has this entire situation twisted in her head to make you the bad guy. She doesn't consider herself a cheater, I guarantee she blames some perceived fault of yours for making her cheat. Then when you rightfully get upset, she takes that as some sort of proof she was right about you.

 

I heard some of the exact same stuff from my ex. Our breakup was, of course, all my fault, despite her talking to another guy behind my back. Then, after she moved out, this girl literally wanted to keep several large items stored at my apartment indefinitely because she didn't have space for them. When I told her I was her ex, not her storage unit, she told me "you're being childish." When I gave her a deadline to get her stuff and actually made her stick to it, she told me that she originally had hope for us, but after how I acted, she could never go back to me. So I can relate. Just remember how ****ty your ex has been whenever you're tempted to contact her.

[keiji]

Guys, if you told me the three of us are talking about the same person, I'd believe you hands down!

[toastytiger]

Well this was really helpful to read!

I like that you used the phrase "toxic hatred" in your title. Because that's what it feels like, toxic to your own self to hold on to that anger/hatred/resentment.

 

I'm in a very similar boat of having been emotionally cheated on, strung along -- all done in a very cunning, deceitful way. And the desire for him to simply own up to it, to apologize for his immature and selfish behavior is strong. A small part of me is still considering writing an email sharing my disapproval of his behavior because I don't want to let him off the hook.

But something else in me says, what's the point? I know what happened was wrong, and he doesn't deserve any more of my energy. I want to be so much in my own power that I don't need anything from him, not even an apology.

 

I will get there and so will you. Even though hearing the new relationship didn't work out would be sweet (Trust me, I'm with you) and hearing a genuine "I'm sorry" would be nice -- One day, you're really not going to give a sh*t because you're so fully immersed in living your own fantastic life and don't have time for someone who doesn't fully respect you.

 

And yes, life is weird. Relationships are weird. You are so incredibly close with someone and the next moment, you are strangers. Seems that's the best way to heal though -- to cut ties with them.

Makes sense that such immense joy and such immense sorrow are two sides of the same coin.

 

The name of the game now is self improvement. I know what I'm worth, and it's way more than being someone's second choice or a Plan B. This experience has taught me a lot, and I'm glad to have learned these lessons this early in my life (I'm 25).

 

Yes Mike! These words describe exactly how I feel to a tee. I am 26 and I am glad I am learning this huge lesson now.

[MIK3 WB]

And that's another reason why NC is the way to go. You never get the response you want if you talk to your ex. You can present all the evidence in the world, build the most airtight case that would hold up in any court of law about how your ex clearly cheated on you, but you're still not going to get a sorry. It's infuriating, particularly when someone who can't even take responsibility for her actions has the nerve to call you childish.

 

At least you know now that your ex is a child in terms of maturity. It takes a mature person to admit wrongs and apologize, and your ex clearly isn't there. Trust me man, she has this entire situation twisted in her head to make you the bad guy. She doesn't consider herself a cheater, I guarantee she blames some perceived fault of yours for making her cheat. Then when you rightfully get upset, she takes that as some sort of proof she was right about you.

 

I heard some of the exact same stuff from my ex. Our breakup was, of course, all my fault, despite her talking to another guy behind my back. Then, after she moved out, this girl literally wanted to keep several large items stored at my apartment indefinitely because she didn't have space for them. When I told her I was her ex, not her storage unit, she told me "you're being childish." When I gave her a deadline to get her stuff and actually made her stick to it, she told me that she originally had hope for us, but after how I acted, she could never go back to me. So I can relate. Just remember how ****ty your ex has been whenever you're tempted to contact her.

 

The bolded line was put at the very top of my venting document. It says so much. A lot of my venting document is going over the facts about what I did to prevent this and how she ignored it and played dumb, but in the end I need to realize that logic simply cannot be applied here. I have this obsession of "being right", but being right doesn't change anything. It doesn't change what a terrible person she is, and it doesn't bring things back to the way they were.

 

I consider myself to be a logical and rational man and that is how I solve my problems in life, so dealing with her pure emotion, whims and lust to be with someone else is difficult. There's no rational explanation for it (or at least not a very good one). It is what it is.

 

And yes, your ex sounds just as childish and immature as mine. We're better off without them.

[MIK3 WB]

Well this was really helpful to read!

I like that you used the phrase "toxic hatred" in your title. Because that's what it feels like, toxic to your own self to hold on to that anger/hatred/resentment.

 

I'm in a very similar boat of having been emotionally cheated on, strung along -- all done in a very cunning, deceitful way. And the desire for him to simply own up to it, to apologize for his immature and selfish behavior is strong. A small part of me is still considering writing an email sharing my disapproval of his behavior because I don't want to let him off the hook.

But something else in me says, what's the point? I know what happened was wrong, and he doesn't deserve any more of my energy. I want to be so much in my own power that I don't need anything from him, not even an apology.

 

I will get there and so will you. Even though hearing the new relationship didn't work out would be sweet (Trust me, I'm with you) and hearing a genuine "I'm sorry" would be nice -- One day, you're really not going to give a sh*t because you're so fully immersed in living your own fantastic life and don't have time for someone who doesn't fully respect you.

 

And yes, life is weird. Relationships are weird. You are so incredibly close with someone and the next moment, you are strangers. Seems that's the best way to heal though -- to cut ties with them.

Makes sense that such immense joy and such immense sorrow are two sides of the same coin.

 

 

 

Yes Mike! These words describe exactly how I feel to a tee. I am 26 and I am glad I am learning this huge lesson now.

 

Hey toasty,

 

I read your thread before and I'm glad to see how you're faring in this situation. You're a strong gal, so don't give anyone the opportunity to mistreat you like that in the future. As you said, you have learned this huge lesson so I'm sure you'll be fine!

 

And yes, even to this day I want nothing more than for her relationship to fail and for her to endure this pain like I had to without an emotional crutch that worships the ground she walks on. But more importantly, I can't wait until I get to the part of my life where I simply wont care whether she is happy or suffering or even for an apology from her. To the point where the thought of this random guy having sex with my ex doesn't make me flinch with disgust and anger.

Edited May 28, 2016 by MIK3 WB

[toastytiger]

Hey toasty,

 

I read your thread before and I'm glad to see how you're faring in this situation. You're a strong gal, so don't give anyone the opportunity to mistreat you like that in the future. As you said, you have learned this huge lesson so I'm sure you'll be fine!

 

And yes, even to this day I want nothing more than for her relationship to fail and for her to endure this pain like I had to without an emotional crutch that worships the ground she walks on. But more importantly, I can't wait until I get to the part of my life where I simply wont care whether she is happy or suffering or even for an apology from her. To the point where the thought of this random guy having sex with my ex doesn't make me flinch with disgust and anger.

 

 

Thank you! You sound like you are keepin strong and respecting yourself through all this too!!

 

And yeah, the whole sex thing still gets to me as well. Absolutely gross. I like to stop myself before the thought even begins to fully form in my head -- otherwise my imagination runs wild and then so does my jealousy. I'll replace it with any other thought, or a song, or just "nanananananana"

No need to punish ourselves any more than we have to.

Edited May 29, 2016 by toastytiger

[MIK3 WB]

Hey guys, back with another update.

 

So far things have been getting better in my life. Still continuing with the gym, getting compliments on my gains, started a new job which I absolutely love and just enjoying life in general. Things seem to be looking up for me.

 

But some days aren't as great. Today I found myself thinking excessively about what she did to me and I still hate her and still hope her relationship fails with this new guy (not because I want her back, I absolutely do not, but I want her to get a taste of what she did to me and feel terrible guilt). I really envy people people who can tell their ex who cheated on them "I wish you the best and have a good life" and actually mean it, rather than try to come off as artificially civil when you are actually angry.

 

I've still been doing the right things. Strict NC, including not talking to mutual friends and asking about her or looking her up on Facebook (she's still blocked so I couldn't even if I wanted to) and I do not intend on changing these habits. It just sucks that she can still plague my thoughts.

 

I've also been discouraged about the notion of me finding a new girl. I feel like I don't ask for much: someone with integrity, who sets boundaries with male friends, someone who doesn't give up when things get tough and finds the "next best thing" instead of trying to fix it. On top of these expectations are the lessons I learned from my break up. I absolutely will not tolerate my significant other going out drinking alone with a guy, or going to his house, etc. I absolutely will not bother to try and control the situation because I know it is futile. I will just leave if in her mindset she finds that acceptable. I will not sit around while she tells me "he is just a friend" only to get dumped later down the line so they can begin a new relationship. I will not give her the power to do that to me.

 

Now even with all of these "standards" I have, the odds only get worse because the girls that even come close to my preferences are already in a relationship, and I refuse to be the guy who gets excessively close with a girl who is in a relationship (because then how am I any better than the guy who is with my ex?) in hopes of being with her if they break up. And even if she is single, what are the odds that the feelings are also reciprocated? I know this sounds pessimistic, but I consider myself a realist.

 

I feel that there are just so many obstacles and hurdles for a potential significant other to pass through to get to me. You may be assuming I have a "I'm too good for most girls" kind of attitude, but that's not what I'm trying to convey. I have never cheated and never will. I will always respect the boundaries I have with female friends and I expect them to do the same with me if I'm in a relationship. Not to say I've never been attracted to another girl while being in a relationship, I feel that is natural, but I have never acted on it and never will. I know I have enough discipline to resist any temptation. All I'm asking for is a woman who will do the same for me, but I get the impression these integral qualities are super rare these days.

 

I know the idea is to find happiness within myself, and I am. As I've said I'm enjoying my life for the most part. But I also hope that at some point in my life I will meet someone who fills these expectations. I would rather be single than lower my expectations. I really doubt someone is going to tell me "maybe you should date someone who cheated in the past, maybe they won't do it to you!". I'd rather avoid that potential mess and stay single.

 

Anyway, I know there may not be any concrete advice to give me. I just had to vent because today was kind of a low point.

 

Thanks for reading.

Edited June 19, 2016 by MIK3 WB

[whatnot]

I read most of it. (Skipped a little in the middle)

 

It's good to know you're doing better....taking care of yourself. That anger is normal (at least it's been so with me). It's good to get it out and vent.

 

I'm probably going to have to begin journaling. Friends and family can only do so much. I even get tired of listening to it myself.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I read your story and it sounds like your ex has major boundary issues. That it not to say your partner cannot have friends of the opposite sex but this idea of them hanging out at his house for intimate 1:1 dinners was a HUGE red flag. And even more so that she would accept such invitation.

 

It sounds like the path was already set by her in that direction and there isn't much you could have done. If you said no, that is not appropriate and told her you didn't want her to do that, she likely would have lied about it and done it behind your back. Or there is the off chance that if you did tell her no she would have stopper herself.

 

Either way in future do not accept a person who doesn't understand boundaries in a relationship and do no accept things from them that make you question your trust in them.

 

You have every right to feel angry but at some point you will have let go of that anger because as the saying goes: "anger is like taking poison and expecting your enemy to die"

[bubbaganoosh]

Look. I know it hurt but like anything else, every day it gets a bit easier. Stop the hatred though. All that will do is make you think of her more and you'll never shake her.

 

As far as that other guy. He didn't do anything she didn't want him to do. Remember that no guy gets to first base with any girl unless she wants him to let alone second, third or home plate. But if he thinks he's won a great prize he's wrong. What she did to you, she'll do to him so he'll get his.