Author Porter56 Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 I would just like to add that I don't lie to women I talk to or say anything that isn't genuine. I just don't feel like myself when I'm being social. As if being sociable isn't really apart of who I am or something...
Versacehottie Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Yeah in the moment it felt good but as I sit here tonight thinking about it I can't help but go over everything that happened and nitpick little things I said and did that I think sounded stupid. Even reading my last post about the bookstore girl I feel dumb for the things I said. I don't really know why but I just hear the things I say in my head and think "what a douche" and the girl is just going along with it being nice hoping she doesn't have to call for help lol. I am my own worst enemy I know... Done with a playful attitude (which it sounds like you did), the whole bookstore thing sounds completely charming and like good flirting and good connection. Not bad at all. Don't judge yourself. You got the result you wanted. You talked to a girl and approached her. I hope some other women will chime in: but that interaction was good, if I was attracted to you as well, I would say yes to a date or hint for one myself from it. it was good.
Author Porter56 Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 I don't know... I just realized that I didn't let her talk or ask her anything. It was just me trying to be funny. It could have gone better. My friend's wife was looking on and said the girl looked really into me. Apparently I don't read body language well or notice things. She said the girl was titling her head exposing her neck and inching closer to me as I talked to her. I don't look for those things because I'm already thinking too much as it is without trying to decipher the angle of her head being tilted and all that lol. I just can't feel a connection. I can't tell when this is happening or if it is at all...
Versacehottie Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 I don't know... I just realized that I didn't let her talk or ask her anything. It was just me trying to be funny. It could have gone better. My friend's wife was looking on and said the girl looked really into me. Apparently I don't read body language well or notice things. She said the girl was titling her head exposing her neck and inching closer to me as I talked to her. I don't look for those things because I'm already thinking too much as it is without trying to decipher the angle of her head being tilted and all that lol. I just can't feel a connection. I can't tell when this is happening or if it is at all... Ok, well you just need more practice. I agree with your friend's wife. I think with your recent posts that give insight into your backstory, part of the reason you want some "success" with a girl is to fill up the hole inside of you. So basically it's about you. Once it truly becomes more about connecting (ie getting out of your head, your past, any possible shortcomings, using a relationship or success to give you what you can't give yourself), you will be able to do it. You just need to allow more back and forth. It's not a show or a competition. Your goal is to have an INTERACTION or GET TO KNOW SOMEONE, even if it is for the shortest period of time (like the bookstore). It's going to make it harder if you keep jumping out of being in the moment to self-judge everything you do and then ruminate about it afterward, making assumptions that it was worse than it was and letting it ding your confidence. It probably isn't happening as much as you are imagining (in the bookstore example) but you do need to strive to connect and go with the flow. If it was just a perfect script that was needed for a show or manipulation, we could give it to you. But it isn't. You are doing fine. This was at the beginning of you making an effort and you were fine.
Author Porter56 Posted May 9, 2016 Author Posted May 9, 2016 And something weird happened at work today...it might just be wishful thinking on my part but... Green Eyes came to my desk today and said "I was just thinking that in case of emergency or anything work related you might need....You should have this" she hands me a postit with a phone number on it. I told her I had her phone number because it's in the work directory. She said "no that's my cell....just in case, you know....something comes up" 1
Versacehottie Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 And something weird happened at work today...it might just be wishful thinking on my part but... Green Eyes came to my desk today and said "I was just thinking that in case of emergency or anything work related you might need....You should have this" she hands me a postit with a phone number on it. I told her I had her phone number because it's in the work directory. She said "no that's my cell....just in case, you know....something comes up" ok, good. what did you say? even if you didn't say anything or whatever you did was nothing much of anything, you should think of something to text her about. She likes you, obviously.
Author Porter56 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 I just said "oh okay thanks "....real charmer I am. I don't know....she said work related when she gave it to me so it might be weird if I text out of the blue about something else... But I would have no reason to contact her though so it doesn't really make sense that she gave me her number in the first place. I'm nervous over a text lol...
AMJ Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Awww! I definitely think she likes you. There is no work-related emergency type reason, right? I never give personal contact information to coworkers unless I like them on at least a friends outside of work level. So the only thing that makes sense is that she wants you to ask her out. I don't really do much initiating, so I'm hoping a guy will chime in with better advice for this one. But maybe you could text her something work related (but lightweight work related- not a legit professional conversation) just to break the ice? Then when a conversation starts, you could shift to more non-work related territory? 1
Author Porter56 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 Well... I did it. I texted her "you know I'm so rude. I never thanked you properly for preparing all those reports for me. I want to treat you to lunch tomorrow" She said "2morrow is no good. I'm having lunch with friends. But u r right. U r rude lol". So I replied that I will take her to a local sports bar/restaurant for dinner and drinks and we could watch the baseball game there tomorrow night. Her exact reply: "u r full of great ideas!!! Pick me up at 6!" With like 6 smiley emoticons. I shaking im so nervous 2
AMJ Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Oh, see! You're not doing anything wrong...you don't need any advice- that was perfect! Apparently she likes you even though you're rude. Can you imagine how much more she will like you if you're not rude? She probably doesn't even have lunch plans, she just wanted you to ask her to dinner instead. Good luck and have fun! Don't be nervous. 1
Author Porter56 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 Ok I'm going nuts. I was too forward. I mean earlier today she was my friend who I'd known for over a year and secretly wanted to date but all of a sudden we're going on a date? Is it a date? I mean I didn't say the word date to her. Maybe I should make an excuse to postpone this until the weekend so I can mentally prepare for this....it happened so fast. I didn't even really think about it before I sent those texts.
carhill Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Go and make it a date. Lead. If she's interested, it'll flow. If not, not.
AMJ Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Don't you dare flake on her! Yes, it's a date. She knows it's a date. Don't freak out, just breathe. Act like you normally do, whatever it is seems to be working just fine. 1
Buddhist Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Well... I did it. Her exact reply: "u r full of great ideas!!! Pick me up at 6!" With like 6 smiley emoticons. I shaking im so nervous You're right! She so picky......... 2
Versacehottie Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Ok I'm going nuts. I was too forward. I mean earlier today she was my friend who I'd known for over a year and secretly wanted to date but all of a sudden we're going on a date? Is it a date? I mean I didn't say the word date to her. Maybe I should make an excuse to postpone this until the weekend so I can mentally prepare for this....it happened so fast. I didn't even really think about it before I sent those texts. NO NO NO. You cannot postpone. That will throw a wrench into things--where it will cause doubt for her. Plus you want to know what is really rude? asking and then postponing for a fake reason! You will not be any more prepared this weekend than you will be tomorrow. I mean it's been 20 something years of dating right? So you just need to take the leap. She did by saying yes... AND giving you her number!!! Good you are acting off instinct and caring for this green eyed person. Good, that's how it should be. Not having a script where you are prepared to say all the right things. I'm glad you didn't use the word date. Not necessary and less pressure. It is what it is, the beginning of a friendship outside of work and maybe more, some flirting and maybe more. Baby steps. For now just go and have fun. You can't plan it too much since however she participates will affect the trajectory of the date...um, "hanging out" evening. LOL. Have fun. Stop freaking out. This is great. Um, what are we 3-4 days from the beginning of this thread to a date with green eyes. That's pretty good. HAVE FUN & MAKE SURE SHE HAS FUN AND IS LAUGHING. She likes to laugh, evidenced by her lol. Good luck
Author Porter56 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 This is stupid, I can't do this. I'm not like normal people. I think I'm going to have a panic attack or something. She is being really weird towards me today, kinda distant. I can't handle this. This is not fun for me... I'm not ready to go on a date with someone I like this much...
Versacehottie Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 This is stupid, I can't do this. I'm not like normal people. I think I'm going to have a panic attack or something. She is being really weird towards me today, kinda distant. I can't handle this. This is not fun for me... I'm not ready to go on a date with someone I like this much... She's nervous. You're nervous. So you are both acting weird. It happens. It's normal. Get out of your head and just go out. If you flake it will be much worse. Just try to control your breathing right now. She is being distant too because now you two will talk tonight. 1
sc0316 Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 This is stupid, I can't do this. I'm not like normal people. I think I'm going to have a panic attack or something. She is being really weird towards me today, kinda distant. I can't handle this. This is not fun for me... I'm not ready to go on a date with someone I like this much... Just treat this like a "practice"; this will take pressure off you. We're all rooting for you!! 1
AMJ Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 It's just dinner and drinks with your friend that you've known for a year. Don't make this such a big deal in your mind- whatever happens in one night is not going to ruin your life. Let her do most of the talking, think today about what kinds of things you want to know more about (her) and ask her those questions later. When negative thoughts come up, just squash them. Tell yourself that everything will be fine and you'll both have fun tonight. And then keep telling yourself that until you believe it.
Author Porter56 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Posted May 10, 2016 Why would SHE be nervous? That doesn't make any sense. I'm calmer now but only because I'm focusing on work and not leaving my desk at all. I haven't even tried to so much as look at her all day. That seems to calm me down. Just pretending like she isn't even there. Wow that makes her sound like the boogeyman or something. Lol
LookAtThisPOst Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Ok so the title of this thread was meant to attract attention to it because I'd like serious input here.... I'm not saying a person shouldn't be picky because spending your life with someone is too big a deal to just go with anyone who comes along. What I think is that women might not be willing to accept a man for who he is as much as what they want him to be. All I hear is how when you meet a woman she has a mental checklist and she has tests she's going to put you through and as a man trying to meet women I'm told what to wear, how to do my hair, how to smell, how to stand, how to talk, how to walk but.... I should just be myself. What??? I feel like I'm going to sing in front of Simon Cowell rather than just trying to meet a new person...maybe make a new friend and possibly date if we have a connection. Another HUGE thing I hear about is this thing called status. Men should have status. Which is the polite term for money. Everyone knows that, but it sounds too shallow to say it so we cover up our true intentions with pleasant/politically correct language. My impression of all this is that with all this talk I hear about checklists,tests, and status makes me feel like women don't want you for who you are...they want you because of what you can do for them. This is fine. A person should go after what they want no matter what that is...to each his own. But it doesn't work for me is the thing. Just being myself: I have 3 degrees, good job, financially independent and stable but not wealthy, I am healthy and fit, like the outdoors and learning new skills blah blah blah...is middle of the road/average and doesn't exactly reek of "STATUS". So I'm never going to pass a checklist or test. I would like women's thoughts on this...why do you seem so displeased with the average man? Everytime a post like this comes up, I tend to always post about this book, by a woman that's an author: "Marry Him: The Case for Settling For Mr. Good Enough" The title sounds click-bait-ish, but it's more facetious as she addresses the issues with women paying no heed to what actually matters in a man when selecting a husband. Here's an editorial review made by one of many that summarizes the author's plight after a 4 year dry spell of being so picky. Starred Review* == Gottlieb, 37, made the decision to become a single parent after years of searching for Mr. Right. Four years later, when she still hadn’t found him, she decided to take a good look at her dating habits—and the dating habits of women around her—to see if the problem is not a dearth of good men but rather women’s expectations of them. (Spot on!) Gottlieb finds that women want it all—and often aren’t willing to compromise on their list of traits their ideal mate must have. In their twenties, many women leave good relationships based on an elusive feeling that they could find something more with someone else, and they regret it down the road when their choices dwindle. It’s not that women aren’t willing to settle; it’s that many refuse to recognize that their vision of the perfect man doesn’t match reality. With the help of dating coach Evan Marc Katz, Gottlieb reconsidered her own standards in the hope of finding happiness. Gottlieb’s honest, astute analysis will resonate with many women and make them uneasy as they recognize themselves in her experiences and those of the women she interviews. Gottlieb makes a strong case in this groundbreaking work. --Kristine Huntley
Grumpybutfun Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Thank God and I wish the one I had married had been pickier, you know, like marrying someone she really loved. The equanimity of this, and the praticality of wisdom with age is refreshing here. G
Jacques on stage Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 You are doing it here. And you have been funny, witty enough. Girls like funny. Girls like funny if it's wrapped up in a pretty package. Funny means nothing otherwise.
Versacehottie Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Why would SHE be nervous? That doesn't make any sense. I'm calmer now but only because I'm focusing on work and not leaving my desk at all. I haven't even tried to so much as look at her all day. That seems to calm me down. Just pretending like she isn't even there. Wow that makes her sound like the boogeyman or something. Lol Yes it does make sense. Just because she is more bold, more assured than you are doesn't mean she would't get somewhat nervous. Like someone (amj?) said, she knows it's a date or date-ish. Those can make even outgoing, confident people nervous. Make sure you don't have her on a pedestal--she is real and human, just like you. Not untouchable. Plus let me state the obvious biological fact: excitement can read as nervousness. Like good nervousness. Something you would do well to remind yourself, instead of going all doom and gloom with the nervous feeling. It's probably from a good thing as well as being a bit scared. Good that your are focusing on work. Stop overanalyzing everything. I'll tell you for a fact that I've been in your situation where I had an upcoming date with someone I knew through work (and I'm confident and outgoing and for sure wasn't overthinking it) and during the business time we saw each other before the date, I kinda avoided and he, the same. I think it's a sign that the couple is transitioning from a work friendship to an out of work friendship or more. It's normal. It just means there's a bit of uncertainty, a desire to not look too clingy, a response to how the other person (you) is acting, a desire to save built up excitement until the date AND the obvious: keep it on the down low because maybe she doesn't want others to overhear that you guys are spending off campus time together tonight. I know that's a reason I would avoid. Anyway, you are all good. Have fun tonight. Don't overanalyze within the date. Just enjoy your time together. In fact, don't analyze at all. Just tell yourself if you need to that you will save that for afterward if need be. Also remember like AMJ said, put it into a friend kind of mentality so as to keep the stakes and your nervousness low. Remember no one is asking you to go 0-60, nor she, nor should you be. Ohh, I'm excited (but not nervous!) for you!
Versacehottie Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Girls like funny if it's wrapped up in a pretty package. Funny means nothing otherwise. Well, not quite true. Partially though. I am self-admitted into looks and guys who are funny who I initially did not think were good looking have grown on me to the point of where all you can see is what a total package they are. I think it's a fact that the number one trait (yes girls are picky! but so are guys!) that they seek is: funny/or good sense of humor. I can specifically think of a couple of gorgeous guys I dated without a sense of humor and it got them nowhere fast. But I won't argue that funny wrapped in a pretty package is best. It can even be an awkwardly wrapped package if they are funny is my rebuttal to your post
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