Ex sent a goodbye letter in the mail? *long post*

[LoverCub90]

We had our ups and downs. We had a 4 month relationship that ended in January of 2015. We've had a lot of communication issues but one way or another: we always came back to each-other. He adds a friend of mine (this friend only had 100 friends at the time last month) and we're sorta flirting on Facebook. I get a text from him saying "You know I love you right?" that night. My friend told me he noticed my ex was following him, so I'm almost positive he saw it. He deletes him. Me and my ex don't have each-other on social media: we both agreed to this until we ever got back together.

 

I had gone up to Santa Barbara for the weekend a few weekends ago. Things were amazing. We go through the following couple weeks, nightly chats for hours on the phone, etc. He's 33, and I'm 26. I go up there again 2 weekends ago on a Friday. He and I for whatever reason don't really talk to each-other that weekend on Saturday. First night was fine. Well this was on me this time: I got quiet because I had just driven 2 hours to Santa Barbara after we had talked about possibly working things out for the first time in a year and a half: and out of nowhere he was irritated and seemed less affectionate than before. He doesn't really tell me he loves me this time around, started dying his hair, just seemed avoidy the whole day. It builds up with me.

 

We're sitting on the couch, and we get quiet. He texts me and asks "why are you quiet?" I get upset at this to be honest, I felt like we should be talking in person. I make a big deal out of it and massively overreact ( not sure why I did, never have before ) but I was hurt. I pack my bags and go to my car. He convinces me to stay, and I keep telling him I want to go home I feel like I'm being ignored. He told me it was because of his best friend staying home that day and he was annoyed with her cause they agreed to give me and him privacy for the 2 days I was there. I was already upset at this point so I wasn't having it. He asks me if I want to do this still ? I said I don't know (I was mad). He and I talk a couple more minutes and eventually talk and he says something that upsets me. He asks "do you want to leave and end things"? I say "I think so."

 

He gets out of the car immediately and I speed off in panic. I come back an hour later and tell him I have a migraine (I did) and try to talk to him. He just got quiet the entire time and was already devastated. He just says you can come sleep inside, but I'm sleeping on the couch you can have the room. I stay there the whole night and morning. Try to talk to him that morning and he wouldn't' come out of the room. I text him and convince him to come out, during the whole time between that and texting he just keeps saying "it's over you ended it last night". I keep telling him I didn't mean it, I was just upset.

 

I don't hear from him for a week. I don't text him, or call him after this. I tried and he just didn't want to work things out. I get a very long 13 page handwritten (small pages) letter explaining that he was sincerely sorry, that this is goodbye, that he screwed up and shouldn't have let me leave, but what's done is done and this is goodbye. That he deleted my contact info, that he needs to move on and I need to too, he deleted our pictures, and had also sent all my things back that I got him because he couldn't look at them.

 

I'm confused as to why he sent the letter? Was he truly meaning goodbye? Or was he trying to get a reaction? I had gotten an "ask" on tumblr from my good friend in the UK telling me he's very sorry to hear about what happened (I wrote about it on my Tumblr). He told me that my ex started following him on there after telling me in the letter he deleted all of his social media, because he can't see my face and can't stand to see if I move on or to see me with someone else.

Edited April 30, 2016 by LoverCub90

[d0nnivain]

You two have been in this weird no man's land where you hang out & talk but aren't dating.

 

 

I think after all the false starts & the failed relationship, this guy has finally figured out that apart is what's best so he's initiating a clean break. Let him. Honor it. Stay away. Go NC. Block him on social media. That way even if he's friends with mutual friends you will never know what's he's doing. If all you do is unfollow you can still see posts to other people's pages.

 

 

Until you completely let go, you will never heal.

[dumbass2]

When someone does that, it does mean that they are done. He knows that the contact has to end for good. It seems that it never did and never will go anywhere with you two and he recognizes that now. you had some fun times together and both did like each other. It's just you two aren't compatible. You should do the same and completely move forward without any thought of ever speaking to him again.

[Steven1]

Agree with D0n, it sounds as though his letter was more or less what he had left to say in the letter that he felt he had to and that was closure for him and he was probably hoping it was for you as well.

 

In a way I was the same. I sent a long winded text to my ex saying I couldn't be friends with her as (she now has another boyfriend just a few month after we split, together 7 years). I found out about it pretty randomly to be honest which was ironic lol. But yeah. After I found out I told her I couldn't be friends and couldn't see her being happy with someone else. I wished her all the best and that was that. Left it as clean as I could. I have moved on eventually, as will you. It may be best if you write down everything you wanted to say to him, you don't have to send it. But get it off your mind and give yourself closure as well.

[LoverCub90]

There's a lot more to it I just didn't want to go on a massive rant (as this was already massive): but we were very much in love with eachother. Everyone here at home saw that. That was just the very short and summarized bits to it and what happened. We didn't just talk as "friends" at all. It was very deep and very intimate.

 

I've showed the letter to multiple people, 2 are telling me to go up there and try to get him back, one's saying he's sending mixed signals, and my brothers saying he's playing games but seems like he still really loves me and is trying to seek a response. Like he doesn't know what he wants. I truly love this man.. a lot. Otherwise I wouldn't be posting here. All throughout the letter he kept saying it pained him so much and he was going to miss me.

 

We were just working on getting back together. We were both extremely excited. We're both gay and the relationship is a bit different for us. He left his ring that I got him in his car hanging when I got there in October of last year, he still had it hanging. Told me he's loved me after all this time: and when I left. He really wanted things to work. We were working on our friendship the last 7 months before we headed into this relationship. We didn't want to be like other people who rushed into things.

 

I just got confused. He wanted to take things slow so we didn't screw things up and I (being overly emotional) left. I got confused when he was holding back on the I love you's... but I was doing the same thing. Minus that? Thing were going so well.... and to be honest? Beyond this? Not much was screwed up. We're just very emotional people and little things got to him. We've only truly "argued" 3 times, and had debates here and there. Little things got to me too.

 

It's just very hard to deal with and he's a very very complicated person. He told me just a few weeks ago he could only see himself with me and has only been able to for a very long time. He couldn't see himself with anyone else.

 

I take that kinda crap literal. It's probably dumb, but I do. He was a very open person but hadn't been open with me about his feelings until a month ago. He flat out told me how he felt because he felt like he was losing me to other people (which isn't true, so many people have come along and I never let myself do that). I merely flirted because I was keeping my options open for show.

 

He's now followed one of my other good friends on social media. So I'm almost certain he's trying to see what I'm up to. Either way.. I wish I could post the letter in PDF format so they you guys can see what he wrote. I digitalized it and typed it out. It's pretty deep.

Edited May 1, 2016 by LoverCub90

[LoverCub90]

The Letter:

 

"Ok... so not sure how to start this.

 

Been thinking about what I want and need to say. Wish I could have a real conversation with you. But we both know that can’t happen. This isn’t a letter of hatred or bitterness. Keep that in mind as you read it. Because I know that’s always been an issue for us. Tone and meaning get lost in text. Hopefully you get the context of this letter.

 

First off, I want to apologize. I’m so sorry for everything. That last 24 hours we were together, just shouldn’t have gone down like that. I keep replaying it over and over in my head. I shouldn’t have walked away from you. And, I shouldn’t have let you drive away and out of my life. But what’s done is done. No going back. I think that was just the proof that we can’t and shouldn’t be together. Our emotions are just too high. We keep telling each other that they’re in check. But they’re not, and I don’t know if they ever will be.

 

This sucks! I feel like I lost my best friend. I sit here alone in my room at night, not knowing what to do with myself. No more phone calls to look forward to. I feel so empty. Like my chest is hollow. No more bull****ting around on the phone with you. No more heart to hearts. no more falling asleep on the phone with you because you brought me peace and comfort. I’m really going to miss those nights.

 

I just want you to know, I don’t hate you. I’m not even mad at you. I hope you feel the same way. Although, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I deserve it. I really ****ed things up this time. I’m so sorry!!!

 

I wanted to write you an actual letter because you deserve it more than just a simple text. This is my official goodbye to you. I’m deleting all your contact info. I’ll not longer have your number or your address. So you won’t have to worry about me reaching out to you. This doesn’t mean that I’ve blocked you. You don’t deserve that. Not like Matt and the lesbian. Those 2 were complete *******s to me. You never were. So I’m not going to do that to you. Deleting you will just make it easier for the both of us. I won’t be tempted to reach out to you and **** with your life again. You don’t need that hassle.

 

And if and when I ever decide to get Facebook or Instagram again. I won’t be blocking you from there either. I won’t be adding you. But I won’t be blocking you. You don’t deserve that treatment. And if I ever come across you on social media or in real life (it’s happened a few times with the lesbian), I’ll simply pass you online or give you a friendly nod in person. No need to be cruel to eachother.

I would say “let’s be friends.” But I already know I won’t be able to handle being just your friend. I know I’ve said in the past that I would be happy for you if you ever found someone new to make you happy. And I would be. Because you’re deserving of that. But I would be dying inside. The thought of you being happy with someone else, hurts so bad!! I can’t imagine what it would be like when it actually happens.

 

That’s why I’m giving you your freedom. The less I know about you, the better it will be for me. For my own peace of mind. I know it’s selfish of me. But that’s the only way I can think of to protect myself. I don’t want to be heartbroken again.

So even though you won’t be blocked by me. Your stuff will still be private. Because I don’t want to look at your social media and see something I know will break my heart. Whether it’s you happy with someone else. Or you possibly sick, or worse. I just don’t want to know. Because I don’t want to keep grieving.

 

I need to let you go.

 

I’ll also be deleting my family facebook in the meantime. I can’t go into my messages without seeing your thumbnail. Even that hurts me to see. So until I know I can be strong enough to see your face without crying, I’m going to make it so I can’t accidentally come across you on there. Only way to do that is deactivate. I also deleted all our pics together and the ones of just you. Couldn’t look at them without breaking down. Was thinking of printing them out and sending them to you. Just so they can still exist somewhere out there. But if I can’t look at them, it wouldn’t be fair to make you look at them either. You need to move on too.

 

Doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget them or you. You will forever be in my memories. Moving on and letting go, doesn’t mean forgetting. I will never forget you! You were a part of my life and continue to be a part of my life. In memory.

 

I love you.

 

This is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write. My heart is aching and I can’t stop crying. But this needs to be done. For both our sakes. It can’t hurt this bad if the love between us wasn’t real. It can’t hurt this bad if it wasn’t that strong. The way I’m feeling right now....... That must’ve been hercules level strong.

Take what happened to us and learn from it. It will only make you stronger and wiser. Make you better for the next guy who’s lucky enough to come into your life. Whether that be next week, next month, next year, or even next decade. I envy the guy who gets to call you his. Even if it takes you a few tries to finally get the right one. Just know that each guy who has a chance at dating you, their life will improve much more by having you in it.

 

You truly are the best. And deserve the best.

I hope you find peace. I hope you find comfort. I hope you find love.

I’m going to miss you so much!!!

 

Thank you for always being there for me. Even when I didn’t deserve it. Was lucky to have you in my life as long as I did. You truly are one of a kind. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for your love. Thank you for being you.

 

Wish you all the best. Goodbye Richard.

 

With much love, respect, and appreciation;

 

F. Stevens aka Snugglecub

aka - the ******* aka - the ****up aka - the one who let you get away"