Should I get off internet dating sites for a while?

[Cherryz]

And yes, get off the internet.

 

Socialize if face to face. And i think once you see you need more time then just sending a request true a website to get to a date, you wont be dating many.

Because being face to face or more direct then chat on internet is not as easy/fast as

dealing with someone in real. Beside you can see and know much faster of its someone you really like or no. Or that like you or no.

 

Its get more real and to the point.

Maybe you are doing many at same time because its seems so easy on true a app/website to ignore, or say what ever/when ever.

[d0nnivain]

Some guys prefer knowing that you've had dating experience and sexual experience as opposed to nothing or not much at all.

 

 

Wait. Is this about the long gap in your dating history or being sexually inexperienced? Announcing a 12 year gap shouldn't be a deal breaker no matter when you tell them. A 32 year old woman saying she's a virgin or waiting until marriage for a sexual relationship -- that I can understand men having a hard time with & running as soon as they learn this information.

[Versacehottie]

The question was "Should I get off internet dating sites for a while?" and not go on about how lomg she has been single for.

 

I think to move forward. Why not take time out? Take 6 months out from interent dating.

 

The reason i say this is I have a female friedn who has a date 3 times a week! She goes out tot eh same bar with all these different men. Im sure the bar staff thinks she is some sort of escort.

 

My friend gets tired of dating, and she suffers from dating burn out. She seems to be in the frame of mind the next man will be better than the next, or this is the one. Only to be let down.

 

Take out 6 months and focus on a hobby and if you do decide to go back online. You ll take internet dating with a different frame of mind.

 

Well OP brings it up nearly all the time. Some of us are saying that is the reason her dating is not successful is because she has a hangup about the gap (not the gap itself). It's relevant to the thread because she brought it up.

 

TBH, I think the last thing she should do is ADD MORE TIME TO HER PERIOD OF NOT DATING. Why so she can continue to be hung up about it???? And feel even worse?

 

She needs to face it head on. Well correction: face the dating head-on and throw her hang up out of the window. I think online can be very dismal but if it's her only avenue then she should do it but be more selective so she doesn't get discouraged. Increase her chances of things working out, better investments and feel fine saying no to a guy that's just so-so.

 

I do think the best thing to do is meet guys in real life, if she has that opportunity. Develop friendships (or flirty friendships). Invest in hobbies where there are guys present and socialize. She can and should do that now. She can put more emphasis on this than online dating.

 

From a purely psychology point of view, taking a break in dating, in light of how she describes her set of circumstances would be the wrong thing to do. That said, I see why you would recommend it--assuming she will continue to repeat the same patterns and nothing will change on her end if she doesn't take a time-out, she will likely continue to be disappointed, which is zapping her energy about it. Though if she takes a 6 month break and then comes back with the same approach 6 months from now, she is pretty much going to get the same results and will be crushed and more fearful.

 

I'm all for her changing her approaches and avenues toward dating. Good luck OP

[katiegrl]

Some of the responses on this thread confuse me.

 

If a woman meets a man and she asks "so when was your last relationship" (which posters often suggest asking as his history is relevant), and he responded 12 years ago, some (not all) posters would be yelling "run forest run, red flag"!

 

Assuming him to be either a commitment phobe, or have other issues.

 

I have read this many times on this board so know it's true.

 

If Daisy does not bring this up, chances are, eventually he is gonna want to know her dating history as well, and ask. By then, she may have become more emotionally attached.

 

Which she claims *has* in fact happened, and just like some posters have assumed about a man, he may (and apparently has) assumed that she may too, have some issues with commitment or relationships... or something else, and not want to date her anymore.

 

Regardless of whether that's true or not, we all make assumptions about people based on their past and their history. Personally I try not to, but IMO it's human nature to a certain extent.

 

So Daisy IMO continue doing and saying whatever you feel is right for YOU.

 

If you want to disclose early on, please do so. No need to feel ashamed, embarrassed or anything else. This is YOUR history, it has made you who you are today, be proud of that!

 

Own that!

 

The right guy won't care and will respect your honesty and confidence in being proud of who YOU are, including your decision to not pursue a relationship for 12 years..

 

Some may see it as a negative, if so good riddance, next!

 

That does not mean it IS a negative or that you have to see it as a negative.

 

Again, it's part of who you are.

 

Own it, be proud of it.

 

Good luck!

Edited April 30, 2016 by katiegrl

[d0nnivain]

If you want to disclose early on, please do so. No need to feel ashamed, embarrassed or anything else. This is YOUR history, it has made you who you are today, be proud of that!

 

Own that!

 

The right guy won't care and will respect your honesty and confidence in being proud of who YOU are, including your decision to not pursue a relationship for 12 years..

 

Some may see it as a negative, if so good riddance, next!

 

That does not mean it IS a negative or that you have to see it as a negative.

 

Again, it's part of who you are.

 

Own it, be proud of it.!

 

 

See that may be part of the problem. She has issues with it, gets defensive about it & her attitude toward her own history is really what spooks the guys, not the gap itself.

 

 

Also FWIW I was 39 when I met DH. I started dating at 16. At no point did anybody ever ask me when my last relationship was

[katiegrl]

See that may be part of the problem.

 

 

****She has issues with it, gets defensive about it & her attitude toward her own history is really what spooks the guys, not the gap itself.

 

Completely agree!

[Versacehottie]

See that may be part of the problem. She has issues with it, gets defensive about it & her attitude toward her own history is really what spooks the guys, not the gap itself.

 

 

Also FWIW I was 39 when I met DH. I started dating at 16. At no point did anybody ever ask me when my last relationship was

 

concise, succinct donnivain. I agree with the bolded.

[katiegrl]

See that may be part of the problem. She has issues with it, gets defensive about it & her attitude toward her own history is really what spooks the guys, not the gap itself.

 

 

----

 

 

****Also FWIW I was 39 when I met DH. I started dating at 16. At no point did anybody ever ask me when my last relationship was

 

Fair enough but I had the opposite experience, at least with respect to my long term relationships.

 

We always discussed previous relationships, how long ago, how long they lasted, as those relationships and experiences help to shape who we are today.

 

Not ad nauseum but the subject was discussed at some point.

 

I find it strange that a couple wouldn't discuss such things, but to each his own.

 

In any event, I see no value in hiding who you are, your experiences or lack thereof.

 

Own it, be proud of it. It's who you are for heaven's sake.

 

If he has a problem with it, good riddance, why would you want someone like that anyway?

 

Next.

Edited May 1, 2016 by katiegrl