She sends emotionless texts

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I've only NOW gotten use to being called babe etc... only in the last two years or so? most guys wouldn't call me anything, no emotional tag and if they did I usually got weirded out by it because it was so uncommon for me. I think no one is entitled to call you "babe" straight away. She isn't your girlfriend is she? I thought you two are just getting to know each other. If so I wouldn't get hung up on emotionally laden text messages and just relax about it. If you guys are casually dating I would advise you to date others too. It could be that she may be doing the same? who knows.

[katiegrl]

Yes you got it. But I like it though so it's weird. It's like I like it but I feel a bit uncertain about it at the same time. Today she hasn't had time to call so we've been texting all day, and even at one point I did receive the blowing kiss emoji ...lol

 

The chemistry I have with this woman is like nothing before. The one's who did keep blowing up my phone with countless messages I didn't feel anything for them so I can't complain, but it feels like I need a little text love every now and then to 'seal the deal'.

 

Be careful what you wish for.

 

You may like this girl a lot and feel more chemistry with her than the others precisely because she doesn't send those types of soppy texts... and, as such, it keeps you on your toes!

 

You said yourself, with the others who DID send the soppy texts, you weren't as into them.

 

There is something to that that you know. You like a bit of challenge and perhaps even a little uncertainty to keep you stimulated and intrigued!

 

You hate it but you love it.

 

My guess is.... if she were to start in with the soppy texts, chances are she would lose some of her intrigue and appeal, no?

 

You may not even realize it.

 

Anyway, just speculating but that is certainly what it sounds like to me.

Edited April 28, 2016 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

She is quite cold with her children. Gets angry and snaps with them easily. I think she kisses them goodnight I'm not sure.

 

WOW! that cannot be under estimated. If there are people we can't hold back on our affection it's our children. If she is not demonstrative with her children then don't count on her being demonstrative with a boyfriend. I would even bet the little bit of affection toward you that you get in person is temporary. You are seeing the best of her. In a year, maybe before, you will be like the kids, maybe you'll get a kiss good night if you're lucky.

[katiegrl]

WOW! that cannot be under estimated. If there are people we can't hold back on our affection it's our children. If she is not demonstrative with her children then don't count on her being demonstrative with a boyfriend. I would even bet the little bit of affection toward you that you get in person is temporary. You are seeing the best of her. In a year, maybe before, you will be like the kids, maybe you'll get a kiss good night if you're lucky.

 

My own mom was like this... none of us (kids, dad) got much from her emotionally. Dad eventually divorced her.

 

Even when we were cute little tots. She seemed annoyed mostly.

 

She was an emotional void.

[neowulf]

When I first started dating my partner, she was very much the same.

Very blunt, to the point texts. No nonsense.

 

Eventually I told her that her texts were coming across as kinda cold and that I was used to a more emotive style.

 

She responded that "Text wasn't for conversations".

 

I pointed out that while I respected her point of view, I'd had many long and interesting conversations via text and that it was quite common these days.

 

Over time though, she's slowly warmed up, becoming more demonstrative via text. It was simply a form of medium she wasn't used to.

 

The question here is, how is she in person. My partner was always very warm and caring in person, which is why her style of messaging through me so much.

 

If she's cold and detached in person? Then you've got a problem.

 

My advice, talk with her.

 

*edit* Just read a few more replies. She's emotionally distant by nature man. If you're a more emotional type, you're in for a world of pain.

[Raena]

She is quite cold with her children. Gets angry and snaps with them easily. I think she kisses them goodnight I'm not sure.

 

If she's like this with her children then I'm not surprised she's the same way with you. She may feel like she can't let her guard down.

[No_Go]

If she's like this with her children then I'm not surprised she's the same way with you. She may feel like she can't let her guard down.

 

Maybe OP perceives her behavior with her kids as 'cold' because she doesn't uses endearing terms etc, like the way how she communicates with him as well.

 

I actually find it concerning that OP calls this woman and mother a 'girl' and expects her to act like a 'girl' with emojis etc. She's a grown a** woman and owns it! Soppy stuff is for prepubertal tweens, this woman is already raising children ...

[d0nnivain]

I've never been with a woman that didn't add kisses or call me 'babe' or some other generic term. Over and over is too much but at least make me feel like you like me.

 

is this normal? too much to ask? I just wanna feel like I'm talking to a partner not my mom or something

 

 

Emojis & all that nonsense are for teenaged girls. Texting is to convey info not emotion. They should say pick up milk or I'm running late.

 

 

Yes, sometimes I'll stick a heart or something at the end of an ILY text to DH but we don't use text messages to sustain our marriage.

 

 

So yes, you asking her to revamp her communications style . . . to downgrade it to teenaged drivel . . . is too much. If she is someone who isn't emotional this is unlikely to change. It doesn't' mean she doesn't' care. You said she calls. Personally I'd rather hear my loved one's voice.

[bluestealth]

I just started dating a woman closer to my age (she's 30, me 31) and she is pretty emotionless and short with texts, but I actually like it for a change. There isn't pressure to be constantly in touch every day. I've mostly dated women 20-25 and the relentless texting and zero phone conversations was getting exhausting and actually hurting the relationships because of the poor communication. This new woman isn't into playing games, which is amazing for once!

[Raena]

Maybe OP perceives her behavior with her kids as 'cold' because she doesn't uses endearing terms etc, like the way how she communicates with him as well.

 

I actually find it concerning that OP calls this woman and mother a 'girl' and expects her to act like a 'girl' with emojis etc. She's a grown a** woman and owns it! Soppy stuff is for prepubertal tweens, this woman is already raising children ...

 

I couldn't agree with you more. I was just thinking that she probably has to be on top of everything all the time since she is a single mom. It's hard to let your hair down and act like a lovesick child when you have responsibilities. You said it better than me.

[Dis]

I recently started seeing this single mom and she always wants to keep in touch with me if not every day then every other day. If I don't message her she will message me. She will call more than text, but when she does text the texts are very blunt with no emotion, no kisses on the end, nothing. It's like I'm talking to a distant friend.

 

Even in person she seems very unemotional and very sort of cold in terms of feelings but the passion and chemistry we have when we kissed for example was unreal. Never felt as good with a woman before. She told me the same on her end. Unless we are drunk and getting into it or whatever it doesn't feel like a personal relationship.

 

Now I don't want a thousand loved up texts all day long that drives me nuts and that's why I wanted her in the first place. She gives me space. She lets me breathe. But it would me nice to actually feel like I'm interacting with a girlfriend/partner. Instead all I get is 'Yeah I know lol' 'Morning' 'good night'. These texts are all for the most part initiated by her.

 

I've even made a joke out of it by putting some kissing emoji on the end and then when she doesn't reciprocate I'll say I don't feel important to you now, and then she replies laughing with a hundred kissing faces.

 

I've never been with a woman that didn't add kisses or call me 'babe' or some other generic term. Over and over is too much but at least make me feel like you like me.

 

is this normal? too much to ask? I just wanna feel like I'm talking to a partner not my mom or something

 

Wait wait...the bold print. So you dont feel the warmth in person??? Or just over text??? If I'm reading your post correctly you dont feel that connection in person....ok that is a problem....not the texting

[Dis]

My bf doesnt have any game when it comes to texting. I actually thought he was going to be very cold when I met him because his texts were always short and bland. I was pleasantly surprised to find hes very warm, affectionate and loving in person. His texting style is not a reflection of how he is in person. Now if he acted how he texts, that would be a deal breaker. So if she is just as cold in person as she is over text, move on to the next.

[EgoJoe]

The older I get the more I dislike texting and emailing for short bursts of information or conversation.

 

Majority of use for texting now is one sentence questions, addresses for GPS and an occasional, "Thinking of you." to the girlfriend.

 

If she's cold in person then she's just not that into you bruh.

[joseb]

I was never a fan of texting, but I've warmed to the medium somewhat with the woman im currently seeing.

She is witty and clever via text. I enjoy the exchanges.

 

But she never uses BS terms like babe -

She knows I'm neither a talking pig nor a small child, and if she stated using such phrases I'd likely vomit in my phone.

 

OP, be glad you are going out with a woman and not a tween in an adults body.

[katiegrl]

My bf doesnt have any game when it comes to texting. I actually thought he was going to be very cold when I met him because his texts were always short and bland. I was pleasantly surprised to find hes very warm, affectionate and loving in person. His texting style is not a reflection of how he is in person. Now if he acted how he texts, that would be a deal breaker. So if she is just as cold in person as she is over text, move on to the next.

 

That's interesting Dis.

 

I had the opposite experience once.

 

Guy was super engaging in texts, gregarious, fun, charismatic.

 

In person though he was a real duh, a complete blah.....

 

I did continue to date him though as he seemed really keen on me and I hoped the "real" him would emerge.

 

Never did. At least not the *him* I had been attracted to when texting.

 

I agree with you Dis, the "in person" him was the was the real him.

 

The texting him was a facade.

 

Big lesson learned for me!

Edited April 30, 2016 by katiegrl

[Versacehottie]

Emojis & all that nonsense are for teenaged girls. Texting is to convey info not emotion. They should say pick up milk or I'm running late.

 

 

Yes, sometimes I'll stick a heart or something at the end of an ILY text to DH but we don't use text messages to sustain our marriage.

 

 

So yes, you asking her to revamp her communications style . . . to downgrade it to teenaged drivel . . . is too much. If she is someone who isn't emotional this is unlikely to change. It doesn't' mean she doesn't' care. You said she calls. Personally I'd rather hear my loved one's voice.

 

Lol, donnivain, I almost always agree with you!!! But not this time. I'm thinking you may have a similar thought process as the OP's gf though!!!

 

Actually, texting has been great for me and can be a great way to connect and get closer, though is definitely not the whole picture nor should too much emphasis be put on it. I think it's hard when one person thinks about it one way and uses it to get closer and the other just to convey info, like the OP's situation. The one-sideness or feeling dissed can seep into the relationship. As even someone who likes to text, I wouldn't put much emphasis at all on my guy using emoji's or sweet names in text. But the bluntness, for sure, factors in. I feel for the OP. He will have to greatly lower his expectations in that area and shift the emphasis to areas where she can show interest and affection. oh, donnivain this deserves a jumping bunny:bunny:

[Gaeta]

Emojis & all that nonsense are for teenaged girls. Texting is to convey info not emotion. They should say pick up milk or I'm running late.

 

 

Yes, sometimes I'll stick a heart or something at the end of an ILY text to DH but we don't use text messages to sustain our marriage.

 

 

So yes, you asking her to revamp her communications style . . . to downgrade it to teenaged drivel . . . is too much. If she is someone who isn't emotional this is unlikely to change. It doesn't' mean she doesn't' care. You said she calls. Personally I'd rather hear my loved one's voice.

 

You, and generally all people on here that are married (or living with their gf-bf) think that way.

 

You guys forget at times what it's like dating.

 

It's normal to not text when you see your love one each day. When you date and are only seeing your SO a couple of times a week then calls and texts are important. They are used to keep the connection going between dates.

[todreaminblue]

tests whether long and flowery or short and to the point are actually pretty emotionless.....you can add a heap of emoticons and text eloquently like a poet but too often people use it as a replacement for actual real conversation.....and that si what should count.....real conversations...and with that i dont mean eloquent speech but how your heart feels in the presence of the one you care about.unspoken conversations where you know how th eother person feels without words.....

 

 

..you can be a bad talker........but a listener who actually listens...and if you have a talker and listener together....thats a perfect match.....

 

dont concentrate on the lack of texts...lots of people dislike texting.... concentrate on the positive reasons you fit together...and build up your capacity to hear.....behind the words......really listen......and not to just what you want to hear.......and good luck....deb

[Dis]

That's interesting Dis.

 

I had the opposite experience once.

 

Guy was super engaging in texts, gregarious, fun, charismatic.

 

In person though he was a real duh, a complete blah.....

 

I did continue to date him though as he seemed really keen on me and I hoped the "real" him would emerge.

 

Never did. At least not the *him* I had been attracted to when texting.

 

I agree with you Dis, the "in person" him was the was the real him.

 

The texting him was a facade.

 

Big lesson learned for me!

 

Oh god I went out with one of those guys a couple months back. He was so sweet and personable ovr text but in person he was a snooze fest! It was almost like I had been texting a totally different person. I have a suggestion for you...before you go out on a date with a guy ask if you can talk on the phone first. It will weed out the dull ones.

 

Right now I'm adjusting to the fact my bf isnt much of a texter...its alittle tough because I like the sappy assurring lovey texts and he doesnt provide those. He is much more of a dry texter, asking how I am, flirting from time to time, saying wants to see me and sometimes that he misses me but nothing over the top. His texts are not spread out throughout the day. Sometimes we only send each other a few texts a day. I keep having to reassure myself and realize that when I see him in person I'll get the lovey dovey him, I just wont get it over text. Its an adjustment that I'm fine with making. I'd rather have that than the love bombing/insincere texts.