How to tell if you're ugly, average, good looking, hot?

[Larryville]

IME a lot of men rate themselves as more attractive than they really are and as such pursue women who are more attractive than them. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't.

Put a picture of yourself next to a woman you find attractive and ask yourself if the pairing makes sense.

 

Using this and anyone can do, if you currently have an OLD site account or even if you don’t you can browse POF without logging in.

 

To see how you value yourself, go to a site, browse pictures “quickly” that is the key. Don’t dwell on the pic, pay no attention to profile heading or anything else just a very quick glance at the pic. Do a maybe 50 mile range close to you and browse maybe 100-150 pics. See how many people you are attracted to just by the pic alone, quick glance, without a thought.

 

There is a science behind it, basically if you do a quick glance and you think a boatload of pics are “attractive” or “worthy” of pursing just at first glance it give is a glimpse into how you see yourself.

 

If you think you are ugly or unattractive you are going to inflate the looks of others you seek. People who have a higher sense of their own attractiveness will be more discriminating. Just as people who engage in fine dining knows the difference between actual fine dining and fast food, or a good glass of wine.

 

But as far as the general premise, most humans are not that deep and rarely appreciate the true essence of those they date and in most cases frankly don't care because most humans see each other as disposable.

[HillValley]

I think desirability is important to both sexes for different reasons. A woman could be attracted to LeBron James but put an exact lookalike working at a car wash and I doubt she would give him a second look. The desirability of someone confirmed by outside perception.

 

For a guy, his own sense of desirability is tied to the woman. Simply having a girl can confirm his desirability even if she isn't objectively hot or attractive.

[SammySammy]

IME a lot of men rate themselves as more attractive than they really are and as such pursue women who are more attractive than them. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't.

 

Put a picture of yourself next to a woman you find attractive and ask your self if the pairing makes sense.

 

You all know what I'm talking about.

 

If it works sometimes, why would I ask if it makes sense? If I'm going to ask anything, I would ask how do I do it more consistently.

 

I don't believe in leagues or levels in dating. That's a limiting belief. Why would I let a belief that may not be true limit my reality?

 

I've consistently dated women more attractive than I think I am. Consistently dated very accomplished women. My best friend once said I go from "stunner to stunner". It's true. I've had several guys ask me how I do that.

 

Well, it starts with what we believe is possible. Starts in our minds, ends with action.

"They can because they think they can."

- Virgil

 

[deckard11]

Women have told me I'm "handsome". But I'm sure that's just their polite way of saying you're fugly and have no chance with me.

[Larryville]

I've consistently dated women more attractive than I think I am. Consistently dated very accomplished women. My best friend once said I go from "stunner to stunner". It's true. I've had several guys ask me how I do that.

 

Well, it starts with what we believe is possible. Starts in our minds, ends with action.

 

MKD that is so true, most of that has absolutely nothing to do with attractiveness but just flat out confidence.

 

There was another post where someone was talking about how you know if a date went well? I in a few threads railed about so many people here starting their posts with “we have a great first date” “we really hit it off” and put way too much emphasis on that first encounter.

 

I stated that no matter if the woman I meet is not what I thought she was I was still going to make the most out of that evening and enjoy that moment in time. I wanted to be kind and polite and engaging AND interested even if I knew it was not going anywhere. Use that encounter to basically keep sharp for the next encounter.

 

With many women if you just simply act like a gentleman and be respectful that alone can add a couple of points to your looks scale.

 

Women these days are becoming more educated and “accomplished” and the good quality women are NOT going to tolerate rude jackass dudes.

 

As you said:

 

Starts in our minds, ends with action.

[xxoo]

Look at it this way.....

 

I live in an area where there are tons of good looking women with homely and un masculine guys...They(women) have traded looks for a lifestyle...Surprisingly they all seem pretty happy...Its really not even rare...

 

This is common enough because women value other qualities as much/more than looks. This is great news for men, who have many avenues in becoming more attractive to the women they desire. And by attractive, I mean sexually attractive--which does not necessarily mean "good looking".

[amaysngrace]

When you go out and they stare and you hear them say you're hot, you're probably hot.

At least to them.

[thefooloftheyear]

This is common enough because women value other qualities as much/more than looks. This is great news for men, who have many avenues in becoming more attractive to the women they desire. And by attractive, I mean sexually attractive--which does not necessarily mean "good looking".

 

I dunno, xxoo....

 

These types of women don't come cheap....New E Class..House at the shore.40 grand in porcelain veneers, etc...You get the picture....There may be a lot of avenues, but the check better clear...

 

But I do generally agree...

 

If you think about it, I've even seen very good looking women faithfully standing behind career violent felons...Guys wont go there with women...Not desirable/attractive ones, anyway...

 

At the end of the day, though, if I am honest....

 

Pick 100 women and men off the street....I'd wager that the attractiveness of women to men is probably 2:1..So naturally there is going to be some imbalance...

 

TFY

[Leigh 87]

I find the exact opposite....in fact, most guys place themselves lower on the food chain than they actually are...

 

IME, Men are pretty practical about their attractiveness/desirability....In fact, Its quite easy for a guy to figure out how desirable he is...Based on how many times a woman "better deals" him or rejects him...Its as simple as that...

 

And lets be honest....

 

Guys don't get a false sense of worth/desirability as women do, for the simple reason that even a good looking guy will bang a relatively ugly woman...Some of these woman, in their naivete, somehow think that being used for sex (by a good looking guy or otherwise), is somehow a notch on their desirability belt or an uptick in their hotness meter.....

 

Guys don't have that type of dynamic....If they are getting laid regularly, then they either have very good looks or some other Alpha qualities....Women that get laid regularly could just be easy or[]...

 

There are no "participation trophies" for guys here.....so they get a clear picture of their worth to the opposite sex, usually very early in life....

 

TFY

 

Oh I definitely considered that hot men may be calling me hot because they will just sleep with any type of women.

 

But then a hot lecture started to date me and he was the type to only date women he can see as long term material. He went on to propose to the next girl... he seemed to genuinely find me very attractive. He cried when we broke up.

 

Then one of my fwb and now a good friend, was very attractive and landed stunners. I think the hot guys who bang women they deem beneath them will treat them accordingly.

 

You can tell that you're legitimately above plain Jane level when hot and desirable men actually wish to date you and seem to view you as at their level based on their actions.

 

Plus the hot men who have fwb with you treat you well, take you out for dinner and pay, becoming propper friends with you.....

 

This doesn't indicate that you're gorgeous. But you are likely a little above a totally plain Jane when hot and desirable men genuinely express interest in dating you, and the ones who are FWB wirh you come back for more and treat you with respect.

[seekingluck]

I have a friend who is probably the best looking person I have ever met. Definitely top 5. The only "issue" is that he is a little skinny.

 

He is vivacious, smart, and successful. He dresses well and is super photogenic too.

 

I was shocked when he told me online dating was tricky for him and that he didn't get many responses. Maybe people think he is fake! He looks like a model! I see the comments on his pics! A dozen ladies saying "you are hot!"

 

He is a great catch for someone.

 

I think all men should smile more. It does wonders for your attractiveness, no matter what you are starting with.

Edited April 26, 2016 by seekingluck

[LivingWaterPlease]

Something that has fascinated me is that I've met many men, divorced or widowers, who have told me their late wife or exwife was beautiful, gorgeous, whatever, and when I've seen the ex's photo she was anything but. Many times even homely.

 

It seems that many, if not most, men think their wives are beautiful, no matter what they look like.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I find the exact opposite....in fact, most guys place themselves lower on the food chain than they actually are...

 

IME, Men are pretty practical about their attractiveness/desirability....In fact, Its quite easy for a guy to figure out how desirable he is...Based on how many times a woman "better deals" him or rejects him...Its as simple as that...

 

And lets be honest....

 

Guys don't get a false sense of worth/desirability as women do, for the simple reason that even a good looking guy will bang a relatively ugly woman...Some of these woman, in their naivete, somehow think that being used for sex (by a good looking guy or otherwise), is somehow a notch on their desirability belt or an uptick in their hotness meter.....

 

Guys don't have that type of dynamic....If they are getting laid regularly, then they either have very good looks or some other Alpha qualities....Women that get laid regularly could just be easy or[]...

 

There are no "participation trophies" for guys here.....so they get a clear picture of their worth to the opposite sex, usually very early in life....

 

TFY

 

Yes, men...if "thirsty" enough, will go for what is available...if you want to go to even further extremes...well, ever hear of that one normally ugly woman in the military that is transferred to a station overseas at the sand box where she's the only woman and winds up bangin' every guy there?

 

She'll start to think she's all that after being in that environment.

 

Saw this posting on a men's forum, will try to clean it up a bit though...

 

Growing up overweight women were rare, and most women worked out, so my standards were really high, because that's just what was on the market. Then living in a crappy town for a while all I could think was, "There are way too many ugly fat chicks here, and the attractive chicks are on the highest pedestal in the city."

 

Then a few months of that stuff... I started noticing my standards dropping for the one night stands, because at the end of the day, my hormones would get the best of me, telling me to just go for it no matter what they look like and sometimes we have to adapt.

[Larryville]

ever hear of that one normally ugly woman in the military that is transferred to a station overseas at the sand box where she's the only woman and winds up bangin' every guy there?

 

I was in the military overseas at a small air base... yup... LOL!

 

She'll start to think she's all that after being in that environment.

 

That is kinda OLD for the most part. Since dudes have access to all of these human databases, some guys will send out a massive email bomb to see if he can discover a willing and able warm body to talk to them. As a result many of these women on the short end of the looks scale who after getting all of that online attention get a seriously inflated ego.

 

Growing up overweight women were rare, and most women worked out, so my standards were really high, because that's just what was on the market. Then living in a crappy town for a while all I could think was, "There are way too many ugly fat chicks here, and the attractive chicks are on the highest pedestal in the city."

 

Then a few months of that stuff... I started noticing my standards dropping for the one night stands, because at the end of the day, my hormones would get the best of me, telling me to just go for it no matter what they look like and sometimes we have to adapt.

 

I get this, I live in a college town and of course during the school year on a nice day downtown you see lots of attractive young ladies all over the place (even at Walmart) and another result of that is the older women can't (or rarely) go out of the house dressed like a bum because she will stick out like a sore thumb.

[Eternal Sunshine]

In my experience, most men think that they are much better looking than they are. Even below average men only try to ask out women that are pretty. Average looking men will only put in the effort for a stunning woman.

 

Sure, they may end up with someone different but then the woman has to have a "sparkling personality" and do some form of pursual. For men, that primal urge to pursue and make the moves only kicks in for a woman that's few levels above him on the looks scale (yes there is a looks scale).

[Eternal Sunshine]

This reminds me of this single guy I know that's around my age. He is short, chubby with an average face. He often complains about being single. He is smart and funny so I would have dated him if he tried to ask me out. He spent the entire time I have known him desperately chasing this 23 year old girl that looks like a model. Whenever she rejects him he would always complain to me about how "nice guys always finish last"

 

This has been a common experience to me. I always wonder how many dateless guys that post on here go about their life ignoring girls that are similar attractiveness to them.

 

"No women would date me"="No hot women would date me"

[carhill]

Though other factors can mitigate physical absolutes in overall attractiveness, IMO the physical part, save for remarkable exceptions and medical interventions, is established prior to birth genetically and augmented by family socialization and environment until peer integration begins, which is generally the final arbiter of looks-based labels because, well, one can label themselves anything they want and, if the group disagrees, the group determines the validity of any labels and the person's acceptance into the group (society in the larger sense).

 

Of course, as peer integration morphs into adulthood and people gain adult social skills, labels tend to retreat into the background and are replaced by accepting or shunning behaviors of a more socially mature stature, meaning not so rude and arbitrary. Sure, exceptions occur. Overall, though, people simply don't associate with those out of their class. Nothing rude or demeaning, just polite ignoral, with one example being what the OP is referring to. If inadequately good-looking, no interview. Personality is irrelevant. That's the adult way of saying 'you're too ugly for me to associate with' and that's perfectly acceptable discrimination. The group decides what is acceptable and what isn't. If on the 'isn't' end of that spectrum, oh, well, too bad so sad, get out. That's life.

[SwordofFlame]

If you use Tinder, just get Tinder plus and swipe right on every woman. The matches you get will tell you how attractive you are. The reverse doesn't necessarily mean the same for women though.

[SammySammy]

When I was eleven, I was in class one day and the teacher had to step out of the room for some reason. While the teacher was out of the classroom, some of the guys decided they would ask the girls which guys they liked. I sat quietly as the girls were asked one by one which guy they liked. The question went around the room until it got to the girl who was not only the most attractive in that class, but many guys considered her the most attractive in the whole school. The guys breathlessly awaited her answer and she softly said "I like MKD". The guys roared. Started patting me on the back, congratulating me. I remember one saying I "had a WOMAN!"

 

I was eleven. Had no clue what I had done for this girl to like me. Had no clue what to do from there.

 

However, that experience - and many others afterwards - shaped my perception of what was possible for me.

 

I don't pursue attractive women because I think I'm attractive. On the looks scale, I'd give myself a 7 out of 10 at best. I pursue attractive women because I can. For some reason, some of them like me. So ... why not?

[LookAtThisPOst]

When I was eleven, I was in class one day and the teacher had to step out of the room for some reason. While the teacher was out of the classroom, some of the guys decided they would ask the girls which guys they liked. I sat quietly as the girls were asked one by one which guy they liked. The question went around the room until it got to the girl who was not only the most attractive in that class, but many guys considered her the most attractive in the whole school. The guys breathlessly awaited her answer and she softly said "I like MKD". The guys roared. Started patting me on the back, congratulating me. I remember one saying I "had a WOMAN!"

 

I was eleven. Had no clue what I had done for this girl to like me. Had no clue what to do from there.

 

However, that experience - and many others afterwards - shaped my perception of what was possible for me.

 

I don't pursue attractive women because I think I'm attractive. On the looks scale, I'd give myself a 7 out of 10 at best. I pursue attractive women because I can. For some reason, some of them like me. So ... why not?

 

I had a thought, in regards to just online dating. If overweight / ugly women don't respond or reject me online, I might as well just go for the attractive ones online. Better to be rejected by attractive women than unattractive ones. lol

[PrettyEmily77]

For men, that primal urge to pursue and make the moves only kicks in for a woman that's few levels above him on the looks scale

for them... I really don't think there's a looks scale and even if there was, it's totally arbitrary. No-one can decide for anyone who they find / attractive / good looking. Edited April 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[Larryville]

for them... I really don't think there's a looks scale and even if there was, it's totally arbitrary. No-one can decide for anyone who they find / attractive / good looking.

 

I have long been fascinated by the question as to exactly how "subjective" opinions of looks really are.

 

It's often said that what one finds physically attractive is subjective opinion. But if it is so subjective, how come there are people that others nearly universally agree are either physically attractive, or physically unattractive…. I’m sorry but UGLY is universal….

 

If you were to do a study that involved showing pictures of people to individuals and having them rate them from 1-10 based purely on appearance, obviously, some people would consistently get higher ratings than others.

 

There is clearly wide consensus that some people are more physically attractive than others.

 

I know for myself, the women I find most attractive has a lot to do with my role models (the women in my family growing up) AND in my early years the little girls in my grade school class I was drawn to.

 

Also how those "objects of my desire” interact with me matters as well. My ex-wife was attractive, but what clearly added points with her was her personality, she was smart and lit up a room, not that she was movie star gorgeous but her personality and smile played a huge part.

 

Even things like hair length, I really like long hair so if an attractive woman cut her hair VERY short that would be a complete turnoff whereas another dude (maybe his mom or an early girlfriend had short hair) may not think short hair is a big deal.

[BlueIris]

Look at it this way.....

 

I live in an area where there are tons of good looking women with homely and un masculine guys...They(women) have traded looks for a lifestyle...Surprisingly they all seem pretty happy...Its really not even rare...

 

There are many successful and wealthy women....So why aren't they taking home the hunky auto mechanic or the ruggedly good looking guy stocking the shelves at the Home Depot..?? That's what a lot of successful guys do with women...and they are completely fine with it......

 

I have a friend of mine that has been chasing this woman for years...She only uses him as a last option...Hes an idiot about it, but he trudges on,,Ive seen pictures of her and I wouldn't give her the time of day, but she isn't out of his league......If she thinks so, then she better get her eyes checked...And sure, during the times he's been after her, she has "dated"(read-been used) by many guys better looking than he is, yet somehow she is using that logic that those guys are somehow interested in her and are at her level, she just hasn't clicked with one yet....she'll be waiting forever for that....

 

TFY

 

Well, you’re right of course, that denying women the world over of your awesomeness would be criminal.

 

There are women who take home the hunky auto mechanic or the good looking shelf-stocker. Yes indeed there are.

 

This isn’t an either/or thing. There are people of both sexes who think they’re more of catch than they are. I just took issue with your saying that women are more guilty of this skewed thinking than men are.

[LivingWaterPlease]

As a young girl I was called ugly but thought it was great because beauty fades but ugly holds its own.

Edited April 27, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

[Leigh 87]

In my experience, most men think that they are much better looking than they are. Even below average men only try to ask out women that are pretty. Average looking men will only put in the effort for a stunning woman.

 

Sure, they may end up with someone different but then the woman has to have a "sparkling personality" and do some form of pursual. For men, that primal urge to pursue and make the moves only kicks in for a woman that's few levels above him on the looks scale (yes there is a looks scale).

 

Oh stop it

 

My bf really did fall head over heels for me and I am his equal in the looks scale. He has been with attractive women before at about my level too and didn't fall hard for them the way he did me.

 

Occasionally chemistry wins out to the stunning girl. In maybe 2% of cases though. You're right.

 

But I do not believe he'd have fallen any harder or made more effort over a girl simply because she was stunning. I just believe we have something special where he has the same reaction towards me as he would a beautiful girl --- because in his eyes I am beautiful to him.

[Leigh 87]

This reminds me of this single guy I know that's around my age. He is short, chubby with an average face. He often complains about being single. He is smart and funny so I would have dated him if he tried to ask me out. He spent the entire time I have known him desperately chasing this 23 year old girl that looks like a model. Whenever she rejects him he would always complain to me about how "nice guys always finish last"

 

This has been a common experience to me. I always wonder how many dateless guys that post on here go about their life ignoring girls that are similar attractiveness to them.

 

"No women would date me"="No hot women would date me"

 

Ohhh I see.

 

Well my bf thinks I'm hot and he thought I was good looking from the second we met. He went nervous school boy on me too.

 

So while he knows I am not a model look alike, he was STILL very enamoured with ne the way you claim men only act towards " gorgeous women".

 

So despite being merely " hot", snd not stunning, I have actually had a few men fall hard for my looks and act enamoured. They would have consciously known I wasn't a model too.