Mjm1014 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) I have no idea where I stand anymore. Literally so many mixed signals. Online I get tons of matches but in person I can't remember the last time any female gave me the time of day or even looked at me. Lots of rejections lately when I go on dates, and I want to know where I stand, and areas to improve on. Maybe it's the way I dress? Maybe I think I look good but I'm actually fat? Maybe I'm too skinny? I look in the mirror and I see average, but I'm curious as to what the opposite sex sees. Usually when I meet a girl for the first time on a date (met online) she looks at me almost in disgust and I can tell she's turned off. Pictures are up to date too online. Maybe it's because I'm short 5'6...who knows, but I usually can tell right away how things are going to go. I do try to dress well, but I really do think it's my looks. They look at me as if I'm Quasimodo. Hahaha Def not insecure about my looks I am who I am, but I'm always looking for ways to improve myself. Do you ask your friends or family? How do you know? I'm serious when I say, I have no idea where I stand looks wise anymore and my dating life has been horrible and it NEVER use to be this bad. Could it be age? Going on 30. Sorry been drinking. I'll regret this post tomorrow, but for the time being, fire away! Edited April 25, 2016 by Mjm1014
Superman2024 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Check out photofeeler where you can upload your dating profile pics and get rated by specific groups of people. For example, you can just allow females up to age 25 to rate your pictures. They can add comments and feedback as well.
carhill Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 When you run into strangers out in the world, do you find yourself rating them by how the look? At first interaction? How about that last woman you approached? For purposes of discussion, separate out physical appearance adjectives from 'attractive to me'. How does it go for you? Have you always pursued women? Ever had women give you big glowing green lights? Posting while drinking can be fun, hopefully while safely ensconced at home. 1
Author Mjm1014 Posted April 25, 2016 Author Posted April 25, 2016 Can't remember any green lights, if it did it went south lol
carhill Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Do you have any male friends who are straight shooters and good with women? You might gain some insight from them on how you present yourself as well as utilize them as wingmen when out and about. It doesn't have to be targeted rather available as opportunities present. Have a little fun and see what happens. Unless you're universally attractive and there are very few of we guys who are, there are billions of individual ideas out there about what constitutes personal attractiveness and, sure, you can do some things to improve the odds a bit but it's so minimal compared to the exposure that's available. Have you ever sought out dating partners from other demographics? Sometimes the home court can get stale. New locations and horizons can bring both new opportunities as well as an open feeling which the women pick up on. For some, that's attractive and it has nothing to do with defined features, rather your 'aura'.
Buddhist Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Do you ask your friends or family? How do you know? I'm serious when I say, I have no idea where I stand looks wise anymore and my dating life has been horrible and it NEVER use to be this bad. Could it be age? Going on 30. Sorry been drinking. I'll regret this post tomorrow, but for the time being, fire away! Life 101 - Never ask another person how attractive you are, they will lie every single time. People play the social game, they know that you are asking a loaded question and they must respond 'appropriately' which means they will lie through their teeth to avoid hurting your feelings or making themselves look like arseholes. You hear lots of 'you're very attractive' to 'nothing wrong with you, can't understand why you're single' etc. The truth is you could look like Mr Potatoe head and absolutely no-one will point out the elephant in the room. Being truly honest is a major social crime. The only true indicator is how people respond to you face to face. I struggled with this a long time. I've got a great body, but my face is bordering on average to ugly. My real world experience backs this up, I do not get swamped with offers for dates nor much obvious interest in me at all. When I've got my sunnies on so that my face is obscured I get looked up and down. So the body is good but the face lets me down. 4
SammySammy Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 I've been wondering about something similar all day. Went out Saturday night. Met this girl. Was talking to her afterwards and she claimed she didn't believe I was single. To just "tell her the truth". I asked her why she didn't believe me and her exact words were "you are handsome, charming, sexy and know how to treat a lady". I've been thinking about that since. Wondering if she was telling the truth. Or just blowing smoke. I figure it doesn't matter either way. It's like worrying about your penis size. Do the best you can with what you have and not worry about how you compare to others. 2
mortensorchid Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 I don't think there is something to it, in terms of looks. That can provide the initial something, but over time I have learned that it doesn't matter how cute the person is or isn't. I am speaking as a woman though, not as a man. A lot of the guys I have been with have thrown me over for the less attractive woman (either from the neck up or down or both). That's more on the part of the man as I have discovered - they want someone who is lesser than they are. In terms of looks, charisma, success, education, etc. But since I'm not a man and I don't date women ... I can't say that women don't want you because they find you attractive. Someone dumped Brad Pitt at some point in life, right?
Puglife Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 I am a girl and have gone through the the exact same thing. my guy friends say I'm attractive but none will date me. I get matches on tinder saying I'm beautiful and have a nice smile but not many want to go out on a date with me. My photos on tinder are up to date, no group photos, and they Show a good part of my body. The matches I have went out with don't show interest after the first date. Hell the guy I liked the most from tinder was quite disappointed and didn't recognize me when he saw me in person despite me sending him multiple photos and full body shots of me. I am overweight and currently dropping weight so that explains why I haven't been approached by guys in person but online I am very open wth how I look.
Buddhist Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 I think when it comes to attractiveness it's extremely easy to know where you stand if you are on the tail ends of the bell curve. Hot people get approached all the time, anywhere and generally have a slew of orbiters who do lots of 'nice' things for them in the hopes of getting something. Ugly people just get zero interest, ever. It's when you're within the standard deviation that it becomes extremely hard to know as you'll get your share of interest and disinterest and one won't seem to outweigh the other by a significant degree. In other words, you are attractive to 'some' people but not everyone. If you fall into the average category then the things you can do to be your best include healthy lifestyle, good self esteem and a body you've worked into better than average shape. Add in a decent personality to top it off. Those things will go a long way to putting you in the upper ranges of your attractiveness level. But it's unlikely you'll break into Hot. 5
thefooloftheyear Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) IMO, It's harder for men than women ...(determining what constitutes good looks) If a guy is relatively good looking but has no desirable male qualities(confidence, attitude, a good career/job. etc), then many women wont think that guy is particularly attractive...Conversely, guys with "Alpha" characteristics are often seen by women as irresistible, despite not having the "traditional" attributes that make a man visually attractive.(tall. muscular build, etc).. If you have both good looks and desirable male characteristics(think a guy like Tom Brady), the world is your oyster... For women its far less complicated....Cute face, Slim, large breasts, favorable hip/waist ratio, etc and you are in...Heck, the cute face is probably even optional... Women are more inclined to look at the whole package, while men can be completely captivated simply by nice pair of tits....Sounds kinda sexist, I know, but that's been my experience... Of course we are talking sheer looks now...There are attractive women and men that cant make/keep relationships for a variety of reasons...And there are average/below average ones that can...Lots of variables.. At the end of the day, though, it really doesn't matter....There are tons of people that fit someone elses criteria...Take a look at a group of couples you may know...Rarely do their rating in terms of traditional good looks meet...More often there are other factors... TFY Edited April 25, 2016 by thefooloftheyear 9
Buddhist Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 For women its far less complicated....Cute face, Slim, large breasts, favorable hip/waist ratio, etc and you are in...Heck, the cute face is probably even optional... Not sure I agree there. Here's my stats.... Height 5'3" Weight 52kgs Body fat 16% Body build - slender athletic, good muscle tone but not ripped, shapely and feminine. Not a body builder despite the low body fat %. Look great in a bikini, no cellulite, shapely and proportioned. Think dancers body minus the huge calves. Dress Size US 2-4, UK6, AU6 Bust size E cup Body type - hourglass, bust 90cm, waist 59cm, hip 88cm Hair style - waist length, natural honey blonde with S wave Facial features - I rate my face realistically with no makeup about a 6, fully made up maybe an 8. I've never been swamped with offers and I'm always made up (natural look) when I'm out. . :roll eyes: It's not that easy. 1
Haydn Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Not sure I agree there. Here's my stats.... Height 5'3" Weight 52kgs Body fat 16% Body build - slender athletic, good muscle tone but not ripped, shapely and feminine. Not a body builder despite the low body fat %. Look great in a bikini, no cellulite, shapely and proportioned. Think dancers body minus the huge calves. Dress Size US 2-4, UK6, AU6 Bust size E cup Body type - hourglass, bust 90cm, waist 59cm, hip 88cm Hair style - waist length, natural honey blonde with S wave Facial features - I rate my face realistically with no makeup about a 6, fully made up maybe an 8. I've never been swamped with offers and I'm always made up (natural look) when I'm out. . :roll eyes: It's not that easy. Pick you up at 8. 8
Buddhist Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Pick you up at 8. Smart arse.... But my point still stands guys don't just date anything with a tight body. It's a myth. They are every bit as picky as women. 5
Arieswoman Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Mjm1014, I doubt that there's anything wrong with you, you're just looking for women in the wrong places. OLD is frequented by many people who are shallow and just want some arm candy, so don't sweat it. If you are an interesting person to talk to, turn yourself out well, are polite and act like a gentleman there is no reason why you shouldn't get a date. IMO you should be looking for women in common-interest places, such as hobby clubs and the like. That way they can get to know you a bit before you ask them out. Good luck x PS 5'6" isn't "short" - I am 5'3" and have dated guys shorter than me. 4
len51 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 At the age of 64 I found out that my wife, her friends, schoolmates and girls in our town, thought I was hot. She said that she knew of me a few years before we met from some of my sex partners and was surprised when I asked her out on a date. She still thinks she is way out of my league but I never felt that way. She used to brag to her friends about my bedroom skills and got all but one to join us in a threesome by using me as bait. I am married for over 40 years to a woman who discovered she is bisexual late in life. She prefers women for sex but is attracted to hot guys only. She thought I was hot and chose me to be the only male in her life. She has had sex with women in a threesome with me a few thousand times. She even asked my lover, her girlfriend to move in with us and had not problem in sharing me with her. Despite this and having single, married, divorced, young (14 was the youngest but luckily I found out before we did anything) and old (82 was the oldest), trying to get me to have sex with them, I never thought it was due to my looks. I think I must give off some powerful Pheromones because women seem to be drawn to me sexually. Back then I was a Jock and very alpha male with lots of self confidence. That also goes a long way to attract women. So it is difficult to tell if you are good looking or not. Unless you have a large ego that allows you to overlook your faults, you will only see the negatives in your looks. Women will tell you that you are good looking if they are interested dating you but what else are they going to see if they are interested in you. Now in my old age I see all the clues that I paid no attention to. I do wish I knew that women found me hot back then. Once I was taken aback and first thought that I might be good looking when I was 20 years old and an ex girlfriend who was dating a lot of different guys, asked me to impregnate her. I asked her why me out of all of her boyfriends and she said because I was good looking, intelligent and had a good sense of humor. The good looking part really surprised me. I knew I as intelligent since I was told I was gifted when I was 13 and I also knew I had a good sense of humor because I was once a Magician who did comedy magic. In the end it really does not matter as much as you may think. Women often place a sense of humor as number one on their list of qualities that they want in a man. Looks fade. A few years back when I gained weight and started to go bald, my wife was upset because she said I was not the hot guy she married. We had a few rough months before she learned to look beyond that. I asked her if she had looked in a mirror lately because she has wrinkles and gains weight too and yet when I look at her, I see the reasons I married her and none of them were looks. My situation is unique because my wife prefers women but likes hot guys but she has learned to accept me for who I am and not what I now look like. That is the danger of marrying for looks.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Not sure I agree there. Here's my stats.... Height 5'3" Weight 52kgs Body fat 16% Body build - slender athletic, good muscle tone but not ripped, shapely and feminine. Not a body builder despite the low body fat %. Look great in a bikini, no cellulite, shapely and proportioned. Think dancers body minus the huge calves. Dress Size US 2-4, UK6, AU6 Bust size E cup Body type - hourglass, bust 90cm, waist 59cm, hip 88cm Hair style - waist length, natural honey blonde with S wave Facial features - I rate my face realistically with no makeup about a 6, fully made up maybe an 8. I've never been swamped with offers and I'm always made up (natural look) when I'm out. . :roll eyes: It's not that easy. This was also in my post... ."There are attractive women and men that cant make/keep relationships for a variety of reasons." What those reasons are vary from one individual to another..If you posted a pic maybe then it would be evident, I dunno......But I never met a woman with a great body that didn't have men swarming over them,,,They may not get anywhere because they have a horrible personality or some other flaw, but never get any attention or very little? Never saw that.. Not trying to be argumentative, just my experiences... TFY
LookAtThisPOst Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 So it is difficult to tell if you are good looking or not. Agreed, with online dating, it seems people are expecting to have someone bring more to the table, physically, than they themselves are able. For example, I know this one man, he's a fit, marathon runner...some woman has a thing for him, but kind of heavy set. He's rakin' in the hotties left and right, so he has options. She's got a cute face, pretty eyes, so I put her in the average/girl next door category. To be honest, I kind of liked her, but she wasn't interested in me..., but apparently she was chasin' after him...but it's interesting to see she doesn't see it herself. She doesn't pursue her own equal in looks. In fact, she's gained some weight since I last saw her on an online dating site (saw her later in person at a couple of Meetups). Know your limits in looks, you can try to swing for the stands, but best to stick to your equals in appearance.
PrettyEmily77 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Simply put, don't worry about it. Chances are, you're fine as you are - don't waste a second rating yourself or comparing yourself to other guys. I'm a woman and I'm not into the whole package thing and need to be with someone who ticks all my boxes; luckily, my guy has it all to me so I can't complain. That said, he probably doesn't do it for every woman, which is totally fine. Same goes for me - I look after myself for health reasons but I wouldn't be able to give my exact measurements because, you know, I don't care. Other than my SO, I don't care much what other guys think I look (and my handle isn't a personal reference). 1
Buddhist Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) This was also in my post... But I never met a woman with a great body that didn't have men swarming over them,,,They may not get anywhere because they have a horrible personality or some other flaw, but never get any attention or very little? Never saw that.. You have now.... I do love being an anomaly. I'm in a relationship now but the previous 4yrs I never had a single offer of even a date. I met my SO at work and also the one before that. it seems to be the thing with me that if we don't work together, it's just not happening. Edited April 25, 2016 by Buddhist
Lady2163 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 I have no idea where I stand anymore. Literally so many mixed signals. Online I get tons of matches but in person I can't remember the last time any female gave me the time of day or even looked at me. Lots of rejections lately when I go on dates, and I want to know where I stand, and areas to improve on. Maybe it's the way I dress? Maybe I think I look good but I'm actually fat? Maybe I'm too skinny? I look in the mirror and I see average, but I'm curious as to what the opposite sex sees. Usually when I meet a girl for the first time on a date (met online) she looks at me almost in disgust and I can tell she's turned off. Pictures are up to date too online. Maybe it's because I'm short 5'6...who knows, but I usually can tell right away how things are going to go. I do try to dress well, but I really do think it's my looks. They look at me as if I'm Quasimodo. Hahaha Def not insecure about my looks I am who I am, but I'm always looking for ways to improve myself. Do you ask your friends or family? How do you know? I'm serious when I say, I have no idea where I stand looks wise anymore and my dating life has been horrible and it NEVER use to be this bad. Could it be age? Going on 30. Sorry been drinking. I'll regret this post tomorrow, but for the time being, fire away! Do,you have siblings who might be honest with you? Or a cousin? At the end of the day, you're dealing with personal preference. Not many men can pull off bald. I'm not a fan of the shaved head look. Now, for whatever reason, Sean Connery would be the exception. But, even Tom Selleck was less appealing when he played Eisenhower and was bald. But that's MY personal preference. I'm not a fan of bald or facial hair. Two things I tell men on here, take good care of your teeth and your face. I'm around 50 and very few men my age ever thought to use a cleanser, moisturizer or even sunblock. They look ancient. Face wise I easily look 5-7 years younger than I am. I was a real blonde and have gone dark, now just starting to grey. I'm not hung up on body size. I'm kind of from a farming/blue collar area. There's a lot of physical labor here. I doubt a size 2 woman could do the work I have to do.
LookAtThisPOst Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 Do,you have siblings who might be honest with you? Or a cousin? At the end of the day, you're dealing with personal preference. Not many men can pull off bald. I had to kind of chuckle on this, and I agree. I'm already bald, but with the hair on the sides, but keep that part cut short. My friends are constantly haranging me with, "Shave it off, shave it off!! You'll attract more women that way!" I was seriously considering it, until I talked to a MASTER stylist, asked her if I could pull it off, she looked at me straight on, and said "Nope." (I have a narrow face, men with rounder faces/heads can pull it off) Two things I tell men on here, take good care of your teeth and your face. I'm around 50 and very few men my age ever thought to use a cleanser, moisturizer or even sunblock. They look ancient. Face wise I easily look 5-7 years younger than I am. I was a real blonde and have gone dark, now just starting to grey. Meh, you can't really expect men after 50 to be into moisturizing/cleansing, just not a "guy" thing to do actually. Though I do value the importance of sun protection, but that's really for personal health reasons. Maybe if you're metrosexual, lol. I know a lot of men that could give a rats behind if a woman has crows feet, as long as the body looks appealing.
thefooloftheyear Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) You have now.... I do love being an anomaly. I'm in a relationship now but the previous 4yrs I never had a single offer of even a date. I met my SO at work and also the one before that. it seems to be the thing with me that if we don't work together, it's just not happening. Well...You basically described yourself as the twin of Lindsey Pelas, with not as much facial attractiveness....Id think either you walk around in a potato sack, or somethings wrong with this picture... Just out of curiosity, what is your race/country of origin? If you would rather not answer, completely understandable... TFY Edited April 25, 2016 by thefooloftheyear
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