kadmoore Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been together for a total of 6 months. He is 24 and I am 22. He goes to school in a town 2 hours away from mine. We met online and our relationship started out long-distance. We would see each other once every 2 weeks and would text every 3-5 days. It all seemed nice at first. His texts would be sweet and he would always talk about how happy he was that he was doing an internship in my town so that we would be able to see each other more often and really be a couple. He talked about doing activities together and seeing each other every 2-3 days. I was really excited about it all. Everything changed drastically when he got to my town. I got a feel for who he really is. I made an effort to go to his place 3 times a week, but I soon got fed up that all he would want to do in stay indoors all day watching Netflix or surfing the web. He never wanted to go out on dates or do activities with me. He would always use the excuse that it is not his thing and that he does not see the point in just going out with you are not learning something. I had expressed my desire to do simple outings like going for a walk, movies or even dinner. He would always use the excuse that he never thinks about "those things" and that he is not a " good planner". I got really tired of always going to his place to sit indoors and I expressed my needs several times. He always says he will make an effort, does it once and then never again. After a while, I just let it go and stopped asking and we never did anything. I also stopped going to his place as often and we ended up only seeing each other once a week or once every 10 days. In terms of communicating, he would only text or call me every 5-7 days. It would always be short texts and when I did respond, he would take 2-3 hours to answer and sometimes he would never reply back. I would say things like " good night" or " have a nice evening" and never once did he reply "you too". I started to feel very unloved and neglected at this point. He would never ask me how I was doing and never seemed to care about me or what was going on in my life. During my finals, he never called to see if I was ok or seemed interested to know how everything went. When we did talk on the phone, it was about 20-30 minutes. After 2 months of this, I finally confronted him on how it made me feel. I told him that I do not feel like I am in a relationship. I also told him that I feel neglected and that our relationship is not being nourished enough for me and that my needs are not being met. He proceeded to tell he that in the beginning of our relationship he naturally spoke to me more often, but now as it progressed he feels that it is not necessary and would only want to talk to me once a week and see me once a week with that he has going on which is school and work as well as other projects. He also told me that he finds it normal that we talk less. He also said that he could only speak everyday with someone that he had lots of common interests with. As for outings, he said that he does not care for them, but if I wanted to go out I'd just have to ask. He rarely told me I love you or any kind words like that. He is not very affectionate either. Also, when I am at his place, he rarely asks me if I am hungry or what I want to do. It's always his way. We eat when he is hungry, we go to bed when he is tired ect. I bought him an expensive gift for his birthday, and he was not very appreciative either. He never bought me anything and would ask why I never pay for food when I go to his place if he order a pizza or does groceries. This is his first relationship. I thought that maybe it would take time and he would adjust, but I am at the point where I feel like giving up. I spoke to him about how I felt 3-4 times and he either says he will make effort and never does or tries to find a bunch of excuses to explain his behavior. A week ago he told me he would make an effort to talk to me more, and it took him 5 days to text me. He is going back to his hometown for school in 1 week and I am wondering if I should end it at this point or if its worth continuing. It has drained me and caused me to doubt myself. I am always waiting for him to show he cares and I am always disappointed. I think he is a good person deep down, but he is just not ready for a relationship. He is very self-centered , career-driven and focused, which is not a bad thing.. but our relationship was never a priority, it was always little left-overs, if he remembered. I do love him, but is it all worth it ?
vagabonder Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 You deserve much better than this guy. What is he offering that is worthwhile to stay? As painful as it is, I suggest you move on. Hugs to you... 2
Amalyn Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 Why are you still with this guy? This is not a relationship and this guy sounds like a complete BORE. All he wants to do is sit around his place and watch TV or browse the internet? Sounds to me like this guy is a hermit. The fact that doesn't want to even talk to you but only once a week is just flat out bizarre to me. Move on and save yourself the emotional distress you are getting from this "relationship". You deserve better. 2
Leigh 87 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 He is a tight wadd. Only a total loser would actually ASK his guest to contribute towards groceries. Real men can afford their groceries and afford dinner for two contained in their grocery lists. IF they cannot even afford ONE meal - for - two from the freakin grocery store, they SHOULD NOT BE DATING. This reminds me of a guy a mate of mine dated briefly; he cooked her dinner and then asked for her half! He wanted her to pay for her share of the home cooked meal? That aint frugal; it is called being a PATHETIC TIGHT @SS. The mere fact he WANTED contribution towards a modest home cooked affair means he is a loser as it is. I would not continue with a man on this basis alone. Unless he lost his job and literally could not afford it (in which case I would buy the darn groceries for him anyway, which is what suportibe partners do when their partners loose a job but are otherwise hard working, employed individuals) As for the time constraints, some men really only need to see their girlfriends once every ten days. My ex was crazy about me and only wanted to see me once every ten days..... All in all, you enjoy spending a lot on this guy for special occasions where as he is polar opposite and not only does he not appreciate your gifting styles, but he is stingy and tight himself - tight people who ask for guests to contibute towards the groceries and cheap take away pizzas they order - are generally mean spirited or just lacklustre people. Generous people are the way to go, if you YOURSELF are generous. Your bf is more suited to a woman who prefers paying her own way 100% of the time. Some women feel uncomfortable when a guy pays for even cheap take away pizza. Where as you enjoy treating this guy and spending money on him, and would like the same in return (or else you would not have even brought this up). The spending thing alone is enough for me to leave a guy and not touch him to begin with...... Not wanting to see you often and the no contact for days also would not fly with me. These are not things he will ever change for you. If he wanted to he would have. This is who he is. Take it or leave it. 2
basil67 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 When he explains why he doesn't want to go out - these aren't "excuses". These are his reasons and he's entirely justified to be a homebody if he wants. That said, you've been unhappy with him for soooo long - why have you stayed in a relationship which leaves you so unsatisfied. Sweetie, you need to learn some ruthlessness when you date. If a guy doesn't meet your needs, don't hang on hoping that he will change - just leave. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 You two aren't compatible. You shouldn't be feeling like this after only 6 months. What are you getting out of this, exactly? It's time to move on so you can find someone who's a better match for you. 2
Satu Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 There's no point in hoping that he will change. He behaves the way he does because of who he is. He won't change. You have to end it, and if you don't, you're choosing to be unhappy. Take care. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 kadmoore: You have posted three previous threads about this same guy, and in each thread, your one and only post was the first one in the thread. You have never returned to any of the above threads to post clarifications, explanations, responses, comments or updates. I can only hope you're actually reading any of them, or taking in the replies, but frankly, as this is your 4th thread, it doesn't seem like it. You keep posting about your almost complete disappointment in him, yet, here you are, still posting about your almost complete disappointment in him. Tell me, when do you think you will reach 'total and complete' disappointment and finally end this charade of a relationship, do you think? 3
Lois_Griffin Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 OMG this guy is SUCH a loser. Since Tara said this is your 4th thread because you haven't returned to the last 3, I'll just end my reply here. 1
elaine567 Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 He is going back to his hometown for school in 1 week and I am wondering if I should end it at this point YES, YES, 1000x YES. YOU are miserable and he is NOT going to change, is he? Never stay a moment longer in miserable relationships than you have to. Life is far too short for that. 1
Arieswoman Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 OP, but I soon got fed up that all he would want to do in stay indoors all day watching Netflix or surfing the web. He never wanted to go out on dates or do activities with me. The guy sounds like a recluse, which is his choice. You however, don't have to like it. Hey, it's summer now - well it is in UK - and it's time to be getting out and about. Plenty of time to sit in and watch movies in the winter. Find someone who actually wants to live life and not vegetate. Good luck x
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