Yep7 Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 Hello and thank you for taking the time out to read this post. My situation is still quite fresh and I'm still coming to terms with a lot of the recent events.I'll do my best to keep it as short as possible and there may be some parts that seem a little heavy for some, but unfortunately this is what happens to everyday people living everyday lives. Two years ago my very much loved cousin was diagnosed with lung cancer, a week after his mother had just passed away. He was given 6 months to live but not my cousin, he was a tough as nails. He fought like a lion against the disease and he went on to live for 2 1/2 years and sadly, devastatingly and painfully passed away 6 weeks ago. I loved him dearly and we were very close. The morning he passed, I gave him a shave and combed his hair. Little did I know that I was actually grooming him to be ready to enter into heaven. We ie. Relatives & friends were with him everyday until his passing in the hospice. We prayed with him, sat, talked, laughed, cried, read the bible to him and all the things he loved. It was beautiful. One of the most beautiful moments I spent with him in his final days was to pray with him. I don't know if you as the reader have spent special moments with a loved one before passing but this was one for me. To listen to the groans of a dying loved and to watch him fight for every breath is one of the most gut wrenching experiences - knowing that there is nothing you or anyone can do. If you are reading this post and have lost a loved one, although I don't know you, please accept my humble condolences for your loss. During this period I had started to see a girl I work with. She works for my brother and I have an independent business within his office. The reason that she is being mentioned is that we really hit it off and liked each other for a long time. She is 25 and I'm 43. I was nervous about the age gap but felt that she was mature for her age and intelligent. Unfortunately and against my advice she lied to her parents about who I am, mentioned that we met through a mutual friend ( who her parents can't stand), lied about where I live, my ethnicity, my business - everything. Her parents objected to the age gap but not only that, they caught her out lying as she would tell them that she was at work late at night or with other friends when in fact she was with me. Her parents threatened to kick her out of home, take the car that purchased for her from her and all sorts of heavy threats. I can understand her parents position given that they were not honoured and respected with the truth. On the day of my cousin passing and after giving him a shave and combing his hair, I was of the understanding from the medical team that it wood be a matter of days before her would pass. I promised him that I would be there with him for his passing. Given it was to be a matter of days I quickly left the hospital to go back to work ( 10 mins away) for an hour to make sure that the girl was ok, as she said she was under a lot of pressure at home. She seemed OK and we talked a little. Then a I got a call from one of our relatives to say that he was sliding and to get back asap. I jumped into a cab and within 5 minutes was told that he passed away. I was GUTTED! When o got to the hospital we called the relatives and we stayed with his body for a few hours. I accepted missing his passing was destined to happened and my relatives that were present said that he suddenly opened his eyes, looked up, took his last breath and passed. The following day, i decided to go to work to focus and that's whah he would have wanted. The funeral had to be delayed for a week as the church was fully booked. The period between the death and a burial is excruciating for any family. Whilst at work, I went for a smoke break with the girl and we talked about what happened with my cousin. She seemed a little stressed & vacant and when I asked her if she was ok she blurted out " my parents don't want to know you" " you are not welcome" and " I have to protect my interests and it's over" . Keep in mind that her parents have absolutely no idea as to who I really am. At that point it felt like somebody had just stabbed me when I was already bleeding. I couldn't believe my ears. My cousin had just passed away and then this?? That same night she sent me messages saying that she realised that the timing was bad and that it wasn't her fault. That if I didn't ask she wouldn't have told me ( my fault?) and that she hoped that I didn't see her as an insensitive a-hole. At this point I realised that her messages afterwards asking about how I am were not about my cousins' passing, my family or me but they were to make herself feel better. To rub salt into the wound she would go out partying with her friends and mutual friends. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. She even started arguing with me when I would remind her of whah she did after my cousins passing and telling me that I had " issues". After the funeral, which was very dignified I chatted with her but deep inside I couldn't trust her. She carried on that night about her parents didn't believe her when she said it was over. I simply reminded her of what happened the day after my cousins passing and she decided to have an argument and not speak for a week. Later on I discovered that during that period she went to a party that one of her exes attended. Surprise surprise. We met 3 times and only until I showed her a photo of my cousin and explained to her that her actions were unacceptable, that my family and I are not animals and in a lot of grief did she start to truly get it. In one of our talks she confessed that she has a mix of manic and clinical depression and his heavily medicated. This gave me some insight into her behaviour and upon quite a bit of research that it may be a reason for what she did, but it's not an excuse. There were times that I had forgiven her and made peace. Then she would do something else to wind me up. I wanted to grieve like a civilised human being. I feel an incredible amount of guilt towards my cousin for allowing myself to get side tracked with this situation. It wasn't about her or me. His passing was about him and the beautiful soul the world had just lost. I've been going to counselling and been advised that I now have situational depression which is the result of a specific event and not to be confused with clinical depression. I haven't been able to work and have avoided the office. I have been dealing with getting through the feelings of worthlessness given the timing of the dumping. I felt that there must have been something in me that made her think that what she was doing is ok and I hated myself for it. I'm Feeling better now and going travelling in a few weeks for a month or so. The other staff who seem to be unaware of the situation must think I'm mad. My brother has been made fully aware and he will keep things at a professional level. Last Tuesday we met to finally clear the air once and for all. She mentioned that her feelings had changed and she didn't feel the same way. I explained to her that I knew that she was following a script and that I was warned by my psych that she would pull this stunt to make herself feel better and that this was her decision and not her parents. She cried when I told her and didn't know what to say other than that we conspired against her. I also told her that her behaviour spooked me, that as much as I missed her that knowing what she is capable of that I'm not prepared to take that risk and partying with my young nephew and his friends immediately after the break up is where she lost me completely. She admitted that she was selfish and was sorry. The straw that finally broke the camels back for me is that she went and befriended the secretary in the office, who is a good friend of mine and they have now started partying together. I'm not friends with the ex on Facebook but sure enough she had tagged my friends on Facebook and that they were in some bat having a great time. I waited for 2 days and after seeing the psychologist she has been blocked on all social media. I've also relocated my office because the sight of her makes me physically ill. I understand the whole no contact rule and it has been fully implemented. There are many other events that happened. I don't ever want to see her again and have made arrangements to move office to another location. Although parts of me miss parts of her, I simply don't trust her. Your thoughts?
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