It all happened so fast

[kmri]

So my ex boyfriend and me were together for almost 3 years. We had been through a lot of things together. We've been there for each other with everything. We've had a lot of ups and downs. To make a long story short, I guess I'm wondering if anyone thinks I'll hear from him again? (I know no one really knows, but maybe someone has been through something similar?)

 

I've had my own apartment for over a year and he never moved in because he was worried about the money. So, in mid March (I know it hasn't been that long at all) we got into a huge fight and decided to end things in a rash decision.

 

I wanted my apartment key back immediately (harsh I know) but he refused. I said I'd go to his house to get it (lives with parents) and he agreed. So the fight got even more heated because he claimed to throw the key in the woods. His father came out and screamed at me and told me to get off their property. Me ex and I talked a bit more after his father had gone back in the house.

 

So we decided we were going to go for a drive to the beach to talk about things. As we were about to pull out of the driveway, his father came down and demanded his son out of the car and he complied.

 

I said to his dad that he should probably allow his son to grow up and that he's not respected enough to make his own decisions. I think this flabbergasted my ex. (He's 26 btw). Anyway, I tried contacting my ex after that for about 2 weeks then decided to stop.

I just hate how we ended things I truly cared for him and I know he truly cared or maybe still cares for me. We've been through worse things than what happened, minus his father. I have a lot of his belongings still and I guess I'm hoping he contacts me at some point?

 

He's back on FB since all of this happened but I'm blocked. He is in a band who performed a show this past Saturday. His friend in the band invited me on FB for some reason. I guess I'm just kind of confused. Thanks for any input

Edited April 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs ~6

[Miss.A]

So my ex boyfriend and me were together for almost 3 years. We had been through a lot of things together. We've been there for each other with everything. We've had a lot of ups and downs. To make a long story short, I guess I'm wondering if anyone thinks I'll hear from him again? (I know no one really knows, but maybe someone has been through something similar?)

 

I've had my own apartment for over a year and he never moved in because he was worried about the money. So, in mid March (I know it hasn't been that long at all) we got into a huge fight and decided to end things in a rash decision.

 

I wanted my apartment key back immediately (harsh I know) but he refused. I said I'd go to his house to get it (lives with parents) and he agreed. So the fight got even more heated because he claimed to throw the key in the woods. His father came out and screamed at me and told me to get off their property. Me ex and I talked a bit more after his father had gone back in the house.

 

So we decided we were going to go for a drive to the beach to talk about things. As we were about to pull out of the driveway, his father came down and demanded his son out of the car and he complied.

 

I said to his dad that he should probably allow his son to grow up and that he's not respected enough to make his own decisions. I think this flabbergasted my ex. (He's 26 btw). Anyway, I tried contacting my ex after that for about 2 weeks then decided to stop.

I just hate how we ended things I truly cared for him and I know he truly cared or maybe still cares for me. We've been through worse things than what happened, minus his father. I have a lot of his belongings still and I guess I'm hoping he contacts me at some point?

 

He's back on FB since all of this happened but I'm blocked. He is in a band who performed a show this past Saturday. His friend in the band invited me on FB for some reason. I guess I'm just kind of confused. Thanks for any input

 

No one can predict the future. But I do know one thing is for certain, whether you want this to work out or not you have to stop all contact with him. It was obvious that the relationship was somewhat toxic and in order to heal and improve anything (mostly yourself, partially the relationship) you need to just stop contacting him in all forms, that means even looking at his snapchat story, Facebook, Instagram.. all of it. Once you have had time to heal you'll be able to look at the bigger picture in all of this. Most of the time you'll realize that you didn't need someone like this to begin with. But to get to that point it is a long and hard road.

 

I also don't think this parents think very highly of you since you yelled at his father so it will be good to remove yourself from his life.

 

If your asking if your ex will contact you one day, the answer is probably yes. I don't think I have ever heard of someone who hasn't heard back (both in good or bad forms of contact) at some point unless the breakup was awful. But honestly I couldn't tell you when, it could be one week, month or even one year. And most of the times when the ex goes contact again it is seldom to jump back into the relationship.

 

All hurt and pain takes time to heal. Start by no contact.

 

Best of Luck.

[kmri]

thank you very much. I haven't tried to contact him in about 19 days now and it gets easier by the day. I'm not sure if I would even want him back right now, but maybe it is still anger. The only thing I think I'm mad about now is that we'd at least be peaceful and probably not think poorly of each other if his dad hadn't intervened. I wish my ex had at least said "dad its okay we're just going to talk", you know?

[Miss.A]

thank you very much. I haven't tried to contact him in about 19 days now and it gets easier by the day. I'm not sure if I would even want him back right now, but maybe it is still anger. The only thing I think I'm mad about now is that we'd at least be peaceful and probably not think poorly of each other if his dad hadn't intervened. I wish my ex had at least said "dad its okay we're just going to talk", you know?

 

It's a good thing you haven't talked in a while. It definitely allows both of you to see what you want as an outcome! You'll go through a lot of emotions after the break and being angry is definitely one of them, believe me one day you can feel perfectly free and improved.. the next a downfall of emotions. Splits are really hard, especially when there is not full closure, and I think you are missing part of that, which is why it is so hard. You'd think because he is an adult he would be able to leave without his dad freaking out at you, and he should have stood up for himself.

[kmri]

When I was still trying to contact him, it was pretty much me emailing him begging him for some peaceful, mutual closure. I think we both lost ourselves in the relationship but I am glad that I did get what I wanted to say to him off my chest. I think it has made it easier knowing he maybe doesn't respect me enough to give me that closure, although I understand he clearly wants no contact. I think it helped with his parents too, to me it means maybe they do not respect him as an adult. I actually feel bad for him when it comes to that and I think maybe that was why he could get so nasty with me sometimes. Because I am not a "higher up" as in his parents. I think maybe he was more free with me? I feel like he'll never grow up until he moves out of his parents house. I guess it's a mixture of anger and pity, although I'm not sure if the pity is genuine or just a coping mechanism

[Miss.A]

When I was still trying to contact him, it was pretty much me emailing him begging him for some peaceful, mutual closure. I think we both lost ourselves in the relationship but I am glad that I did get what I wanted to say to him off my chest. I think it has made it easier knowing he maybe doesn't respect me enough to give me that closure, although I understand he clearly wants no contact. I think it helped with his parents too, to me it means maybe they do not respect him as an adult. I actually feel bad for him when it comes to that and I think maybe that was why he could get so nasty with me sometimes. Because I am not a "higher up" as in his parents. I think maybe he was more free with me? I feel like he'll never grow up until he moves out of his parents house. I guess it's a mixture of anger and pity, although I'm not sure if the pity is genuine or just a coping mechanism

 

Sounds like you are better off without him. You sound like you are very independent and confident on where you are in life, and hes sadly still living with his parents. Try not to let pity disguise itself as an emotion of wanting him back.

[kmri]

I guess as more time goes on, things will become more clear. Thank you again

[Miss.A]

I guess as more time goes on, things will become more clear. Thank you again

 

Of course! Ultimately you know your heart better than anyone else.

[kmri]

UPDATE: I sent him a few messages on Instagram before I made this account (blocked from everything else) and he finally just read the last of the messages. Why??? Now I'm confused again

[kmri]

Also- the messages I sent him via Instagram where kind "I'll always love you and I hope to see you someday happy Easter I hope the best for both of us and I hope we can talk again someday"

[LD1990]

Maybe he was bored. Who knows? Only he can answer why he read an Instagram message. It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

 

I get that you two were together for three years and there's a lot of attachment there, but reading your story, it really seems like you're lucking out here. It probably doesn't feel that way right now, but let's look at the facts here:

-You have your own apartment. He's 26 and lives with his parents. At some point people have to grow up and stop living with mommy and daddy.

-He wouldn't return your apartment key, which is your property. I don't think it's harsh to want it back at all - you two broke up, there's no reason for him to have a key to your place.

-He tells you that you can come get your apartment key, and then throws it into the woods like a child. Again, 26 years old and this is how he handles things.

-His father screams at you instead of figuring out what was going on and slapping his son upside the head for throwing your key into the woods. Sounds like a really level-headed guy. Boys tend to take after their fathers, just so you know.

-Your ex gets scolded like he's a teenager while talking to you. Which is actually fair, because he might as well be a teenager. Why would the father respect this guy to make any decisions?

 

Trust me, there are better guys out there. I'm sure you and him had some great times, but you can find someone who doesn't throw temper tantrums and do whatever his parents want.

[kmri]

LD1990,

 

Thank you so much. You just helped me realize I'm stressing out about this way more than I should be. I should literally frame your response . I was doing so well until I saw he finally read my messages. I've just been worried about him too but why should I be? He still lives at home and has his friends that can try to help him get over me or not. 26 years old I'm his first love. Thank you again

[LD1990]

You're very welcome, I'm glad I could help. Best wishes going forward, kmri.

[kmri]

You too LD1990

[kmri]

But I'm very conflicted. I broke no contact. He's read some things but still no reply

[kmri]

Any opinion would be helpful please. I'm just so mad at myself for breaking 21 of NC today only to get ignored again :/ will he ever talk to me again?!

[LD1990]

I thought you said you sent the messages before you signed up for an account here? Or did you send them today?

 

Regardless, it doesn't really matter what day of NC you're on. What matters is what you do going forward. You broke NC, that's in the past now, it didn't make you feel good. Focus on sticking to it from here on out. Will he ever talk to you again? Well, ideally you'll block him so you don't have to worry about that. Whenever you start getting too nostalgic, just remember that you need to have a new spare key made because he threw yours in the damn woods.