ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2016 Share Posted May 30, 2016 What was your fight about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ezag Posted May 30, 2016 Author Share Posted May 30, 2016 (edited) What was your fight about? A silly one. She wanted to watch a movie with me that we both wanted to watch, I was doing something else at that time. So I said "Not now. But if you want, you can watch it. I don't mind." And then suddenly she goes nuts, like "I thought we're gonna watch it together. Now you don't want to anymore. Are you sick of me already?" And I just said to her that she has to chill out and it was just a suggestion. She doesn't have to do it. She then watched it alone and was pissed the whole night and the next day. Edited May 30, 2016 by Ezag Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ezag Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 One thing is bothering me for a while now... Before she fell in love with me, she was in love with this older guy, like I said. She knew him for 2 years and was in love with him for this whole time, but was too scared to tell him that. As she got together with me, the older guy left because he had feelings for her too. Now they have no contact for almost 4 months. So far, so good. The problem for me is now - and maybe I'm too jealous or worried here - she didn't delete him anywhere. She still has his number, she still has him skype and every other site they registered together. She won't delete him anywhere, because she said he has a special place in heart. He was her only friend (best friend) and she loved him very much. I said to her, that he hasn't made contact in almost 4 months. That's not friendship anymore. It's over. But she refuses to delete him. She hopes that he one day comes back. I'm just worried that the more time passes, the more she wants him back. I've read about stuff like that happening. What do you guys think? Am I too worried? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 8, 2016 Share Posted June 8, 2016 One thing is bothering me for a while now... Before she fell in love with me, she was in love with this older guy, like I said. She knew him for 2 years and was in love with him for this whole time, but was too scared to tell him that. As she got together with me, the older guy left because he had feelings for her too. Now they have no contact for almost 4 months. So far, so good. The problem for me is now - and maybe I'm too jealous or worried here - she didn't delete him anywhere. She still has his number, she still has him skype and every other site they registered together. She won't delete him anywhere, because she said he has a special place in heart. He was her only friend (best friend) and she loved him very much. I said to her, that he hasn't made contact in almost 4 months. That's not friendship anymore. It's over. But she refuses to delete him. She hopes that he one day comes back. I'm just worried that the more time passes, the more she wants him back. I've read about stuff like that happening. What do you guys think? Am I too worried? No, you are not too worried. As soon as he comes back, you will be gone. You are essentially what's called a place-holder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ezag Posted June 8, 2016 Author Share Posted June 8, 2016 No, you are not too worried. As soon as he comes back, you will be gone. You are essentially what's called a place-holder. Hmm, but she choose me over him. He told her that he loves her, but she rejected him and told him she loves me. She said to me she only wants him back as her best friend. Nothing more. She didn't try to contact him yet either. I hope you are not right. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 11, 2016 Share Posted June 11, 2016 Hmm, but she choose me over him. He told her that he loves her, but she rejected him and told him she loves me. She said to me she only wants him back as her best friend. Nothing more. She didn't try to contact him yet either. I hope you are not right. You are assuming that her version of events is true. Maybe, but maybe not. There are a lot of red flags with this girl - I wouldn't take everything she says as gospel truth. You can't really do much, here. You know she is hoping to keep him in her life. She prioritizes that "friendship" for a reason. It's up to you whether you can accept that or walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ezag Posted June 11, 2016 Author Share Posted June 11, 2016 You can't really do much, here. You know she is hoping to keep him in her life. She prioritizes that "friendship" for a reason. It's up to you whether you can accept that or walk away. You're right. The only thing I have going for me now is, that she didn't try to contact him. Yet. She didn't even wish him a happy birthday. It's been 4 months since they last spoke. Can you still call that friendship? Maybe she really wants him as her best friend, maybe she wants him to stay as a backup. I have no problem with them being just friends, but it still would be a little awkward for me because they had feelings for each other. Well, as long as she doesn't do or say anything, I have nothing to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
lazcas Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 You're right. The only thing I have going for me now is, that she didn't try to contact him. Yet. She didn't even wish him a happy birthday. It's been 4 months since they last spoke. Can you still call that friendship? Maybe she really wants him as her best friend, maybe she wants him to stay as a backup. I have no problem with them being just friends, but it still would be a little awkward for me because they had feelings for each other. Well, as long as she doesn't do or say anything, I have nothing to worry about. The woman doesn't even have a job or does anything, she isn't exactly a catch. Don't worry, men won't be trying to take her away from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiffyfox Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I don't think it's bad you two spend so much time together. My boyfriend and I are also in an LDR and we pretty much skype all day, and we have been for the past 3 years. We don't get bored - but we do both go to school and work when either of us has been employed or is going to school. Between playing online games (right now overwatch is our favorite!), watching movies, tv shows, anime, watching video game streams together, joining a guild together and making friends together, there is really no reason to ever get bored. We even have skype sex almost every day. It is possible to pretty much have an actual relationship completely over the internet and over skype. At least, for 3 years it has been for us. Of course we'd rather be together in real life but I have been very happy with our internet life in the mean time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ezag Posted July 11, 2016 Author Share Posted July 11, 2016 Hi guys, a little update: I'm thinking about breaking up with her. It's cool and all, but the last time we saw each other was 2 months ago. All we do now is play video games all day and skype, sleep, play video games and skype. Now I know in a LDR it can happen that you don't see each other often. Sure. But for me it doesn't feel like a relationship. Sure we say I Love you and stuff like that, but still. 5 months together and saw each other 4-5 times. That's not much, right? I think you can barely call that a relationship. More like getting to know each other-Phase. That's why I break up with her soon. And she still doesn't have a job. I think it's the right thing to do here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Neel Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 (edited) @Ezag : Allow me also to point out some things: Truth is, we have progressed to the age of technology. All humanity now is being wired. In other words, it is online. So amongst other things, people do online, one of them now is dating. This is very physical and it should never be condemned. This is the world now. The world of electronics, the world of switches. And that is okay. Of course, drawbacks exist, but also do advantages. In my opinion, there are more advantages than disadvantages and that is why no serious person should blame the Internet. In fact this forum, this community was able to be made, due to wires. And this is something, anyone here with open mind must appreciate. Of course they do. The fact is that LD-Relationships, were able to take form and become more and more of them, because of the power Internet grants. Without it, LDR's would not exist, or even if they did, they would be nothing but doomed. However, lets not misunderstand anything here. As long as we are able to use this power right. For good. It is a tool, that must be used by us, and not us being used by it. This is the most common problem, and unfortunately affects any LDR, and to take it more generally, any kind of relationship that people do. To my personal opinion, an LDR and what comes with it, is the reflection of one's self. It is not about being online. That comes afterwards. With less word, LDRs, and finding your soulmate(if you allow me to say it like that), is a verification and the reflection of what your character is. I don't mean of course that anyone who does an online relationship is an introvert. However, most are. I believe that an LDR, is the greatest form of a relationship people can do. Why? Because: A)By finding one person online(that is for you of course), you form one of the best emotional connections, with it, which is the most important thing of a relationship. This is where relationships should be based on. An LDR, is the manifestation of why the roots of relationships is the emotional connection. The soul one. B)An online relationship (LDR) is like being in real one. It is semi-real,because you are connected with the other person, even if the bodies are absent. That has nothing to do with it. However: B1) You cannot stay semi-real. The very first purpose is meet at some point, in order to make it for real. Then, by meeting, anything that you did, and you do online is being fully real even if you meet after some time again. B2)Forming a bond, and getting to know someone before even meeting F2F, can only be a great advantage. This is very rare, as we do know how few people nowadays do form such bonds. (Of course, cases do exist where, when you meet an online person in IRL, is a complete difference. However, in this case, it is mainly the fault of the other person for not realizing with whom he/she is speaking to.) C)Love is not about possesing the other, but loving the other for what he/she is. (Obviously an LDR, can be the ultimate test, for realising that. You must be able to live together with a person, but also not. (Exception of course can be a family). D)The time you spend apart, (OR online if you like) is the time when learn to make yourself better, binding with yourself and understanding that this is the ultimate purpose. (And of a relationship, making yourselves better) E)At some time,you must close the distance. (Common sense) F)Trust. If you trust each other in LDR, (and indeed trust exists) imagine when together how much greater level you are, if compared to other people. G)You learn to support better and motivate each other, and the more you talk, the more you find out yourselves. I think, these are the most important things that people should be aware of and value. Of course, to mention also that these things,unfortunately are for the few and above all to genuine people. Of course, there are many other things that can be added to the list, whoever feels like adding anything, can freely do it. Ezag, i do not want to effect you, or anyone else in anyway. The reason for pointing out these things, is because, it is always good for a community to be having such content regarding a thing that exists and is being discussed daily here and there. After all, this is all my personal belief. What each one of us does, it comes down to his/her own needs. Edited July 12, 2016 by Neel Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 12, 2016 Share Posted July 12, 2016 OP, you're making the right choice breaking it off. As we have said from the beginning, this girl has a lot of growing up to do. You are seeing the effects of that now. Good luck moving forward; you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Ijustdon'tgetit Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 How can you be in love with someone if you want them to change? If you love someone, you love them for who they are. Link to post Share on other sites
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