bluefeather Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I made the stupid mistake of letting someone back into my life that I probably shouldn't have. she laid it on thick with talks of self-improvement on her end and things like "maybe if I improve myself things can work out between us and we can try again." just so much talk that sounded mature, and it probably was legitimate at that time, unfortunately she has mental issues that cause cycles to repeat and tear everything apart, sometimes literally. so here I am again, feeling dumped, even though we didn't get back together, but I was starting to have those feelings of hope again... she got mad and started a fight over something that wasn't necessary to fight over and she basically acts now as if we have never had any serious feelings for each other at all. by that I mean, she said bye as if she had no emotional attachment. I feel so ****ing crushed right now, and I am kind of hating myself for going through this again because I was doing so much better before, when I was healing from the last time she ended it. I never freaking leave. I always try to stick around and fix problems and it breaks my heart when someone who seemed to care for me the way I cared for her can just casually go "oh screw it, bye" and then go right to posting smiling selfies on fb, not that I am seeing it anymore because I blocked her, one of the steps I know I must take. I am just so.. I want to love someone. I desire so much to be in a healthy loving relationship. no abuse. no games. just love. and as confident and sure I am about certain standards I have for a partner, I must tag myself like all the rest who seem to make exceptions to their own rules for the wrong kind of person. this person has admitted mental issues, and I know that I deserve better. it's just that damn ray of hope that makes me keep trying. but this isn't right. please help. I just wish to be happy. I wish for this pain to go away. it really sucks that I feel like I have to start healing myself from the bottom again.
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Fool me once, more fool you. Fool me twice, more fool me. Fool me a third time... Really? You know she has emotional issues, yet you still dive in and realise as you crack your skull against the bottom that there's no nice water to cushion the blow. **Tough talk coming up.** Quit being a drama queen and playing the victim. Part of this is your responsibility, because you wanted to fix her. You. Can't. FIX. other. people. (Strangely enough, another member posted a thread about 'fixers' and I asked them to provide a link to any threads, because I don't remember any person posting something about 'fixing' anyone else. Oops, spoke too soon, I guess!) You can't fix problems that are not yours to fix. If she has mental issues, you have to steer clear for your own sanity because if she does little or nothing to help herself (and it's clear she doesn't!) then you can't do it for her, or make things better, or smooth things over, because you're not the one creating the problem in the first place. I suggest you see a therapist to learn ways in which to fix yourself and quit trying to mend things, because what you're doing isn't helping and is detrimental to yourself. You open and give too much of yourself then are surprised when people chew you up and spit you out. Stay away from this woman. You have to cut her out of your life completely, and never engage with her, on any level, ever again. She comes to you not because she loves you, but because she knows she can manipulate you, use you and treat you like a patsy. Quit being a patsy. This is self-inflicted agony. You did this to yourself. Learn, move on, and get help for yourself, and abandon all hope of ever being anything worthy in her life. Because she's not worth it. 1
LostOnes05 Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 That does suck man. I've learned that when people walk out of your life to let them keep walking. Even if you give them a second chance, you've got to look even closer at their actions. Personally, if I give someone a second chance it's solely on an acquaintance/friendship basis at that point. Only you can decide what to accept and you've got to know that you are worth much more. Stay strong and focus solely on your healing. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Aaargh, I am so sorry to hear this. Well. You know what you need to do. And I know that doesn't help you to feel any better, but you will. Unfortunately you probably needed to step back into this hurtful mess because you really hadn't quite had enough, I hope that now you really have had enough, and whatever qualities this unhealthy girl has that you find attractive - become things you RUN from in the future. For now it's kind of like you picked that scab just when it was starting to heal nicely ... it will heal again if you give it enough time. 1
dyna85 Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Well, the bright side is, having tried so many times and seeing the same undesirable result take effect, it provides more closure that it is in fact not meant to be, right? I mean, if it ended once and you held out hope that maybe you could work on it, if you tried a few more times and the same issues kept arising and could not be worked through, at least you can take comfort in the fact that you tried and it just was not working. Like the others above have said also, you can learn from this and strengthen yourself so that you can recognize when it's an unhealthy situation. I know it's hard not to try to resolve the issues, but if the other person is not on the same page and is not making the effort to make it work with you, well then, it's just another crap situation. 1
Author bluefeather Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 Thank you everyone. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I will use your words of comfort as well as truth to lend me strength.
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