Should a wife work?

[acrosstheuniverse]

Far more challenging is to get both careers to work *together*.

 

I personally prefer an unemployed girlfriend so she can travel and work with me, enjoying freedom and not needing to answer to anyone.

 

 

And how would she be able to afford to travel with you? Unless you do some kind of job where you could easily employ whatever partner you're with at the time.

[DreamP]

the rules are simple , you want a great family , many kids and a happy husband ? then you shouldn't set your career as highest priority ; instead if it is just don't make wrong choices such as having 3-4 kids were you expect them to be raised alone .

 

Actually no. If a woman has a high income job such as on Wall Street and the husband is happy to be a stay at home dad, then they can all be happy and completely afford it.

 

It's time to stop viewing women AND men's roles in narrow traditional lens.

[Emilia]

Definetly it is the choice and decision by the wife ; however it is important to analyze each case specifically ; and what she wants from life .

 

the rules are simple , you want a great family , many kids and a happy husband ? then you shouldn't set your career as highest priority ; instead if it is just don't make wrong choices such as having 3-4 kids were you expect them to be raised alone .

 

The role of wife at home is a sacred one , not just cook and babysit ; she is a school .

 

in many societies and religions the wife gets a salary from from husband for the wonderful job ; even some future security if divorced.

 

Oh I'm sure those husbands love having a financially dependent wife. No ulterior motives, no control issues I'm sure....

 

Both man AND woman are responsible for a good home life. It's not about handing cash to the live-in servant so she cleans and opens her legs as required.

[Phoenician]

Actually no. If a woman has a high income job such as on Wall Street and the husband is happy to be a stay at home dad, then they can all be happy and completely afford it.

 

It's time to stop viewing women AND men's roles in narrow traditional lens.

 

 

her role as a mom is priceless emotionally ; if she is the bread winner at wall street and he is happy to be the Stay home dad , fine but no need to have a huge family and confront mother nature .

 

beyond equality , the female is the charming mom ; I played the role of a charming dad for 15 years , the first slap was how to tell my daughter I can feel with you when she got her first period !

 

for thousands of years , the normal role of a mom is to be the first emotional school of her kids ;

 

I am not sure why it is difficult to understand that the issue is not that a female can't work like men ; it is the the ugly hairy creature in me can not be a charmin mom !

[xxoo]

her role as a mom is priceless emotionally ; if she is the bread winner at wall street and he is happy to be the Stay home dad , fine but no need to have a huge family and confront mother nature .

 

beyond equality , the female is the charming mom ; I played the role of a charming dad for 15 years , the first slap was how to tell my daughter I can feel with you when she got her first period !

 

for thousands of years , the normal role of a mom is to be the first emotional school of her kids ;

 

I am not sure why it is difficult to understand that the issue is not that a female can't work like men ; it is the the ugly hairy creature in me can not be a charmin mom !

 

And I can't relate to my son and understand his puberty issues as his father can.

 

There's nothing mystical about this. Each parent has strengths. We work together to meet family needs, most of which can can be met by either parent.

[Phoenician]

Oh I'm sure those husbands love having a financially dependent wife. No ulterior motives, no control issues I'm sure....

 

Both man AND woman are responsible for a good home life. It's not about handing cash to the live-in servant so she cleans and opens her legs as required.

 

That's the Narrow concept !

 

We are not talking here about income , nor washing dishes;

 

let me give you an example of my situation ;

 

i influenced my wife , call it pressured if you want to go part time , even encouraging her to leave her work ; but she doesn't want , and I am ok with it .

 

My wife is getting from me a half salary now because she accepted to work part time and loose money , I subsidized the difference .

 

 

You know what is able to do now ?

 

she has a full time housekeeper who is doing everything physical at home ; even dishes, cooking , etc... under my wife" supervision .

 

I pay all bills ; she does shopping with her remaining part of salary .

 

she is very happy with this setup .

 

This gave her the chance to be available emotionally for the kids ; teach them , spend more time than me with them ; laugh with them .

 

if she went SAHM fully , I would have accepted to give her a full salary ;which is very common/blessed in my society/religion .

[Toodaloo]

I am actually finding this discussion interesting as a couple of years ago I met a couple he was a SAHD and she worked. The decision was made as she had much greater earning potential than he did and the plan was for him to stay at home until the children were off to college.

 

They were very open about it and I have to say it was really refreshing to listen to them.

 

One thing that did strike me during the conversation though was that he always thought that SAHM's had it easy until he did the "job", she felt much more relaxed and happy having everything done at home and being able to maintain her career than she thought she would, although she did sometimes feel a bit as though she was missing out, those feelings were far rarer than she thought they would be...

 

Only met the one couple like it so can't really make comment but they and their children were very happy and completely comfortable with the situation. So its interesting to see the view points...

[Phoenician]

And I can't relate to my son and understand his puberty issues as his father can.

 

There's nothing mystical about this. Each parent has strengths. We work together to meet family needs, most of which can can be met by either parent.

 

 

true , at later ages , but at ages as low as few years , the Mom is still the appropriate care provider.

 

That's why many religions they encourage to have the kids in case of divorce with the mom until a certain age .

[Emilia]

That's the Narrow concept !

 

We are not talking here about income , nor washing dishes;

 

let me give you an example of my situation ;

 

i influenced my wife , call it pressured if you want to go part time , even encouraging her to leave her work ; but she doesn't want , and I am ok with it .

 

My wife is getting from me a half salary now because she accepted to work part time and loose money , I subsidized the difference .

 

 

You know what is able to do now ?

 

she has a full time housekeeper who is doing everything physical at home ; even dishes, cooking , etc... under my wife" supervision .

 

I pay all bills ; she does shopping with her remaining part of salary .

 

she is very happy with this setup .

 

This gave her the chance to be available emotionally for the kids ; teach them , spend more time than me with them ; laugh with them .

 

if she went SAHM fully , I would have accepted to give her a full salary ;which is very common/blessed in my society/religion .

I am very sorry for your wife.

 

And I am very sorry that you think for her it was all about money. Most people who opt to work do so bevause it fulfills them intellectually, staying at home can be very boring. She has my sympathies as most women do in patriarchal socities.

Edited April 1, 2016 by Emilia

[DreamP]

true , at later ages , but at ages as low as few years , the Mom is still the appropriate care provider.

 

That's why many religions they encourage to have the kids in case of divorce with the mom until a certain age .

 

What! Men are just as capable and I have met tons of them. You do not give enough credit to many fathers out there that are not only great care givers, but sometimes even better than their wives. It is views like these that pressure women into being the primary care care giver and ostracizing men who chose to be SAHDs. It is views like these are put women into post-partum depression because society tells them that women should naturally be nurturing and know just what to do, when in reality many new mothers struggle. It is views like these that make us accept a man going back to work immediately after the birth of a child, but condemning a women if she does.

 

And if you want to talk biology, fathers have similar changes in hormone. A father's interactions with his children produce a similar rise in oxytocin levels (a hormone released in women during childbirth). Researchers have found that emotionally involved fathers feel other hormonal effects: reduced levels of aggression-promoting testosterone; higher levels of prolactin, a lust-squelching hormone that shows up in women during breastfeeding and in men after sexual climax; and higher levels of vasopressin, a hormone linked to bonding as well as the maternal stress response.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Oh I'm sure those husbands love having a financially dependent wife. No ulterior motives, no control issues I'm sure....

 

Both man AND woman are responsible for a good home life. It's not about handing cash to the live-in servant so she cleans and opens her legs as required.

 

I cannot actually believe the backwards views I'm seeing in this thread, in this day and age. If a family make the decision for one parent to stay at home to take care of the kids in order to balance out childcare/finances/housework and so forth, that's down to the couple and should be a joint decision. Yet I'm seeing women trying to tell OTHER WOMEN what to do for the best for their family, and men openly admit to pressuring their wives into reducing or quitting work in order to take on a greater domestic role. If a woman choose to stay at home and her husband is fine with that then great, but I'm seeing a bunch of people who think it's okay to tell someone else what's best for their family, and pressuring their partners into doing something they don't want to because they think it's best.

 

If I as a woman want to have a career, earn a good wage and have and raise kids, then I will. I certainly never suffered from having both parents work, my Mom working so hard at what she did made her a brilliant role model in my eyes and I never felt as though I wished she was around more, when she wasn't there my Dad was (they were lucky enough to balance their shifts so I didn't have to go to daycare). I feel like this unholy pressure on women to have a baby and then be supermom, number one responsible person for that child, not splitting equally with Dad, not sharing the care of that kid out amongst other close family members, not allowed to continue fulfilling their own desires and life but instead being a slave to the child contributes massively towards issues such as postnatal depression.

 

The number one thing I hear from new Moms with mental health issues is 'I just feel so guilty, I'm not doing a good enough job' because there is SO MUCH PRESSURE to simply be a Mom, nothing else. It's okay to say you know what, I've had this baby, I love him or her to bits and am committed to that child but my life continues, too. Personally I think a lot of people are better parents for working as they are more fulfilled personally so able to be more present for their child and a happier person overall. How many older women do we hear these days who talk about the crushing drudgery of staying at home with the kids in decades gone by, missing human adult contact and feeling like they lost their identity?

[serial muse]

The number one thing I hear from new Moms with mental health issues is 'I just feel so guilty, I'm not doing a good enough job' because there is SO MUCH PRESSURE to simply be a Mom, nothing else. It's okay to say you know what, I've had this baby, I love him or her to bits and am committed to that child but my life continues, too.

 

Hear, hear. There are so many assumptions flying around here that it's dizzying, and just part of the overall "whatever you're doing as a mom, it's probably not good enough" Greek chorus that seems to follow new mothers around.

 

Plenty of families have both parents working for various reasons, and they remain stable and happy and are not contributing to the downfall of society or general strum und drang, and I'm pretty sure they don't give a flying crap about the New World Order, nor does it give a flying crap about them. Plenty of women work because their families need the income, and plenty more because they actually are intellectually engaged in their careers (fancy that), and yet they are still able to be loving parents to their kiddos. Plenty of men are terrific fathers and provide lots of nurturing, and it's ridiculous that taking paternal leave is looked down upon in the U.S. by many employers, because that early bonding time is key and does actually produce hormonal changes in the man, as DreamP noted.

 

All of these anti-working-mom arguments are just so specious and full of nebulous fears. There are bad eggs in all scenarios, but it's quite a leap to extrapolate a bad personal experience to advice for all would-be mothers so as to avoid the downfall of civilization as we know it.

 

Not that giving unwanted advice to would-be mothers (or any mothers at all) is an uncommon thing.

[cc_zero]

Been reading awhile, first time poster. Thought I would chime in on this subject.

 

I grew up watching my parents marriage slowly get torn apart throughout my childhood as a result of the dynamic of her being a SAHM and him working a lot of overtime while I was a child to make ends meet and further his career.

 

Now, I'm not saying that happens to everyone, but it happens to some and I watched it. She became bored, she made me her friend because my dad worked a lot of late nights, which wasn't really healthy for me. I didn't develop much of a real relationship with my father until I was a teenager.

 

It's hard in that situation to see the balance. It's hard for the father working to imagine all that goes on during the day with frustration with kids, cleaning house, making dinners, lunches, etc. It's easy for him to simply think that i've been working all day and I come home and the house is a mess and don't let the kids bother me I'm tired attitude. While it's also hard for the Mom to picture or have sympathy for the stress bucket that can be working in a stressful job and dealing with all the shoulder weight of being a sole breadwinner. It's not an easy situation to navigate without A LOT of communication, although that is true for any relationship, just particularly true in that situation from what I experienced.

 

Thus, in my own marriage now, we contemplated my wife staying at home, but she has a very useful/lucrative college degree and from my own childhood experience, I feel like it would be better for us to be on essentially equal ground and dealing with the same stresses. We share housework, share cleaning, share kid duties, share expenses, etc. While it is not easy even splitting all those duties and working full time with 3 children, I'm not sure what would have happened had we done it differently. But I felt it was best for us and she likes to have nice things, (we'd have half the house we have and other toys if she didn't work), so she understands what the consequences were of her choosing not to work. It was a mutual decision.

 

In the end though, this is a personal decision in any family. Either way can work out just fine, but especially if you choose the SAHM route, I strongly encourage you to up your communication game.