Author Sara16 Posted April 29, 2016 Author Share Posted April 29, 2016 I've deleted it and his....you are right when he started being the way he was I should have got rid back then but I didn't because of the way I felt about him. I'm going over and over it everyday about how he was at times and looking at my cons list when I start thinking highly of him. I'm very disappointed in my self and how I've reacted towards this who thing....I'm a wreck seriously and I don't know what's wrong with me. Any other person would just thing good riddance and move on but me....for some reason I'm proper down. I don't want him thinkin that I'm OK with everything that's happened because I really ain't and the fact he's just getting on with things easily. I'm going to change my number tomorrow and then it's a fresh start for me and my Boyz no more looking at my fine hoping. It's done now thanks for your advice guys it it wasn't for coming on here and talking I'd be even worse than I'm already am. I have no one around me just my Boyz and I don't want them seeing me in a state or hearing bout it all the time. It's much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 Don't be so hard on yourself. You're going to feel the loss eventhough he wasn't a good partner to you. I'm so proud of you for taking that next big step. Not a lot of people have the courage to change their number because that finality is too much to handle. You're making the best decision for you and your boys. They want their mom back and they want her well and happy again. This is going to help you move on faster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara16 Posted April 30, 2016 Author Share Posted April 30, 2016 I know. I'm one of them people who act on how I feel at the time and regret my actions later and I hate that. I want to feel a way then act on it and no I done the right thing. I'm thinking 24 hrs a day my head is hurting and I have no interest in anything and can't concentrate.I'm thinking I may have expected too much from him. He didn't cheat he was loyal and he was kind and generous and I may have asked to much from him ad my constant nagging and moods wings killed the feelings of him wanting to be with me so he thought that being alone was the best option. I have send him begging texts..why didn't you be like this texts to I hate how uv treated me texts then back round again now to no contact. I'm a mess but I'm trying so hard. Not every relationship is perfect and people can't always be what you want. Will I find a guy again that will do everything no. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 You keep saying you asked for too much. You asked for the basics in a relationship. He could not give that to you or your children. You "nagged" because you realized it wasn't enough and you were desperate to make it work. Even your kids were aware enough to notice it. You wouldn't have had to nag if two people were able to compromise and fulfill the needs of a relationship. Kind and generous has to be consistent. He was not consistent. So please stop idealizing this man and doubting yourself. If you can't believe your own perceptions, look to your children and believe that it wasn't enough and healthy for them. Kids shouldn't have to hide in their rooms because they're uncomfortable being in their own living room because of this man. If you don't believe you deserve better, then at least believe that your children do. This isn't just about you. This was also about creating a healthy and nurturing environment for your children -- and it wasn't. If you can't be strong for you, be strong for them. Make good choices for them. Forget about finding another guy. Now is the time to work on your broken self-esteem and to invest all your energy and time reconnecting with your children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara16 Posted April 30, 2016 Author Share Posted April 30, 2016 Yea I know and they don't need to be going through see me upset all the time crying and having to advise me on what I know already. I an trying so hard what has upset me the most about all this is when we split I reached out to him told him how I'd been feeling asked him back told him to work things out and he totally ignored my messages then I'd get frustrated and sending what he calls is a ****ty message telling him how bad he's been how he's selfish and he would respond to that saying look you ain't changed no wonder I won't talk to u so I have to bottle things up inside and it hurts that he acts this way then the boys will see me upset and advise me bless them and see me in a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 Of course he's going to blame you. Of course he's going to say YOU didn't change -- that's because he doesn't want to be accountable and responsible for anything or anyone. It's easier to place the demise of it all on you rather than look at himself. If he didn't care about how your felt during the relationship, why do you think he would care after a break-up? You sent angry messages because you were hurt -- we've all done it. The relationship was dead a long time ago so stop thinking it's because you nagged. It ended because he couldn't step up to the plate and provide the basics. This guy was crap. The sooner you grasp that, the sooner you realize life is way better without him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SixxChick Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 (edited) If he didn't care about how your felt during the relationship, why do you think he would care after a break-up? This statement really hit me today because I need to stop wondering if he misses me. He never cared, got what he needed from me as a supply source, moved on, and doesn't give a crap. Sad but true. Thank you! Edited May 1, 2016 by SixxChick 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara16 Posted May 2, 2016 Author Share Posted May 2, 2016 (edited) It just goes to show that if I had not have told him to go when I did he will still be here today and miserable lying to me. He used to tell me everyday he loved me then as soon as he left nothing ...no emotions at all...just doesn't care at all. 3 years just nothing. I guess I'm glad I've seen now how he really feels. I do feel better in myself today tho more positive about the future an spending more time with the boys. The guy just really left me in the sh*t...I'm struggling so much with everything but I know I'll get back in my feel. He's so so selfish and I never realised until now and that's what I'll keep thinking until I get through this. He can continue with his boring miserable un appreciative life and I hope 1 day he will realise what he had and asks to link up just so I can tell him to f. Off :-) Edited May 2, 2016 by Sara16 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara16 Posted May 6, 2016 Author Share Posted May 6, 2016 It's been for days since I've not contacted him and I feel worse than ever I'm trying to keep myself busy at work and try and get out with the boys and do stuff but I keep crying and n front of them. They keep reassuring me that I'm better off and that I'll be OK but I feel so alone I have no interest in anything and he's always on my mind. I keep thinking of the negatives about the relationship and then I blame myself for the split thinking I should have just backed off from nagging and giving him grief all the time customers that probably made him worse and eventually leave. Little things remind me of us. Colleges talking bout holidays and their plans with their partners make me cry ad when I think of what I've got to look forward to when get home it's just being alone. The Boyz will be upstairs doing there own thing and I'll just sit there in front of TV thinking and feeling so hurt. Today I get a reply from the text msg I text to his mum who I got on really well with when we was together and this was before long before I started no contact with him and posting on here just asking her to have a chat with him and tell him how I feel and encourage him to come home but to not let on i msged her. She never read it till today and her response was I'm sorry if this is harsh but I either show him the text or say nothing he would appreciate anyone being involve even his mum. I told her then not to say anything to him and I'll have to accept things as they are. Sometimes I hate him for the way he's making me feel with no care in the world and then I miss him bring about. I hate this and I feel it ain't gonna get any better. Link to post Share on other sites
acd3 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 I read your post about the break up. He sounds like my ex in a few ways - the PlayStation, not really arranging dates, and not responding when trying to have a conversation about the relationship. I blame myself too, I should've done more, worried less. It's hard. The difference is you've got two boys, so you've obviously had love before and got over that? If he didn't interact with them he can't be the best choice, although I appreciate it feels like he was. You say you're keeping busy, have you tried an exercise class on an evening? Aqua Aerobics is good because if you cry it just looks like the chlorine has got in your eyes and your face is wet anyway It might be fun Good work on the no contact Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara16 Posted May 6, 2016 Author Share Posted May 6, 2016 Hi, I don't go to any classes as yet I just haven't got any motivation or interest in doing anything right now. I wasn't this bad when we first split. I guess it's sinking in that it's over now rather then at the beginning I had hope. :-( I just don't know what's wrong with me. Link to post Share on other sites
acd3 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 I don't think there's anything wrong with you, it's normal to feel this way. I feel this way too. I was thinking that maybe one could look at it like a test from the universe, like "If you take this time and prove to me that you can improve any areas you wanted to improve, build up your self confidence, have fun, and genuinely be happy in yourself not relying on a man, then I shall give him back to you" Not that men are gifts But you know, what if we pick a date in like 3 or 4 months and say on that day we are allowed to win them back ONLY if by then we are genuinely happy, have a new hobby we thoroughly enjoy, have caught up with old friends or have new friends that we like to spend time with, and have experienced a lot of laughing from the belly and are happier and feel lighter (stress free). So until that date we must live in the moment, try new healthy recipes, find our inner peace and joy, without thinking about Him. We'll think about Him as much as we want on that date we have set. And can continue thinking about him forevermore after then if we so wish. But right now, the goal is to get to that happy state first ? I think I'm going to try that.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara16 Posted May 9, 2016 Author Share Posted May 9, 2016 Hi all..... I remained no contact and this morning I wake up to a text. It said Hi hope your OK. If you would like to meet up for a drink or something and a talk we can but please be aware I am not the same person you once knew. A lot has changed and I don't think I can give you the answer's you are looking for like I said I alot has changed I have changed xx what does that mean?....do I respond to it?....I'd like to know what these changes are but should I remain no contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 (edited) Hi all..... I remained no contact and this morning I wake up to a text. It said Hi hope your OK. If you would like to meet up for a drink or something and a talk we can but please be aware I am not the same person you once knew. A lot has changed and I don't think I can give you the answer's you are looking for like I said I alot has changed I have changed xx what does that mean?....do I respond to it?....I'd like to know what these changes are but should I remain no contact? How is he contacting you if you have blocked him? Yes, you don't respond and you remain no contact. Nothing he says is going to change your situation with him or change who he is. There is nothing to gain from this but more hurt and confusion. If he says ABC, you're going to have more questions, and if he says XYZ, you're going to have more questions. Nothing he says will satisfy you. And if you're thinking he's magically changed into this wonderful guy, he has not. He's still that same person you made your list about. Please for the sake of your children, if you have no ability or desire to fight for yourself, at least do it for them. Use them as your motivation to stay the course and break this addiction you have to him. They truly deserve better. BLOCK HIM. Edited May 9, 2016 by Zahara 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Listen to Zahara. Maintain NC. This will be more confusing if you engage. It will also set you backwards. Ignore and BLOCK. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sara16 Posted May 9, 2016 Author Share Posted May 9, 2016 This is weird after all this time I've been posting how I miss him etc but I don't want to meet up with him. What for??....he's ignored me for months and told me he wants to be only and I have struggled so much and now I seem to be accepting things he wants to meet but I know it's just for one thing. I msged back saying no thanks and that was all. Zahara and others have spoken a lot of sense and have really helped me through this so thank you. I'm surprised my self how may feelings have now changed where I don't want to see him...months a good have jumped at the chance but no I'm done :-) I'm doing this for myself as well as the Boyz. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 This is weird after all this time I've been posting how I miss him etc but I don't want to meet up with him. What for??....he's ignored me for months and told me he wants to be only and I have struggled so much and now I seem to be accepting things he wants to meet but I know it's just for one thing. I msged back saying no thanks and that was all. Zahara and others have spoken a lot of sense and have really helped me through this so thank you. I'm surprised my self how may feelings have now changed where I don't want to see him...months a good have jumped at the chance but no I'm done :-) I'm doing this for myself as well as the Boyz. Absolutely wonderful! I'm so proud of you! It isn't weird at all because it's likely you are beginning to realize you deserve more and you see the reality of who he really is and what you really had. Block him so that you're not receiving anymore messages. His ego probably won't be able to take it now that you are rejecting so to save yourself, don't allow anymore contact. He may try and bother you. Focus on your boys and create a nurturing relationship with them and love yourself. You all deserve so much more. Keep posting if you need and keep staying strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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