elaine567 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 This is why you need to talk to more people. In shops, at hairdressers, family friends, neighbours then progress to meetup events and dating. You need to build skill in order to have confidence and good judgement. The more people you talk to, the more interesting topics, stories and anecdotes you will hear, and you can then build up a collection of interesting things to say to people. Make it your business to find out what is current, so that you don't look completely idiotic and know nothing whatsoever about what is happening in the world around you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 You act as if you have no say in what goes on in your own life. You are in complete control of your life if you are of age, and if your life is boring, then go do things on a regular basis and find interests. If not, you're right, no one is going to find you interesting. Have at least one physical activity you do regularly, plus plan to go on an excursion every week to a museum, the zoo, whatever, and better if you volunteer somewhere like that too. Read a variety of books,not just one genre, and keep up with the news, everything from celebrity news to politics so you can hold a conversation about it. Broaden and expand your interests and appeal. It's your life. No one has any more control over it than you do. If you don't want to be invisible, change it. And even if you are shy and reserved, ALL you have to do is make yourself approachable -- and all that requires is that you smile instead of looking like a sourpus. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 Somebody got to get me thinking before I engage in a conversation. No, this is something you need to learn to do yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 I don't think so. Yes it is. All you have to appear is easy, willing and available. Trust me - the guy will be hooked, lined and sinkered... Here's the problem in which I'm fully incapable of. I've poor judgment and I can't do talks. Somebody got to get me thinking before I engage in a conversation. But if - by your own reckoning - you are boring, how is he going to do that? If you can't do talks, then I really think you have to seek the source, the beginning of your inability.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author youdunsay Posted April 1, 2016 Author Share Posted April 1, 2016 Yes it is. All you have to appear is easy, willing and available. Trust me - the guy will be hooked.. No I don't think appearing easy is easy. Guys can sniff the type of person you are, miles away. Ok so I need to absorb as much information as possible so that there's always something to share in a conversation yea? I hope topics don't run out. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 No I don't think appearing easy is easy. Guys can sniff the type of person you are, miles away. Jut as you can sniff the type of guys they are, right? Ok so I need to absorb as much information as possible so that there's always something to share in a conversation yea? I hope topics don't run out. You know how many people there are on this planet? You know the different things they do, in work and at play? That's the amount of topics you have at your disposal. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 No I don't think appearing easy is easy. Guys can sniff the type of person you are, miles away. Ok so I need to absorb as much information as possible so that there's always something to share in a conversation yea? I hope topics don't run out. If it's current affairs don't forget to have opinions on the topics. But I think the best anecdotes come from personal experiences. What do you do in your spare time? Or what would you LIKE to do? Or have done? Your past experiences are crucial. I can BS on topics from A - Z. Abseiling to Zumba. Avocados to Zoos. Or B - Y Bellydancing to Yachting. Beaching to yardages. You don't need to remotely be an expert - just throw in an anecdote or even a single experience to keep conversation flowing. I was going to say that I can't talk about sport, but then I remembered skiing, gym and swimming. Seriously, there are endless topics to make conversation over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 1, 2016 Share Posted April 1, 2016 (Could I just add that 'fist pumping' has distinctly different connotations here in the UK.... ) oh dear.......like i said, cant be afraid to say something stupid....smilin..deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youdunsay Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 What do you do in your spare time? Or what would you LIKE to do? Or have done? Your past experiences are crucial. I can BS on topics from A - Z. Abseiling to Zumba. Avocados to Zoos. Or B - Y Bellydancing to Yachting. Beaching to yardages. You don't need to remotely be an expert - just throw in an anecdote or even a single experience to keep conversation Is working out considered? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Is working out considered? Do you mean "is working out a topic which can be talked about?" Anything can be talked about. The trick is to find a subject which both you and your friend/date have mutual interest in. Or at least sufficient interest to be able to BS on the topic. But really, you need more than just working out to talk about. I have a task for you: Come up with a topic for each letter of the alphabet. You don't need to be an expert - if you can come up with a random thought, you're good to go. I'll start off to give you an idea: A: Alcohol B: Beaches C: Cats D: Dogs haha E: I want to travel in Europe one day F: Flying with kids G: on Growing Up H: Healthy eating OK - your turn now. A-Z. Your time starts now! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youdunsay Posted April 4, 2016 Author Share Posted April 4, 2016 I'll start off to give you an idea: A: Alcohol B: Beaches C: Cats D: Dogs haha E: I want to travel in Europe one day F: Flying with kids G: on Growing Up H: Healthy eating OK - your turn now. A-Z. Your time starts now! Haha basil you are absolutely cute. Good point. A: Australia, your country! B: Beaches C: Cooking, card games D: Dogs, Drunk E: I want to travel in Europe one day -- yes, spot on. Economy is turning bad. F: Fruits, Football G: H: Healthy eating, Hobbies I: Ideal girl J: Jokes, Jazz K: L: M: Money? Music N: Doing anything new? O: Overseas, Office Politics P: Politics, paragliding, problems Q: Quest? R: Any Religion? S: Seasons T: Where have you Travelled? U: V: Vacation W: Water sports X: eXtreme sports Y: What were you doing Yesterday? Z: Ok that's all I can think of so far. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 One good way to discuss hobbies and interests is by asking the person WHY they like a particular thing. Does it make them excited? Do they feel they are achieving/accomplishing something? Do they feel creative? Are they competitive? If you think there are interests that make you feel a similar way, you can relate to a person's positive feelings, rather than just to an activity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hasaquestion Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 One good way to discuss hobbies and interests is by asking the person WHY they like a particular thing. Does it make them excited? Do they feel they are achieving/accomplishing something? Do they feel creative? Are they competitive? If you think there are interests that make you feel a similar way, you can relate to a person's positive feelings, rather than just to an activity. Yes! WHY is what makes it connecting, and not just "information gathering" like someone described it earlier. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 D: Dogs, Drunk Nooo - don't ever discuss drunkenness. (At least not in anything resembling an early stage.) Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Haha basil you are absolutely cute. Good point. A: Australia, your country! B: Beaches C: Cooking, card games D: Dogs, Drunk E: I want to travel in Europe one day -- yes, spot on. Economy is turning bad. F: Fruits, Football G: H: Healthy eating, Hobbies I: Ideal girl J: Jokes, Jazz K: L: M: Money? Music N: Doing anything new? O: Overseas, Office Politics P: Politics, paragliding, problems Q: Quest? R: Any Religion? S: Seasons T: Where have you Travelled? U: V: Vacation W: Water sports X: eXtreme sports Y: What were you doing Yesterday? Z: Ok that's all I can think of so far. Ha! See, you're interesting. And these are just topics off the top of your head. When you're in conversation, other people will have the topic and you just need to find some type of anecdote to keep the conversation going 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 One good way to discuss hobbies and interests is by asking the person WHY they like a particular thing. Does it make them excited? Do they feel they are achieving/accomplishing something? Do they feel creative? Are they competitive? If you think there are interests that make you feel a similar way, you can relate to a person's positive feelings, rather than just to an activity. As someone who has an unusual hobby (I make Victorian corsets), I've been on the receiving end of "why do you do this?" many a time. It's a great question, but people forget about tone. I tend to get the side eye and the voice which implies "why would you do that?". This is then compounded when their eyes glaze over at my explanation (I've loved Victoriana for as long as I can remember, I enjoy sewing, I love the precision it requires and I wear them when out clubbing with goth friends) Sorry, I'm rambling. But my point is that one should appear interested in the answer to their question. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Nooo - don't ever discuss drunkenness. (At least not in anything resembling an early stage.) Unless of course she finds herself in a conversation at a party and it's the topic at hand Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 I like basil's advice. I love the idea about asking people why they like something. I'm stealing that tip, Basil. I am kind of nerdy and boring. I embrace this nerd girl stuff now, rather than feel bad about it and sometimes guys really dig me because I have opinions on things (I think some men like to know that a woman is independent and engaged with the world) and I have developed a bit of a free spirit personality in certain situations (the guy can see that I'm at the party doing my own thing rather than blending in). I also find travel is a great way to start conversation and you can discuss what type of traveler you are, why certain places appeal to you. Also I think you'll find that a lot of people think they are extremely interesting but really they are quite shallow and like the sound of their own voice. If that kind of guy doesn't find me interesting, it's no loss for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 4, 2016 Share Posted April 4, 2016 Sorry, I'm rambling. But my point is that one should appear interested in the answer to their question. That's a really good point - not just appear interested but be interested. If all you're doing is conducting an interview it'll be flat, but if you genuinely want to learn about that person, it'll be obvious and there'll be some level of mutual respect bc of it. Another plus for being real. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 (edited) As someone who has an unusual hobby (I make Victorian corsets), I've been on the receiving end of "why do you do this?" many a time. It's a great question, but people forget about tone. I tend to get the side eye and the voice which implies "why would you do that?". This is then compounded when their eyes glaze over at my explanation (I've loved Victoriana for as long as I can remember, I enjoy sewing, I love the precision it requires and I wear them when out clubbing with goth friends) Sorry, I'm rambling. But my point is that one should appear interested in the answer to their question. Example of interested questions. Be genuinely interested in the responses. How long does each one take to make, on average? Do you use some "original" materials (Steel wires, whalebone - hard to obtain, probably!) or more modern substitutes? Do you think they are as good? Do you make them to order? What would they cost, if you DO sell them? *Eyes will NOT be glazing over at responses!* (PM me so as to not off-topic this!) Edited April 5, 2016 by TaraMaiden2 Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Can you offer any remedies for women who have nothing interesting that is happening in her life to share in a conversation? Like how not to be boring? MAKE something interesting happen in your life! Sign up for a class, join a meetup, take up a new hobby! There are loads of things you can do to make your life more interesting, but you have to go out and find them. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Example of interested questions. Be genuinely interested in the responses. How long does each one take to make, on average? Do you use some "original" materials (Steel wires, whalebone - hard to obtain, probably!) or more modern substitutes? Do you think they are as good? Do you make them to order? What would they cost, if you DO sell them? *Eyes will NOT be glazing over at responses!* (PM me so as to not off-topic this!) Tara, I tried to message you but it appears your profile can't accept private messages. Would you mind tweaking it? Mine looks like I can receive PMs Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Tara, I tried to message you but it appears your profile can't accept private messages. Would you mind tweaking it? Mine looks like I can receive PMs I'm so sorry! Done!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author youdunsay Posted April 10, 2016 Author Share Posted April 10, 2016 Have you tried approaching a guy in the gym? How did you do that without looking like a desperate or stalker? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts