Hypothetical...have you ever gone from "like a brother" to dating?

[preraph]

Look, I like a man with a sense of humor, so if I were in her position and could pick the way you came at me trying to find out if I liked you as anything more, rather than some awkward serious talk that might screw things up forever, I'd love to hear you come up in a lighter moment and say, "So do you still only like me as a brother?" She will probably get all flustered, but she'll either do "YES" and sock you on the arm or leave the door open a little, at which point you can just try to be casual and say "I don't know, I'm enjoying spending time with you. I have some days I don't feel very brotherly."

[major_merrick]

I'm normally not so old-fashioned, but I tend to believe that a "platonic" relationship between people of the opposite sex in the same living quarters is pretty much impossible. Sex is just too strong an impulse, unless there's some really good reason not to. "I love you like a brother" typically means "don't try to screw me." But then, women do change their minds. Also, don't misinterpret any kind of sexual banter, moans, whatever to mean she's interested in you. It can be confusing, and I sympathize - I just went through an issue with my GF and her sister on this one. Some siblings (and people in sibling-esque relationships) just get very comfortable with each other to the point of "TMI". I've got a brotherly friend at work that is this way. Never in the world would he cheat on his wife and I would never consider sleeping with him, but we have a constant banter that bystanders might thing was lewd or harassing. Maybe your friend is just comfortable with you in this way?

 

If you like this girl and want to be with her, your best chance at getting to that point is to be exactly the way she wants you - her brother. Good relationships can result from good friendships! It takes time, patience, and a lack of lewd/lecherous behavior. I'm not judging you, just stating a general fact.

 

I had one relationship that worked like that. I fell in love with a really good friend. We had a relationship for a couple of years, and I considered marrying him. I enjoyed our time together, but had to call it quits because of my sexual orientation. He married someone else, and we didn't talk for a while because the breakup was awkward. But, we cared for each other enough that we got our friendship back. That's unusual. Most of the time, if you succeed in bedding a friend, the breakup ruins the friendship and you don't get it back. Please think of that before making a move.

[fifipheebs]

 

Also, if she's a traditional Japanese girl (or, for that matter, an everyday type of girl from any culture), she is not actually moaning because of a sex scene in a movie you're watching together, or sharing with you about her masturbation techniques. That'd be you projecting.

!

 

If I may jump in here. Many Japanese girls who have the opportunity to study abroad aren't typically traditional girls. Many Japanese girls leave the "fold" to escape traditions and are sexually promiscuous, so this roommate being overtly sexual does not surprise me in the least. The entire culture is such. Look at all the x-rated anime, the many pictures of school girls in uniform showing their panties, the "touch my boobs for charity" events. They are a sex-obsessed culture.

 

Now, OP, let me as you this--

I reckon this girl is hinting at things. As to why you call her "sister", do you do it to get closer to her? Make her feel you are in the "safe"zone? Do you call her this as a defence mechanism to her calling you "brother"?

 

I'll be straight up with you, I have a guy friend I am very close to who calls me sister. I believe he does it as a defence mechanism cuz he'll flirt on me hard and when I dont respond, he throws the sis title around. The other times I get that title, is when I reckon he feels I am looking at him like a brother or call him brother as a joke.

 

A girl who simply looks at her "brother" as such, will not have those sexually charged type conversations, that's incestual.

[William]

Folks, this is a thread for women to answer this question:

Have you gone from "liking you like a brother/sister" to developing feelings for someone...and how?

 

Let's steer things back to your personal experiences with this question and save the rhetoric for other threads and under no circumstances form up any further disparagement of the topic starter. Thanks!

[Smoothman]

If I may jump in here. Many Japanese girls who have the opportunity to study abroad aren't typically traditional girls. Many Japanese girls leave the "fold" to escape traditions and are sexually promiscuous, so this roommate being overtly sexual does not surprise me in the least. The entire culture is such. Look at all the x-rated anime, the many pictures of school girls in uniform showing their panties, the "touch my boobs for charity" events. They are a sex-obsessed culture.

 

Now, OP, let me as you this--

I reckon this girl is hinting at things. As to why you call her "sister", do you do it to get closer to her? Make her feel you are in the "safe"zone? Do you call her this as a defence mechanism to her calling you "brother"?

 

I'll be straight up with you, I have a guy friend I am very close to who calls me sister. I believe he does it as a defence mechanism cuz he'll flirt on me hard and when I dont respond, he throws the sis title around. The other times I get that title, is when I reckon he feels I am looking at him like a brother or call him brother as a joke.

 

A girl who simply looks at her "brother" as such, will not have those sexually charged type conversations, that's incestual.

 

On the evening she watched that Japanese drama, and told me “she wanted that too” I took the opportunity to give her a “thank you” hug for buying my cat a play toy. (She LOVES my cat).

As I gave her a hug, she did lean her head on my shoulder.

I did break up with my GF, (some of you guys missed that post), and I told her that I am happy with my life right now, “I’m just enjoying spending time with you”

I’ll definitely approach her in a friendly way, something like:

“As I’ve gotten to know you, I feel …closer, I think of you as more than a sister”

“Do you feel that way about me sometimes?

And then smile broadly!

[todreaminblue]

I find it really offensive that you keep getting into sex conversations with your room mate. I feel sorry for her. If she is a traditional Japanese girl (like you seem to be saying she is) she is probably not comfortable putting you in your place for your inappropriate behavior.

 

Also, if she's a traditional Japanese girl (or, for that matter, an everyday type of girl from any culture), she is not actually moaning because of a sex scene in a movie you're watching together, or sharing with you about her masturbation techniques. That'd be you projecting.

 

Why don't you leave this nice roommate of yours alone to maybe find a good boyfriend for herself? This whole softcore porno, massage parlor style of interacting with women that you are so comfortable with would really be off-putting to anyone I know. It would be especially awful to find yourself dealing with it on a daily basis with your roommate for heaven's sake!

 

Boundaries are a really good thing and CRUCIAL if you are going to have a roommate of the opposite sex!!

 

 

in defense of op a traditional japanese girl should not be watching sex scenes and moaning over them with any male of the species...friend brother father or bf or other....i am an ex hooker and i dont watch sex scenes with males i dotn watch them at all actually.i used to watch porn when i was working as a necessity or prelude to taking them upstairs........albeit i am a completely celibate ex hooker now.

 

i think the girl is giving off mixed signals here....and i understand his confusion.............deb

[Smoothman]

I'm normally not so old-fashioned, but I tend to believe that a "platonic" relationship between people of the opposite sex in the same living quarters is pretty much impossible. Sex is just too strong an impulse, unless there's some really good reason not to. "I love you like a brother" typically means "don't try to screw me." But then, women do change their minds. Also, don't misinterpret any kind of sexual banter, moans, whatever to mean she's interested in you. It can be confusing, and I sympathize - I just went through an issue with my GF and her sister on this one. Some siblings (and people in sibling-esque relationships) just get very comfortable with each other to the point of "TMI". I've got a brotherly friend at work that is this way. Never in the world would he cheat on his wife and I would never consider sleeping with him, but we have a constant banter that bystanders might thing was lewd or harassing. Maybe your friend is just comfortable with you in this way?

 

If you like this girl and want to be with her, your best chance at getting to that point is to be exactly the way she wants you - her brother. Good relationships can result from good friendships! It takes time, patience, and a lack of lewd/lecherous behavior. I'm not judging you, just stating a general fact.

 

I had one relationship that worked like that. I fell in love with a really good friend. We had a relationship for a couple of years, and I considered marrying him. I enjoyed our time together, but had to call it quits because of my sexual orientation. He married someone else, and we didn't talk for a while because the breakup was awkward. But, we cared for each other enough that we got our friendship back. That's unusual. Most of the time, if you succeed in bedding a friend, the breakup ruins the friendship and you don't get it back. Please think of that before making a move.

I’ll add here I’ve NEVER been “Lewd or lecherous” to this girl at all, ever!

We watched Black Sails, and I was even a little worried the nudity might offend her; until she told me one of her favourite shows is “Orange is the new black!” (Which is far more graphic for those of you who don’t know either show).

In fact, she would be even more uncertain regarding MY feelings towards HER, as I’ve NEVER done anything towards her to suggest that I like her as more than a friend or flatmate.

[edit]

This reminds me of a relationship I had in my early 20s with a roommate. I was 4 years older than him (he just turned 19) and he would call me his older sister. We developed a fwb relationship fairly quickly and it was sexually exciting to have sex and calling each other that. Luckily I didn't have a real life brother and he didn't have a real life sister. This turned into that he dumped me and started having sex with another "friend". Our bedrooms were next to each other and I had to listen to how his bed banged against the wall in between us when they were doing it. I guess she was better in bed than me or something.

 

So in conclusion, I think that she could be interested and that you should not date or sleep with a room mate. Ideally.