Dating from the bottom. Does it ever work?

[JuanDelToro]

Say if some guy lacks success with the opposite sex, and doesn't really score points with a lot of women. Does it ever work to aim as low as the bottom of the barrel?

 

That is the mentality of scarcity, believe in it and you`ll always attract/be with women you consider bottom of the barrel. Be confident and approach only women you`re attracted to (both physically and mentally).

 

I get that some people say don't aim high, and if this were school, it would sometimes mean the most attractive girl like the Queen Bee or the captain of the cheer squad. I remember being given this advice in the past, and I don't always overreach.

 

BS!!! People that give such advice are pessimistic imbeciles (excuse my language) . Stay away from them for your own good.

 

I don't mind if a woman has a little extra weight on her, as long as she has a decent face. However, I am not sure if starting with an unattractive person is a smart thing to do as practice. Wouldn't that be leading someone on?

 

If you`re with someone that you`re not attracted to, of course is leading on that person and also it`ll make you feel awful as well.

 

Another thing that would apply is that I remember being at the age of 21 when I "dated" this one girl who liked me but I only went along with it as I thought that it was my ticket to finally getting lucky (I was in a bad place in my life at the time). It did not last long and being that she was a friend of a friend, the friend told me that I should start from the bottom as in "starting with someone who is younger and less experienced like an 18-year-old."

 

There are no set rules when it comes to attraction and dating. You should go with whatever feels right deep inside.

 

What do you think about this?

 

I think that you`re thinking too much into it and your mentality of scarcity is leading you wrongly. Although you have received some good advice from others in here, i would also add this. Stop dwelling into the negative, get out there, find the women that you`re attracted to and approach them. Dont let any opportunity to go to waste. Approach get rejected and then approach some more. Rinse and repeat. Do this and things will fall into place quicker than you think.

[joystickd]

I think that you`re thinking too much into it and your mentality of scarcity is leading you wrongly. Although you have received some good advice from others in here, i would also add this. Stop dwelling into the negative, get out there, find the women that you`re attracted to and approach them. Dont let any opportunity to go to waste. Approach get rejected and then approach some more. Rinse and repeat. Do this and things will fall into place quicker than you think.

 

For a struggling guy the mindset will be scarcity. They are looking a way to avoid rejection. He just needs a starter woman to build the confidence

[Jabron1]

I am not sure if Jabron1's philosophy is valid. It seems like typical alpha male BS.

 

Alpha male BS?

 

There was a thread just recently on here where loads of other guys were complaining that more women wanted them when they were in relationships than when they were single. I can't be bothered to find it, you can search for it: I think Fitness Fan started it.

 

It's not 'my philosophy'; It's the way the world works. You can use it to your advantage - or not.

 

Like I said, you can listen to guys that know their sh*t, and cut your learning curve drastically - or not. You asked; I answered.

 

Look, no woman wants a man that other women don't want. Women are attracted to a man with options, but then they want to take away those same options. This is why an attractive guy doesn't give away his exclusivity willy-nilly. This is why women despise 'needy' men.

 

Cultivate your options.

 

I don't think getting involved with women you aren't attracted to will achieve much. You'll disappoint two people that way instead of just one.

 

You most definitely shouldn't be practicing on people you aren't attracted to

 

Date people you like and don't date people you don't like.

 

This is a non-issue. If he isn't attracted, he'll fail the physical.

Edited April 1, 2016 by Jabron1

[Kcer]

She may also be accepting a date with someone less attractive than she'd prefer. Are you ok with that?

 

 

....

 

That's pretty much what unattractive people face but some just take whatever they can get.

[E-Squared]

So let me get this straight: If a guy has dated a good amount of women, or at least have had women like him, that makes him more desirable? People are attracted to different types. I mean I have read stuff about this, but I don't buy it. So if a guy has dated, say, five women, that makes him more attractive?

 

I have been on dates on before, but I have never been in a real relationship. The longest relationship I have been in lasted only 2 1/2 months and I have not been in a relationship ever since. I may have gone on dates or done meetups, but nothing that resembles a relationship. When I strung along a couple of girls, that happened before that, and I don't need to get into anything that I have already noted.

 

I have been told that I am handsome, and I am confident in some areas, but I never have women check me out.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

I have been all over the board with women I have dated or hooked up with. Some have been pretty damn hot and others (Especially drunk hook ups) were bottom of the barrel.

 

 

After college and I had split up from college gf, I was in a big time rut. Struggled finding a regular girlfriend. I basically used the thinking that would I be embarrassed to bring this girl around to my friends family etc?

 

 

If I were you, I would wait until you found someone that you thought was top shelf. You don't want to date a "filler" gf and then have trouble breaking it off.

[PrettyEmily77]

How would you feel if you were someone's 'bottom of the barrel' (or whatever) and got the lucky ticket for them to 'experiment' on you?

 

Don't date at all until you've sorted all your insecurities/hang-ups/self-esteem issues, which won't sort themselves out if you keep looking down.

 

Try to aim for better - for yourself and others, in dating as in every other part of your life - whatever that means for you.

[SwordofFlame]

How would you feel if you were someone's 'bottom of the barrel' (or whatever) and got the lucky ticket for them to 'experiment' on you?

 

Don't date at all until you've sorted all your insecurities/hang-ups/self-esteem issues, which won't sort themselves out if you keep looking down.

 

Try to aim for better - for yourself and others, in dating as in every other part of your life - whatever that means for you.

 

That reminds me of hearing about how a lot of times there's a settler and a reacher in a relationship. The settler is very secure because they know their partner CAN'T do better than them. The reacher is very insecure because they know their partner CAN do better.

 

As a result, the reacher has to put a lot more effort into the relationship and is usually more anxious. I guess being the settler can be more comfortable.

[GoodOnPaper]

As a result, the reacher has to put a lot more effort into the relationship and is usually more anxious. I guess being the settler can be more comfortable.

 

The flip side of this is that the reacher is always motivated whereas that can be a struggle, at least at times, for the settler.

[PrettyEmily77]

That reminds me of hearing about how a lot of times there's a settler and a reacher in a relationship. The settler is very secure because they know their partner CAN'T do better than them. The reacher is very insecure because they know their partner CAN do better.

 

As a result, the reacher has to put a lot more effort into the relationship and is usually more anxious. I guess being the settler can be more comfortable.

 

I don't really know about settler/reacher stuff, but on first impressions settling doesn't really sound sexy to me, and constantly reaching sounds like major self-esteem danger zone. What I do know however is that it helps to be secure in yourself in everything you do, and to strive to be the best version of yourself for yourself first and foremost. It's really difficult to have a healthy relationship/dating experience if you're not of sound, secure mind.

[Gloria25]

That reminds me of hearing about how a lot of times there's a settler and a reacher in a relationship. The settler is very secure because they know their partner CAN'T do better than them. The reacher is very insecure because they know their partner CAN do better.

 

As a result, the reacher has to put a lot more effort into the relationship and is usually more anxious. I guess being the settler can be more comfortable.

 

Lol...

 

Sometimes both people are "settlers" in a RL. They BOTH know that they can't and/or won't do better than each other. They're "inseparable" for life

 

IMO, a not all reachers are gonna get with someone they know is out of their league. And, of the reachers that step out of their self-perceived "league" - like you said, they ruin the RL out of their insecurities, controlling, and/or abusive ways.

[Gloria25]

I don't really know about settler/reacher stuff, but on first impressions settling doesn't really sound sexy to me, and constantly reaching sounds like major self-esteem danger zone. What I do know however is that it helps to be secure in yourself in everything you do, and to strive to be the best version of yourself for yourself first and foremost. It's really difficult to have a healthy relationship/dating experience if you're not of sound, secure mind.

 

I'm not gonna lie here and say that some guys I'm like "nah, he can't want me"...So yea, Gloria25 has her "leagues" too. But, still, I don't wear an insecurity around my neck and intentionally date beneath me and/or what I think I can only get. All I know is when I see a guy, there's the attraction/interest and yeah, some are hotties, some notties. It's not like I go into a room and see hotties and notties and think, "Oh, let me chat up the nottie cuz that's as good as it's gonna get". It's me saying, "Umm, I like him, and I speak to him"...period. He may be a hottie or a nottie, doesn't matter - I just saw him and he caught my eye.

 

I don't wanna be with someone cuz I think "well, this is as good as it's gonna get". I really have to be attracted to/interested in that person.

 

Like I said, I've dated some "notties" and some "hotties". I'm single and haven't dated much because I rather be alone than to settle. Why be miserable just so you can have "someone" around?

[JuanDelToro]

So let me get this straight: If a guy has dated a good amount of women, or at least have had women like him, that makes him more desirable? People are attracted to different types. I mean I have read stuff about this, but I don't buy it. So if a guy has dated, say, five women, that makes him more attractive?

 

I have been on dates on before, but I have never been in a real relationship. The longest relationship I have been in lasted only 2 1/2 months and I have not been in a relationship ever since. I may have gone on dates or done meetups, but nothing that resembles a relationship. When I strung along a couple of girls, that happened before that, and I don't need to get into anything that I have already noted.

 

I have been told that I am handsome, and I am confident in some areas, but I never have women check me out.

 

It makes him more desirable for two simple reasons. a) His mentality towards women changes. He no longer shows signs of desperation or neediness. He carries the "I don't give a f@ck" behavior because he knows that there are plenty of fish in the ocean. Women find indifferent men attractive, fact!

B) When women realize that a man has options, his status increases and he becomes a prize. Women are highly competitive creatures and they will go into great lengths in fighting for the guy that other girls want.

 

A great strategy for young guys that haven't figure it out yet, is to drop your buddies and go out often with female friends and observe the behavior of other women around.

 

A final piece of advice, don't go looking after a relationship. Approach girls you're attracted to, have fun, learn. A relationship will come naturally with the right girl at the right time. Otherwise you're looking for trouble and pain. Take it from more experienced guys that had their scalps taken before they learned their lesson. ;-)

[E-Squared]

It makes him more desirable for two simple reasons. a) His mentality towards women changes. He no longer shows signs of desperation or neediness. He carries the "I don't give a f@ck" behavior because he knows that there are plenty of fish in the ocean. Women find indifferent men attractive, fact!

B) When women realize that a man has options, his status increases and he becomes a prize. Women are highly competitive creatures and they will go into great lengths in fighting for the guy that other girls want.

 

A great strategy for young guys that haven't figure it out yet, is to drop your buddies and go out often with female friends and observe the behavior of other women around.

 

A final piece of advice, don't go looking after a relationship. Approach girls you're attracted to, have fun, learn. A relationship will come naturally with the right girl at the right time. Otherwise you're looking for trouble and pain. Take it from more experienced guys that had their scalps taken before they learned their lesson. ;-)

What world do you live in? Because this sounds like something that is seen on TV.

[E-Squared]

Alas, Juan, you have a good in the last paragraph.

[DreamP]

I'm not sure where this "taken men are more attractive" thinking comes from. I have never found a taken man (expect celebrities who are already out of my reach) attractive. If anything, once I hear a man is taken, he becomes less sexually appealing in my eyes.

[JuanDelToro]

What world do you live in? Because this sounds like something that is seen on TV.

 

I live in the world where is not needed for me to go asking in advice boards whether I should date from the bottom or not because I have no other options.

 

You should judge things based on results and not based on your beliefs. Apparently something is not working for you and I'm guessing it's your mindset, so you should either accept this and try to fix it by also listening to others or you don't accept it and keep as you were.

 

I don't watch tv, I find it extremely damaging in many aspects. My core beliefs are a construct of research and experience.

[E-Squared]

I live in the world where is not needed for me to go asking in advice boards whether I should date from the bottom or not because I have no other options.

 

You should judge things based on results and not based on your beliefs. Apparently something is not working for you and I'm guessing it's your mindset, so you should either accept this and try to fix it by also listening to others or you don't accept it and keep as you were.

 

I don't watch tv, I find it extremely damaging in many aspects. My core beliefs are a construct of research and experience.

 

Ah, spoken like your typical "I am above TV" person.

[JuanDelToro]

Ah, spoken like your typical "I am above TV" person.

 

Don't you find it inefficient and counterproductive to mock people that try to help you/add some insights to your enquiries?

[ltjg45]

Don't you find it inefficient and counterproductive to mock people that try to help you/add some insights to your enquiries?

 

I don't get it either.

 

I know I never been in a relationship yet and I am 29 right now. But I know my issue is that I just don't find any local women to be attractive so I got no desire to approach any of them.

 

But lurking here, I can see quite a few people being helpful and I see a lot of mockery from the very people asking for help, which makes no sense.

 

You guys ask questions wondering why you are not successful and when someone responds with information that can explain why or gives you advice to handle it, they starts mocking them (the very people that isn't having these issues).

 

I just don't get it.

[oldshirt]

What world do you live in? Because this sounds like something that is seen on TV.

 

 

 

Juan was on the money on all counts.

 

 

My suggestion is you find someone that is successful with women and do exactly what they tell you even if you think they are wrong and even if you think you know better.

 

 

Don't question it. Don't find excuses not to do it. Don't think about it or analyze it - just do it.

 

 

The reason for this is everything you have thought, everything you have tried and everything you have done, hasn't worked.

 

 

So when someone who has had success offers suggestions, you should give it your sincere best.

 

 

Think of it like the old Seinfeld episode where George Castanza realizes everything he has ever done has been wrong and so he starts to do the exact opposite of everything that he would normally do. By the end of the episode he had a hot girlfriend, a great new job etc etc.

 

 

You're kind of in the same rut. Everything you have thought and done hasn't worked so maybe instead of blowing off people that have had success and are speaking the truth, you should try what they say, even though your basic instincts are telling you they are wrong.

[Taramere]

It's a pretty insulting and objectifying term, "bottom of the barrel"...but running with it, in my experience people I would consider to be physically (and we're talking purely about physical appearance here, right?) well below average aren't necessarily without self confidence. Often they've had to develop barrels of the stuff to compensate for the reality that life is often less easy for people who aren't considered physically attractive.

 

So people who believe that they would have the upper hand in a relationship with a less attractive person might be in for a bit of a shock. Power doesn't necessarily rest in the hands of the more attractive person. It tends to rest in the hands (deserving or not) of the more confident person.

 

Whether you're male or female, confidence and sheer determination can bring all sorts of things into your life. Success, fun, important contacts etc etc. So a guy who evaluates women purely on their physical appearance may well get an unpleasant wake up call if he selects a "physically bottom of the barrel" woman for practice in the belief that he'll have the upper hand in the relationship and she'll make for good practice.

[Timshel]

So people who believe that they would have the upper hand in a relationship with a less attractive person might be in for a bit of a shock. Power doesn't necessarily rest in the hands of the more attractive person. It tends to rest in the hands (deserving or not) of the more confident person.

 

Haha, lmao at this Taramere because it is sooo true. It's funny to me because I'm pretty attractive and know some pretty attractive people (male and female.) I would guess that you are as well and here's why.

There comes a point in time for most attractive people that being 'pretty' is irrelevant, boring and nonsense regarding who a person is attracted to.

 

It always comes down to substance and compatibility. Give me an intelligent, compassionate man any day over some Brad Pitt looky like with a six-pack.

 

The bottom of the barrel, OP.....is entirely subjective.

Be yourself and see who you are drawn to, looks aside.