Why do you need a big audience for your wedding?

[Phoenician]

Barbie wanted 800 guests ,

 

she got them ,

 

I didn't care because I loved her ,

 

Then few weeks after marriage I understood what red flags means !

[waterwoman]

You don't need that. Plenty of people do it in a registry office with two witnesses, even strangers hauled in off the street can be witnesses. That is a perfectly valid choice.

 

However there are many reasons for wanting a big do.

 

Share your happiness with others that you care about.

 

Marriage is at least partly a social contract so you are showing society tgat you are committing to it.

 

You invite people you care about to support you in a life-long venture thst won't always be easy.

 

You want to give people you care about a good time. Lots of good food and drink. First chance as a married couple to act together too look after your guests and show a united front.

 

You want a big party!!! And why not?

 

You want to show off - most people do a little bit...

 

 

But if none if this applies to you why the jeff are you doing it???

[Miss Peach]

The reason people have larger weddings is to share it with family and friends. Having said that I've also gone to 400+ person weddings that were more about showing off.

 

If you aren't the types to want to share it then there is nothing wrong with it. In fact if I ever get married again that is what I would want. The smaller and more simple the better to me.

[kztar]

It really depends on the type of person that you are. I've always wanted a big wedding for a couple of reasons. 1)This is going to be my fairytale story for life and I hope it is. I never wanted to celebrate anything but my weeding is something that I am certain about celebrating. 2) It's going to be the beginning of a new chapter in my life that should last forever therefore I want all of my close friends and family to be part of this.

 

Having a weeding can be an accomplishment therefore some people like to celebrate it with their loved ones. It's like graduating college or any other accomplishment in life. Believe it or not, not everyone gets married, not everyone has a big or small wedding.

[kendahke]

Hi everyone!

 

I never understood the big fancy weddings, having to spend so much money on an occasion that to me feels very private, between two people who love each other deeply.

 

When I get married I could not care about how we are dressed, I just want him, me and someone who can officiate the marriage, because I feel it is a private moment between us where we promise each other our eternal love. Even with the officiant being the only one present, I would want to whisper our vows into each others ears.. because it is private and for us and us alone. I could not ever imagine to involve friends or family (although I do know that they would feel offended when I leave them out). Can anyone explain that to me? Why do you need everyone to be there for your marriage?

 

 

I agree--there is no need to go into crippling debt for a wedding. Spend that kind of money when you've got 10 good years invested--that way, it's more prone to last, you can afford it and it won't be because your're trying to meet everyone's expectations of what your day should be.

[Gemma1]

Some people want a big wedding because it can be a huge party with all your friends and family getting drunk and dancing, and that is awesome.

[Clockwork]

We had 150 people. A good size. Put it this way, you want your friends and family to share in this day with you. That's what makes it special. We've had children since we were married and while those were happy days the day they were born nothing compares to your wedding day because you shared that with so many people you loved. Nothing quite beats that. We had that amount of people because any bigger and it gets less personal, I think.

[Marc878]

My wife is a wedding planner does @ 30-40 per year. Both large and small.

 

Many varied tastes. Your plans are entirely up to you.

 

Last year a couple had a private beach ceremony for just the two of them.

 

They had cake/champagne, photographer, etc.

 

Turned out great and they had a fantastic time. They Couldn't believe how nice it was.

[nymphetgrown]

The way I see it, if the families involved want more than the couple is willing to finance -- because the couple doesn't want a big wedding, not out of greed -- then the families need to pay for what they want. Unfair to hang that debt on a couple for the family's gratification.

 

The only thing my parents seem to have got right about their marriage was the wedding. They were in Germany at the time. They had the requisite civil ceremony, but no church ceremony after, just a small reception. I'm not even sure my mother wore a gown. Someday I'd like a bit more than that, but only because I have a huge extended friend-family and we throw great parties on the cheap. I could be so happy standing up in something my foster-kin helped me create. Mmm, boned silk sleeveless just about to my ankles, lace overlay with sleeves that opens center front of the bodice, wide petticoat, like a ballet costume version of a Baroque gown... Okay, done dreaming.

 

So, OP? You do you. If the people around you demand more, they can have their own party while you and your love are busy being married.

[TX-SC]

My wife and I had 8 people at our wedding. I tipped the preacher $25 and that was our only expense.

[TeddyBeer]

It did appear that you were being critical of those who have big weddings.[

 

Culture and religion play a part in the type of wedding people have as well. Certain people had to be part of our wedding.

Yes, but being critical or being cynical are two completely different things. Anyone who does want to have a big wedding by all means do it, but I wonder why people want to? It sometimes seems like a competition more than it is about the people getting married, like 'My marriage will be better than Cindy's', or something.

Everyone has a vision of what sort of wedding they want...... well a lot of women do anyway ..... I wanted it to be a certain way and can't imagine having just a few people there.

 

I think a wedding of 50 people is small .... but it's what you want.

 

I'm not sure if you are solely talking about the number of people or the money spent on a wedding...... I think your view isn't the norm..but if it suits the two of you ....no problem.

Yea I think both the people you want to involve and the money you want to spend is what would make a wedding 'big'. I just feel like the wedding itself is about the two lovebirds involved, and a party can be with all of the people closest to you (for me would still be because it is a must tho, and because people would get hurt if I would not involve them). But that, the getting hurt for not being involved, that is because of society. Why would you care that a couple that has been happy together for a long time legalizes their relationship? If you take some distance, don't you feel it is a little bit strange?

[TeddyBeer]

Weddings are an opportunity to celebrate love and commitment with family and friends. Unfortunately, the Wedding Industrial Complex has made weddings a circus which are all about pretending to be rich and showing off. Women are fed this stupid idea that we need to be a princess for a day. Couples spend far too much time planning their wedding days when they should use that energy to think about the rest of their lives together.

Exactly! Why get into debt and worry about a day that should be about happiness and love and just about the two of you?

I think huge fancy parties should be held when a couple has managed to stay married for a decade or more. It's much harder to have a long marriage than it is to begin one, especially in an age where most people just throw away marriage at the first hint of trouble. I've known about 8 couples who married five years ago like my husband and I. They had lavish weddings which cost over 25K and they aren't married anymore. My husband and I spent less than 6K and we're still married.

Yes. So much yes. I think anniversaries can be more elaborately celebrated for sure.. well I'd just see it as an excuse for a party I guess. Low key still.

 

I tell my husband he's very lucky that I am not like most women in that respect. We eloped because our families were trying to force us to have a huge wedding and that's not what we wanted. Like you, we felt that a wedding should be a private and romantic moment. We dressed beautifully and married at a resort. We had a photographer and a videographer. We then spent another week at the same resort for our honeymoon.

That sounds perfect, I'm happy for you two I hope to get a same style marriage, preferably at the spot we first met. I will give an update here once we have !

[georgia girl]

TeddyBeer,

 

While I can understand your perspective about big weddings, perhaps I can also help you see a little bit the other side of the coin?

 

My husband and I had a modest sized wedding of about 75 guests. Our story was a bit unique. When we were dating, in our late 30s and early 40s, my husband had a serious cycling accident, the result of which had him being flown by helicopter out of the remote area he was riding his bicycle to a hospital nearly two hours away. I was simply a girlfriend and no one would tell me his condition. Up until I got that phone call that he had head and neck injuries and was being evacuated, I would have said we were casually dating. When I drove those two hours not knowing if he was alive or dead, I made a deal with God that as long as He allowed me to tell him that I loved him, I would take and help to heal whatever pieces were left of my now husband. He was very seriously injured. We told each other we loved each other for the first time while they wheeled him into emergency surgery to preserve his airway. He was released from the hospital with 14 broken bones five days later. It took him six months to heal. We endured "new normal" which is a concept few understand. He is fully recovered (he's doing his first Ironman this year) and just about two years to the day of his crash, we got married.

 

So, I know about the intimacy of a wedding ceremony. My husband and I wrote our own vows and we both cried. He's incredibly private and while I'm more outgoing, the act of our marriage was incredibly personal to us. He especially did not want to cry in front of others.

 

So why then, did we have a wedding for 75 people? Because at the end of the day, our wedding was not just about "us" and I cringe when I hear brides talking about how "it's my special day" and so they should therefore get everything they want. Yes, your wedding is most special to the two of you. But, you don't get married in a vacuum and there are so many people for whom the act of your marriage is incredibly special. We could have easily made the case for us to have a very private wedding with just the two of us, an officiant and two witnesses. People would have understood. But, here's what we would have missed:

 

1) Two of my husband's best friends got married at our rehearsal dinner at the same venue we got married in the next day

2) My mom, who is somewhat medically fragile, got to walk me down the aisle and she was the first one to greet me after the wedding with tears streaming down her face

3) My sisters, my nieces and nephew being in my wedding and the two nieces having a ball being "bridesmaids".

4) Giving my nieces my bouquet, which I made by combining two bouquets into one so I could give them each a piece

5) My husband's parents walking their only child up the aisle

6) My brother-in-law officiating the ceremony and spending hours writing a ceremony befitting the challenges we had faced

7) Friends who traveled thousands of miles to come to the wedding, having worried with us when we were broken and wanting to celebrate our return to health

8) My best friend since I was a toddler having the opportunity to be in a wedding for the very first time

 

My list could go on, but I'll stop there. I don't share this to encourage you to have a big or small wedding. What I would encourage all engaged couples to do is to take a step back and not think about what society expects or what your wedding "should" look like or what kind of statement you want to make about your wedding and instead think about the people in your lives. Yes, put you and your spouse first. Make sure anything you plan respects each other and the couple you will become. But then consider those who are important to you and their feelings. It really isn't all about you and your spouse that day, nor should it be, in my opinion. You ask all of these people to share your life and help you in good times and in bad. Making them feel wanted and included in your wedding to the degree with which it still respects you as a couple is always the right choice.

 

Looking back, that day was perfect. Not because the invitations were perfect or the setting or because I spent $10,000 on a dress (I didn't). It was perfect because it was honest, genuine, loving, compassionate and inclusive. I was deliberate in making sure there was room for everyone and in doing so, I have no regrets.

 

(On a final note, yes it was terribly personal and I'm being honest when I say there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Because my husband and I knew how emotional it would be to share our vows in front of everyone, we took a private moment a few days before our wedding and sitting in our bedroom with our kitty, we told each other what we had written. We cried then as well, but it allowed us to have that private, intimate moment that no one else knows about.)

 

I hope this helps you. I really think you should have the wedding you envision as a couple together without any of society's expectations. The only caution I would give is that I would also make sure you include those for whom your wedding will be important. I don't think you'd ever regret it.

Edited April 27, 2016 by georgia girl