EternallyDistant Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I need help... I'm absolutely terrified... On Friday night, it was my best friend's birthday, so we decided to go out. To cut a very long story short, she went off with her boyfriend and left me with a group of guys. I don't blame her for this. She trusted them.... But I was drunk. Too drunk. One of the guys, my best friend's cousin, started to feel me up, but I kept pushing him away and telling him to stop, but he kept trying. I would've been fine, but I passed out... It was strange though, kinda like I was half asleep, because I could still hear everything and feel everything, but I couldn't move or react to anything... He, and the other guys tried to wake me up at first, but then there was a hand up my skirt again and someone told him to finger me, so he did. And then someone else did.. And another.. I don't know how many of them did it, but they were touching me everywhere, and no one stopped it... I'm trying my best to not freak out over this, but I was hysterical after it happened and I rang my brother to come get me. It hasn't even been a day. I'm still shaking, and crying, and in a lot of pain. I did tell my friend, but this is part of why I'm terrified. She wants to go to the police. She said it's rape.. but is it? It hurt a lot, I bled a lot, but.. there wasn't a penis in me.. Well at least not down there... If it doesn't count and I go to the police.. I'm afraid of what they'll do to me. But it's not even just that.. There were a lot of guys there but I don't know which ones actually did this, aside from one of them. I'm not sure if this is even where I'm meant to post this... I just need help. I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Yes, you were raped. I am so sorry for you, but you need to report this immediately and get yourself to a counselor as soon as possible. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 Do you live in the US or a western country? Unwanted digital penetration of the vagina most definitely counts as rape, as well as you being unable to consent due to intoxication. (Doesn't really matter why, if you're unable to consent and didn't want it, it's rape.) Report it asap! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 It`s rape. Please go to the police. So sorry this happened to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 First of all, I'm terribly sorry this happened to you. Secondly, in a country with principled rule of law you can report to the police any reasonable suspicion that a crime may have been committed....there is no requirement for you to know all the facts or have studied the legal definition of sexual assault in your jurisdiction. (The only reason not to report would be if you cannot trust law enforcement....usually not the case in the U.S. thanks be.) So yes, report. Third, talk to a sexual assault survivor support group....you need their assistance as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 (edited) I'm really sorry you're going through this. This sort of thing angers me to no end, but it's definitely rape. And don't worry about getting in trouble. The police will investigate and once the first guy gets questioned, I'm sure he'll tell who else was there. From what you said about being able to hear and feel, but not move it sounds like you could have been roofied. Did you accept a drink from anyone or remember leaving your drink unattended at any time? Regardless, they're a bunch of scumbags...the whole lot of em. And please report it. They have to be responsible for their actions and you may very well prevent them from doing this to someone else. Edited March 20, 2016 by LostOnes05 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 it sounds like you could have been roofied. . i thought the same thing. wonder if they can do a toxicology test to determine. really awful. I hope you can find the courage to turn in these scumbags so they can't do this to anyone else 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 I believe that as a minor, you are 17 and drinking? Your parents will need to be notified of this alledged event. Have them take you to file a report. Most parents will want to protect you and see that you get attended to . Link to post Share on other sites
Author EternallyDistant Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 I know that you all want me to report this... And I really want to, I do... But I can't bring myself to do it. I can't face that right now, and.. I just don't know. I can't deal with this.... Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I know that you all want me to report this... And I really want to, I do... But I can't bring myself to do it. I can't face that right now, and.. I just don't know. I can't deal with this.... What if your friend went with you? Would that make it easier? I understand if you can't handle reporting it. Many women can't. What they did to you was awful. You are not to blame in any way and you are not awful at all. You're a good person who was assaulted and they are the bad people. As you think about whether to make a police report or not, I just want to say that often people who are assaulted (men or women, sexual assault or any other type of assault) feel better, stronger, more powerful after reporting it. Consider that as you work through what to do. But the decision is yours. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 You should do whatever you need to feel better, right now. Do you have any other friends/family who can help you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I know that you all want me to report this... And I really want to, I do... But I can't bring myself to do it. I can't face that right now, and.. I just don't know. I can't deal with this.... Correct, you are unable to deal with this. Have your parents support you. They will attend to your legal and emotional support. Are you still residing with them? I hope clarity ensues . Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I believe that as a minor, you are 17 and drinking? Your parents will need to be notified of this alledged event. Have them take you to file a report. Most parents will want to protect you and see that you get attended to . Not true in my jurisdiction at all. My father worked in the police department here when a minor was raped. She was reluctant to press charges because she had been drinking when she was assaulted and didn't want her parents to find out. Eventually she pursued it and confidentiality was kept. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Not true in my jurisdiction at all. My father worked in the police department here when a minor was raped. She was reluctant to press charges because she had been drinking when she was assaulted and didn't want her parents to find out. Eventually she pursued it and confidentiality was kept. Looks like OP is in Ireland. I don't know anything about the laws there but 17 might be over the age of consent, which could mean that her parents would not have to be notified. OP I know you're scared but the longer you wait, the less chance you have of getting these twisted morons arrested. Please try to gather your strength and courage and file a report if you can, then find a survivors support group. Also, I agree with the poster who said you may have been roofied. I am so, so sorry this happened to you. you can get past this though, I promise. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I'm not sure if it would be defined as rape or sexual assault. The important thing is that you were abused, and it's a very serious offence. You definitely need to go to the police about this. If there are no consequences, they'll likely do it again to more women. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I'm not sure if it would be defined as rape or sexual assault. Penetration = rape. Doesn't have to be a penis. Unless Ireland law is dramatically different than US law but I doubt it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Are you anywhere near Dublin? There's a center you can go to, to get any help you need. They have a 24-hour call line- A National 24-Hour Helpline: 1800 77 88 88 Home - Dublin Rape Crisis Centre I'm not going to insist that you report this to police, because I know personally how difficult that can be. Of course if you feel that you want to do so, you absolutely should! You need to take care of yourself and find the support you need right now. People who love you are not going to judge you, and you really need support. If you truly feel like you can't talk to your family, please find a counselor- or call the number I posted here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Not true in my jurisdiction at all. My father worked in the police department here when a minor was raped. She was reluctant to press charges because she had been drinking when she was assaulted and didn't want her parents to find out. Eventually she pursued it and confidentiality was kept. Good to know that variance on process's can be kept confidential. I tend to think that having family support is still a positive course for this young lady. Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) I'm not sure where it was said the OP was a minor. I couldn't find where it was said. I bring this up because I can imagine how difficult it would be anyway to report such a crime regardless of whether the OP is 14, 24, or 40--i.e., underage or not. Rape is such a traumatic event and talking about it again w someone you don't know who may be dismissive just doesn't sound like a good time to me. I mean, I really do hope OP reports the crime and justice is done, but I can imagine why that would be really difficult for the OP to do. What was said by solemate and AMJ, especially. Edited March 21, 2016 by Imajerk17 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Age of consent is 17 in Ireland. Which is neither here nor there, she was raped. I hope you find the strength to go to the police` EternallyDistant` or contact a crisis centre and talk to someone. And if you can`t, you can talk to us. Thoughts with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Actually it looks like they have a center in lots of places in Ireland, so if you're not near Dublin- Centres Around Ireland Dublin Rape Crisis Centre 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EternallyDistant Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 I'm not even reluctant because I was out drinking... My mother knows that I was... However, I was drinking in a public place which I wasn't supposed to be doing, and I'm pretty sure that's illegal... But still, it's not that. I am afraid that I'll get in trouble for this but there are just so many ways this can end badly for me. I only know one name.. I only know one of the guys, and already he's denying it to my best friend.. And she's now sceptical of my entire story and.. it's just scaring me... If my best friend doesn't even believe me, what hope do I have of convincing anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 If she doesn't believe you, she's not your best friend. I wanted to say that good friends don't leave each other in bad situations to begin with, but at the same time, it's true, what happened to you isn't entirely her fault either. Those guys are pathetic excuses for men. Pathetic. Please, contact one of the numbers I posted here..you won't get in trouble for drinking in public. You did nothing wrong, ED. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I'm not sure where it was said the OP was a minor. I couldn't find where it was said. I bring this up because I can imagine how difficult it would be anyway to report such a crime regardless of whether the OP is 14, 24, or 40--i.e., underage or not. Rape is such a traumatic event and talking about it again w someone you don't know who may be dismissive just doesn't sound like a good time to me. I mean, I really do hope OP reports the crime and justice is done, but I can imagine why that would be really difficult for the OP to do. What was said by solemate and AMJ, especially. So true! no matter the age, the allegations are still confined to rape. The Op mentioned her age in an earlier post. Which is relevant for legal purposes of contacting her parents. As was recently conveyed , apparently parents no longer need to be informed of this alledged crime against their young adult teen. I personally do not see the drinking being much of concern, other then an assumption that a roofie could have been given. We have no way of knowing though. So yes, I concur, its important that the Op believes her scenario and gets help for it. She deserves to have it reported. If not for herself ( although I think she is very important!) but for future gals that will have this happen to them. I doubt these fellows consider her their first on this rape. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I'm not even reluctant because I was out drinking... My mother knows that I was... However, I was drinking in a public place which I wasn't supposed to be doing, and I'm pretty sure that's illegal... But still, it's not that. I am afraid that I'll get in trouble for this but there are just so many ways this can end badly for me. I only know one name.. I only know one of the guys, and already he's denying it to my best friend.. And she's now sceptical of my entire story and.. it's just scaring me... If my best friend doesn't even believe me, what hope do I have of convincing anyone else. You said in your OP that it hurt a lot and it bled a lot. That means there was probably some injury, so there would most likely be an exam done (by a proper authority, don't worry) to determine any injuries. If any were found, that would be considered independent evidence to support your allegations. What would happen next is the police would have a chat with the guy you named. Suffice it to say, despite what you see about cagey criminals on tv shows, most likely they'd get the truth out of him, as well as some additional names. The cops know what they're doing. I understand your reservations and your doubts, but if you report this it should be sooner rather than later so that the account and the evidence is 'fresh.' And don't worry about having committed some minor crime in the process hon, drinking in public is next to meaningless compared w/potential rape. That's a major crime. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
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