How_Do_I_Know Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 OK, so this is month 4 now since my crush started to notice me. Most of you already know my situation so I am just going to start where I left off. OK so about the dream thing.... He still hasn't said what it was but he is the human resources guy at work and I am the community relations lady so I had to schedule an appointment with him. I called him today to do that and it was kind of awkward. He sounded a little nervous? Kind of stuttering didn't know what to say? So it seemed like he was nervous. But it was brief and to the point. I called and said it was me then he said, "So, you want to schedule something?" But it sounded like "you don't really have to" (he had been reminding me of this meeting in the previous days) but he sounded like "well you don't really have to if you don't want to". So , I feel like he's backing off? Which is a good thing! But before I called about the appointment, I had a meeting about my 401K so you didn't really have to be there at all but if you were interested in the plan then you should go to learn about it. Well, as I was signing my name, I thought "well, this will be nice, I won't see him (crush) so I won't get nervous and it will be nice to be just the few people here and myself. I also thought that it would just be my luck if he showed up." Well.... as I turned around to look at the door..... low and behold here he is walking through the door (please not that he works in another building and went out of his way to be at this meeting). So.... there are many many other places to sit and he chose to sit next to me! He seemed a little nervous when he entered but soon was relaxed! When he was signing his name on the form..... he flashed me his wedding ring! So that must also be a good sign that he is backing off right??? Well, when he was done signing, he looked me right in the eye and said "hi" not the normal kind of stare though. It seemed like he was sending me a vibe that " I am here but I am married but I still want you" ???? Mixed messages... so that's good that he may be wanting "out" of the flirting???? Before things get out of hand??? But he was kind of mirroring me when I would sit back, he would too vice versa. But I was a bit tense, he was sitting right next to me.... he looked good, he smelt good!!! he kept stroking his leg with his pen..... up and down.... so I am not sure of the body language. But the flash of the wedding ring really made my day.... it's like "I already know you're married.... you don't have to show me your ring in order to stop flirting" So I am confused by his actions. Why would he just "show up" at this meeting that he absolutely didn't have to be at and to go out of his way to do so? So, when I was scheduling the appointment he mentioned the dream and said we would have to talk about the dream. Then it was a little awkward again and we giggled and said ok LET'S! But I sense he is a little nervous around me at times. Now I feel as though I am being a little aggressive with him and I am going to back off. Plus, he didn't reply to my email........ talking about suntans and how I thought his looked great. He usually replies back but not this time. So, now I have this meeting with him tomorrow (out in the open with others). But one of the girls I confide in said that she's been watching him closely and that just lately he's been acting really weird and this is a close person to him as well and she said that he doesn't seem himself these days! So I am not sure on that one either??? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 OK, I'm not Westy, but I do have to say...You're putting alot of thought and energy into this guy. Seems like more than a crush! Take a step backwards here. You've posted 3 threads about this man. You're married, he's married. I can't really say much more except maybe you need to find out what is missing from your marriage, work together with your husband to fix things. If your husband saw these posts I'm sure he'd be very upset and hurt. Wouldn't you if you found out he was doing the same thing, flirting and writing emails, possibly crossing the line with another woman? Doesn't take much once that line is crossed before an affair can start. Intended or not, it can spin out of control. Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 whichwayisup beat me to it...you seem kind of obsessed with this guy. You can say it's a 'crush' it's 'for fun' all you want, but the mear fact you are making post after post about him shows you are constantly thinking about him. You're married...at this point it's almost like you are emotionally cheating on your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author How_Do_I_Know Posted June 15, 2005 Author Share Posted June 15, 2005 Ouch, well, when I first posted my very first post about him I stated in the "post" that I would update you all on what happens from time to time. I never thought you'd think I am obssessed! Sorry!!! I will stop then if you'd like! Just though you might've been curious on what happens with this thing!?! LOL! I will stop now and post it in my journal instead! Also, my husband knows I am a flirt..... he knows I have email buddies! He has his things and I have mine! He LOVES looking at porn "obsessed" (hardcore) and I leave him alone. I think that's worse than what I am doing cuz he's getting off on looking at other women's private parts! I am purely just admiring a man and haven't even laid a finger on him! Nor have I gotten off on the thought of him! So is it wrong to admire someone??? Thanks though for your concerns! Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 We never said we didn't want updates. I love updates. But when you are making SEVERAL topics posting many times a day about this one guy, i can't help but think you think of him a lot. If you want to make tons of posts about him that's fine...but be prepared for some people to feel that you are too preoccupied with him. I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing, just giving my opinion on the subject. Good luck and I'd like to hear how it is going in the future (if you weren't offended by these posts.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author How_Do_I_Know Posted June 15, 2005 Author Share Posted June 15, 2005 No offense taken and I like the honesty in you all! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 I know it's easier to give advice than take it. Trust me on this one, I'm real good at giving it, I just am not one to ask for it and when I do I have a real hard time taking it all in. It's not an easy situation you're in, but it is unhealthy. It's just what it could lead into to and it's amazing how quickly one can become emotionally attached. When that happens, problems could easily add up in the marriage. I put this on the other thread, but you need to take the control back, don't allow yourself to think about him. Those thoughts, sexual or otherwise, the "what if's" pop in your head, distract yourself from it. It will only cause heartache and unsettling feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 . I think that's worse than what I am doing cuz he's getting off on looking at other women's private parts! PICTURES of other women. Not real living breathing present women. I am purely just admiring a man and haven't even laid a finger on him! Yet. Nor have I gotten off on the thought of him! Yet So is it wrong to admire someone??? You're not just 'admiring someone'. You are spending hours thinking about him. You are scanning all of his behaviour for signs that he might be attracted to you. Admiration can be the first step to love and you are 'admiring' a real live breathing man who is accessible to you, which is ENTIRELY different from what your husband is doing. It can absolutely lead to an affair and that's why what you are doing is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 too bad you can't go to confession...you might get some special helps on how to handle this I have to tell you that reading your crush threads brings back memories even i am happy just reading about this. maybe your hubby needs to learn the art of seduction i think that is what i would call this crush's behavior...its not flirtation...you are flirting...he is seducing but it seems like pure unadulterated mutual attraction i also have to say it bothers me that your husband is reading porno....i really think you woudl benefit by a visit to a priest in a roman catholic church to discuss this crush and also discuss the state of your marriage...because i think it would be confusing for you i am also worried about the guy your crush...the tension might become too much for both of you i would consider one of you leaving the job i think you are a very fun and delightful young lady...and i am sure you had no clue things would get to this level or out of hand... i am learning a lot just reading these three threads of yours about my own situations i have encountered. i am sure everyone here is picking up on your happiness...you are a joy and delight....and we are also picking up on your excitement...its kinda hard to hide it.... im not sure what the best course of action is i feel like you two need to talk and be straight with one another--it might help to cool things off Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme PICTURES of other women. Not real living breathing present women. Yet. Yet You're not just 'admiring someone'. You are spending hours thinking about him. You are scanning all of his behaviour for signs that he might be attracted to you. Admiration can be the first step to love and you are 'admiring' a real live breathing man who is accessible to you, which is ENTIRELY different from what your husband is doing. It can absolutely lead to an affair and that's why what you are doing is wrong. i think her hubby is getting off on porn...its breaking his marriage vow this girl could be getting off on the attention....but i'm not sure....does she think about having sex with him...only she knows but now we know....this married couple is not getting off on each other i don;t think its wrong to admire someone and to make them feel good about themselives....however this situation has crossed the line...the tension/excitement or whatever is coming through in her posts this is the way it should be between her and her husband...but he is getting off on porn...maybe he doesn;t know how to get his wife off and get her this excited...maybe she doesn;t know how to do the same for her hubby.... but obviously she knows how to get a guy interested and worked up and this guy at the office knows how to get her going but this guy is different she says....she says she is a major flirt...i think she means verbally and also...i don't think anyone got to her like this before...which is the real danger how do i know: even if you try to tease him back...because you think he's playing a game with you...it doesn't matter...because you are still responding on a physiological level ....you are in it on a psychological level....kinda like a cat and mouse game....and for this I am worried for the guy as well as you...because you are both feeding off each other...and leading each other closer and closer to the line of sexual arousal. how you two get through an 8 hr day of teasing each other is beyond me....you are both arousing each other...whether you intended it or not...he is using body language to seduce you...whereas you thought it was your words...its actually that he can tell you are responding on a physical level...even if you try to hide it...there are signs you can't control and he is picking up on it and looking for it...he is still getting off on your reaction, even when you don't know what you are doing when was the last time you and your husband had sex? i am also kinda getting worried you are doing this back at him...to see how far he is going to go with the flirtation.....you want to see how much control you have over him maybe??? or of yourself? or of the situation? or maybe to see if you've still got it? but i don't think that one's it. or maybe to feel superior and in control...the thing is you think men can't control themselves once they are aroused....well neither can women...and he's gonna getcha....so stop it Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Anyone want to bet that in a few months we'll be reading the "I cheated with my co-worker and my husband just filed for divorce" thread? Link to post Share on other sites
Author How_Do_I_Know Posted June 15, 2005 Author Share Posted June 15, 2005 You have such GREAT advice for me! I beleive that this is getting too serious! And I think after this meeting with him today I am going to avoid him (or at least try to) from now on! Your words really hit home for me!!! Thanks! I didn't think that it was this serious until you opened my eyes! WOW! So thanks again and I will try to keep you all updated! Link to post Share on other sites
Author How_Do_I_Know Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 Well, I had that meeting today and when I got there I told him that I didn't have enough time so he said we would make this quick. Well , he was showing me around some things and I was sitting down.... well, I have 2 kids you know, and as I was sitting, I noticed that he looked at my "roll" in my stomach.... LOL! It's not a big roll but when I sit it is obvious I have one. I know that he looked at it and I think that he was turned off! LOL! But he did look at my jewelry and I think he noticed my wedding ring. He probably thinks that I have expensive taste and now he is having second thoughts about me! I THINK!?! Maybe I am just being paranoid... I get paranoid when it's that time of the month..... about stupid little things. Thinkgs also felt really akward..... so now I think that things might actually be settling down?!? But he did look me in the eye like he always does and said "Thanks Liz" his look was somewhat seductive. So I think things are actually settling down.... maybe??? But I will still keep you all informed! PS..... I feel like such an idiot now!!! I was so shy and nervous at this appointment I was so dumb founded and I think he noticed that I was nervous and shy and maybe he thinks I am childish but I was almost speechless at this meeting. But I did notice that his friend at work has started to say hi to me a lot.... he almost NEVER said hi so I wonder if he talks about me? But I am bummed now and I feel awful that I looked like a possible idiot like "man, she must be very stupid and childish!" Oh I feel like an idiot! Well, I should be on my way now..... I know I'll get something out of you guys! He was talking to me and it was like I didn't really hear him because I was so infatuated! I was like though commercials of when the guy has a beer and the girl is talking to them but they don't hear them because they love the taste of the beer!?! Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Stop obsessing over a married man. Perhaps you have some fear of commitment. So you go after someone you cant have. Leave the poor guy alone. Dont be a homewreaker. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 You called? Link to post Share on other sites
Author How_Do_I_Know Posted June 17, 2005 Author Share Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by SuperFantastico Stop obsessing over a married man. Perhaps you have some fear of commitment. So you go after someone you cant have. Leave the poor guy alone. Dont be a homewreaker. See the thing is that I DO leave him alone! I just vent it all out here instead of telling him or anyone else about it. The thing is that I DO leave him alone and HE is the one that "reminds" me of the crush. He'll show up EVERYWHERE that I am at and he'll sit right next to me and he'll make sure that I look into his eyes and says "hello", he's still ALWAYS the one to start a conversation with me, he's the one who's ALWAYS staring, HE ALWAYS says "see you soon"........ so......... now tell me......... how do I leave HIM alone when HE is the one pursuing me? Today he asked me where I live, if I have a home or apartment, he asked how I afford all this stuff....... so NO I CAN'T leave him alone!!!! HE should be the one to leave ME alone........ but he doesn't! And if I sound like I am obsessed...... that's because you guys are the ONLY ones who know about my crush! NO ONE else knows and this is the place I express my "feelings". Thanks anyways! Also, how can I be afraid of commitment when I have been with my husband now for 8 years??? Since I was 16??? You need to re-evaluate my threads here! And I HAVE NEVER been with ANYONE who was married or taken...... EVER! This is the first time I even "liked" a taken man! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 HE is the one that "reminds" me of the crush. He'll show up EVERYWHERE that I am at and he'll sit right next to me and he'll make sure that I look into his eyes and says "hello", he's still ALWAYS the one to start a conversation with me, he's the one who's ALWAYS staring, HE ALWAYS says "see you soon"........ so......... now tell me......... how do I leave HIM alone when HE is the one pursuing me? OK, this is gonna sound abit gay and off the wall... BUT... I think you should try some daily affirmations. Everyday before work, stand infront of the mirror and tell yourself, "I won't let him make me feel anything because I am in control." "I am married and so is he." Or something like that...lol The point is, he may come and talk to you but you could always tell him sorry, can't talk now, abit busy k? Be friendly but assertive. Don't pay attention to the little flirts he does, by staring at you. I know it's easier said than done, but the amount of time he's checking you out and you're noticing where he is checking you out is more than just flirting - That's giving you the "once" over in a very sexual way - You're aware of this either consciously or subconsciously...I don't know... When he sits right up next to you, move away from him. If he ever says a word about it to you, all you say is I'm a married woman. Don't say you're a married man because by saying that you're letting HIM know you've thought about him. Best NOT to say much, don't volunteer any info. Link to post Share on other sites
Author How_Do_I_Know Posted June 17, 2005 Author Share Posted June 17, 2005 Hello again.... I know that i am sounding obsessed here but the truth is that I tell NO ONE about this other than you guys. So, I am sorry if I come off in that way. See, today I tried to avoid him as best as I could, I didn't say hello or anything like that, I just appeared. And so as soon as I "appear" he comes up to me and says hello. He found out the other day that I have a new Ford Explorer and I think he might've seen my wedding ring. So he was wondering today how I afford all of this stuff. See, I think that he is trying to get it out of me if I am married (which I thought he should know since I think he saw my ring). But as I was saying, all I have to do is appear and he comes right to me and says hello, and today he said " I wasn't sure how you could afford all of this stuff". He then asked me if I have an apartment or have a home, I told him that 2 years ago I purchased a home... he asked which town I was from and I told him. Then, as I tried really really hard to leave the conversation I couldn't! It was like there was a magnet there that kept me there, I just couldn't peel myself away from the situation. I felt I just HAD to hang around just one more mintue. So I finally ended it by saying "well, you have a good weekend"..... he then said "you too Liz". He ALWAYS throws my name in there. Not just my name but a shorter version of my name "Liz". I don't do that to him but I feel like if I throw my name in there he may think "Oooh, she said my name"! LMAO!!! So why doesn't he call me by my full name rather than saying "Liz".... not too many people call me that... most call me Beth. I know he is using psychological seduction on me and he is very clever at it. Just when I think I could be over him, or if I think he's over me, he shows up in places that I wouldn't expect him to be and then I get all nervous because I didn't expect him to be there! LOL! Thanks anyways for being a listener... I don't talk to this stuff to my friends even!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 No problem, anytime! Why not just come right out and tell him you're married? Who cares what he thinks. Right??? I don't think you're that obsessed, but maybe spending unncessary energy worrying about what this guy does or thinks while at work. Just try to keep it on a professional level and when he asks how you can afford something, say, uhmm, hello?? I work, I make money. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author How_Do_I_Know Posted June 17, 2005 Author Share Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup No problem, anytime! Why not just come right out and tell him you're married? Who cares what he thinks. Right??? I don't think you're that obsessed, but maybe spending unncessary energy worrying about what this guy does or thinks while at work. Just try to keep it on a professional level and when he asks how you can afford something, say, uhmm, hello?? I work, I make money. lol. LOL! You are very very right about that! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 So do it tomorrow. Wait for the perfect opening then BOOM, blurt it out! Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 I smell trouble : You are married and he is married and you both are obviously getting a thrill from eachother because you both seem bored in your own marraiges... Why : If you wanted this to stop you would not * try * as you said...you would DO ! Getting involved with a coworker is disaster. Do you really want to destroy your marraige by these heady thoughts and feelings by acting upon them ? And * What * kind of man is He...? Wearing a ring and *( if its true ) shamelessly flirting with you. Its all good and fun for now but if you both end up in bed together 4 people are going to be affected by this. My advice : Put the thrill back into your own marraige. That takes work ! Do not respond to this co worker anymore. Let him find another marraige to ruin. You want to keep yours don't you ? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Amen to what Mary3 said. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by Mary3 Its all good and fun for now but if you both end up in bed together 4 people are going to be affected by this. don't forget the kids. they are the innocent ones that suffer as well Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by How_Do_I_Know He then asked me if I have an apartment or have a home, I told him that 2 years ago I purchased a home... Don't married people usually say "we" instead of "I" when referring to the purchase of a home? Who's playing who? Link to post Share on other sites
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