So...dating/finding a long-term relationship is like finding a job?

[Lady2163]

Oh well!

 

Still don't agree that every man wants/needs this.

 

Agree to disagree.

 

No, not every man needs every single quality listed, but having more of these qualities rather than fewer help.

[Mr. Lucky]

5. No hobbies that require massive amounts of time and money

6. Physically appealing

 

Don't know about a "massive" investment of time/money, but 5 & 6 might be a package deal. Most guys I know that are over 45 and in good shape are pretty dedicated to their workout activity.

 

Honestly, I'd want a partner that had his/her own interests independent of mine. A certain amount of absence required to make the heart grow fonder...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Summer3]

Oh well!

 

Still don't agree that every man wants/needs this.

 

Agree to disagree.

 

I do agree it isn't what every man wants or needs but if she has the skills I listed it would make her appeal to a broader range of potential partners. It would up her chances and give her a competitive edge. She's in her 30's without a ring on her finger which would be fine if she didn't care. But she does. If she's going to try to find a partner she will be up against women who have the stuff on my list. She doesn't have the twenty something youth thing anymore and chances are she doesn't look like a supermodel. So it is what it is.

[lana-banana]

I find Summer3's list repugnant mostly because it comes off as condescending; if you don't "know the nutritional value of food" you have much bigger issues than finding a man. But the general theme of the list seems to be self-sufficiency and a basic standard of self-care, which I do agree is critical. Happiness is attractive! If you don't already have a satisfying life a partner isn't going to change that. And who wants to be with someone who isn't any fun?

 

Take care of yourself, pursue your passions, and lead the life you want to live. You'll be both fulfilled and more attractive for it.

[Lady2163]

Don't know about a "massive" investment of time/money, but 5 & 6 might be a package deal. Most guys I know that are over 45 and in good shape are pretty dedicated to their workout activity.

 

Honestly, I'd want a partner that had his/her own interests independent of mine. A certain amount of absence required to make the heart grow fonder...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'd like to elaborate.

 

Hobbies-I despise football. Can't stand it. Don't want to watch it and don't want it to rule my life. One time I dated a man who attended both local high school games and considered it a source of pride he had season tickets for close college team. Then he followed a couple of pro teams.

 

That meant every Friday. Saturday, Sunday and Monday were devoted to the pastime. He had a posse of men who would often go to college town and spend the night. Weekend shot.

 

That's too much time on a hobby as far as I'm concerned. That future didn't appeal to me.

 

Physically appealing-I meant whatever apoearance appeals to the individual. Different people have different preferences.

 

Although something I find interesting. Those people 10-15 years younger than I am automatically consider working out as part of their daily routine. That wasn't the way for my generation and we certainly didn't see our parents schedule time to exercise. We worked from the time our feet hit the floor until bedtime. And I wasn't a farm kid.

 

Probably the most convenient time for me to work out would be before 730 AM. I tried like crazy to get in the mode of getting up 75 minutes earlier and working out. I just couldn't do it. When there's yard work to be done, dishes to be washed, this needs attending to...etc. working out is still a luxury for me. I'm hoping after I sell my business and retire I can get on a healthier schedule.

[basil67]

It's true.

 

Meeting someone to marry is like going on a job interview. Yes, there will need to be chemistry even a little will do but mostly men will look at you in that "so what can you do for me" way.

 

Relationships are big business. And, if you're a woman that probably won't make much in the work force it could mean the difference between living in poverty or living a comfortable life.

 

You're in you're 30's. Time is ticking now but since ppl are marrying later you are probably fine.

 

If you want a husband you'll need to be a marketable wife. That's how men will look at you "Why should I settle for this one woman?"

 

Give them reasons.

 

1. Work out

2. Have a list of beauty treatments so hair, skin and nails are perfect.

3. Know how to clean everything and make your own cleaners.

4. Learn how to cook and know the nutritional values in food.

5. Know how to manage money, negotiate contracts and where to get the best prices.

6. Sex skills. Easy enough. Learn what the man likes and doesn't like. Do lots of what he likes and avoid what he doesn't.

7. Learn emotional control...VERY HARD. Men don't like nagging women so you'll have to learn how to cool down and approach things in a logical way. Much harder than the easy sex skills.

8. Know a little about arts, culture, cars, travel etc. Hopefully, you have already did some traveling and can talk first hand about places you've been.

 

 

OK. There is your list. I won't even charge you.

 

Bahahaha. I think that list came straight out of the 1950's.

 

And the ironic thing is that I'm now turning off the computer and heading to my sewing machine to make a 1950's dress. While listening to the radio. True story.

Edited March 15, 2016 by basil67

[Lady2163]

Bahahaha. I think that list came straight out of the 1950's.

 

And the ironic thing is that I'm now turning off the computer and heading to my sewing machine to make a 1950's dress. While listening to the radio. True story.

 

Nah, 1950s women still lived at home. If they worked, their daddy took care of their money. They didn't need much of an allowance except for clothes and pretty things. Men paid for all their recreation.

[basil67]

Nah, 1950s women still lived at home. If they worked, their daddy took care of their money. They didn't need much of an allowance except for clothes and pretty things. Men paid for all their recreation.

 

I just pulled out Betty Cornell's Teen-age Popularity Guide (pub. 1953) and it goes into detail about the importance of a girl knowing how to earn extra money, budget, save for special items and borrowing money.

 

Absolutely nothing about daddy doing it all for them.

[losangelena]

I just pulled out Betty Cornell's Teen-age Popularity Guide (pub. 1953) and it goes into detail about the importance of a girl knowing how to earn extra money, budget, save for special items and borrowing money.

 

Absolutely nothing about daddy doing it all for them.

 

I'm frankly impressed you own such a thing.

[thefooloftheyear]

Hmmm ...I thought it was like a box of chocolate....never know what you'll get...

 

TFY

[anna121]

As much as things change things stay the same. Men today still want a traditional wife, especially since women still are (and always will be) the ones who get pregnant. They take time off of work and usually raise the kids. There are some dads that stay at home and raise the kids but this is rare. Maybe in 50 years things will be different.

 

A lot of this depends on social class and education. Most of the women I know are highly educated professionals who do not abandon their careers when they have kids. Their husbands would, frankly, be aghast at the idea.

 

This describes me and my husband as well, though I don't have kids.

[basil67]

I'm frankly impressed you own such a thing.

 

Don't be too impressed - it's a recent re-print. I gave it to my retro loving daughter. It's great reading actually.

 

Betty Cornell’s Teen-Age Popularity Guide: Betty Cornell: 9780525427476: Amazon.com: Books

[MidwestUSA]

Bahahaha. I think that list came straight out of the 1950's.

 

And the ironic thing is that I'm now turning off the computer and heading to my sewing machine to make a 1950's dress. While listening to the radio. True story.

 

I hope you're wearing your pearls, June.

 

Ward's dinner and newspaper better be ready before you go off and tend to your own selfish hobbies.

[blackcat777]

Summer's list is dead on the money, but there is more to the bigger picture.

 

One of my favorite authors talks about how men perceive women of high value, and this splits into three categories:

 

Radiance - beauty AND health, the image (or reality ) of reproductive viability. This includes hip to waist ratio, long flowing hair (in cavepeople times, healthy ladies had long hair), staying fit, etc. All that beauty stuff

 

Social value - Being perceived well by others, having an uplifting presence, no drama, etc. Also mentioned here in some lists.

 

But the third part... which none of these lists touched upon too much...

 

Spiritual value - patience, forgiveness, kindness, generosity, being able to inspire a man, lift him up. Inner beauty is JUST as important as outer beauty when looking to get wifed.

 

Another important tidbit, while it has nothing to do with how your value is perceived... is that a man wants to feel good, he wants to feel appreciated for his efforts, and he wants to feel like a man. There was some wisdom in the 1950s. It's not that women can't hold their own when necessary, but that men like to be the hero, the protector, the provider. It's not a contest of what a woman can or can't do... it's a question of does she have the wisdom to know when to let her man be the man.

 

It's also not fake or manipulative... but really something that keeps magic in the relationship... when you can sincerely learn to look at your man and appreciate how he contributes and make your life better. Much of the secret male agenda is to help make women's lives easier. There's a lot of hateful pop rhetoric that may say differently at times... but Marvel makes a lot of money...

 

If you're willing to allow your man to be a hero, he just might surprise you in ways you never imagined. It's amazing how being your best can bring out the best in others - especially a significant other.

 

If you want to get wifed, you have to work on your inner game. When you are at your best, you'll attract the best, and keep your partner at his best. It's win-win.

[No_Go]

Yeah, but similar list can be made for men. Nothing sexist here.

 

For me no addictions, being able to take care of the house and being financially responsible, especially if I'll be the main earner, is the bare minimum.

 

Being able to be presentable in public, lead cohesive non-small talk conversation, and bedroom skills are a nice bonus.

 

For casual dating I'd only expect him be adventurous and interesting but... I will never date casually now that I'm 30+

 

Bahahaha. I think that list came straight out of the 1950's.

 

And the ironic thing is that I'm now turning off the computer and heading to my sewing machine to make a 1950's dress. While listening to the radio. True story.

[blackcat777]

Aww, I wanted to edit to add, but I couldn't:

 

 

 

I'm very patient and a masterful healthy cook, but felt horrible about myself for working in the service industry for so long. So, I went back to school and now I have many, many more options, found a trade that makes ME happy... and I have more to offer to my man in return, financially, AND energetically, because I worked hard to make myself happy.

 

I think the health/social/spiritual triad is a great model to always return to for periodic self-improvement checks.

[jay1983]

It's true.

 

Meeting someone to marry is like going on a job interview. Yes, there will need to be chemistry even a little will do but mostly men will look at you in that "so what can you do for me" way.

 

Relationships are big business. And, if you're a woman that probably won't make much in the work force it could mean the difference between living in poverty or living a comfortable life.

 

You're in you're 30's. Time is ticking now but since ppl are marrying later you are probably fine.

 

If you want a husband you'll need to be a marketable wife. That's how men will look at you "Why should I settle for this one woman?"

 

Give them reasons.

 

1. Work out

2. Have a list of beauty treatments so hair, skin and nails are perfect.

3. Know how to clean everything and make your own cleaners.

4. Learn how to cook and know the nutritional values in food.

5. Know how to manage money, negotiate contracts and where to get the best prices.

6. Sex skills. Easy enough. Learn what the man likes and doesn't like. Do lots of what he likes and avoid what he doesn't.

7. Learn emotional control...VERY HARD. Men don't like nagging women so you'll have to learn how to cool down and approach things in a logical way. Much harder than the easy sex skills.

8. Know a little about arts, culture, cars, travel etc. Hopefully, you have already did some traveling and can talk first hand about places you've been.

 

 

OK. There is your list. I won't even charge you.

 

Some of this stuff is really good.

[Summer3]

A lot of this depends on social class and education. Most of the women I know are highly educated professionals who do not abandon their careers when they have kids. Their husbands would, frankly, be aghast at the idea.

 

This describes me and my husband as well, though I don't have kids.

 

My list doesn't say "Don't have a career." Women make a large portion of the workforce. However women will ALWAYS be the ones to get pregnant.

 

Sorry - Biology.

 

If science changes this OK but that won't be for at least 200 years...to perfect anyway.

 

In the meantime, lots of women (not all) have their first baby and are overwhelmed by the experience and decide that staying at home with the baby is a good idea. At least for the first two years.

 

If anyone has noticed we have a horrible job market. When you have two people the chances of both of them continually holding down full time jobs is a gamble anyway.

 

If you don't think my list is valid don't acquire those skills.

[GravityMan]

I think it's unhealthy and even kinda childish to treat dating like a "competition".

 

I also think there are notable differences between dating and job-hunting. First of all, dating, flirting and the so-called "mating dance" should be FUN for both men and women...do it because you want to, not because you need to. If an opportunity didn't work out, no biggie...hopefully both of you still enjoyed the moment. Ideally, dating opportunities should occasionally cross a person's path naturally simply due to him/her having a good attitude, getting out there, being open to meeting new people and enjoying life. On the other hand, job-hunting is serious stuff and if you're unemployed it can be exhausting as well. Plus it's more of a need than a want for most people...gotta keep a roof over your head and food on the table. Secondly, job hunting requires a lot of effort and meticulous preparation...whereas in dating, while some effort is needed, it's far better to relax, be yourself and be in the moment. Relationships require mutual work to maintain, but if it often FEELS like work, then you may not be with the right person.

 

Overall I think it's a mistake to approach dating like finding a job. You may risk coming across as a bit desperate.

 

Regarding Summer's list...overall it's way too old-fashioned for my liking, but a woman who is decent at #7 is a major plus in my book.

[Shining One]

Men today still want a traditional wife

Speaking as a "man today", this is the last thing I want. I've found traditional women to be more of a burden than a blessing in a relationship, which is why I no longer pursue relationships with them.

 

It's important that my partner be complementary to me. We both bring things to the relationship and enhance each other's lives.

[mcjordan]

Don't know about a "massive" investment of time/money, but 5 & 6 might be a package deal. Most guys I know that are over 45 and in good shape are pretty dedicated to their workout activity.

 

Honestly, I'd want a partner that had his/her own interests independent of mine. A certain amount of absence required to make the heart grow fonder...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I would assume that what this means is - do not go off hunting every weekend and leave me alone with the kids or go play poker 3 nights per week. And if we can't pay the bills, you don't need that really cool thing for your motorcycle right now.

[Lady2163]

I would assume that what this means is - do not go off hunting every weekend and leave me alone with the kids or go play poker 3 nights per week. And if we can't pay the bills, you don't need that really cool thing for your motorcycle right now.

 

Yes, that is what I meant. I know the men are getting targeted, but This is something both men and women can do which can damage a relationship.

 

I'm at the tail end of the generation where men viewed their time and hobbies as priorities and they were entitled to spend many hours/nights away from the family because they worked hard, damn it! And by God, this is how it was for their fathers and their mothers never uttered a peep about it.

 

I've had friends who have married men like this. I've also seen men who try to pass off service groups as work. Now, I'm not saying being Lodge President isn't work, but I've belonged to male centric groups and most meetings last an hour, but the socialization can last several hours.

 

I dated a man once who insisted that if he spent the day "babysitting" our future children while I was at college, well then of course he was entitled to a "few hours" at the bar. Explaining to him that college was not exactly leisure time was impossible.

[Summer3]

Yes, that is what I meant. I know the men are getting targeted, but This is something both men and women can do which can damage a relationship.

 

I'm at the tail end of the generation where men viewed their time and hobbies as priorities and they were entitled to spend many hours/nights away from the family because they worked hard, damn it! And by God, this is how it was for their fathers and their mothers never uttered a peep about it.

 

I've had friends who have married men like this. I've also seen men who try to pass off service groups as work. Now, I'm not saying being Lodge President isn't work, but I've belonged to male centric groups and most meetings last an hour, but the socialization can last several hours.

 

I dated a man once who insisted that if he spent the day "babysitting" our future children while I was at college, well then of course he was entitled to a "few hours" at the bar. Explaining to him that college was not exactly leisure time was impossible.

 

I'd last five minutes with a guy like that. My husband is also my best friend. We do stuff together. If I met a man that rather "play with his friends" I'd be turned off.

[Snow_Queen]

No wonder I can't find a man. I'm not that great of a cook! However, I can check off nearly everything else on the list.

 

Now let's go in reverse and turn that list into things women want from men. There is a little humor included but these are good basic guidelines for me.

 

1: Work out. I can't open a sealed jar to save my life

2: Wear clothes that aren't wrinkled or stained or let me wash/iron them

3: Know how to fix most things or at least be able to call someone to do it. If you can build things, that's a plus since it saves money.

4: Have the number to the pizza place memorized

5, 6, & 7 can be applied for men as well. For #7, women don't like being nagged, either.

As for 8, I don't think it applies but I am a car lover. But, as long as he listens when I talk he can talk to me about anything, even sports!

9: Be a hero by being supportive when I'm going through a hard time.