I just think it's abnormal for a gf to say this. Opinions? [update 2016-07-05]

[Cobra_X]

thing is, we've been going through this ( me constantly in the dog house scenario and making **** up to her and trying to make her happy unsuccessfully just to be met with mean phrases and disappointment) for 1.5 years.

 

You need to change. Stop trying to earn her love. Demand that she treat you with respect. Those two things should create a new dynamic... or end the relationship. Either way you win.

[NinjaX]

Be a man. Draw strict boundaries. Do not be afraid to walk away and never look back.

 

Ask yourself if you want to deal with that nonsense for the rest of your life? Most people don't really change. Eventually they tend to get complacent and revert back to their old ways.

 

Know your value, and there will be another woman that will respect your values immediately.

[jerrygordon3]

My gf and I communicate fairly well and she never hides anything and is always open to me looking at her phone which I don't do. However I did today cause she was being super rude to me and we've been sort of rocky the last week. She watched me pick up her phone and didn't even try and stop me and when I looked at texts there was a guy who we both know from the gym a long time ago. A guy who used to date her friend. She had deleted some of the text but the stuff that remained was her saying she was sorry she's just so busy she forgets to text people back. But she never said "I'm not interested or I'm seeing someone" and it's made me feel really ****ty all night. She's been at work and I have anxiety and can't put my mind at ease. I asked her about it and she was rushed to get to work and super short and kind of rude cause she was stressed but explained that she has nothing to hide but the more I think about it the more I don't feel like it's appropriate ( deal breaker actually). Any input is appreciated.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I can't see where he asked her out? All I can see is that she's deleting messages and you saw her saying she didn't text back due to being busy. Where did he ask her out?

 

Sorry but if you're at the stage of picking up her phone and reading her private messages right in front of her (I.e. You don't trust her and she knows it) then demanding answers to stuff, your relationship is already devoid of trust and down the pan.

 

If a guy asks me out I may decline due to being busy, I may say I have a boyfriend, does it matter? She declined (if she did, I still can't see where anyone asked anyone out). In fact, declining with a 'I have a bf' implies to me that she would say yes if it weren't for being in a relationship. if I don't want to go on a date with someone I'll say no or brush it off rather than disclose my relationship status because saying 'I have a bf' implies that's the reason you don't want to meet up.

 

Does this really matter? Sounds like you just don't like her talking with this guy and are reading way too much into nothing. Makes you come across as insecure and a bit beta tbh. Learn to trust her until you're shown a reason not to. The deleting messages thing is a bit suspicious I admit but so is reading your partners phone.

[Alamo657]

She's leaving her options open, means she's not in love with you very deeply.

 

What will happen now is that your anxiety will drive her away, because you stopped trusting her.

[d0nnivain]

I think you breaking up with her because you didn't like how she declined a date with another man & that you are calling this a deal breaker is over the top. She didn't go out with the guy. Focus on that.

 

 

Do speak to her calmly & politely. It would bother me too that my SO didn't mention me as the reason they couldn't go out with somebody else but that omission alone would not make me end the relationship.

[PegNosePete]

I think her strategically deleting certain texts from the conversation is more of a concern than the manner in which she turned him down.

[elaine567]

Where did he ask her out?

[kendahke]

you are conflating two issues here.

 

1. her not telling him she had a boyfriend--does that really matter? Like acrosstheuniverse said telling him she had one only is saying that she'd say yes if you weren't in the picture, not that she would still have said no. With some men, telling them that is like waving the red flag in the bull's face. Also, there isn't any evidence that he asked her out--you're making that part up because of

 

2. your anxiety, which is for you to manage, not her. If she wasn't in your life, how do you manage your anxiety? Then do that.

 

She told him she was too busy to respond to his texts, which going by other threads on this site just today, that is reason enough to consider it a dead prospect.

[MrBojangles]

Is this the same GF you've written about in your previous 22 other threads? The one that has cheated on you, and that you have cheated on previously? The same one that you've repeatedly stated speaks to you "disrespectfully".

 

If indeed it is the same GF, then you two are absolutely toxic for each other! If this is indeed the same GF you've previously written about, then you already know that she's cheated in the past, and is likely still capable of cheating in the future. In one of your other thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/573400-i-just-think-s-abnormal-gf-say-o-pinions-s#post6824645 you said: She returned with " theres plenty of guys out there that are willing to make me happy, I don't need you and don't ever ****ing forget it"

 

Is this the same GF??? If this isn't the same GF, then please disregard.

[truth_seeker]

She's leaving her options open, means she's not in love with you very deeply.

 

What will happen now is that your anxiety will drive her away, because you stopped trusting her.

 

She might be hoping for his anxiety to drive her away... to give her the excuse she needs to get out of the relationship.

[jerrygordon3]

So. Strong relationship. No problems. Get along great. Have been together for years. Active sex life. Treat each other amazing. Both want marriage. We joke about how often I say " I feel" and pour my love out, talk about deep stuff, and want to talk about our relationship. It isn't bad. It hasn't caused any problems recently. But apparently I'm a chick ( I'm the man) in a relationship and am very affectionate and sensitive. Truth be told I've never been this way before and am crazy about her. The feeling is mutual. I'm just tired of feeling like I should be acting more like a guy and not wanting to send texts once a day telling her how much I love her. Again. It isn't anything terrible I just want to be a more confident secure... Mans man I guess. I almost think it's hard wired into who I am. Thing is. It doesn't cause any problems in the relationship but the fact that she isn't as expressive and affectionate verbally back, makes me get flustered and insecure and even though I don't tell her. I start getting upset and have to talk myself down from starting in about my "feelings" because I'm looking for something wrong. That's the main thing I want to change. To just be a normal guy with no worries totally cool not getting touched and verbally praised constantly. Any input.... Would be greatly appreciated

[Jabron1]

Be honest. Have you pulled out of your normal 'league' here?

[jerrygordon3]

I've always pulled really attractive women however I have always been the guy that doesn't think I deserve love, hot women. Etc. I think I have low self worth and always think too much about things. I even think that happiness will never be mine when it comes to marriage. It's all internal. I make my gf very happy. I've worked... We both have worked to come to a median over communication and giving each other what we want and need and are very good together. However. She is going through a divorce and has a young daughter and doesn't want to get married any time soon so.. Sometimes I think I tie my relationships security to ( when we finally get married then I'll have it all in the bag) and think I'm some weird way everything is constantly on the line until then

[Jabron1]

I've always pulled really attractive women however I have always been the guy that doesn't think I deserve love, hot women. Etc. I think I have low self worth and always think too much about things. I even think that happiness will never be mine when it comes to marriage. It's all internal. I make my gf very happy. I've worked... We both have worked to come to a median over communication and giving each other what we want and need and are very good together. However. She is going through a divorce and has a young daughter and doesn't want to get married any time soon so.. Sometimes I think I tie my relationships security to ( when we finally get married then I'll have it all in the bag) and think I'm some weird way everything is constantly on the line until then

 

Oh, It's definitely your problem to deal with, mate. It's all in your head - one way or the other.

 

Why do you crave marriage?

 

If you think it's some kind of security, you're barking up the wrong tree. She's already going through a divorce

 

I'm not being a tw*t, or anything. I'm trying to help

 

I just don't understand why you think women = security.

[Poutrew]

Well, if you are the 'chick' in the relationship, things will become problematical for you once your GF bangs into a 'real man'. So how do you change it? You've dug a pretty deep hole for yourself, my friend. You set the tone for the relationship from the very beginning with all the calling, texting, and 'I love yous' and any attempt to pull back at this stage will be interpreted by your GF as you cooling off with her. Now, your gal pal did it right - she is cool but in a masculine way. She doesn't text or call, and frankly, acts like she's ready to blow you off at any time. Look, I'm not trying to be mean, but simply telling you like it is. Your gratitude to her for deigning to be you girlfriend has emasculated you. I'm not sure you can change anything at this late date - either you start getting content in wearing the pretty panties, or realize your mistake so you don't repeat it in your next relationship, which will happen as soon as she runs into a guy like Jabron

[jerrygordon3]

We have an awesome relationship and both are planning on getting married. We've been together for two years and get along great. She treats me really well. I'm not worried at all about her leaving me. We've worked through a lot to get where we are now and if she had wanted to leave me she would have done it a long time ago

[jerrygordon3]

She calls me constantly and spends al her free time with me... Getting ready to blow me off...? Doesn't call or text? Lol did you read my post at all man?

[Jabron1]

Alright mate.

 

Still doesn't answer the question though. Why do you care so much about getting married? Kids or something?

 

I even think that happiness will never be mine when it comes to marriage.

[jerrygordon3]

I guess on some level I'm scared to lose someone, namely the only person I've ever actually loved, at least on this level. I'm in a different place in my life and don't have any experience in long term relationships other than this one. I don't have problems meeting women, but this girl is just it for me. So the issue isn't that there's anything wrong even. Just that I'm the one who doesn't like this specific trait in myself. I do struggle with confidence. And I do over think and over analyze everything and I hide those insecurities around everyone but her. When I say to her. " hey, been really enjoying everything lately and things are just so good and healthy now. I really feel like I'm in love with you more than I've ever been. I know you and I have had our problems but I hope you know I'll always be here for you. You make me truly happy. " ... She responds the same. But in general day to day... My mind wanders. I create scenarios and situations. I find myself getting upset. Wondering if she feels a certain way.. Wonder why she hasn't maybe been as cuddly lately. Just try and find something wrong. Even tho she just got off a crazy work shift. Even though she just took me out to a hundred dollar dinner. Even though she's sweet and spend all her free time with me and tells me she loves me constantly. I just have this crazy thought process that makes me seek out deep conversations for validation

[jerrygordon3]

So.. She's sick. Just finished a long work week. About to start her period. And is having a herpes breakout. I told her I had herpes when we first started dating two years ago but she got it anyways and this morning we started fighting. She ended things and then wouldn't say she was serious just said she was mad at me. We fought. And she was angry and said a bunch of hurtful **** and tried to make the whole thing my fault. I know I shouldn't have reciprocated because I fired right back at her cause I was tired and grump and sick this morning. She also said she is feeling insecure about us. That she hates me because of the herpes thing. She just said a lot. Question. Does she mean that it's over? I mean two years strong? Also, maybe I'm just a knuckle head. What should I do to deal with her when she acts out? Is she just acting out. Is this Normal? How do I react.

 

After we went our separate ways this morning she went back to sleep at her house and I'm in college. I just wrote her that she was my world and I apologize and love her so much and that I shouldn't have fired back and just been the man. She's still sleeping so no response but.. I just seem to run into this communication breakdown Often when she is hormonal.

[MidwestUSA]

Look at your history. How can you call this 'two years strong'?

 

Why haven't you ended it yet? Toxic all the way around.

[blackcat777]

I am going to second the two years sentiment... sounds like two years of a lot of stress and hurt. You both might be happier if you parted ways.

 

Just because something doesn't work out, doesn't mean you can't learn from your experiences. It doesn't mean it was a waste...

 

But it does sound like insanity to continue.

 

I've had a lot of periods in my life and never once have I used that as an excuse to abuse my boyfriend.

[AndOrchid]

I agree with the above responses.

 

Cheating, multiple breakups, and verbal abuse constitutes a strong relationship/no problems/"treat each other amazing" in your eyes?

 

If you want informed opinions, you should be honest when presenting relevant information.

 

Unless you actually believe that you have a great relationship which would be an even bigger problem because it means you are deluding yourself.

[todreaminblue]

when you say she is having a herpes break out did she get herpes from you?...deb