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I just think it's abnormal for a gf to say this. Opinions? [update 2016-07-05]

jerrygordon3

By jerrygordon3
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jerrygordon3 Established Member

jerrygordon3

Posted
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We have had a rocky time lately and last night we were having a normal conversation and I told her I'm proud of her lately and I apologized that I had argued with her earlier( even though I argued cause she was extremely rude to me)... She returned with " theres plenty of guys out there that are willing to make me happy, I don't need you and don't ever ****ing forget it"

 

I feel like those are words that... Idk make me think that she's just really verbally abusive. She always talks to me and says things that hurt my feelings and make me think " this isn't normal" I shouldn't put up with this.

 

I don't know what to do or think I'm just really upset and hurt that she says things like that.

 

Any thoughts?

  • Like 1
Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

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Kindness is the cornerstone of a relationship. Your gf isn't kind. No, this isn't normal and saying she doesn't need you is like saying I don't respect you so I will say hurtful things in order to make sure I'm right and you are wrong. She is a tool, a mind warp drama queen you honestly know isn't right for you. Follow your gut, man,

Best,

Grumps

  • Like 7
Madame_Noire Established Member

Madame_Noire

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She sounds like an emotional abuser, a manipulator. You should have told her to get with these other guys and be done with her.

  • Like 8
Poutrew Established Member

Poutrew

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Would what she told you have been easier to understand if she had added: ..."Now get down on your knees and lick the soles of my shoes clean!"? Unless you are into shame and domination, you need to tell her that it is time to start getting with those other guys. No one deserves to be made into a whipping boy especially by the one who supposedly loves them.

  • Like 1
Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Posted (edited)
She always talks to me and says things that hurt my feelings and make me think " this isn't normal" I shouldn't put up with this.

 

Yes, you shouldn't put up with it. The more you tolerate it, the more you enable her behavior. So, why do you put up with it? Don't say love.

 

I don't know what to do or think I'm just really upset and hurt that she says things like that.

 

You know what to do -- you're just afraid to do it. The thing is nothing changes no matter how hurt and upset you feel everytime she acts that way. So you can keep accepting it or you can leave. You should leave.

 

PS: You have created at least 20 threads since October (if all of them relate to this woman) -- none of them sound good. Hopefully you wake up soon and find the courage to let go.

Edited by Zahara
  • Like 3
salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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She returned with " theres plenty of guys out there that are willing to make me happy, I don't need you and don't ever ****ing forget it"

 

Any thoughts?

 

Yea, tell her not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out.

 

Seriously, something is wrong with YOU if you are sticking around after she said that. If it's a pattern, there's something seriously wrong.

  • Like 1
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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If this is the same girl that you posted about back in Oct 2015 then why oh why are you still in this relationship?

 

If this is a different girl, then you have some serious issues to sort out, as you are obviously drawn to toxic/abusive relationships.

  • Like 2
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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If this is the same girl that you posted about back in Oct 2015 then why oh why are you still in this relationship?

 

If this is a different girl, then you have some serious issues to sort out, as you are obviously drawn to toxic/abusive relationships.

 

Agree, but hell he has serious issues even if it's the same girl!!

 

Agree with salparadise... who stays with a woman like this?

 

She sounds abusive and frankly, horrible!

 

OP, where is your self respect?

  • Like 2
Satu Established Member

Satu

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Never let anyone treat you like this.

 

Never surrender your dignity to anyone.

 

There are no reasons good enough to make it reasonable to tolerate it.

  • Like 1
preraph Established Member

preraph

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Sounds like something happened to really make her mad, and that sounds like a very honest response to me. But no, it does not bode well for your relationship, no matter what. I won't say she was out of line because I don't know what's been going on with you two.

 

But if this attitude of hers is a pattern, then yes, she's mean and you should get out. If you feel you might have done something egregious and sort of deserved a very angry response, that's another thing.

  • Like 3
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Sounds like something happened to really make her mad, and that sounds like a very honest response to me. But no, it does not bode well for your relationship, no matter what. I won't say she was out of line because I don't know what's been going on with you two.

 

Shedloads of resentment here.

LydiaLong Established Member

LydiaLong

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Kindness is indeed the cornerstone of a relationship. We all tend to forget that at times.

angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

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If she always does this, it means there's been more then one instance of this behavior. Why are you even still there??? :eek: Please put an APB out for your spine. It's been kidnapped and hidden.

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jerrygordon3 Established Member

jerrygordon3

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Long history. Cheating back and forth mainly on her end. Empty promises. Caught her again and again. Finally agreed to start over. I didn't take it seriously. Sent a flirtatious message to a girl a month after getting back together ( 6 weeks ago I sent the message so some time has passed), and I forgot to delete the text thread. 4-5 days ago she went through my phone and saw that a month after we agreed to start over I sent a text to a girl. She's been really hurt. I explained to her I hadn't really taken her 5th proposal of "starting over fresh" serious for awhile, until after a month of us being back together again I realized she was serious and she even let me see her kid again. At which point I cleaned up my act. It's been 4-5 days since she found the text and has been really hurt since. But her saying **** like this to me is a pattern... Just not as mean as last night. Last night was a new low. I did write down things she said to me in one conversation once that came about for no reason. " I hate you, I don't like you, you're a loser, you're a piece of ****, I don't like you, I don't want to be with a guy like you, I don't like myself with you"... This isn't average but conversations like this do happen from time to time and it just blows me away. It's definitely not a daily thing. More like just daily grumpiness sometimes and she's pretty rude here and there. She's just a very rude person sometimes.. Last night what she said though just made me want to throw in the towel I'll be honest.

angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

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Ah! That's a very different picture.

 

The relationship is dead! Cheating is rampant, trust is non-existent, and resentment is scalding. There's nothing to salvage here.

 

Learn when it's time to end things. What you're both doing is unhealthy and totally unnecessary.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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OP ..... have you even read our posts?

 

Given your last message, I am beginning to wonder.

 

I will repeat -- she sounds HORRIBLE!!

 

Verbally and emotionally abusive...in the worst way.

 

Yes, throw in the towel!!!!

 

Now!! Today!

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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What you're both doing is unhealthy and totally unnecessary.

 

Especially if all this is going on in the same house as her kid...

OnlyHonesty Established Member

OnlyHonesty

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You have self esteem problems. I would have ditched her point blank. However, she knew you would not do that and will keep on pushing the boundaries.

 

You are also exposing yourself to stds and all sorts of other risks.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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You're both totally at fault and you're not getting along. So while you may deserve each other, I see no reason to stay together and bringing a child into this ugly picture.

  • Like 1
sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

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The relationship is pointless at this stage.... not to mention unhealthy. I have to ask what enjoyment do you actually derive from this relationship.

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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Long history. Cheating back and forth mainly on her end. Empty promises. Caught her again and again. Finally agreed to start over. I didn't take it seriously. Sent a flirtatious message to a girl a month after getting back together ( 6 weeks ago I sent the message so some time has passed), and I forgot to delete the text thread. 4-5 days ago she went through my phone and saw that a month after we agreed to start over I sent a text to a girl. She's been really hurt. I explained to her I hadn't really taken her 5th proposal of "starting over fresh" serious for awhile, until after a month of us being back together again I realized she was serious and she even let me see her kid again. At which point I cleaned up my act. It's been 4-5 days since she found the text and has been really hurt since. But her saying **** like this to me is a pattern... Just not as mean as last night. Last night was a new low. I did write down things she said to me in one conversation once that came about for no reason. " I hate you, I don't like you, you're a loser, you're a piece of ****, I don't like you, I don't want to be with a guy like you, I don't like myself with you"... This isn't average but conversations like this do happen from time to time and it just blows me away. It's definitely not a daily thing. More like just daily grumpiness sometimes and she's pretty rude here and there. She's just a very rude person sometimes.. Last night what she said though just made me want to throw in the towel I'll be honest.

 

Hm ....sth's not adding up. Either she's the most profoundly awful person in the history of mankind or there's more to the story. Either way it sounds like a match made in hell so why persist?

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
Hm ....sth's not adding up. Either she's the most profoundly awful person in the history of mankind or there's more to the story. Either way it sounds like a match made in hell so why persist?

There is more to the story.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
There is more to the story.

 

Apparently, I just read some of his past threads about this same RL dating back to last year. Wow.

 

Their RL is certainly toxic for sure, but good luck OP, it's obvious you intend on staying so wish y'all the best.

  • Author
jerrygordon3 Established Member

jerrygordon3

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okay if anyone has read previous posts my gf and i have a terrible history ver the last 1.5 years. my main issue with her is her disrespectful comments, mean a lot, upset.. just makes me feel like its always my job to make her happy which she never is. she has said super mean stuff to me over and over the whole relationship.. even though i too have messed up... but when she says or does really hurtful stuff she ignores my feelings about it and is just cold and will start sort of threatening me saying she can't deal with me threatening to end things or walking out of a coffee shop on her.. point is I'm exhausted. 1.5 years and her family doesn't want us together, she is keeping me a secret, she seems like she is always unhappy with me, she is still technically married.. it just doesn't seem like its going anywhere so two days ago I broke it off very seriously. I agreed to talk tonight cause she's been a mess and was sobbing for hours texting me pretty sad intense stuff, even threatened to kill herself..

 

then we talked for an hour and she started telling me how she couldn't lose me and realized that she didn't take me seriously and that she had made a mistake and that she knows I'm worth it and that she will treat me better, and see a counselor, and get a divorce, and give my BJs, and give my massages, and take me out and pamper me and Im her man and she went on for probably an hour. saying she doesn't care if she is begging and stuff because she is humbled and realized that Im too important to lose and her Best friend and BF and that she wants to put it all in the past and move forward and she won't hold any of the past against me and she will ( she pretty much said everything I've ever wanted to hear) give me time to think about it but she said she's never been so hurt and been in so much pain from losing someone and I'm completely rejecting her and she knows she can't let me go. she was pleading and begging and literally said everything I've ever wanted to hear. no woman has ever said so many nice things to me. she wants a lfe with me and marriage and kids and she wants to take care of me and treat me the right way and work her ass off for this just wants one more chance. thing is, we've been going through this ( me constantly in the dog house scenario and making **** up to her and trying to make her happy unsuccessfully just to be met with mean phrases and disappointment) for 1.5 years.

 

i want to walk away and start over with someone who i don't have history with and to be truly happy and make some ELSE TRULY HAPPY.... I don't know... should I actually give this another chance or am I a fricken idiot.

loveiswar101 Established Member

loveiswar101

Posted
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i want to walk away and start over with someone who i don't have history with and to be truly happy and make some ELSE TRULY HAPPY.....

 

You've answered your own question. Failing that why not take some time apart. See how you feel in a month or so and see what her actions are in a month or so.

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