Keeping his options open

[SiaLv82]

I broke things off with a guy a week ago after dating for four months and him deciding that he should continue to keep his options open. The kicker was meeting his family twice over the weekend and then finding him on match all day long on Sunday.This was the typical hot and cold I had been getting from him since the beginning of Feb. We would take a big step towards a relationship and he would backtrack completely after that step went well. We had a heated exhange via text where he basically told me he had dated another girl (i didn't know) --who called things off because she felt he was looking for a relationship. He told me I was well off the mark of saying he wasn't looking for a relationship bc the other girl obviously felt he was... he told me he was giving us a chance "to grow" into something and that he did care and like me but he wasn't sure. He texted me later to ask that I call him to get together after we had both cooled off to discuss us and if we feel we can work on things and work this out. This was last Saturday. I never called him. I knew at the point that he said about the other girl I was done. I thought I would hear from him but I haven't...which means obviously there is probably someone else. The heartbreak is setting in. I really miss him..We met four months ago and dated for about two of those months after getting to know each other. He told me his excuse what that with some people dating takes time and others it does not. He said he was giving us "time." I was wondering if anyone felt that there was any truth to this? I feel (as my friends do) that he didn't give me a chance. He just scrapped the surface and kept on moving...he had a bad break, two yr relationship, and just started dating again one yr out. He's tied to her because of his 1 yr old son. They have a horrible relationship and he admits regretting getting her pregnant. It's been one week...I really want to reach out to him but I know I shouldn't. I just can't get him off my mind. Both of us are in our mid-thirties.

[adarna]

I don't think it matters whether there is truth to him wanting to give you guys "time."

 

Bottom line is you were unhappy with his hot/cold behavior and that there was another woman. Even if you agreed to giving it time, you still wouldn't be getting what you want. He'd still be keeping his options open, he'd still be on Match and there's no magic number of how many days/weeks/months/YEARS he needs with no guarantee he'll even get there. Is that something you are okay with?

 

Personally, if I'm giving a man time, he would have to be already focused on me and NOT keeping his options open. I would NOT be okay with that. I'm actually someone who needs more time and likes taking things slow and truly getting to know another person. To me, "time" means letting things grow organically, not time to go cake eating.