All you Gen-Y females....

[truthtripper]

P.S. We are Gen-Y WOMEN, not "females." "Female" is usually an adjective unless one is talking about breeding stock animals.

Actually, I did use "female" as an adjective. I said "female employment".

[truthtripper]

I do believe that the idea that you can "have it all" and "do it all" has been proven to be false for most human beings. It's really hard to raise a family and have a demanding career at the same time unless you have a lot of money to pay for nannies etc

.

This is what my parents tried to do. However parents decide to live their lives, the children's nurture and wellbeing should come first.

 

Here's an interesting article-

 

Research shows child rearing practices of distant ancestors foster morality, compassion in kids // News // Notre Dame News // University of Notre Dame

[SJS]

I'm a late gen-xer (77), and a SAHM. A LOT of mom's I know (X & Y) are SAHM's. I thought it was more because I live in a rural area, where most women have jobs, not careers, and not much paycheck is left after daycare. I also see a lot of moms who are total Martha Stewart types, have their daily schedules planned out hour by hour. My mom was a SAHM as well, but my MIL divorced when my husband was very young and therefore had to work a lot, and he was very persistent in me staying home so I could be there.

[truthtripper]

I'm a late gen-xer (77), and a SAHM. A LOT of mom's I know (X & Y) are SAHM's. I thought it was more because I live in a rural area, where most women have jobs, not careers, and not much paycheck is left after daycare. I also see a lot of moms who are total Martha Stewart types, have their daily schedules planned out hour by hour. My mom was a SAHM as well, but my MIL divorced when my husband was very young and therefore had to work a lot, and he was very persistent in me staying home so I could be there.

I live in a semi-rural suburban area, but not too far from the city either, about an 90 min drive. It may be my location too.

[GunslingerRoland]

Most of my circle of friends are on the borderline between the X & Y. And a large number of the moms in that group have stayed as SAHM beyond the year of maternity leave.

 

 

There are different reasons for those choices, but for most of the families, grandparents aren't around, or have aged too much to help out. Child care options are expensive and sometimes restrictive. You can't always find a child care that can get your children to preschool and kindergarten when the kids are half day in school. Now, none of these mothers I'm referring too have parents that fall in the Generation X category.

[serial muse]

Gen-X - born early 1960's to 1980

Gen-Y - born 1980 to 2000

 

Gen x isn't early 1960s

 

Hm, this is an interesting thread. I have to say I sense a general "moms shouldn't work because they're destroying families" undertone though...and as a Gen xer mom who has a career and also a young child I suppose I'm thinking my opinion isn't going to be a popular one here.

 

But it seems pointless to protest "my kid is fine". He's only 2, for one thing, and what are those metrics that measure "fine", for another, and for a third thing, I tend to think individual parents and their difficulties with communication and bonding have more to do with kids feeling neglected than working parents per se.

 

Still, he is fine and we're very bonded. What can I say? Generalizations are always a bad idea.

Edited March 14, 2016 by serial muse

[carhill]

Here's an interesting chart as well as some explanations, in .pdf form:

 

http://www.esds1.pt/site/images/stories/isacosta/secondary_pages/10%C2%BA_block1/Generations%20Chart.pdf

 

It appears Generation Y is listed as 1978-1990 so that would make them 26-38 this year.

[serial muse]

Now that we're out of letters, I wonder whether we'll just go around and start at A again. Or AA.

 

That PDF gels with how I've known the general divisions to be.

[carhill]

Yeah, I thought the boomers ran into the 60's but wasn't sure how far. I know I was towards the end of that group.

 

Contrary to what was reported in the OP, my friend's GenY children and a few grandchildren are decidedly two-income households, most working outside the home, though a couple did combine parenting with home-based businesses and the gender spread was pretty equal, meaning it was no more likely the wife would stay home than the husband.

 

SAHM's were far more common in my generation but I guess that goes without saying. Heck when I was a kid looking for mischief it was like there was somebody's mother around every corner

[amaysngrace]

Here's an interesting chart as well as some explanations, in .pdf form:

 

http://www.esds1.pt/site/images/stories/isacosta/secondary_pages/10%C2%BA_block1/Generations%20Chart.pdf

 

It appears Generation Y is listed as 1978-1990 so that would make them 26-38 this year.

 

This chart is missing four years....1991, 1992, 1993 and 1994.

 

My oldest son was born in 1992 but he's not on that chart.

 

Is there another page?

[lino]

I'm gen Y and every woman of my generation I know who is married and with more than one child stays at home with no plans to return to work.

 

Some single mums I know also don't work.

 

Don't know of any stay at home dad's.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I'm gen Y and every woman of my generation I know who is married and with more than one child stays at home with no plans to return to work.

 

Some single mums I know also don't work.

 

Don't know of any stay at home dad's.

That's interesting. Every single one of my friends works. I know one stay at home dad by choice, and another one because he got laid off. Family member with 2 kids stayed home until the youngest was in kindergarten.

[truthtripper]

Every single one of my friends works.

Do they include mothers of babies?

[Phoenician]

I believe the world changed when women stopped hiding money in their Cleavage.

 

Life was much easier , simple , and each spouse was taking a the normal role .

 

this doesn't mean that women shouldn't work ; it just means that she ahs a great role that nobody except her can perform .

 

Have you ever seen across ages a sculpture of Venus holding a

trowel ?

 

she was a great figure , Godess of fertility .

[truthtripper]

I believe the world changed when women stopped hiding money in their Cleavage.

 

Life was much easier , simple , and each spouse was taking a the normal role .

 

this doesn't mean that women shouldn't work ; it just means that she ahs a great role that nobody except her can perform .

 

Have you ever seen across ages a sculpture of Venus holding a

trowel ?

 

she was a great figure , Godess of fertility .

Nowhere in this thread has anyone mentioned that women should never work. My OP is being misconstrued by some posters.

[HarmonyInDisonance]

Actually, due to the economy, I've noticed the opposite. Staying home is an unfulfilled wish due to lack of money. As for me, I'm the breadwinner, but I'm also a lesbian, so not really the demographic you're looking to hear from. My gf is a stay-at-home, but she also has a job that she can do at home and has her own studio there. She works probably 6-8 hours a day while I'm gone. She does it because she likes to live quietly, rather than because either of us want children.

 

At one time I considered marrying the one and only guy I was with. He would have been the breadwinner and I would have stayed home. Life turned out differently. My mother and father both worked, and everyone was dirt poor. All I knew was I wanted to be everything that they weren't.

 

In general, I think that the idea of heterosexual couples having a husband breadwinner and a stay at home wife/mother is a good idea. It has worked throughout history. Some feminists have come full circle and realized that due to childcare costs, they have a better quality of life by staying home, growing gardens, and raising their children. There is dignity in housework, motherhood, and any productive work in general. If some GenY women can get to the point where staying home as a mother is possible, more power to them!

 

You madam are a free thinker. I read this and had to reply. You do not see many lesbian women that speak well of the traditional dynamic. Most people can expand beyond their birth parameters, but we are all born with innate strengths and weaknesses. Women tend to be better nurturers and tend to be better at relating to people. Women also have an innate ability to multitask. Women fighter pilots in testing are able to track more bogies than there male counter parts.

 

Men tend to be physically stronger and more aggressive. Men tend to be better at compartmentalization also. They say men tend to control their emotions better, but honestly I am not so sure on that one.

 

The kicker is that I am a man in the role of housewife. I cook EVERY meal, no microwave crap in my house. I clean, a lot. I also take care of my four children, including homeschooling. I grow vegetables as well.

 

I also cut firewood and fix everything that breaks. I am proud to say I have never hired any body to do anything around my house or vehicles.

 

That's what I meant by extending beyond one's innate traits. Honestly though this is not in my nature, but we are more than nature aren't we?

 

Just had to chime in!

[Snow_Queen]

It really depends on your situation. I came from a poor family so at times both my parents worked. My mom always did something, even if only babysitting to make ends meet.

 

I am a divorced, single mom but worked all my adult life. Prior to my divorce, the economy dictated my position as a SAHM for several years. This was a very uncomfortable situation for me but I was raised in a two-income household. In order to work again, I went to college and I'm still expanding my education.

 

Believe it or not, I am only one of two women on both sides of my family who work. My other cousins had no desire to pursue a career or a college degree due to their comfort levels. Home is where they thrive and can do things I can't (like cooking and crafts) and vice versa (analytical math).

 

Even though I work, I spend ample time with my child. I make sure to set aside "alone time" for activities my daughter likes which we do together. We are typically together doing something whenever I'm home.

 

Anyway, what I'm saying is it depends on what seems natural. To me, that is working. I don't believe things are reversing but gender roles are shifting slightly.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Do they include mothers of babies?

After their maternity leave was over.

[Gloria25]

I think the amount of working "mothers" (better said "surrogates", cuz how can you call yourself a "mother" if you're not around to "mother") is increasing.

 

The sad thing too is that these "mothers" believe their jobs, community service, etc has more value than the time they spend raising their kids, that a nanny, babysitter, daycare or relative is the same thing as a "mother" and as long as they spend a few hours with the kid, they did enough time to qualify them as a "mother"?

 

Can you go to your boss and tell them to list you as an "employee with full time pay and benefits if you only show up for a couple of hours a day/week? Then how can you be a "mother" if you spend most of your day/week away from your child?

 

You can't "have it all" like some groups tell women. Fact is in life, when you choose one path/decision you gain and loose. If you wanna be a career woman, you're gonna not be there 100% for your family - there's not enough hours in the day.

 

The first three years of a child's life is important cuz they are forming intangible bonds. They just smell and see mum around, it gives them a sense of security. When the kid starts school, then go back to work or do whatever you want.

 

So far we are seeing effects of the lack of the presence of parents in our youth. It's attachment disorders, but 60 Minutes wants to lie and call it a 'mental illness epidemic' - where people are ticking time bombs ready to go crazy without reason.

 

Look, IMO, most women now a days don't even make good SAHM/SAHW...they lack and/or don't care for nurturing. Theysee cooking, cleaning and sexing their man as "submissive" and demeaning acts, so yeah, better they at least bring a check home than stay at home and waste time on the couch.

 

We live in sad times - where men no longer wanna be "men" and there's "partnerships". No one making a "house" a home. Kids eat garbage cuz no one's cooking and/or there for them when they come home from school.

 

And yes, while our economy is bad, I see too many people buying "stuff" where they could cut back and live on one income. Also, there was a time a "man" would be embarrassed to ask a woman for a dime, people have no shame now a days.

 

So, that's the sad state of affairs now a days.

[dreamingoftigers]

The less a young child sees their parents, the less they will feel loved and cared for by them(unless they have abusive parents)

 

According to what I heard on the radio the other day, we actually spend the MOST quality time that we've ever spent with kids (spanning generations) yet we still feel we should be spending more time and we feel guilty about it.

 

I found it pretty fascinating but if you think about it, women throughout history didn't have a lot of cuddle time either. Running a household was not done by appliances on timers and the amount of kids they had was insane. Each kid probably got fairly minimal attention compared to the only children of today.

 

My grandmother did my full-time care for the first six or so years, but thank goodness my parents didn't. They were nuts!

[Gloria25]

According to what I heard on the radio the other day, we actually spend the MOST quality time that we've ever spent with kids (spanning generations) yet we still feel we should be spending more time and we feel guilty about it.

 

I found it pretty fascinating but if you think about it, women throughout history didn't have a lot of cuddle time either. Running a household was not done by appliances on timers and the amount of kids they had was insane. Each kid probably got fairly minimal attention compared to the only children of today.

 

My grandmother did my full-time care for the first six or so years, but thank goodness my parents didn't. They were nuts!

 

While "attention" is important, "presence" holds a lot of weight too. Thing is a working mother is barely "present" if she is at work than at home.

 

Another thing is yes, back in the day kids actually were raised with more to do, so they were too busy to get into trouble like they do now a days.

 

Also, working/helping the family at home taught the kids a sense of pride, responsibility, unselfishness (contributing to the family) and skills they can take into adulthood.

 

Now a days schools don't teach much and are venues for "social engineering". So, kids spend all day there wasting time. Schools are "institutionalized daycare". The kids would benefit more from home schooling.

 

And "parents" now a days don't teach kids basic chores. They grow up to be slobs, self absorbed, and have mommy/daddy coming to their college dorm to clean for them, cut their grass, take out their trash...it's pathetic. Some can't even use a freakin dishwasher.

[dreamingoftigers]

I guess I'm Gen Y.

 

I thought I was a "millennial"

 

Whatever. I work. I have to.

 

I also want to. My child goes to school from 9-4 five days a week. I don't see her missing out on key opportunities to bond with me.

 

And tbh, staying at home would be like prison. My daughter is awesome but I HATE housework.

 

My husband is much more suited to this type of thing. He likes to putter around, clean up and cook. (I do like cooking). As well, he isn't really a "work to death" kind of guy. More work part-time.

 

He does a nice job packing my daughter's lunch every morning.

 

I have a son due in May. I will find having a couple months off to be REALLY TOUGH. I can't imagine doing it as a planned forever thing. My husband and I will be sharing our son and responsibilities during that time. Just like we did last time.

 

I love how involved he is as a Dad. When my daughter did a preschool activity where they ask a bunch of questions to kids about their Dads, usually they get these cutesy answers like "my Dad is good at work and he's 200 years old." My daughters answers were like she was a character witness for him. She knew his age bang-on, described three things they do together, knew his favorite food and named stuff she likes that he does for her. I didn't see any other sheets like that in the classroom.

 

Our parenting and work setup would simply not work without two people determined to raise happy, healthy kids and adjust when things need adjusting. Granted my husband had has issues over the years, but overall no one views parenting or work as simply "the other's job."

 

Nor is there a false choice of staying home or working. This family needs more than one income. But it doesn't need two burnt-out parents.

 

My job provides lots of flexibility and we make space for appointments etc. One of us is available to what our kids need, but not at the expense of having our own lives / interests and incomes.

 

We aren't rich by a long shot, but we aren't at the food bank either (fingers crossed.)

[dreamingoftigers]

While "attention" is important, "presence" holds a lot of weight too. Thing is a working mother is barely "present" if she is at work than at home.

 

Another thing is yes, back in the day kids actually were raised with more to do, so they were too busy to get into trouble like they do now a days.

 

Also, working/helping the family at home taught the kids a sense of pride, responsibility, unselfishness (contributing to the family) and skills they can take into adulthood.

 

Now a days schools don't teach much and are venues for "social engineering". So, kids spend all day there wasting time. Schools are "institutionalized daycare". The kids would benefit more from home schooling.

 

And "parents" now a days don't teach kids basic chores. They grow up to be slobs, self absorbed, and have mommy/daddy coming to their college dorm to clean for them, cut their grass, take out their trash...it's pathetic. Some can't even use a freakin dishwasher.

 

That's kind of the other end of it, parents getting over-involved and smothery.

 

I actually just received the RUDEST email from a group leader about how she was disgusted, upset and disturbed that I let my six year-old daughter go back into the church and use the washroom by herself. It's a "safety concern" that I let her use the washroom without coming in and taking her directly there and monitoring her.

 

This was in the same facility that she just exited 5 minutes earlier, where the older half of the group was still present. A very small supervised facility.

 

I find it completely ridiculous. And I let it be known.

I am not a negligent parent by any stretch but I am surprised to the degree of "helicopter" parents in this generation. My daughter has been using facilities by herself for about the last six months. I asked this group leader if she was distressed and she said "no she wasn't distressed but I am distressed by it. We just released her to your care and supervision and then she's back in the building unsupervised using the washroom!?" At her age I was walking to the store with my friends to get candy. I think that's a little bit young. But the washroom.? My God, what have we become?

 

My daughter can't wait to shed me LMAO. her first sentence was "I'LL DO IT!" And she means it. She walks from the gate to the school doors every morning, unless she requests me there. Her choice. She wanted to go by herself and she loved it.

 

She likes to do laundry with Daddy. She's picked out her own clothes for years (within reason.)

 

How is a kid supposed to test their comfort level without making their own choices? If Mom and/or Dad does everything for them, I think they will end up very very scared of the world and have trouble navigating it.

 

I would honestly being doing her a great disservice by trying to undermine or subvert her independence streak. The best way to deal with it IMHO is to try to channel it into positive behaviour. And strong values / morals. I knew I might have a challenge when she was two and piped up from the backseat saying, "Mommy, I'm big to drive the car now." And then the next week she requested her own bank card.

 

On the other hand, we really make sure she is nourished and loved. We don't push her out into the world, scrambling, neglected, scared.....

She feels scared and we cuddle with her until she falls asleep. She feels sad and we listen and do hugs. We ask her about her day and include her in whatever we do. I also work on math with her at nights. It's as inclusive as it is independent.

[lino]

That's interesting. Every single one of my friends works. I know one stay at home dad by choice, and another one because he got laid off. Family member with 2 kids stayed home until the youngest was in kindergarten.

 

Are your friends mothers of more than one child? If so, kudos to them, should be more like them.

 

Also kudos to the wives of the 2 stay at home dads you know. That is putting equality into practice rather than just talking about it but doing nothing. You should know many more than just 2 and I should know many more than none. Sad the world is this way.

[HarmonyInDisonance]

That's kind of the other end of it, parents getting over-involved and smothery.

 

I actually just received the RUDEST email from a group leader about how she was disgusted, upset and disturbed that I let my six year-old daughter go back into the church and use the washroom by herself. It's a "safety concern" that I let her use the washroom without coming in and taking her directly there and monitoring her.

 

This was in the same facility that she just exited 5 minutes earlier, where the older half of the group was still present. A very small supervised facility.

 

I find it completely ridiculous. And I let it be known.

I am not a negligent parent by any stretch but I am surprised to the degree of "helicopter" parents in this generation. My daughter has been using facilities by herself for about the last six months. I asked this group leader if she was distressed and she said "no she wasn't distressed but I am distressed by it. We just released her to your care and supervision and then she's back in the building unsupervised using the washroom!?" At her age I was walking to the store with my friends to get candy. I think that's a little bit young. But the washroom.? My God, what have we become?

 

My daughter can't wait to shed me LMAO. her first sentence was "I'LL DO IT!" And she means it. She walks from the gate to the school doors every morning, unless she requests me there. Her choice. She wanted to go by herself and she loved it.

 

She likes to do laundry with Daddy. She's picked out her own clothes for years (within reason.)

 

How is a kid supposed to test their comfort level without making their own choices? If Mom and/or Dad does everything for them, I think they will end up very very scared of the world and have trouble navigating it.

 

I would honestly being doing her a great disservice by trying to undermine or subvert her independence streak. The best way to deal with it IMHO is to try to channel it into positive behaviour. And strong values / morals. I knew I might have a challenge when she was two and piped up from the backseat saying, "Mommy, I'm big to drive the car now." And then the next week she requested her own bank card.

 

On the other hand, we really make sure she is nourished and loved. We don't push her out into the world, scrambling, neglected, scared.....

She feels scared and we cuddle with her until she falls asleep. She feels sad and we listen and do hugs. We ask her about her day and include her in whatever we do. I also work on math with her at nights. It's as inclusive as it is independent.

 

As in all things balance is key. I think what Gloria is trying to say is that across the country many if not most families are overly concerned with material and progression in comparison with their peers.

 

But what is progress? It is moving in the direction you want to go. But what direction should we go? That is entirely up to us. We all have free will and using that free will is paramount. I think that if you want whats genuinely better for your child you will ferret it out somehow.

 

You have to decide whats important and how to get there.

 

Take my situation for example. My wife only ever dreamed of being a wife and mother. She has caught a lot of **** for this over the years I assure you. In our day and age a lot of people look down on her, as if wanting to give your life to the service of others is some kind of a fault. She works now of course, because of me and the fact that I'm nut balls.

 

So she has had to deal with the bitter disappointment of losing her dream. It kills her, every day they get older and she has to slowly watch what she wants more than anything trickle away. I also lost my dream. I just wanted to work quietly in a lab somewhere. All I wanted to do was see if things worked. Like what would happen if one injected aluminum mylon gas into a 10 terrajoule laser. Answer, particle cannon. At any rate we had to switch roles.

 

I am not suited to this at all, nor is my wife suited to working in a cut throat environment.

 

We had to evolve beyond our birth parameters. In doing so I understand her more because I have lived as she would have, but also as I would. I take care of the kids and do all the stuff a "wife" traditionally does. I also do the traditional "manly" stuff, such as fixing cars cutting firewood rebuilding the bathroom, and other stuff.

 

She has expanded as well for she also helps me drag firewood out of the woods. She has helped me rewire our entire house, which is over 200 years old BTW. She has learned to do some pretty advanced things with a computer as well.

 

Here is an example of our dynamic at its best.

 

I was in Peachford in Atlanta Ga, for those who don't know that is an inpatient mental health care facility. I got tossed in there after an episode. The problem is that my business was still thriving and there were machines sitting all over the house with me in the funny farm again. I had to walk her through a processor and GPU upgrade. Then she had to install an OS to a machine with no DVD drive. She was literally my hands from miles away. Another resident thought I was having phone sex because I was being super flirty with her while she was doing all this. He yelled at me to get off the phone...

 

At any rate I felt very in tune with her. Her experiences with me had forced her to acquire enough knowledge to assist in rather complex IT and engineering issues.

 

I have learned from living her life that I love my children more than anything. Hell it is the only constant in my life. I have learned that people are more than interesting objects in my story. That my box is one of many and ultimately we are all one. Because of my experiences in her shoes I have learned to love with purpose, not for want of reward.

 

I'm rambling again...

 

I just think that you start with loving your child purely and unconditionally. After that you will instinctually find whats best for them. ( did I really spell that wrong?) I better go, my kids are in school right now and I need to keep them on point.

 

God bless!