Author patriotsgirl Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 So, everything is peachy then! He shouldn't have a problem with you moving the wedding date out then. Girl, you've known him less than a year, he binge drinks, he's let you know he likes bigger boobs, and he's made distasteful jokes about your deceased sister. This guy doesn't have the compassion to become a doctor. Do you realize that? He's apologized for the comments he's made. I do think he has an issue with being insensitive we both do. He hasn't drank since I asked him to stop. Even at parties where everyone else is drinking we both stay sober. He has made an effort to improve his behavior. I'm just upset with his family dynamics. I do t think he should complain about his family and then expect me to like them. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 It is my business how they treat him if he is always telling me he feels like he's their least favorite or feels unloved by them. I don't need to get along with them. I don't tolerate bs from my own family. I don't speak to 80% of my fily bc they have offended me or wronged me in some way. Most people would say that's extreme but I don't have to get along with anyone. Relative or not. He's venting to you. As his wife, you're supposed to listen. He's only known you a year & they have raised him. You don't seem family based & know how to be. You have some serious issues to take care of before you get married & you seem to be the problem. Not his family. It's awfully lonely to be "right" all the time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 It is my business how they treat him if he is always telling me he feels like he's their least favorite or feels unloved by them. I don't need to get along with them. I don't tolerate bs from my own family. I don't speak to 80% of my fily bc they have offended me or wronged me in some way. Most people would say that's extreme but I don't have to get along with anyone. Relative or not. Okay, well how would you like it if your bf demanded that you talk to the family that you have cut off? Do you think he has a right to dictate how you should handle your family? You have every right to cut your family out of your life if that is how you want to live. He has every right not to cut his family out of his life if that is what he chooses. It's immature, controlling and vindictive of you to try to cut his family out of his life when he doesn't want to. Grow up and accept that you don't run other people's lives. You have only known him for a year and you're going to start deciding who he can or cannot see? Oh yeah, I can totally see a healthy marriage in your future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lilyrocks9956 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 (edited) Okay, I'm sorry but this is crazy. 1. You haven't even known this guy for a year and you're already planning a marriage. That right that is a bad step in my opinion... I think you should date for several years first and learn everything about each other. Like, experience each other at your worst, best, etc.. and make sure you can handle his ways before you even accept a proposal. My sister in law's mom dated her step-dad for six weeks and got married... he ended up being a terrible husband and what happens? Divorce. 2. He's asking you to pay for his college. I see this is a big red flag here... You shouldn't be asking favors like this from your own fiancée. If you can't afford college then it's your responsibility to save up the money to pay tuition fees either that or have your parents help you because they're your parents. I do agree on that statement. 3. Honestly you're being a bit controlling regarding his contact with family. You don't have to be in contact with them, but if he wants to he can. You're his partner not his parent. I understand that they're not treating him equally but the thing is he is an adult and can make his own decisions. If he still wants to be involved with family that's his decision and not yours. As his STBW, you should respect that and handle it in an adult manner or else it could go badly. Holiday and family get-togethers, just be respectful for everybody's sake. 4. So, everything is peachy then! He shouldn't have a problem with you moving the wedding date out then. Girl, you've known him less than a year, he binge drinks, he's let you know he likes bigger boobs, and he's made distasteful jokes about your deceased sister. This guy doesn't have the compassion to become a doctor. Do you realize that? I'm glad he's apologized, but I agree with Midwest here. Take these things as clues to learning his true colors. Marriage is commitment and partnership between two human beings for life and a part of that is being able to handle each other's true colors. If you don't like these, it increases chances that you'll divorce down the road. I'm sorry but you guys need to take your time and resolve these issues before you get married or I predict you'll come back on LS under the Separation & Divorce forum at some point... I doubt you want that. Edited February 26, 2016 by lilyrocks9956 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 He's apologized for the comments he's made. I do think he has an issue with being insensitive we both do. He hasn't drank since I asked him to stop. Even at parties where everyone else is drinking we both stay sober. He has made an effort to improve his behavior. I'm just upset with his family dynamics. I do t think he should complain about his family and then expect me to like them. You need to open your eyes wide. This guy is several degrees below "Buttons", let alone Prince Charming, and you keep persistently making excuses for him. You hardly know him - well, insufficiently, to put it mildly. Everything we point at, you counteract with an excuse. The bottom line is, he's a grown man and is seeking - and expecting - full, prolonged financial support from someone whose health is way below par, whose income is erratic, whom he has known for less than a year, but who's had to endure belittlement, insults and snide remarks. Mmmmm-hmmmm! Sounds like my ideal guy! Where do I sign up??? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 It is my business how they treat him if he is always telling me he feels like he's their least favorite or feels unloved by them. I don't need to get along with them. I don't tolerate bs from my own family. I don't speak to 80% of my fily bc they have offended me or wronged me in some way. Most people would say that's extreme but I don't have to get along with anyone. Relative or not. BTDT. Here's what my therapist said to do: Tell your boyfriend that HIS problems with HIS family are off limits to you, UNLESS he is willing to do something about it. In other words, if he's not willing to CHANGE anything, you aren't there just to listen to him gripe. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 So anyway, he brought up the arrangement... Does that mean you will NOT be marrying him in 3 months? And you will NOT be paying for him? Link to post Share on other sites
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